“What would you like to drink with dinner?” she said, smiling at Ben. “Should I whip out the old coffee, tea or me joke?”
Ben frowned. “The back door isn’t locked, Megan.”
Megan glanced quickly at the door, then back at Ben.
“It was locked all day, Ben,” she said. “I just forgot to redo it when I let Nutmeg in, then out again. She just went on her merry way. Do you want coffee? Iced tea? Water?”
“The doors have to be locked when I’m not here,” Ben said, his frown still firmly in place. “I thought you understood that.”
“You’re getting a glass of water,” she said, matching his expression.
Megan marched to the sink, filled two glasses with water, then returned to the table. She thunked the glasses down with such force that some water splashed into Ben’s bowl of stew.
“Nice shot,” he said, then sank onto his chair. “There’s nothing like watered-down stew to hit the culinary spot.”
“That’s it.” Megan planted her hands on her hips as she stood behind her chair opposite Ben. “I don’t know what happened to your chipper mood between the time you greeted me, then went to wash your hands, but you’d better just knock it off, mister.”
Ben stared at her with wide eyes and his mouth actually dropped open.
“I realize that you have a great deal on your mind, Ben,” Megan rushed on, “and I’m sure you’re not looking forward to discussing your personal nightmare. But that doesn’t give you license to take it out on me by auditioning for the Grump of the Year Award. Got that?” She plopped down onto her chair. “And close your mouth. You look like a goldfish.”
Ben snapped his mouth closed, shook his head and chuckled.
An angry Megan was a study in sensational, he thought. Her blue eyes were flashing like laser beams, and there was a pretty flush high on her cheeks.
Heaven help him, he loved this woman so much, so damn much.
Megan narrowed her eyes and flattened her hands on the table on either side of her silverware.
“I heard that chuckle, Dr. Rizzoli,” she said. “Are you laughing at me? Are you treating me like a child who is throwing a temper tantrum? Well, I’ve got news for you, bub. You just better not be.”
The small smile that had formed on Ben’s lips when he’d chuckled disappeared.
“No, Megan,” he said seriously. “I’m not laughing at you. You’re absolutely right. I was taking my stress out on you and that’s neither fair, nor acceptable. I apologize.”
“Oh.” Megan pursed her lips, then beamed in the next instant. “Well, fancy that.” She laughed. “I guess I told you, huh?”
Ben reached across the table and covered one of her hands with one of his.
“You gave me hell,” he said, looking directly into her eyes. “You stood up for yourself and didn’t allow me to inflict... well, emotional abuse on you. Think about it, Megan. Think about how strong you’ve become, how much you’ve grown, changed, since you got out from under Chastain’s shadow.”
Megan nodded slowly. “You’re right. I have changed.” She sighed. “But last night I was the old Megan, who was terrified, trembling in fear of Charles. I’m not completely free of my past, or my fears.”
“Last night was entirely my fault,” Ben said, his hold on her hand tightening. “I’m very ashamed of my behavior, of what I put you through. I was feeling so damn sorry for myself.
“I’m not handling my situation well, Megan, not even close, but that’s no excuse for exploding at you the way I did.”
Ben released her hand and sank back in his chair, sucking in a shuddering breath at the same time.
“I’m going to be blind at some point in the future, Megan,” he said, his voice raspy. “Somehow, somehow , I have to learn how to accept that reality before I go right over the edge of my sanity.”
“How do you know that you’re going to be blind?” Megan said, hardly above a whisper. “I mean, do you have a disease of some kind that will cause you to...to lose your sight?”
“No, not really.” Ben averted his eyes from Megan’s and began to fiddle with his spoon. “It’s nothing like that. They can’t even find the gene that’s causing this. It’s frustrating and...and hopeless.
“My father went blind before he died. My oldest brother is blind. The next oldest brother is having the symptoms. Hell, for all I know he has lost his sight totally by now. I haven’t talked to him since last year, didn’t want to hear it. I’m just sitting around waiting for my turn.”
“I see,” Megan said.
Ben’s head snapped up. “Got it in one. You see. I won’t.”
“Ben, I didn’t mean it like that.”
He sighed. “I know. But that’s it in a nutshell. I have no future, Megan, nothing worth talking about, nothing to offer.
“Hell, I can never even father a child in fear it would be a boy and inherit whatever this mysterious menace is. It’s affecting only the male Rizzolis and—forget it, your dinner is getting cold.”
“So is yours.”
“I’m not very hungry. I appreciate all you did to prepare this meal, but I think I’ll pass. I’m going for a walk.”
“Don’t... you... move,” she said, pointing one finger at him.
“What?”
“You heard me, Ben Rizzoli. You can’t drop all this on me, then walk out the door. You said that we’d discuss it together.”
“There’s nothing more to say,” he said, his voice rising.
“Oh, there certainly is.” Megan folded her arms over her breasts. “What’s this nonsense about having no future, nothing to offer? That’s ridiculous.”
“Damn it, Megan, there’s not a big demand out there for blind doctors.” Ben got to his feet. “This discussion is closed.”
“Fine,” she said, glaring at him. “Run. Run and hide, Ben. Run, just like I did that day in the woods before I fell, before you found me. It solves nothing, because there’s nowhere to hide from truths like yours, like mine. Facts are facts.
“Ben, you keep telling me to decide what I’m going to do. Keep silent, or expose the real Charles Chastain to the public’s view. I don’t yet know what I’ll do because I’m not certain how strong I’ve become.
“But one thing is very firm in my mind. I will no longer run. When Charles finds me—and he will—I will not run and hide from him. When are you going to stop running, Ben?”
A muscle ticked in Ben’s tightly clenched jaw, then he strode to the back door and left the house, slamming the door behind him.
Megan cringed as the window in the door rattled from the impact. She propped her elbow on the table and rested her chin on her palm.
That had definitely not gone well, she thought miserably. She had thoroughly blown it. Of all the ways she might have reacted to what Ben had finally shared with her, bared his soul about, she’d obviously chosen the wrong one.
In all fairness to herself, she had no experience in reaching out to someone of importance to her. During her years with Charles, she’d been centered on herself, just trying to survive each day as it came.
She needed to remember that, be patient with herself as well as with Ben, because darn it, she loved him, and refused to give up on him. He was standing by her side as she dealt with her problems, and she’d do the same for him, whether he liked it or not.
I have no future, Megan, nothing worth talking about, nothing to offer. I can never even father a child...a child...a child....
Loving Ben, having a future with Ben, meant she’d never have his baby. How did she feel about that? She wanted a child so very much and—
Megan Chastain, she mentally admonished, listen to yourself. She was doing it again. She was focusing on herself, turning things inward, instead of reaching out to Ben, who was in such pain, suffering through such heartache and fear.
She had a great deal to learn about being a woman in love, needed to move beyond the person she had been in the past, so she could be all she should be for
Ben.
Aren’t you forgetting something? a little voice in her mind nagged. Oh, yes, she certainly was.
She had no idea if Ben Rizzoli loved her.
“Oh, drat,” she said, getting to her feet. “Everything is so complicated. There’s definitely something to be said for having amnesia.”
Megan picked up the two glasses of water from the table and started toward the sink. Just as she passed the back door, it burst open.
In one tick of time, Megan screamed, spun around, and flung the contents of the glasses in the direction of the noise.
One dose hit Ben squarely in the face, the other splattered against his chest.
“Ben!” Megan said, holding the empty glasses straight out in front of her. “What... what are you doing here?”
Ben dragged one hand down his dripping face, then pulled his soggy shirt away from his chest with his thumb and forefinger.
“For one thing,” he said, blinking water from his eyes, “I live here. For another, I realized that if I went storming off in the dark like a three-year-old in a snit, I’d probably end up thunking my head on a tree, or whatever.”
“Oh.” Megan put the glasses on the counter and rushed to Ben. She fluttered her hands in the air as she reached toward his wet shirt, then changed her mind. “Oh, dear. Oh, dear.”
“Well,” Ben said, a slow smile creeping onto his lips, “bring on Chastain. I don’t have to worry about you. You’ll just drown the creep.”
It was too much, it really was. Within a very few minutes the atmosphere in the house had changed from intense to definitely silly.
Megan fell apart.
She laughed so hard, she had to wrap her arms around her stomach and gulp for air. Every time she looked at soggy Ben, it set her off again. She leaned against the counter and laughed until tears of merriment spilled onto her cheeks.
The sound was infectious, and Ben made no attempt to curb the broad smile that broke across his face.
Oh, yeah, he thought, this was his Megan, and this was just one of the ways that she transformed this house into a home.
Her laughter was like beautiful wind chimes, clear, pure and real. The sound was dancing through the air, chasing away the gloom...and the darkness.
Her mother had been so very right all those years ago...Megan was sunshine.
And he loved her.
“My, my, my,” Megan said finally, placing one hand on her heart. “What a hoot.”
She dashed the tears from her cheeks and smiled at Ben. “Hey, look at the bright side. We could have had soda with dinner, complete with ice cubes.”
Another bubble of laughter escaped from her lips. “Picture that. No, don’t. If I laugh any more, I’ll get the hiccups for sure.”
“You’re finished then?” Ben said, grinning at her.
“I certainly hope so. I’m running out of oxygen.” Megan took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “There. All done. I’m fine. I should apologize, I suppose, for drenching you, but you did scare the bejeebers out of me, you know.”
“No apology is necessary,” Ben said, beginning to unbutton his shirt. “I acted like a jerk. You’re right, Megan. It’s time that I stopped running. I’m overdue to square off and face reality as it stands. It took you, what you said tonight, plus what you’ve done in regard to your reality to make me see that.” He paused. “Thank you.”
“You said that I wasn’t alone in dealing with Charles, or my past,” Megan said seriously. “You’re not alone, either. I’m here for you, Ben.” And I love you so much, Ben Rizzoli. “I’m here.”
“Yeah, well...” Ben stopped speaking and pulled his shirt free of his pants.
“Would you care for a bowl of reheated stew, Dr. Rizzoli?” Megan said.
“That sounds great,” he said. “I’ll go change and be right back. I’ll wipe up the water from the floor after we eat. It’s the least I can do.”
“Indeed,” Megan said with a burst of laughter. She flapped one hand in front of her face. “No, no, I’m not going to start that again.” She cleared her throat. “Okay. I’m under control.”
“Nuke the stew,” Ben said, chuckling. “I shall return, ma’am.”
Ben strode from the room and Megan’s smile faded as she watched him go.
Blind, she thought. Life was so unfair at times. Why was such a horrendous thing happening to a wonderful man like Ben? Well, that was one question that would never have an answer.
And the multitude of other questions and unknowns?
Megan sighed and picked up the bowls of cold stew from the table.
The answers would come, one at a time, she supposed, as she and Ben inched their way into the future. Together. For now.
But she wished she knew if Ben Rizzoli loved her.
Much later, Megan sat on the sofa in front of a crackling fire in the hearth, snuggled close to Ben, her legs tucked up beside her. He had quietly explained the extensive research his friend, Dr. Fred Bolstad, was conducting on behalf of the male Rizzolis.
He also told her that Fred had urged him to contact his brothers for an update on the condition of their eyes, since it had been many months since Ben had done so.
“Why are you hesitating to do that?” Megan said, her head nestled on Ben’s shoulder.
“Two reasons,” he said. “One... I honestly didn’t want to hear what they had to say. It’s the old headin-the-sand bit. If you don’t tell me, I don’t have to deal with my truth.”
Ben shook his head in self-disgust. “My level of maturity is seriously lacking something at times.”
“And the second reason?” Megan said.
“My siblings are like strangers to me, Megan. I don’t really know them. Four of them were grown and out of the house before I was born.
“They came to visit our folks on various holidays, but quick trips didn’t cement any kind of bond between us. For all practical purposes, I’m an only child. My last two brothers were gone from home before I started kindergarten.”
“That’s rather sad,” Megan said. “You know, to have a large family but...well, to not really have one.”
Ben lifted one shoulder in a shrug. “That’s just the way it is. Anyway, I don’t feel that comfortable intruding in my brothers’ lives, forcing them to discuss something that I know for a fact is very painful and upsetting. Do you understand where I’m coming from?”
“Yes. Yes, I do.”
“Two of my brothers have sons. Can you imagine what it’s like for them to look at those little boys and—cripes. At least that’s one thing I won’t have to deal with. I’ll never have children. Never.”
“Yes,” Megan said slowly. “I understand that, too. It was a rather stark statement when you first made it, but it’s the only sensible thing to do. Well, there are a multitude of children out there who need a home, a family, love. You could adopt children.”
“Yeah, right. I’m sure an agency would be thrilled to hand over a kid to a blind man. Not a chance.”
“Let’s not get into that right now,” Megan said. “But you should contact your brothers like Fred Bolstad asked you to.”
Ben sighed. “I will. Soon.” He paused. “I hate to break up the party, but I forgot to do something.” He eased Megan away from him and got to his feet.
“What did you forget to do?” she said, looking up at him questioningly.
“When I came barreling in to have my water glass shower,” he said, frowning, “I forgot to lock the back door.”
“Oh,” Megan said quietly.
Back to reality, she thought dismally.
The next morning while Megan and Ben were having breakfast the telephone rang.
“Uh-oh, Dr. Rizzoli,” Megan said. “I bet someone has a problem that needs your attention.”
“Yep,” Ben said, getting to his feet.
He crossed the room and snatched up the receiver mounted on the wall.
“Hello?”
“Ben? Hi, it’s Andrea.”
“Goo
d morning,” he said.
“Listen, the woman who manages the Sleeping Beauty shop here in the hotel has the flu, and her backup is out of town. I could cover the store, but I thought Megan might be getting cabin fever, being cooped up at your place day after day. I’ve worked at Sleeping Beauty in the past and it’s fun. Would Megan like to do it today?”
Ben frowned. “Hang on a minute.”
“Sure.”
Ben covered the mouthpiece with one hand and related to Megan what Andrea had said.
“Oh, yes,” Megan said. “I’d love to. Oh, dear, I only have jeans and my one pretty dress. Well, the dress ought to be suitable.”
“Whoa,” Ben said. “I can understand why you’d like to get out of here for a day, but if you’re going to be that out in the open, that exposed, I want to fill Brandon and Andrea in on what’s going on with Chastain so they can keep an eye on things. Especially Brandon.”
“Oh.” Megan’s bright smile changed into a frown. “We’d have to tell them the whole ugly story, wouldn’t we?”
Ben nodded.
“Well, all right,” Megan said slowly. “Yes, that’s fine. I consider them to be some of the new friends I’ve made here in Prescott, friends who will be there for me in good times and bad. Don’t you think that’s true?”
“You bet,” Ben said. “Andrea, Brandon, the aunts, Jennifer, are all there for you if you need them.”
“And for you, too, Ben. They’ve been close to you since you were a little boy. Don’t you believe you should share your problem with all of them?”
“This isn’t the time to discuss that,” he said, glaring at her. He placed the receiver back against his ear. “Andrea? Megan would be happy to take over Sleeping Beauty today. We’ll hustle up here and come into town, because we need to meet with you and Brandon and discuss something before I have to get to the office.”
“Okay,” Andrea said. “We’ll be waiting for you two. See you soon, and tell Megan thank you for doing this on such short notice.”
“Well, thanks for thinking of her.”
“Of course I thought of her, Ben. She’s one of the family now—our friend. ’Bye.”
The Most Eligible M.D. (The Bachelor Bet #3) Page 10
