by M. S. Parker
I wasn’t good enough for somebody as sweet as Raye.
She deserved somebody, some thing, better in her life. Somebody more than an ex-con with a tiny old garage in Brooklyn and a future that was uncertain at best.
Twenty-One
Raye
Michelle had invited me out for coffee the other night, and I’d taken her up on it, although a part of me wished I was still back in the garage in Brooklyn, wrapped around Kane.
Or maybe wrapped around his dick, as he told me I’d be at some point last night.
And I had been. Not just last night, but this morning.
This morning, he’d woken me up by going down on me. A little bit of time with him, and I understood, finally, the allure of oral sex. Something that had seemed maybe a little gross and way too intimate had turned into a drug in his hands.
“You seem a little distracted today,” Michelle said as we sat down in a small booth near the back.
“I…ah…I didn’t sleep a whole lot,” I hedged, forcing a smile.
Something must have shown on my face, though, because she leaned back and studied me. Before long, a grin lit her face. “Did you take my advice?”
“Your advice?” My voice cracked. So much for playing dumb.
“You did, didn’t you?” She curled her hands around her mocha and leaned forward conspiratorially. “How did it go?”
“I…um…” I knew women talked about this kind of thing, but what was I supposed to say? He melted my brain?
“That good?” Michelle fanned herself.
“I didn’t say anything,” I protested.
“Your face said it all.” She sipped at her coffee, then braced an elbow on the table. “So…I guess you went over there…when? Last night? Friday?”
“Last night.” Blushing, I squirmed on the seat, which made me aware of the fact that I was a little sore. It was a good kind of sore, though, an ache that reminded me of everything Kane and I had done.
“You must have been on the fence about him already then,” Michelle mused, her eyes narrowed.
“Ah…maybe?” I took a sip of my chai, studying the swirls in it instead of looking at her. “I…I like him. He makes me feel…safe. That’s crazy, isn’t it?”
“Why’s it crazy?”
“I slept with a guy because he made me feel safe?” I laughed, but Michelle just shook her head.
“I don’t think that’s crazy. I felt safe with Jake after…well, you know.” She shrugged and picked up her spoon, swirling it through her mocha for a few seconds, clearly thinking something through. “It’s not like you decided to get with him because he was a teddy bear or something. No teddy bear makes a woman look like…that.”
She finally looked back at me and grinned, and I had to smile back because I understood. I had no idea what I looked like, but I knew how I felt when I was thinking about Kane, and no…he didn’t inspire teddy bear like feelings.
“Still, it is kind of crazy. He’s this big, rough-looking guy…all these tattoos and these scars…” Without thinking, I reached up and brushed my fingertip down my left eyebrow, echoing the path that the scar on Kane’s face took. “He’s scary looking, and he makes me feel safer than I have in a long time.”
I glanced at Michelle, a wry grin on my face.
But the expression on hers had my grin fading. “What is it?”
She bit her lip. “I’m about to get really personal. I’m sorry…but…hell. Did you sleep with Kane?”
My mouth fell open.
She winced. “I’m sorry! I just…you described him exactly the way I would. I mean, I even get what you mean by feeling safe around him. Jake’s like that, although Jake isn’t as rough as Kane. But…I’m right, aren’t I?”
“Yes.” I grabbed my chai and lifted it to my lips, taking a sip. “Is that so bad?”
“Honey…” She reached out as I put the cup down, covering my hand with hers. “It’s just that…well, Jake would flip out. He’s missed having a family, and he wouldn’t want to see anybody taking advantage of you.”
“Kane isn’t taking advantage of me,” I retorted. “I went to him. I asked him. Maybe I am taking advantage of him?”
Michelle’s brows rose at that.
“Well, maybe I am!”
“Okay, okay…” She held up her hands. “Look, I get it. It’s just…I don’t want to see you get hurt. Kane doesn’t do relationships, okay?”
“I’m not looking for one,” I insisted and took a deep breath. “I’m just…I want to feel normal. He…I feel good with him.”
Michelle’s face softened. “Okay. I just…I just wanted you to know.” She reached for her cup again, taking another sip. As she put it down, she said, “It’s not that he’s not a good guy. He is. I mean, Jake wouldn’t hang around him if he wasn’t. The two of them are tight, have been for years.”
“How did they meet?” I was greedy, not just for information about my brother, I realized, but to find out what I could about Kane.
He would only tell me so much.
This was dangerous territory to be wading into.
I’m just curious, I told myself.
But it was more than that, and I already knew it.
Michelle did too, judging by the assessing look she sent my way. But she answered anyway, her tone guarded as she replied, “They met while they were in prison together.”
Prison!
I cut off the immediate knee-jerk response, reaching for my coffee so I had something to do with my hands.
“He was in prison?”
Michelle inclined her head. “Yes. He got out about a year after Jake did. I don’t know what he did, in case you were wondering. Jake never told me, and I never saw any reason to ask.” She lifted a shoulder. “But Jake says he’s one of the best guys he knows…and that’s good enough for me.”
“Then it’s enough for me, too.”
Michelle’s gaze was skeptical, but I shook my head. “You seem like a good judge of character, and I’ve already decided I want to trust my brother. I want to have a family, Michelle. So, if you two trust him, that’s enough for me.”
Twenty-Two
Kane
I was alone in the garage, save for a couple of unfinished cars and a sweet 1965 cherry-red Mustang that was waiting for the owner to pick it up tomorrow. I was entertaining the fantasy of laying Raye out on the hood of that sleek car and having my way with her – not that it was going to happen, but a guy could dream.
I’d already pictured her straddling me in the beat-up old chair in the tiny little closet that served as my office and just about everywhere else that one might be able to have sex in my small garage – and the apartment. There were a lot more options than I’d realized.
The sound of a knock at the back door had anticipation lighting inside me, and I didn’t think about it until it was too late that it wasn’t likely to be Raye. She’d already told me she wouldn’t be over until close to six. It wasn’t even five-thirty now.
Still, I went over to check the window.
Irritation kicked up inside me the second I laid eyes on the man on the other side of the door, and I thought about sending him away. Tank Jones was the last man I wanted in here when Raye was due to arrive, but he always paid well, and it wasn’t like I couldn’t use the money.
Despite the foreboding I felt, I unlocked the door.
He gestured to the car parked out behind him.
“I had an accident.” A sly grin curled his lips, and he added, “Insurance isn’t going to help me out. Was kind of hoping you would.”
That probably meant there was damage to the car he wanted fixed on the sly.
It could also mean that whatever damage had probably happened had been done while doing something illegal. I didn’t know and wasn’t going to ask. I figured it was safer that way.
“Let’s take a look at it.” I joined him outside, and we spent a few minutes out in the cold while I circled the car, taking in what I could under the piss-yellow
security light behind the garage. My truck took up one of the two parking spaces, and I gestured to the other, telling him to pull into the spot. “I’ll have to work on it after hours. Don’t figure you want my crew knowing about the…damage.”
“Appreciate that, Kane.” The smile didn’t soften his scarred face at all, neither did the look he cast around the alley. “I was thinking…hey, you got a beer? Got a question I want to toss at you.”
I should have told him no.
But old habits died hard. Tank and I used to run together, back in the old gang. It had fallen apart in the years since I’d been in prison and whether Tank was affiliated with a new one now, I didn’t know, nor did I want to. He still came around the garage, like a few others did and I didn’t turn them away. They’d meant a lot to me at one point, and they still brought money with them. I didn’t turn away money.
But sometimes, maybe saying no was the wiser course.
I never was a quick learner, though.
I brought him a beer out from my apartment, reluctant to invite him back into my personal living space. This was business, and despite the fact that I might still take jobs from some of the old crew, there were certain lines I’d never cross with them again.
Letting them cross the lines that bled over into my personal life was one thing that wouldn’t happen.
“So…I got this thing lined up,” Tank said, twisting the top off his bottle of beer.
I lifted mine to my lips, an uneasy feeling already curling through my gut. Yeah, I should have bypassed the chance to chat over a couple of beers.
He paused, clearly waiting for me to ask what kind of thing, but I stayed quiet. I wasn’t going to take any lines he offered or anything.
When I didn’t take the bait, Tank shrugged. “It’s not a big deal or anything, but there could be some sweet money in it.”
Yep.
This was going to be trouble, a shitload of it. Lowering my gaze, I focused on the bottle of beer and started thinking of the various ways to tell him to get the hell out of my place.
I had come up with about five by the time he explained what he wanted – he needed a place to keep a delivery he was going to be receiving in a few days. I wouldn’t be involved in any way, blah, blah, blah, but of course, he’d be happy to pay me for my trouble, blah, blah, blah.
He finished and lifted his beer to his lips, taking a long pull from it as he waited for my answer.
I opened my mouth, ready to issue a polite thank you, but no, fuck off when a knock at the back door cut me off. The door swung open a second later, and I mentally started to swear a blue streak.
Tank reacted in pretty much the same way, only he didn’t keep anything on a mental level.
“Who the fuck are you?” he demanded, coming off the counter he’d been leaning against, aggression leaking from him as if it seeped from his pores.
I spun around, moving across the garage, already knowing who it was. I shielded Raye with my body, shooting a look at Tank. “It doesn’t matter who she is. She’s of no concern to you, Tank.”
“I thought you didn’t have anybody coming around after hours, Kane,” Tank bit off. “Who the fuck is the skirt?”
Raye’s dark blue gaze flitted to mine, nerves dancing there. She didn’t look at Tank, and whether it was experience or just instinct, I had to appreciate that. “Hey,” she said in a low voice. “Is this a bad time?”
“No. You’re fine.” Angling my chin toward the door that opened into my apartment, I said, “Why don’t you wait in there?”
She turned on her heel, and as she beat a fast retreat, I turned back to find Tank edging closer, his eyes dark and angry, his mouth in a tight set line.
“What the fuck, Kane? You always said it was safe to come by after the shop’s closed and now you got women running in and out of here? You trying to fuck me over?” he demanded.
His eyes shot toward the door where Raye had disappeared and every protective instinct I had welled up inside me.
“I don’t know where the fuck you got the idea that I’d never had anybody over at my place, ever, just in case one of you guys decided to show up,” I said, sarcasm thick in my words. “If I decide I want to have a female friend over, I think that’s my fucking concern and not yours. You want privacy, pick up the phone and make a fucking appointment.”
Tank opened his mouth, fury dancing in his eyes.
I took a step toward him.
“What the fuck am I supposed to do?” Tank asked, flinging a hand out. “I don’t need some chick seeing me here. I come here because it’s supposed to be a clean place, you’re supposed to be a safe zone where I can get my ride fixed, and nobody will connect me to you. And you fuck me over having a bitch here.”
“Call her a bitch again,” I invited. “See where it gets you.”
He opened his mouth, then shut it. After a few more seconds, he lifted a hand, pointing at me. “If this comes back to bite me on the ass, I’ll be back to kick yours, Kane.”
“Don’t you threaten me, Tank.” Clenching a hand into a fist, I stared him down.
“Just make sure your bitch doesn’t cause any problems for me.”
Closing the distance between us, I stared down at him over the few inches that separated us. “That’s your last chance. Say it again and pick up your teeth on the way out.”
He sneered at me, and on the way out the door, he flipped me off.
“Hey!”
He glanced back.
I threw his keys at him. “Take your ride elsewhere.”
He gaped at me.
I gave him a sardonic smile and pointed at the sign hanging near the entrance.
We reserve the right to refuse service to anyone.
“I’m invoking my right, asshole.”
“Hey.”
Raye was sitting on my couch, hands clasped together between her knees. She jumped at the sound of my voice, and I winced. “It’s just me,” I said.
“I know. Sorry. Jumpy. I interrupted something,” she said, her voice hesitant.
“Not really.” I moved across the room and sat down on the worn-out, old oak coffee table. “He’s just somebody I used to know. He didn’t have to be an asshole to you. I’m sorry.”
I was half-prepared for her to bolt off the table and take off into the night, and the idea bothered me more than I liked.
Caring about people outside of my family was something I tried hard not to do, and here I was, worrying about what was going to happen in the next few minutes. It wasn’t because I didn’t care about Raye.
I did care.
I cared too much.
And I wasn’t too happy about it either.
Caring about somebody who was probably going to disappear from my life in a few short weeks – or less – was a complication I didn’t need.
It was even worse that it was somebody like Raye…somebody I didn’t deserve to have in my life.
Twenty-Three
Raye
“Who was he?” I asked, not certain if he’d tell me any more than he’d already said.
I was right. Kane glanced away, clearly uncomfortable.
I’d already pieced together enough and wondered how to approach this without making it seem like I’d been nosing around in his past. Then I realized, no matter what, he’d know I’d asked about him. Might as well come clean.
Softly, I said, “Michelle told me you’d done time in prison – that’s where you met Jake.”
His entire body went taut, his gaze flying to meet mine.
“I wasn’t asking about you…not exactly. She just…” Huffing out an awkward breath, I said, “She sort of figured out that you and I kind of…hooked up. She was a little worried – she told me you don’t do relationships. I told her I wasn’t looking for one and we got to talking. I asked her how you and Jake met, and she told me.” I met his eyes levelly. “I’m not worried about your past. It doesn’t have to define you any more than mine has to define me.”
I w
anted to believe that, too.
Kane leaned back, his weight falling onto the hands propped up behind him. His dark eyes held mine as he studied me, his long hair falling into his eyes. “You’re not concerned that I did time.”
“I know Michelle trusts you.” Lifting a shoulder, I said, “She seems like a good judge of character and…” Uncertain how to continue, I looked away for a long moment. How did I explain to him that I felt safer with him than I’d ever felt with anybody? All those good guys that a girl should want in her life…they hadn’t made me feel safe. I had good reason to not feel safe around some of them, too. But Kane…he’d rushed out of a crowd on New Year’s Eve to chase off a couple of guys who’d been hassling me.
He’d been there for me that day when I ran into Chad, and more, he hadn’t just been there – he’d recognized my fear and offered to help me overcome it.
“You make me feel safe,” I said finally. “I don’t think you realize how rare that is for me.”
His eyes held mine, but the uncertainty I’d glimpsed there still hadn’t gone away.
“I don’t know how you can feel safe around me,” he finally said. “That guy that just left…I knew him back when he and I used to run together in the same gang. That’s part of why I went to prison, Raye. I got caught up with the wrong guys. And I’m not going to blame being with the wrong kind of people when I was a kid. I knew what I was doing, and I knew it was wrong, and I did it anyway. I got caught running drugs in Texas and had to do time in prison. That’s how I met Jake. You still so certain you feel safe around me?”
“Are you involved in any of that now?” I watched him, my heart racing.
“I…no.” He shook his head. “I smartened up. I’ve got people who count on me, and I’m not going to fuck up like that again. But sometimes the guys come around, needing work on their cars or shit like that. I don’t tell them no.”
“They’re part of your past.” Lifting a shoulder in a shrug, I said, “It’s probably hard to do that. But none of that changes how I feel around you.”
