by M. S. Parker
“With your talent, you should be the star.”
I blushed. “Oh, there are actresses who are much more talented than me.”
“I’ve seen plays with stars who have far less talent than you.” He took my hand and squeezed gently.
I told myself my pulse didn’t skip a beat just from his touch.
But it had.
And as he started to stroke his thumb across the back of my hand, there were a few more skips, too.
“You’re very talented, Venus,” he said softly. “Extraordinarily so.”
Isaak stayed several yards behind us as we wandered through the zoo. More than once, I found myself on the verge of asking Bastian about his quiet shadow. Each time I started, Bastian either asked a question or a group of people would pass by, taking away even the illusion of privacy.
Finally, as we stopped at the sea lion pool, it looked like I’d have a chance. Casually, I turned to brace my arm on the barrier wall, keeping Isaak in the corner of my eye.
He paced the area, watchful as always, even though nobody else was around.
Satisfied, I looked up at Bastian.
“Why were you out with that prick last night?”
The question I’d been about to ask lodged in my throat as Bastian focused his intense blue eyes on me. His blunt question hung between us, the curiosity clear.
“I’m sorry?” I said, even though I’d understood fine. I just wasn’t sure how to answer.
Bastian frowned and shifted his feet, looking less certain now, but he shrugged and tried again. “The man you were with. He didn’t seem like your sort. Why were you out with him?”
“That’s rather personal, isn’t it?” My cheeks heated as I looked away. Of course, I’d been about to ask him why he had a bodyguard and the reasons for that had to be every bit as personal.
“I suppose it is.” His brow furrowed. “I do not mean to offend. I just can’t understand it, you see. He’s a bit of an ass.”
“Oh, you have no idea.” I laughed and turned toward the sea lions, smiling at their antics. One dove under the water and surfaced closer to me, poking his head up as if he’d been waiting for my attention. Bending lower, I smiled at him, and he smacked his flippers against the water before diving under playfully.
Coming to a decision, I kept watching the sleek mammal continue his antics as I told Bastian, “It was a blind date. A friend set us up.”
“I see.” He was quiet a moment before asking, “Was the friend…mad at you for something?”
This time, I laughed long and hard. It seemed to amuse the sea lions because several of them started slapping at the water with their tails and swimming closer, lifting their heads from the water to gaze at me with liquid black eyes. “I’ve actually been wondering that myself, at least as far as Peter’s concerned.”
“That was his name?”
“Yes.” Grimacing, I turned back to him, shoving my hands in my pockets, bracing for his next question. I could already tell there was one.
Expression pensive, he caught a lock of my hair and twisted it around his finger. “I can’t understand why you’d need somebody to set you up on a blind date. I noticed you across a crowded room, Venus. You took my breath away.”
“You know how to make a lady feel appreciated,” I told him in a light tone, even as an emotional knot twisted in my belly. “And it’s…complicated.”
“We’ve got hours.”
I started to laugh, but the look in his eyes had the amusement catching in my throat. He was nothing less than one hundred percent genuine. How many casual dates had I been on where the men wanted to talk little more than my acting career or discuss whatever job they might have?
Personal talk was limited to whether we were native New Yorkers and which teams we rooted for. I personally wasn’t much for sports, which sometimes appalled whoever might be with me at the time. It also seriously limited conversation since small talk had gotten decidedly smaller lately.
Admittedly, my dating experience was limited. Maybe five or six dates this past year, before the experiment with Indy was turning out to be an epic failure. None of them had progressed beyond maybe an awkward kiss at the end, although one or two had tried to take it a little further.
A peel of laughter, high and young, had us both drawing back. Before I’d taken even a step, a couple of pre-school aged kids came running around a bend, racing for the sea lions while their mom pushed a stroller, calling for them to slow down.
Giving Bastian a rueful grin, I angled my head to the side. “Come on.”
He didn’t push, or even bring it up again. I could have easily let the entire subject go.
I even planned to do just that.
But an hour later, sitting down in a booth at one of my favorite restaurants near the Central Park Zoo, I found myself considering ways to tell him.
“I don’t think I’ve ever been to a speakeasy,” Bastian said, his attention more focused on our environment than the menu.
From the corner of my eye, I could see Isaak. He’d already looked the menu over, then put it down and was back to his normal operating mode, waiting for somebody to jump out from behind a bush or wall.
Immediately after the thought crossed my mind, I felt guilty. If Bastian had a bodyguard with him, it was for a reason.
Bastian’s blue gaze moved back to me, and he grinned. “Today is the first time in years I’ve had the chance to actually be a tourist when I travel. I’m enjoying it. Thank you.”
There was a perfect chance, I realized, right there, to ask him what he did that kept him from being able to travel and just do what people did when traveling. But the words that kept coming to mind had nothing to do with that.
Instead, my thoughts kept wandering back to what he’d said earlier. We’ve got hours.
I licked my lips and went to tell him.
The server appeared from behind me, his liquid black eyes moving from Bastian to me. His gaze brightened when he saw me. “I thought I recognized you, sugar,” he said, beaming.
“Hi, Antoine.”
“I saw you right before your last show closed. Fantastic, as always.”
“Thank you.” Cocking my head, I pursed my lips. “Last I heard, you’d managed to get yourself involved in Kinky.”
He winked. “You always had good ears. What are you up to these days? I haven’t seen your beautiful face anywhere.”
“I took some downtime, but I’m out auditioning again.” With a nonchalant shrug, I added, “We’ll see.”
He gave me a knowing look. “That makes me think you’ve got something in the pipeline. Okay then. Now…” He made a show of adjusting the natty little apron he wore with his all-black ensemble before giving a smart little half-bow. “Have you had time to look over the menu?”
I glanced at Bastian, because I had a feeling that would be a fat no for him.
He met my eyes. “What do you like?”
“Ah…” I looked at the menu automatically, then shrugged. “I almost always just get an appetizer. They’re all delicious.”
“Excellent.” He closed the menu and handed it to Antoine. “We’ll take an order of each appetizer on the menu.”
Antoine blinked.
I had the same reaction.
“I’m sorry, did you say you wanted all the appetizers?”
“Yes. I’d like coffee to drink, and then whatever the lady wants.” Bastian nodded at me.
Antoine turned to me, his brows arched so high they would have disappeared into his hairline if he hadn’t made a practice of shaving his scalp bald on a regular basis. Standing as he was, he now had his back to Bastian, and he mouthed to me, “Wow, honey…”
“I’ll take iced tea, please,” I said, feeling a little dazed. As Antoine walked away, I cleared my throat. “That’s going to be a lot of food.”
“Excellent. I’m starving.” Bastian leaned into the booth’s padded cushion. “You two are friends.”
“Friendly.” I shrugged. “I do
n’t have too many people I actually call friends. There’s Indy…he’s the one who has been setting me up with the guys I’m going out with.”
“I hope he was just having an off-day when he recommended Peter.” A bit of a sneer had worked its way into Bastian’s voice, although no sign of it reflected on his face.
I couldn’t help but laugh. “Me too.”
That speculation was in his eyes once more, and without even realizing I’d made the decision to do so, I heard myself saying the words. “I want a baby.”
Bastian’s brows winged up.
Blood rushed to my cheeks, but I kept going. “I’ve got some issues… nothing serious or life-threatening, but if I want to have a child, I need to do it soon, or I likely won’t be able to have one on my own. I know there are other options, and for a while, I looked at…ah…” clearing my throat, I forced myself to continue, “sperm banks. But it’s so impersonal.”
Bastian’s eyebrows were still high on his forehead when I glanced back at him. He nodded. “Go on.”
I blew out a long breath. “I’m not looking for marriage or a relationship. I mean, that would be great if the perfect guy just dropped into my life, but he hasn’t. And I can do this on my own. My mom did. My father was never really involved in my life, and I’m able to provide for a child just fine, but I know there will be questions.”
Some of the lingering doubts, the yearning for my dad’s approval still lived inside me. I’d never risk bringing a baby into a relationship unless I knew the father would love the baby as much as I would, and I didn’t have time for that. Whoever did father my child was going to do so knowing he was just a sperm donor, nothing else.
“What type of questions?” Bastian asked, taking a sip of his ice water.
I shrugged. “I want to tell my child that I liked his or her father, that we enjoyed our time together…that he was funny, or smart, or that he could sing or dance…whatever it is that makes him special, I want to know so my child can know.”
Bastian had listened with that quiet, rapt intensity the entire time I spoke. Now, as I lapsed into silence, he reached across the table and took my hand. “Do you think you’ll be able to find whatever it is you’re looking for with these dates your friend is setting up for you?”
“I don’t know.” Now that the initial self-consciousness had faded, I was able to smile. “It’s occurred to me that Indy is maybe setting me up with guys that he’d be attracted to. Indy’s gay, and he’s got a type.” I rolled my eyes as I added, “And all of these guys have had certain…physical characteristics that I know are very appealing to Indy.”
“Not you?”
“Oh, they’ve been attractive.” I huffed out a laugh. “But I’m interested in more than just looks.”
“What are you looking for in your potential…” a faint smile appeared, and he paused before adding, “sperm donor.”
“Whoa. Did I pick a bad time?”
Face burning, I jerked my gaze up and looked at Antoine. “I’m going to put a bell on you.”
He laughed, his eyes dancing as he put my tea in front of me, then gave Bastian his coffee. “You look like a man who drinks it black.”
“I am.” Bastian kept his face straight, but amusement twinkled in his eyes although he shot me an abashed look.
“I thought so.” Antoine straightened and propped a hand on his hip. “Clearly, you two are having a discussion, but it’s occurred to me that we might have a logistics problem with your order.”
“Oh?” I grabbed my tea, desperate to wet my throat, which I’d only now realized was parched.
“Yes.” Antoine studied the table then gave us both a pointed look. “We have a rather extended appetizer menu. I don’t think everything will fit. How about we break it down…bring out half now, then after you’ve sampled those, bring out the other half?”
“That will do fine. It will allow us to take our time and enjoy.” Bastian nodded at Antoine, that oddly formal dip of his head he used so frequently. “Where I come from, meals are to be savored. I’m not in any hurry.”
Antoine gave me another telling look before walking off. I could only imagine the thoughts going through his head at the moment. Fortunately, unlike some of my other acquaintances, he wasn’t given to gossiping. Otherwise, my phone would have had maybe another sixty seconds of silence before I started getting texts asking about the sperm donor.
“I’m sorry,” Bastian said once we were alone.
“It’s okay.” My cheeks heated yet again, but I shrugged it off. “Antoine isn’t likely to go running his mouth, so there’s that.”
“He seems a nice fellow.”
“He is.” I closed my hands around my tea, but it was more to busy them than anything else. Nerves had once more settled inside, and I couldn’t think of how to continue the conversation we’d been having.
Bastian could tell, apparently. “Just what are you looking for?”
I stared into my tea. “Somebody I like. I mean, I’m not looking for a relationship, like I told you. Once everything is…taken care of, I don’t plan on ever seeing him again. I want to have a contract drawn up. Something that stipulates he has no financial obligation to the child, but that also makes it clear he won’t seek parental rights or anything like that either.”
“You’ve put thought into this. You’re ready to go this alone.”
My heart twisted. “If I had all the time in the world, I’d love to do this the right way.” My nose burned with emotion, and I took a sip of my drink. “Find that perfect guy, fall in love…the whole nine yards. But like I said, my biological clock is ticking, and it’s moving faster than it should.”
“Because of your issues.”
“Yeah.” He didn’t seem to think that any of this was weird, so I plunged ahead. “I’m not overly picky on the physical thing, other than the fact that he needs to be healthy. I’m not asking for Olympic athlete healthy, but the physical health, mental health…I just want to give my baby the best possible start I can.”
“Sounds fair.” He took a sip of his coffee, and I couldn’t decide if he was hiding a smile or not.
“And since we’re going to be doing the naked limbo, I need to be attracted to him.”
This time, he didn’t bother to hide his smile. “The naked limbo.”
I was babbling, and I couldn’t even pretend otherwise. “Well, typically speaking, sex tends to happen when people are unclothed. I don’t have anything like a physical checklist. I just want to be…attracted. And I want to like him.”
“That’s not really asking too much.”
I couldn’t tell if he was being serious or maybe poking at me. The look in his eyes seemed sincere, but just then, I was too flustered to really decide. I was saved from being forced to by Antoine’s appearance as he brought out the first round of our very enormous meal.
I felt like I had to waddle out of there when we left several hours later. “I won’t be able to eat for days, thanks to you.”
“Nonsense.” He took my hand. “You pecked at everything.”
“I had to! You kept insisting I try everything.” Even through our gloves, I could feel the heat of his hand, and I couldn’t deny the simple, warm pleasure I derived from such an innocent action. Tightening my fingers around his, I added impulsively, “I had fun, though. I never indulge like that.”
“You should. Every woman should indulge from time to time.”
The simple honesty in his voice made me smile, although it faded as we passed by a woman dragging along a cart that looked to be on its last leg. She was bundled up head to toe, and even from five feet away, I could tell it had been days, maybe weeks or longer since she’d had a bath. The vacant, lost look in her eyes cut me to the core. “But not every woman has the luxury, I’m afraid.”
Bastian saw her only seconds after I did. “I can’t understand how a country so rich in some ways is so…poor in others,” he commented, coming to a halt. Because we still held hands, I stopped as well.<
br />
Bemused, I watched as he turned and looked at Isaak. Isaak approached, giving me a polite nod before focusing his attention on Bastian. Bastian started to speak, but not in English.
As they carried on in German, Isaak looked like he wanted to argue, but Bastian gave a short shake of his head, and the other man sighed, then stepped away a few paces, pulling out his phone.
He sent a text, then stepped over to the woman.
She jerked away, tensing in fright, then, to my shock, Isaak’s stern face melted into a warm, gentle smile.
I only caught a few words before Bastian nudged me toward a coffee shop. “Let’s get some coffee.”
I wasn’t in the mood, but he was clearly up to things he didn’t want me witnessing. That just meant I’d have to be sneaky about how I went about spying. As we stepped inside, I spied a table near the front, situated at an angle that would allow me an indirect view of where Isaak stood, still talking with the old, likely homeless woman.
“I’m going to grab that table,” I told him. “Can you get me a vanilla decaf latte?”
“As you wish, Venus.” He took my hand and kissed the back of it before moving to the counter.
The conversation outside continued for the next several minutes. Bastian appeared with my latte and a second cup, but just as soon as he set it down, he said, “I’ll be right back.”
Curious, I glanced away from Isaak to watch Bastian. He returned to the counter and collected two more cups, which he carried outside.
Isaak stiffened slightly at Bastian’s presence, but he took the coffee.
The woman gave Bastian a dazed look before reaching out with trembling hands to take the steaming drink.
When he came back inside, I couldn’t keep my mouth shut. “What are you up to out there?”
“I’m not out there,” he replied easily.
“You know what I mean.”
He waved a dismissive hand. “Isaak is just going to see to it that she has some warmer clothes, a place to sleep for a few nights. Maybe look to see if any job assistance can be offered.”
