“Was that OK?” he asked anxiously.
“It was more than OK. And knowing it was you, that was the best bit.” Edward took his t-shirt off and threw it on the floor then wrapped one arm around Francis pulling him in close and palming Francis's erect cock with his other hand in the process. They kissed, but Francis felt his body stiffen as Edward’s fingers found his belt buckle. “Don’t want?” Edward asked.
“Want,” Francis answered, “but I’m scared. What if I start screaming again?”
“George is out of earshot so go for it.”
“Really?”
“Yes really. We know what it is now so if it triggers it triggers.” Edward shrugged.
“You don’t mind?”
“No, because it’s not me is it?”
“No.”
“And you know I’m nothing at all like him, right?”
“Of course you're not.” Francis brushed Edward’s ears with his fingers.
“Then we're good whatever happens.” Edward smiled reassuringly.
“I’m still a bit scared to be honest,” Francis admitted. “Of me not you or even him,” he added hastily.
“OK don’t worry. We don’t have to. Unless… I’ve got an idea.” Edward grinned and got up, dropping his trousers and underpants to the floor. He fished a condom and lube sachet out of his discarded jeans and returned to the sofa, lying down on his back with his legs apart, he propped a cushion under his hips. “Fuck me,” he invited.
Francis just stared, thinking his eyes were going to drop out of his head at the sight.
Edward closed his legs, “Too soon, huh? No probs, I can wait.”
Francis found himself saying, “No it’s not too soon. I think I need this now. It might help me to-”
“Francis?” Edward whispered.
“Yes?”
“Take your trousers off.”
“Oh.” Francis fumbled until his lower half was naked. He crouched over the top of Edward, supporting his weight with arms that were shaking.
Edward reached up and supported Francis’s sides through his pyjama top. “It’s OK love.” That word again… “If you want to stop, just say stop.”
“No I want…want you.”
Edward smiled broadly and rubbed Francis’s sides, still through his pyjamas. Francis was grateful for this, he was terrified of something triggering but it felt right to be doing this.
Edward passed him the condom and lube and after another bout of fumbling he was ready. He positioned himself down there and wondered about the best angle to go in but Edward moved his hips, answering his unspoken question. He decided not to give himself any more time to think and pushed at Edward’s opening. There was resistance, but just as he was about to back off he found he was in. In Edward. He looked up anxiously but Edward was happy and relaxed, not a basket case of nerves. Francis pushed further in, then backed off before pushing in again. His instinct was there and ready to take over if only he could relax enough to let it. Edward reached for his shoulders and pulled him down into a tender kiss. Francis focused on Edward’s mouth and lips and his arousal finally took over from his nerves. He broke off from the kiss and started moving again, finding a rhythm and settling into it. It was incredible feeling Edwards insides, a warm and loving place to be. He came, probably before he should have done, but as it was his first time he decided to let himself off and just enjoy the surge of pleasure coursing through him. Edward didn’t seem to mind, he pulled him down into a passionate kiss and Francis lost himself in it, not caring where or who he was, as long as Edward was there.
Francis withdrew carefully but stayed on top of Edward who wrapped his arms around him. They dozed off together, Francis comforted by the warmth of another human being underneath him.
They were awoken by the door opening and someone saying, “What the…”
“Fuck?” Edward answered.
George shook his head, “Honestly I don’t get you two. Anyway, the baby was born OK. George Peter Walker,” he said proudly, ignoring the fact that he had one naked man and one semi naked one on his sofa.
Francis was mortified but couldn't move without exposing more of himself.
Edward rubbed his back and asked George, “They named it after you because you covered the shift?”
“Well no, his grandfather was called George. But still, great name huh? I think I’ll go and get changed,” he said pointedly. “Back in five.”
Edward and Francis sorted themselves out and they spent the rest of the day mooching around. Francis did his physio with Edward’s encouragement, Ed couldn't help but want to turn it into a dance routine. Francis played along pretending not to enjoy it but did his best to memorise the moves so he could practice in private back at the hospital.
If Francis needed to walk either George or Edward helped him. George offering the barest amount of support possible to make Francis work hard. When Edward helped they somehow always managed to end up in a heap with one on top of the other and giggling. Francis found Edward’s giggling infectious and George rolled his eyes a lot but smiled.
All too soon the weekend was over and Francis was once again looking at the four walls and ceiling of the hospital room, feeling like he had been expelled from paradise. He was depressed for a couple of days but ploughed on through his recovery and Edward and George visited a couple of times each which cheered him up. Francis didn’t dare make a move for Edward, fearing a bad reaction may make Doctor Ellis cancel his weekend leave rather than allow a madman to go loose. Edward didn’t make a move for him either and Francis begun to wonder if Edward had been deeply unimpressed with his fumbling attempt at making love, until Edward made an obscene gesture before he left on Thursday which made it plain that they would continue exactly where they left off.
Chapter Ten
Edward had walked past the vending machine without even noticing. He needed a chocolate bar to settle his nerves so doubled back, then got as far as getting his money out before deciding his stomach couldn’t cope with food right now. He shoved the change back in his pocket and turned around again.
He was heading to Francis’s ward for the last time.
Francis had spent a few weekends out of hospital now and Doctor Ellis had said he was ready to be discharged, as long as he stayed with someone who could help with his mobility. Edward had immediately volunteered to take him in; he was living back at home now aside from spending weekends at George’s to be with Francis. George had raised some concerns about Edward's ability to cope but this had not deterred Edward in the slightest so George had pledged to keep an eye on them both. Edward had been perfectly confident then. He was terrified now. He could physically cope, he knew that, Francis was much stronger now and could walk short distances unaided. He was expected to make a full recovery and was so much better that he wouldn’t need Edward to help him get in and out of bed or to the toilet much longer. Francis was getting ‘better’ at sex now as well, much more relaxed and happy to have his skin touched, Edward had even brought him off with his hands last weekend while George had gone out to do the weekly grocery shop. So would Edward soon not be needed in that respect either?
He reached Francis’s ward and sighed. It bothered him that Francis had only shown a passing interest in him before he was shot. So would Francis return to his pre-accident indifference towards him as he returned to his pre-accident fitness? Edward hoped not as he couldn't rewind his own feelings. He’d had a major crush on Francis before, been nuts about him, but all through Francis’s recovery his feelings had grown deeper, strengthened with each new aspect of Francis he’d discovered. On top of that, making love to Francis was so unlike the energetic one night stands he’d always been fond of; it was tender, beautiful, and laced with so much hidden meaning that he wanted to cry sometimes. It was a connection he’d always craved, but never imagined he’d find with someone as amazing as the person now in front of him.
Edward faked a smile.
The fact was that Francis was all he wanted
now and it terrified him that there was no way of making Francis feel the same way. He just had to hope. “Ready?” he asked, trying to keep his voice even.
“Ready.” Francis had all his stuff in a bag so Edward took it.
“Want me to fetch a wheelchair? It’s a long way to the car.”
“No, I’m good.” Francis smiled and got up, only leaning a little on the edge of the bed for support.
“OK then.” Edward blinked a couple of times, grabbed Francis around the waist and they walked out of the hospital together.
Chapter Eleven
Francis finished eating his last slice of pizza, enjoying the tang of pepperoni on his tongue. Little things like that made him happy, he was lighter now as if the crushing weight of the old Francis was finally lifting, or his brain was re-wiring itself, whatever the reason everything was much less of a struggle than it had been a few weeks ago.
He looked over at Edward who was staring down at his empty plate with his head in his hands. Francis had noticed that a lot in the week since he’d left the hospital. Whenever Edward thought he was unobserved, he was miserable. “What’s up?”
Edward’s smile returned. “Nothing, I’m good.”
Francis got up and took the plates to the sink, it was the first time he’d done that and he worried all the way across the floor that he’d drop them but he didn’t. He felt more comfortable inside his own body now; he still didn’t trust it but was gaining in confidence every day. He returned, expecting to see a cheerful smile on Edward’s face at his helpful achievement. But Edward was wiping away tears with his thumbs.
Francis sat back down and rubbed Edward’s arm. “What’s up love?” Confused, he decided to make a joke of it as Edward or George would, “I didn’t realise you wanted to take the dishes to the sink that badly.” But tears kept escaping from behind Edward’s thumbs and Francis felt like crying himself as he said, “I’ve given you Francis-itis again haven't I?”
Edward looked up sharply, “What?”
That’s what George calls it when I upset you.”
“Francis-itis?” Edward was shocked. “That's a horrible thing to say, I’m going to strangle George.” He sounded a bit more cheerful now.
“But he’s right isn’t he? I make you miserable.”
“No Francis, of course you don’t it's just…” Edward waved an accusing arm at the plates by the sink. “You can do nearly everything for yourself now and soon you won’t need me anymore.” He rubbed the back of his neck with one hand. “And I like it when you need me. I need you to need me.”
“Edward, I’ll always need you. I love you.”
“You said that last night.”
“And I meant it”
“I know you did, but what if it’s only because... Well what if it’s because you were shot in the head? I mean you weren't even interested in talking to me before that. I mean I know I’m a bit bonkers, maybe someone would need a brain injury before they'd consider me for a relationship, but you’re getting better now and-”
“Edward.”
“What?”
Francis took his phone out of his pocket and typed in 6002 in front of Edward. “Your birthday backwards. That’s how it was set before I got shot, and how I got back in.”
“Maybe its 2006 backwards,” Ed mumbled. “Maybe something important happened in that year.”
Francis passed the phone over. “Look at the photos.” He could feel himself going red even as Edward took the phone, but his eyes were glued to his lover’s face as Edward flicked his way through them.
Edward’s jaw dropped, then wavered a bit before dropping further. “These…these are...”
“Creepy, huh?”
“No.”
“But a bit weird, right?”
“No it’s,” Edward smiled and the corners of his eyes turned up with his mouth, “It’s wonderful. I saw you look at my bum a couple of times but never would have dreamed you thought this much of me.”
“Yeah, it looks like I was obsessed. I will probably never know why I didn’t say anything to you, but I think the memories of the abuse stopped me. I may have been too anxious about sex to have a relationship.”
Edward reached for his hand and held it, “I would have helped, you know.”
“I know that now.” Francis squeezed the hand. “Or maybe it had nothing to do with the abuse, maybe I kept quiet because you were always so confident and outgoing and I’m well…not.”
“That does bother me a bit.”
Francis’s heart lurched. “It does? Then there’s a problem because I’m never going to be-”
“No it’s not that.” Edward shook his head. “I love the fact that you're a bit shy. It’s adorable and when your cheeks go red you look so cute, and I go all melty inside and then I want to kiss you and do other things to you and then-”
“So what is it then?”
Edward pouted and looked down at the table. “Well, are you going to want to be seen out with me? I mean I could end up wear a g-string and trying to do the conga or something on a table top. Not that I’d set out to, but I get swept up and things like that just sort of happen.”
“Edward, I would love to see you do the conga in a g-string.”
“You would?” Edward looked up.
“Yes I really would.” Francis flushed a little at the thought. “As long as I don’t have to join in.”
Edward got up suddenly and hugged Francis in the chair. “You are so amazing,” he said, his voice full of emotion.
Francis got to his feet and hugged him back, absorbing Edward’s love into himself. “Do you want to do things?”
“Oh yes. What things?”
“Can we do the thing I haven't done yet?”
Edward pulled his head back but kept hold of Francis. “You’re sure? Are you ready?”
“Yes I am. I really want,” Francis blushed again, “to feel you inside me.”
Edward kissed him and kept kissing him all the way to the bedroom. Once there he laid Francis down on the bed and Francis concentrated on his breathing while Edward undressed him.
“Are you OK?” Edward asked as he removed the last of their clothing.
“Yes.” Francis nodded. He wanted this so much, he couldn't let the anxiety win. But his breathing was too fast, he was starting to panic. “I’m sorry.”
“Hey it’s OK.” Edward swept Francis into his arms as he shook with the panic attack and sobbed in frustration against Edward’s chest. Edward kissed him and stroked his hair until the storm passed and he was calm again.
Francis’s eyelids were heavy and he mumbled, “Sorry,” to Edward but there was no reply until a gentle snoring noise a minute later.
The next morning Francis awoke to find his naked body in contact with Edward’s in multiple places. Arousal surged through him as he registered each point of contact. His mind was in a dream like state, his anxiety and inhibitions still dozing. He kissed Edward’s face urgently to wake him. “I want you Ed. Let’s do it now.”
“Mmh.” Edward sleepily turned his face into the pillow.
Francis grabbed his ear and growled, “Take me.”
“Mmh?” Edward lifted his head.
“Just take me.”
Edward mumbled, “Can’t, not awake yet.”
“Then do it in your sleep Ed.” He grabbed Edward's hand and moved it onto his erect penis, opening his legs at the same time. This got Edward’s attention and he began kissing his way down Francis’s body. By the time he was licking at Francis’s groin his eyes were wide open.
Francis reached for a condom and lube with his upper body and managed to get both without disturbing what was going on with his lower half. He passed them to Edward who quickly got himself ready before inserting a lube coated finger into Francis. When he wriggled it Francis jolted with pleasure. “Good?” Edward asked.
“More than good. But I want your cock.” Francis was surging with raw desire but knew it wouldn't last.
“Let me get anoth
er finger in, open you up some more-”
“No, cock now Edward.” Francis grabbed Edward’s hair and pulled him in for a kiss while reaching for his lover’s penis with his other hand. He pushed it into his crack and against his opening but didn’t really know what he was doing so was glad when Edward shifted himself into position and pushed.
And it was painful, but it was nothing at all like the memory, no resemblance whatsoever. And Edward was all the way inside him and Francis was complete, whole.
Edward’s eyes shone as he breathed, “You OK?”
“Umm huh,” Francis murmured having lost the power of speech. After a moment Edward withdrew a little and started moving in and out, very slowly to let Francis get used to the sensation. “Mmh,” Francis said and motioned for Edward to speed up. Edward did and Francis lay back and groaned as his lover stimulated his insides. When Edward started playing with his testicles as well Francis shuddered and came, surprising himself as his cock hadn't even been touched. At that moment Edward came into him, pushing deeper and forcing Francis out of his own body for one blissful moment. Francis clung onto Edward for anchorage and then he was back and they were kissing and hugging in a tangle of limbs.
Edward rolled off Francis and onto his side before kissing his face. “Enjoy that?”
“Yes. Oh yes.”
“Good,” Edward murmured, a satisfied grin on his face as he wrapped an arm round Francis and went back to sleep.
Two months later…
Well it wasn’t a g-string, but a lime green pair of lycra pants and nothing else that Edward was wearing as he danced wildly to a rock song along with two similarly attired friends. Francis watched him wistfully as he sat sipping his beer in the corner, a different brand to the one he was told he used to enjoy, his tastes had changed quite a bit but he didn’t care, he was just grateful to have tastes. Edward looked at home on the dance floor, an alien world to Francis although he enjoyed dancing with Edward in the privacy of their own home, with the doors locked and the curtains drawn just to make sure no one could see. But although Edward was having a great time with his friends he kept looking over at Francis with a smile and Francis kept smiling back.
Friends and Memories Page 6
