“I’m glad she was there for you,” Ben said, struggling against his rising anger.
“I owe her so much. She made arrangements for an attorney to meet me in the back room of the beauty shop, where I signed the petition for divorce.
“Then on the day that Charles was to be served with the papers, I went to Jessy’s shop and she disguised me with a wig and makeup, then drove me to the bus station.
“I came to Prescott with only the clothes on my back. I threw away the wig in the rest room of the bus station here, washed my face and set out. I ended up in the woods, feeling so free, so blessedly free.”
“You didn’t have any identification with you?” Ben said.
“No, nothing. I put money in the pocket of my jeans. It must have fallen out when I tumbled down that hill.”
“And I found you,” Ben said, managing to produce a smile.
Megan brushed her lips over Ben’s.
“So you did,” she said, matching his small smile. “I’ll never forget the moment I opened my eyes and saw you for the first time, nor everything we’ve shared since.
“Being with you, Ben, is the purest happiness I’ve experienced since my mother sang ‘You Are My Sunshine,’ and danced with me while she held my hands.”
“These memories are ours to keep,” Ben said. “No matter what happens in the future.”
Future? his mind taunted. Damn it, he didn’t have one worth talking about.
“Goodness, we sound so gloomy,” Megan said. “As though everything we have together is over. It’s just that...well, I’m no longer Megan with no past. I’m Megan Chastain, who has a great deal of baggage in my life. You’re surely viewing me through different eyes, and I understand why you would.”
“No, I—”
“Shh,” she said, placing two fingertips on his lips for a moment. “It’s all right, Ben. Reality has entered our private world, and if you’d prefer, I can stay somewhere else.” She frowned. “That’s cute I don’t have any money. I really should start looking for a job.”
“Would you stop it?” Ben said, shifting to grip her by the shoulders. “You’re being awfully quick to dust me off. I want you to stay right here, with me. Not only that, you’re to keep the doors locked when I’m not home. Don’t go for any more walks outside, either.”
“Listen to what you’re saying, Ben. You’re assuming Charles is dangerous, and will stop at nothing to find me and be assured of my silence about the kind of man he really is. I can’t ask you to be involved in a terrible situation like this one.”
“You’re not asking, nor is it open for discussion. I have every intention of seeing you through this entire mess, Megan.”
Ben dropped his hands from her shoulders and gave her a quick kiss.
And then? Megan wondered. Where were they headed, she and Ben? What would the future bring? She cared so very much for him, might even be falling in love with him, for all she knew.
“All I know is, my life is extremely complicated, possibly even dangerous. Your life? It’s so serene and peaceful, with no worries, no woes. Our...our relationship is very out of balance.”
Ben got to his feet and went to the hearth, shoving his hands into the back pockets of his jeans as he stared into the crackling flames of the fire.
“Things aren’t always as they appear, Megan,” he said quietly, keeping his back to her. “I’m not without baggage, either, but this isn’t the time to get into it. We have enough to deal with right now. You need to be giving thought to whether you intend to blow the whistle on Chastain.”
Megan frowned as she stared at Ben’s broad back.
Ben did have worries and woes, she thought. There was something he wasn’t telling her, something of extreme importance. It was as though he’d suddenly built a wall around himself, was shutting her out.
Oh, Ben, what is it? What’s plaguing you? What aren’t you sharing with me?
“Ben?”
He turned to face her, squaring his shoulders in the process and producing a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes.
“Well, pretty lady, it’s getting late. Enough heavy talk for one night.”
Megan sighed. “It’s no longer possible to just live for the now, is it?”
“No,” he said. “It’s no longer possible.”
Megan nodded and got to her feet.
Their lovemaking that night had an urgent quality to it, a need to hold fast to each other, escape into the wondrous place their union would take them to. They didn’t want to think, only wished to feel, savor... and soar... to exquisite ecstasy.
The next evening, Ben told Megan to put on the pretty dress they’d bought and he would take her to dinner at Hamilton House. At the hotel. an attractive woman greeted them as they entered the dining room.
“Megan,” Ben said. “This is Jennifer Mackane.”
“Oh, yes, of course,” Megan said, smiling. “You were part of the group who kept everyone on their toes when you were children here in Prescott.”
Jennifer laughed, the sound lovely and lilting. She appeared to be in her early thirties, had a nice figure, and her hair was a tumble of shoulder-length, strawberry-blond waves. Her green eyes sparkled with merriment.
“What a reputation we all have,” she said, smiling. “If my son, Joey, follows in my footsteps, he’ll put me in an early grave.” She paused. “It’s marvellous to meet you, Megan. I’m the manager of this dining room and I have a special table for you and Ben.”
“How’s Joey?” Ben said.
“Driving me nuts,” Jennifer said. “He’s so excited about his birthday party on Saturday, he’s jumping out of his shoes. He’s practicing saying ‘I’m five years old’ at the top of his lungs. You’re coming to the party, aren’t you, Ben? Megan, are you up for a five-year-old’s big day? We’d love to have you attend.”
“Thank you,” Megan said. “It sounds like fun.”
“No, it will be bedlam,” Jennifer said, laughing again. “Come on, I’ll show you to your table.”
When Megan and Ben were seated, Jennifer handed them two oversize menus. She bent down and lowered her voice.
“Are you ready for this?” she said. “Aunt Charity has informed me that Sheriff Montana and I would make a perfect couple because we both have green eyes.”
“Ah, the matchmaking for Cable Montana begins,” Ben said, chuckling. “Hey, why not, Jennifer? People have gotten together for less sensible reasons than having the same color eyes. I like Cable. He’s a good man.”
“I’m sure he is,” Jennifer said. “But I’m not interested, thank you very much. The only member of the male species I need in my life will be five years old on Saturday. Besides, I’ve already suffered through the matchmaking bit, and was declared officially hopeless. Cable Montana is on his own. I wish him luck.”
“He’ll need it.” Ben shook his head. “Big time.”
“That’s the truth,” Jennifer said, laughing. “Well, duty calls. It was great meeting you, Megan. Enjoy your dinner, you two.”
As Jennifer walked away, Megan frowned slightly.
“What a charming, vivacious woman Jennifer is,” she said. “I’m assuming from what she said that she’s a single mother, yet she’s definitely not interested in having a relationship with a man.”
Ben shook his head. “No, she’s not. Jennifer was widowed a week before Joey was born when her husband, Joe, was killed in a construction accident. Jennifer chose to move back here with her newborn son to raise him where she grew up.”
“How tragic to have been widowed so young, and at what should have been such a happy time in her marriage. She named the baby after her husband, so they must have been very happy together. I would guess...I don’t know...that Jennifer feels she could never duplicate what she had with her Joe.”
“Maybe that’s the reason she refuses even to date,” Ben said, nodding. “It would mean, though, that Jennifer is living in the past, instead of moving forward. She has a lot to offer a man, and Joe
y would be a fantastic bonus for some lucky guy. Jennifer needs to let go of what was, and concentrate on what might yet be.”
“Would you give that same advice to me?” Megan said.
“You’re already doing that, Megan. If you weren’t, if you were afraid to be close to a man because he might suddenly erupt in anger and—well, let’s just say I really respect your strength and courage. If you were allowing Chastain to still have control over you, you wouldn’t...” Ben’s voice trailed off as he glanced around quickly.
“I wouldn’t be capable of making love with you,” Megan said very softly so only Ben could hear.
He nodded.
“But I’m not entirely free of the past,” Megan said, sighing. “I still have to close the final door on my life with Charles.”
“Yes, you do,” Ben said. “You have to decide if you want to go public with the truth about Chastain.”
“Well, I don’t have to think about that tonight.” Megan swept her gaze over the room. “In fact, I can’t, because I’ve been transported back in time to the turn of the century. I’m...let’s see here...yes, I’m the teacher in a one-room schoolhouse in Prescott.”
“Oh, okay,” Ben said, chuckling. “And who am I, pray tell?”
“The country doctor, of course. You do everything from setting broken arms to delivering babies. You often take your pay in eggs, chickens, and fresh produce. You travel the land in a horse and buggy.”
“Is that a fact?” Ben said, still smiling. “As a general practitioner, that about covers what I do now. The horse and buggy part sounds grim, though. I suppose it’s quite scandalous that the doctor and the teacher are having dinner together.”
“Oh, my, yes,” Megan said, matching Ben’s smile. “Tongues are wagging.”
“My dear Megan, tongues are wagging about us in present-day Prescott. Some things don’t change.”
“No,” Megan said, suddenly serious. “But some things do change, and for the better. Like my life. I’m so glad you found me that day in the woods, Ben.”
“So am I, Megan,” he said quietly.
Their eyes met and desire began to build within them, hot and pulsing. The room faded into a hazy mist as they saw only each other, along with vivid, sensual images in their minds of lovemaking shared and lovemaking yet to come.
“Would you care to see a wine list?” a young man said, appearing at the side of their table.
Ben and Megan jerked in their chairs at the sudden intrusion into the sensuous place they’d floated to together.
“Cripes, George,” Ben said. “Scare me to death, why don’t you?”
“Hi, Doc,” George said. “I cleared my throat, but you were a hundred miles away. So, do you want some wine or what?”
“Sure,” Ben said, accepting the list George extended toward him. “This is a special night.”
“Oh, yeah?” George said. “What are you two celebrating?”
“Just being here,” Ben said.
“Right,” George said, eyeing him warily. “Whatever you say, Doc.”
Just being here, Megan mentally repeated as Ben conducted business with George. In the now. But what about the future? What did it hold? And what disturbing secret was Ben keeping from her?
No, Megan, don’t, she admonished herself. She wasn’t going to allow anything to spoil this lovely evening, these precious moments spent with Ben.
Hours later, Ben bolted upright in bed, suddenly wide awake. He waited for his thundering heart to quiet, then listened intently for any sound in the house that might have jarred him from his sleep.
There was nothing but the deep silence of a peaceful night. He looked at Megan where she lay sleeping next to him and knew why he was awake and feeling so unsettled, so disturbed.
Ben dragged both hands down his face.
He’d had a dream. A dream that had been so vivid, so real, he was still having difficulty pushing the images from his mind.
He and Megan had been here, in this house. Sunlight had poured through the front windows like a warm, golden waterfall that flowed over them with a gentle touch.
They’d been sitting on the rug in front of the hearth, and on a fluffy blanket spread out between them was a baby—their baby. The infant had dark hair and eyes, and was kicking tiny feet in the air and waving minuscule fists.
Sunlight glimmered off matching gold wedding bands on his and Megan’s hands. They were smiling at each other, love shining in their eyes, then they gazed at the miracle they’d created together...their child.
It had been so perfect, all of it, there in the dream. There in the future.
And none of it was possible.
With a groan, Ben threw back the blankets and left the bed. He pulled on a pair of jeans and went downstairs, forcing himself to go to the rug in front of the hearth, to stare at its emptiness.
Damn it, he fumed, couldn’t he escape from the truth of his fate even while he slept? Was there nowhere left to hide from the harsh reality of his future?
That dream. Had it been his subconscious rising through the depths of slumber to produce in crystal clarity his hopes, dreams, what he really wanted, needed? Was he falling in love with Megan? Envisioning her as his wife, the mother of his child, in his heart, his very soul?
“What difference does it make?” he said aloud, a rough edge to his voice.
It didn’t matter what his innermost yearnings might be. He was a man without choices to make. His destiny was out of his hands and nothing would change that.
But as each minute, hour, day, and night passed with Megan by his side, he was pushing the truth further away, refusing to address it or acknowledge that it was there.
That was wrong. So damn wrong.
Ben spun around and strode across the room to the kitchen. He yanked a tea towel from one of the drawers, folded it into a strip and tied it behind his head, covering his eyes.
A shiver coursed through him as he was engulfed in darkness.
With his arms waving back and forth in front of him, he made his way forward, then slammed into the kitchen table. He swore under his breath and turned, inching his way into the main room of the house. His heart beat in a wild rhythm and a trickle of sweat ran down his chest.
He bumped into the couch, then kept one hand sliding along the top, his other arm sweeping through the air.
Dark. So dark. So terrifyingly dark. This room that should be so familiar was suddenly an unknown place of danger, of obstacles waiting to trip him up, to cause him to stagger and whimper like a frightened child in the night.
This was his future, he thought fiercely, forcing himself to keep moving. There was no Megan here in the darkness. No baby. No sunlight and warmth. There was only a cold, black eternity of helplessness.
Megan stood at the railing to the loft area, her fingertips pressed to her lips as she watched Ben.
What was he doing? Why had he covered his eyes... as though he was blind.
Megan’s breath caught and her eyes widened as she continued to stare at Ben’s unsteady trek across the room.
Was that the secret Ben was keeping from her? Was that what he refused to share? Was Ben Rizzoli going blind?
On trembling legs, Megan made her way down the stairs, clad in panties and one of Ben’s T-shirts. She stopped at the bottom, her heart aching as she watched Ben’s cautious journey on shuffling feet.
“Ben?” she said softly.
Ben halted, every muscle in his body tensing to the point of pain as he heard Megan speak his name. He sucked in a shuddering breath, then turned in the direction of her voice, leaving the towel over his eyes.
“Enjoy the show, Megan?” he said, his voice harsh. “Nice performance, huh? A toddler learning to walk has enough sense not to barrel into furniture like an idiot. But I’m a man, aren’t I? A big, brave, tough guy who isn’t supposed to be afraid of anything. What a joke. I can’t even get across the room, let alone slay dragons.”
“Ben, what—”
“This
is my reality!” Ben shouted, tearing the towel from his eyes and flinging it away. “How do you like that, Megan? We were perfect together when you had no past, because I have no future. We had only the now and it was...it was...” He shook his head and stared up at the ceiling for a long moment. “Forget it.”
Megan started toward him. “Ben, I don’t understand. What’s happening to you? Talk to me.”
Ben raised one hand. “Don’t come near me. I can’t think straight when you’re close to me, when I’m holding you, making love with you. Hopes, dreams, ridiculous visions of a future become bigger, brighter than the stark darkness of my truth. Stay...away...from me.”
Megan cringed as the loud, rough volume of Ben’s voice seemed to strike her like a physical blow. She wrapped her shaking hands around her elbows and took a staggering step backward.
She blinked, the color draining from her face as the image of an angry Charles was superimposed over Ben, causing a sob to escape from her throat.
“I’m sorry,” she said, her voice quivering. “I didn’t mean to upset you, I swear I didn’t. Please forgive me, Charles.” Tears filled her eyes. “Oh, don’t...don’t...don’t...”
Megan retreated farther, bumping into the stairs and losing her balance, sprawling onto her back on the steps. She attempted to curl into a ball, flinging her arms wildly toward the staircase rungs, then gripping them tightly.
“No-o-o,” she screamed. “Charles, please no!”
“My God,” Ben said in a hoarse whisper. “What have I done?”
He ran across the room and reached out to Megan. She pulled away, drawing her knees up further and burying her head in her lap.
“Megan, I’m sorry. It’s me, Ben. It’s Ben, Megan, and I’m not going to hurt you. I’m so, so sorry.” He placed one hand on her back, tentatively, gently. “Listen to my voice, sweetheart. It’s me. It’s Ben. Everything is all right. You have nothing to be afraid of. Megan?”
A second ticked by. Then two...three.
“Ben?” Megan whispered finally.
“Yes, it’s me. Forgive me, please, for frightening you. I would never hurt you, Megan. Never.”
The Most Eligible M.D. (The Bachelor Bet #3) Page 8
