Ben shoved cheese, fruit and a bottle of chilled wine onto the counter, then began to cut the cheese into bite-size cubes. Megan came to his side and placed the cheese on a platter.
She’d provided the opening he needed, Ben thought, the perfect opportunity to tell her what he did know about her life.
But, hell, he was on the same wavelength that she was. He had enjoyed their hours together today so much, had actually had some plain old fun for the first time in longer than he could remember. Why ruin those memories by informing Megan that she was a battered woman, a victim of physical abuse?
Tomorrow. Yes, tomorrow was soon enough to—
Knock it off, Rizzoli, he told himself. He was lying to Megan with his silence, keeping important information from her that she had every right to know. What he would tell her might trigger some of her memory, shorten the duration of her bout of amnesia.
No! Damn it, no, he didn’t want her to remember her existence before the moment he’d found her in the woods. She was his now and—
Man, oh, man, listen to him. He was being so selfish, playing out a fairy tale that wasn’t even close to reality. This wasn’t how he operated, how he conducted himself. He was grounded firmly in reality; he didn’t move through life wearing rose-colored glasses.
He was going to tell Megan everything he knew about her. Tonight. As soon as they were settled in front of the fire with their snack, he’d spell it out. He had no choice. Damn.
Megan carried the platter of fruit and cheese, along with some napkins, while Ben toted two glasses of wine. They set the food on the coffee table in front of the crackling fire in the hearth, then sat on the floor, their backs against the sofa.
Once again the only light in the large room came from the fire, casting a golden glow over them, and the expanse beyond the sofa shrouded in darkness.
Megan glanced around, then smiled at Ben. “See, Ben? It’s like this is our private little world, here in this rosy, warm circle.”
Ben nodded, then took a sip of wine. He set the glass back on the table, took a steadying breath, then shifted slightly so he could gaze directly into Megan’s eyes.
“What is it?” she said. “You’re so serious all of a sudden.”
“Yeah, well, I... Megan, look, there’s something I have to tell you about...about your life, about—hell.” He shook his head. “I don’t want to do this.”
“been?” Megan frowned as she stared at him.
He covered her hand with his on the top of the table.
“Megan, when Mike Hunt examined you after your fall in the woods, he discovered evidence that you...that someone had been...Megan, those bruises on your arm, the imprints of fingers weren’t made by me when I was carrying you up the hill. Those bruises were from—”
“No!” Megan snatched her hand from beneath Ben’s and covered her ears. “I don’t want to hear this.”
Ben grasped her wrists gently and pulled her hands away from her head, then he cradled her hands between his.
“Listen to me,” he said. “I didn’t tell you at first because you were hurt, plus you were adjusting to the frightening fact that you have amnesia. But I’ve run out of excuses for keeping the truth from you. I’m lying by my silence, and I can’t do that anymore. As much as I want to, it’s wrong, and I have to do the right thing.”
“No, you don’t. You don’t.”
Megan jerked her hands free, scrambled to her feet and went to the other side of the coffee table, wrapping her hands around her elbows.
“Your silence isn’t a lie if I refuse to listen to you,” she said, her voice trembling. “You’re freed of any guilt you might have. Oh, Ben, don’t you understand? In the short time we’ve been together, we’ve created a glorious world that belongs to just the two of us, together. It’s ours, no one else’s. You’ve made me feel so special, so cared for, so... Don’t do this to us, Ben.”
“Megan—”
“Our precious, beautiful world,” she went on, tears filling her eyes, “is so very fragile, like a crystal ball enclosing us in a sphere of happiness. A ball that could be shattered so easily if we’re not very protective of it.
“What you’re attempting to tell me might smash our crystal ball into dust that will be blown away into oblivion. Don’t do this to us, Ben. Please.”
“I have to.” Ben got to his feet and moved to where she stood, pulling her into his arms, holding her tightly. “Lord knows I don’t want to, Megan, but I have to tell you what I know to be the truth.”
“No,” she said, a sob catching in her throat. “I don’t want to hear you say that Charles hurt me, hit me, that those bruises on my arm are from where he grabbed me so roughly and—”
Ben stiffened, every muscle in his body tensing. He eased Megan away from him, then framed her face with his hands, looking directly into her tear-filled eyes.
“Charles?” he said, his voice gritty as a pulse beat wildly in his temple. “His name is Charles? The man who abused you is named Charles?”
“Yes,” she whispered, two tears spilling onto her pale cheeks. “I remember that now. Charles. So angry. So big and strong. Pushing. Hitting. Screaming at me.
“His face... I see his face...livid with fury because I made a mistake. But I didn’t mean to, I didn’t. I swear I didn’t.
“Please, don’t hit me again. Not again. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Please, please, please, leave me alone. No, no, Charles, don’t...don’t—”
“Megan, it’s me. It’s Ben,” he said, his voice thick with a combination of rage and a sense of helplessness. “Come back to me, Megan. I’m here, waiting for you in our special world. Megan.”
She blinked, then a shudder ripped through her. “Ben? Oh, God, Ben.” She flung her arms around his neck. “Hold me. Never let me go. Don’t let him...Oh, Ben, don’t make me go back there. Please.”
Ben encircled her with his arms. “He’ll never touch you again,” he said, his voice low and cold. “I promise you that, Megan. I promise. Do you believe me? Trust me? He won’t hurt you again.”
Megan nodded, then loosened the tight hold she had on Ben’s neck. She moved back and he released her, allowing her room to dash the tears from her cheeks.
“Thank you, Ben,” she said softly, an echo of tears still in her voice. “You are to...I...” She shook her head as emotions closed her throat.
Their eyes met.
Big blue eyes shimmering with tears that reflected the flames of fire in the hearth.
Dark, dark eyes, shifting slowly from icy anger to gentle warmth.
Eyes that delivered and received unspoken messages because of a bond, so rare and special, so deep and rich.
Messages of promises made and promises never to be broken.
Messages of a depth of caring that had become so intense so quickly, that it defied description, leaving awe and wonder in its wake.
Time lost meaning. They simply stood there, inches apart, not touching, yet connected, filling themselves with the exquisite beauty of it all, feeling the warmth of it consuming them, then changing into the coiling, thrumming heat of desire.
They moved at the same moment... messages sent, messages received...closing the short but unacceptable distance between them, unable to bear the slightest separation. The kiss they shared was urgent, hungry, burning with want and need, edged with near franticness.
They ended the kiss, then with hands trembling visibly, they shed their clothes and dropped to the plush carpet in front of the hearth.
“Our world,” Megan whispered. “Our precious, fragile crystal ball of a world that no one can intrude upon, no one can gain entry to but us.”
“Yes,” Ben said. “But it is very fragile, Megan, just as you said, and there is so much out there capable of crushing it.”
“Shh,” she said, brushing her lips over his. “The longer it is ours, the stronger it will become. That’s true, Ben. You’ll come to see that I’m right.”
See? his mind hammered. Ah, Megan. There was so much she didn�
�t know, far beyond her own amnesia. The woman with no past? The man with no future? The stark truths were stalking them, waiting to pounce, destroy the delicate crystal ball that surrounded them.
Then it would all be over. Finished. Done.
And once again he would be alone. But because Megan had touched his life, been a part of him, for no matter how short a time, being alone would be different from what it had been before.
Being alone would be loneliness.
“The now,” Ben said. “Just think about the now.”
His mouth melted over Megan’s and passions soared. Hands roamed, then were followed by lips, creating a burning path wherever they traveled.
They blanked their minds and savored each tantalizing touch, and taste, and aroma. Hearts beat in wild tempos and their breathing was labored as they drove themselves to the brink of ecstasy.
“I want you so much, Megan,” Ben said finally, his voice raspy.
“I want you, too.”
Ben joined their bodies in one powerful thrust, sheathing himself in Megan’s feminine darkness, then began to move within her.
It was a union even more meaningful than the others they had shared as their bodies now communicated... messages sent, messages received.
They burst upon their glorious place at the summit and clung to each other, once again in awe of its magnificent splendor.
They returned slowly, drifting, separating reluctantly, then nestling together in the glow of the firelight.
Without speaking further, they slept, Ben’s arm wrapped protectively across Megan’s waist, shielding her from harm, keeping the world beyond the fragile crystal ball at bay.
Chapter Five
Ben lay in bed, staring up into the darkness, his mind a tangled maze of tormenting thoughts. Megan was sleeping next to him, and he envied her the peaceful slumber she was having.
Man, oh, man, he thought, dragging both hands down his face. The cold fury tightened in his gut every time he focused on the faceless man named Charles. He wanted to track him down, make him pay for what he’d done to Megan.
That was stupid. Beating Charles to a pulp wouldn’t erase the horrifying memories that Megan had to deal with, wouldn’t really solve anything.
There was one bright spot, he thought. As the pieces of the puzzle of Megan’s life slowly came together, it was obvious that she was, or soon would be, free to start over, to create a new existence for herself.
Megan would be free to stay by his side, to be with him, where she belonged.
Talk about stupid, he admonished himself, dropping his arms heavily onto the bed. There in the darkness, in the night, the now of what he and Megan were sharing was pushed aside by the stark, ugly truth of his future. There was no way to hide from it, nowhere to go to escape from the harsh reality facing him.
He would eventually be blind.
“Damn,” Ben said, his hands curling into tight fists.
There it was, the truth, the sentence of doom hanging over his head, the raw fact that meant he had no future, no place in his life for Megan, no matter what her circumstances came to be.
For months now he’d been attempting, and failing, to come to grips with the knowledge that he would lose his sight. He’d made no progress whatsoever in accepting it, finding even a modicum of inner peace about it.
Each time he squared off against his reality, anger, self-pity and fear hammered against him like physical blows, leaving him floundering in a churning sea of depleting emotions.
He couldn’t deal with his fate, hated it with an intensity that rendered him incapable of rational thought.
And now it was even worse than before, because Megan had entered his life. He was getting a glimpse of what it meant to have a wonderful woman by his side. He was registering a sense of being complete, whole, for the first time in his life. When he let down his guard, he’d begin to entertain hopes and dreams of a wife, children, a home filled with love and laughter.
Love. Was he falling in love with Megan?
Hell, he didn’t know, had no experience to compare it with.
What he did know was that he cared deeply for Megan, cared more for her than any woman he’d ever been involved with. There was a depth, a richness, to what they had together that carried it far above the ordinary. Making it so special. So very rare. So incredibly beautiful.
Was this love?
“What difference does it make, Rizzoli?” he muttered.
There was no purpose to be served in struggling to put a label on the intensity of his feelings for Megan.
There was no point in imagining her being free of the damnable Charles, free to live, free to love...him, Ben Rizzoli.
No sense in it at all, because he had no future, nothing to offer Megan. Nothing.
He took a shuddering breath, then rolled onto his side toward Megan. His eyes had long since adjusted to the darkness, and he could see her quite clearly where she lay sleeping next to him.
He sifted his fingers through her silky hair, a gentle smile forming on his lips.
So lovely, he thought. So delicate. She was Megan, with her bubbly laughter, great big, blue eyes that sparkled with merriment, became smoky gray with desire, and tore at his heart when they were filled with tears.
She was intelligent, funny, a breath of fresh air, a brave woman who was taking her amnesia in stride.
Yet when she’d remembered Charles and the pain he’d inflicted upon her, she’d clung to him, begging him not to make her return to that horrifying existence.
He was the one she now looked to for protection. He was the one she trusted to keep her safe and out of harm’s way. He was the one she made love with in sweet, total abandon, giving him all that she was as a woman, receiving all that he was as a man.
“Ah, Megan,” he said, his voice raspy. “If only...”
No, damn it, the “if only” trip was useless, a futile journey that would only heighten his anger and frustration at his fate.
All he could do was live in the very moment, the now, he was sharing with Megan, one tick of the clock, one heartbeat at a time.
Ben leaned over, kissed Megan on the forehead softly, then settled back onto his pillow. Sleep finally claimed him, but he was plagued by disturbing dreams of being lost in a forest that was menacing and dark.
So very, very dark.
At breakfast the next morning, Megan was cheerful and chatty, making no reference to what Ben had disclosed to her the previous night, nor her remembrance of the man named Charles. The more chipper she became, the deeper Ben frowned.
“Megan,” he said finally. “It’s time to talk about last night, don’t you think?”
“There’s nothing to discuss,” she said. “I haven’t remembered anything further, so...” She shrugged.
“Has it occurred to you that Charles may come looking for you?” he said, a knot tightening in his gut as he spoke.
“Well, I...” Megan averted her gaze from Ben’s and fiddled with the spoon next to her plate. “I just won’t speak to him if he finds me. I’ll refuse to have anything to do with him.”
“Men like that don’t usually go away quietly. They’re into power, intimidation, control. You won’t necessarily be able to shoo him away like he was a pesky fly.”
Megan’s head snapped up and anger flashed in her expressive eyes. “Why are you doing this, Ben? Why are you intentionally trying to frighten me when I’m working so hard not to dwell on the horrifying facts I’ve been made aware of?”
“I don’t want to scare you,” he said, his voice rising. “I’m attempting to get you to face the reality of your situation. Hopefully you’ve served Charles with divorce papers and he knows you’re done living with his cruelty. The thing is, legal documents in his hand or not, I don’t think he’ll rest until he confronts you.”
“Maybe he already has,” she said, matching his volume. “That last ugly image in my mind may have happened, and then I left in search of a place to begin my new life. Did you ever
think of that, Dr. Rizzoli? Maybe I’m free of it all.”
“Maybe,” Ben said slowly and quietly.
“But you don’t believe that.”
“I won’t rest easy until we know for certain that that is the way it is, Megan.”
Megan sighed. “I understand, and you’re right. I just didn’t want to dwell on it this morning.”
“I’m not saying that you should. Just...just don’t pretend, don’t hide from the truth. Find a place to put it in your mind and leave it there for now, but—hell, I don’t know. We need more information. You haven’t had the slightest hint of what your last name is?”
“No,” she whispered. “Nothing.”
Ben got to his feet, went to the other side of the table and pulled Megan up into his arms. She tilted her head back to meet his gaze.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I turned this into a lousy way to start the day, and I apologize for that. It’s the morning after a fantastic night, Megan, and I haven’t forgotten those hours, believe me.”
“Thank you, Ben,” she said, smiling. “I know you didn’t mean to upset me. It’s just that...well, I guess I’m doing exactly what you said I shouldn’t do. I’m hiding from the truth, because it’s so hideous.”
Megan’s smile changed to a frown and she shook her head.
“I have so many questions,” she went on. “How long did I allow myself to be physically abused by whoever Charles is? What kind of hold did he have over me? Why did I finally have the courage to leave? And leave from where? Have I traveled a great distance? Or am I close to where I used to live. Who am I?”
“I know, I know,” Ben said, tightening his hold on her. “I’m not helping much, because I keep contradicting myself. One minute I’m saying to just live for the now. Then I’m lecturing you about facing the reality of your previous life. That’s not what I would call consistent.”
“No, but I have to make my own decision as to how to deal with all of this.”
“True,” he said. “You’re a very strong woman, Megan.”
“Am I? There was other evidence of abuse beyond the fingerprints, wasn’t there? Wasn’t there, Ben?”
The Most Eligible M.D. (The Bachelor Bet #3) Page 6
