by E. L. Todd
“Why would I tell you when you’re being so insensitive about it?”
“I’m not,” he said quietly. “But I need to know. You’re my woman.”
“I’m not even your girlfriend,” I reminded him. “I’m just some girl you see exclusively.”
He clenched his jaw in irritation.
“So why should I tell you anything? I’m not obligated to do anything.”
“You are my girlfriend.” He held my gaze as he said it. “I don’t like labels or words of commitment, but that’s what you are. The other night, some girl came on to me and I told her I had a girlfriend. There. Are you happy now?”
Actually, yes.
“Now tell me, Alessandra. I’ve got all night.”
He was never going to let this go. “Fine…but you aren’t going to like it.”
“I figured.”
“I was escorting this guy and he seemed perfectly nice. He was a little…unusual. When I asked what the purpose of hiring me was, he didn’t really have an answer. And he never introduced me to friends or family. He just took me out to dinner and the movies.”
Ash bowed his head like he couldn’t handle anything else I might say.
“Do you want me to stop?” I whispered.
“No.”
“He walked me to Beautiful Entourage one evening, and instead of saying goodbye like usual, he tried to kiss me.” I remembered that night vividly. “I pushed him away and told him to back off. Just when I thought he did, he shoved me inside the office and tried to…you know.”
Ash closed his eyes like he was in pain.
I grabbed a stapler off a desk then crushed it against his skull.
“Tell me you killed him,” he blurted.
I shook my head. “I just knocked him out and called the cops.”
“So, nothing else happened?”
“No,” I answered. “But it really shook me up. I’m constantly on my guard and distrustful of every client. You’re the first one that I felt one hundred percent comfortable with.”
He continued to stare at the floor, his lips pressed tightly and his knuckles white. He didn’t say anything but the hostility and rage erupting from him said everything I needed to know.
“Nothing happened so it’s really not a big deal,” I whispered. “I have mace in my purse as well as a taser. I’m always prepared. But I’ve never had a client like that since.”
“Is that supposed to make me feel better?” he asked coldly.
“Yes, actually.”
“Well, it doesn’t,” he snapped. “And I don’t want you working there anymore.”
This was going to lead to another fight. We were finally together but the tension was rising. “I understand your concern, but it’s really fine. I’m not quitting my job.”
He turned to me, his eyes black. “I don’t think you understood me.” His voice was colder than a winter morning. “You. Are. Quitting.”
“You don’t tell me what to do.”
“That’s funny because I think I just did.” He was too far gone to come back. “Not only is this job disrespectful to me, but it’s dangerous for you. What kind of boyfriend would be okay with this? I can promise you none would. Do any of the girls you work with have boyfriends or husbands?”
I hated that my answer was no.
“You needed the money and I understand that but you don’t need it anymore.”
“Actually, I do,” I argued. “How else am I supposed to make rent and buy groceries?”
He waved his hand in front of my face like a jackass. “Hello? Remember me?”
“I’m not taking anything from you.”
“Why the hell not?” he demanded. “I have money. And I’m going to have even more money when the shop is running. I can support you.”
“First, you couldn’t figure out if you wanted to be my boyfriend but now you want me to move in and live off you?” I crossed my arms over my chest. “That doesn’t make any sense, Ash.”
Steam blew out of his nostrils. “I guess all of this is making me realize how much I care about you. I can’t stand the idea of something happening to you. I will do absolutely anything to make you happy and keep you safe. Never in my life have I felt that way, but there’s a first time for everything.”
It was a sweet thing to say but I was too angry to appreciate it. “While I understand how you feel, it doesn’t change anything. This job gives me benefits and allows me to afford the lifestyle I’ve always wanted. I don’t have any other skills and I never went to college. There’s nothing else for me unless I want to make minimum wage.”
That wasn’t the answer he wanted to hear. “And what about when you get old? I’m sure you’ll be a MILF but I doubt anyone is going to pay for your services.”
I tried not to rise to his words. “I’ve been saving for retirement.”
He clenched his jaw again. “I need a secretary. Work for me.”
“And why would I want to do that?”
“You’d get to see me every day and you would be safe.”
“Well, I don’t want to work a counter and make minimum wage. At least my job is fun and exciting.”
He slammed his hands down on the coffee table and almost broke it. “Goddammit, Alessandra. Work with me here.”
“Ash, I’m sorry.” I really was. “But you wouldn’t change your career for me and I won’t change mine for you. I won’t change it for anyone. If it bothers you too much, I completely understand. It’s not for everybody. And maybe we should just end this because things will never change.” He needed to understand I wouldn’t completely change my life for him. I already made the sacrifice to pursue this relationship even though it was so unsteady. Ash wasn’t the commitment kind of guy and I was putting my heart on the line.
“You’re right.”
I breathed a sigh of relief now that the fight was over.
“This isn’t for me.” He raised his hands and turned from me. “And I’m walking away.”
What? I felt my heart sink into my body. It was on fire and torched until it was black.
Ash grabbed his keys and wallet and headed to the door. “Have a good life, Alessandra.” He walked out and slammed the door as hard as he could. It collided with the panel and shook the walls.
I stared at the door, unable to believe that just happened.
He really left.
***
“Is everything okay?” Tim asked as he pulled me aside. His family was chatting away in the kitchen, drinking tea and having a good time. Tim examined me like he thought I might faint.
“I’m sorry…I just had a bad day.”
“What happened?” he asked.
I didn’t want to talk about it, especially to a client. “It’s nothing. I’m sorry I’ve been a bit distant.”
“Well, I don’t want to seem like an ass but you haven’t made any impression on my family. My mom asked you a question and you didn’t respond.”
She did? Goddammit. “I’m so sorry.”
“If I’m supposed to make Abigail, jealous you need to do a better job.”
“I know…I’m sorry.”
He put his arm around my waist and guided me back to the sitting area. When we sat on the couch, I engaged his mom in a conversation about quilting, her favorite pastime. I concentrated on being the best girlfriend possible, wanting Tim to get back together with the girl he really wanted.
I needed to stop thinking about Ash.
***
Tim walked me back to Beautiful Entourage around eleven. The streets were quiet because everyone was at home watching TV or sleeping. He kept his hands in his pockets and didn’t touch me. “You picked up the slack at the end.”
“I’m sorry it took me so long to get my head in the game.”
“It’s okay. I’m here to talk if you need it.”
Tim was practically a stranger. “It’s boy trouble…something that would put you to sleep.”
“Try me.” He gave me a slight smile.
<
br /> “Well, my boyfriend hates my job. He wants me to quit.”
“I can understand that,” he said. “Going out with different guys and pretending to be their girlfriend would ruffle any guy’s feathers. I’m sure it makes him jealous, but he probably worries about your safety too.”
“Most of the guys I escort are totally harmless.”
“Most, but not all.”
I shrugged.
“You guys had a bad fight?”
“Actually, we broke up a few hours before I met you…” I couldn’t believe he walked out of my life like that. After everything we’d been through just to be together, I thought he would do anything to keep me. I guess I was wrong.
“Ouch,” he said. “Now I understand.”
“He’s hotheaded and irritable…but it sounded like he meant it.”
“Well, you’ll need to find a man that doesn’t care about your profession.”
“That’s the thing, he used to not care,” I said. “But then he started to get upset about it.”
“Probably when he fell in love with you,” he said quietly.
“No, not that.” My stomach filled with acid at the thought. “But I know he cares about me.”
“Well, I hope everything works out.”
“Thanks, Tim.” We turned right when we saw the Chinese restaurant then headed down the alley until we reached the outside of Beautiful Entourage. “Thank you for walking me.”
“No problem.” He kept his hands in his pockets. “I’ll call the office if I need anything else.”
“Okay. Great.”
He gave me a curt nod before he turned on his heel and walked back to the sidewalk.
I released a deep sigh before I opened my clutch and searched for my keys.
A man emerged from the shadows like a dark cloud. I felt his proximity before I saw him. I immediately grabbed my mace and prepared to spray my assaulter when he grabbed me by the wrist and yanked my arm down. “It’s me.” Ash’s deep voice came into my ear.
My heart rate slowed down when I realized I wasn’t going to die tonight. I tried to catch my breath as the anxiety passed. “You scared the shit out of me.”
He released my wrist. “And you’re lucky it was me and not someone else.” His voice was full of irritation. “Otherwise, your pathetic attempt to mace me wouldn’t have worked. I would have fucked you against this door and no one would hear your screams.”
I held his gaze without backing down. “Why are you here, Ash?”
He stared at me with a clenched jaw.
“Following me? Keeping tabs on me?”
“Making sure you got here safely and that asshole didn’t pull something stupid.”
“He was a very nice guy.”
“Lucky for you.” He grabbed my arm and pulled me from the alleyway. “Come on.”
I went with him because it’s where I planned on going anyway.
His hand gripped mine and he interlocked our fingers. His hold was tight and it didn’t seem like he ever planned on letting go.
“What’s going on?” I asked.
“I’m taking you home,” he said like a smartass. “What does it look like I’m doing?”
I stopped walking and pulled my hand away. “I meant with us.”
He didn’t try to grab me again.
“You break up with me and then you show up here? What are you doing?”
He gripped his skull then released an irritated sigh. “I don’t fucking know. I couldn’t sleep not knowing if you were okay. I couldn’t do anything other than pace in my apartment. All I could think about was some asshole grabbing you. I had to make sure nothing happened.”
This relationship just became more confusing. “Ash, I—”
“I love you.” He looked at the ground as he said it. “I admit it. There. Are you happy?”
“I never asked...”
“I know I’ve felt that way for a long time but I was too afraid to say it to anyone, including myself. And the way I’m behaving right now only confirms it. I’ve never been so obsessed with one person before. You’re constantly on my mind, and the idea of you being unsafe makes me insane. I have no idea what I’m doing or why I’m doing it, but I’m just doing it.” He lowered his hands to his sides. “I’m not good at expressing my emotions or…talking in general. All I know is my life isn’t right when you aren’t in it.” He held my gaze as he spoke. “When we weren’t together for a few months, I didn’t even know who I was anymore. When I’m with you…that’s who I really am. And I can’t stand by and let you risk your life like this. I had to check on you. I’m sorry if that’s too much but I had to.”
Speechless, I stared at him.
He put his hands on his hips as he regarded me. “I know you feel the same way, Alessandra. I see it in your eyes every time I walk through the door. I feel it in your touch every time we’re in bed together. I hear it in your voice when we talk on the phone. Or am I wrong?”
He wasn’t. And I knew that. I shook my head in response. “No…”
Ash crossed his arms over his chest while he stared at me.
I stared back.
He took a deep breath then rubbed the back of his neck. “I can’t believe I just said that to a woman… I’ve never said that before.”
“I know. I feel special.”
He stared at me like he was waiting for something.
I knew what it was. “I love you too.”
Ash didn’t react overtly but a small explosion happened deep in his eyes. He lowered his hands to his sides then stepped closer to me. His hands moved to my hips and he held me close. “I don’t know what I’m doing…but I know how I feel. I miss my life before you came along. I didn’t have a care in the world and I’d never been heartbroken. But with you, I’m so happy but in so much pain at the same time. I’m not sure how to handle it.”
“I know what you mean.”
“I’m sorry if I do stupid shit and say the wrong things. I’m learning here.”
“I am too.”
Instead of kissing my lips, he leaned in and kissed my temple. He’d never done that before, and it was the first time I felt an embrace like that. His lips felt warm against my skin, and I felt his chest expand as he did it. Then he looked down at me, all the love in the world glowing in his eyes. “Let’s go home.”
Ash
I wasn’t a dick.
Honestly.
I wasn’t one of those bossy and controlling boyfriends that wouldn’t let their girlfriend do anything or go anywhere. I really wasn’t. I just didn’t like the fact men were paying to touch her and show her off. I didn’t like knowing they walked her to a dark alley where no one else could see them.
It wasn’t unreasonable.
It really wasn’t.
But Alessandra wouldn’t budge. She had a false sense of security since she knocked that asshole out with a stapler. She thought she was invincible and nothing could ever touch her.
Well, she was wrong.
I snuck up on her when her back was turned, and if it weren’t me that was testing her limits, something much worse could have happened. Now I felt even more uneasy about the whole thing.
There were a million other jobs in the city. Why couldn’t she take one of those?
This whole thing was making my head explode.
It didn’t bother me before because I didn’t really think about it. She was just some girl I was casually seeing and the relationship would never go anywhere. But after she became something more, I started thinking about where she went when she had to work in the evenings. I started wondering if the other guys wanted to fuck her as much as I did when I first saw her.
I’m sure they did.
How the hell did I get out of this? Could Alessandra and I really have a future if I was constantly stressed out about this? This woman was the one. I couldn’t tell you how I knew that information or when it happened, but it was true all the same. She was the one person I couldn’t shake. She was the first
woman to make a real man out of me. My dick didn’t operate for anyone else. It was like she had the batteries.
Everyone has their own story of how they fell in love. It was something the girl said or did. Or it was something she wore or some crap. With me, it was the sex. I’d never been more satisfied with a woman in my life. But it wasn’t just lustful. It was spiritual. She and I communicated during intimacy since the first time we were together. It was almost supernatural. And then when she started seeing other guys…I didn’t like that shit one bit.
I was such a pussy for falling in love but whatever. It is what it is.
***
Alessandra and I hadn’t spoken of her job since that terrible night a week ago. I didn’t bring it up because I needed a break before we had another row. I needed to sleep with her, hold her, and spend time with her before I told her off and stormed out all over again.
I knew this fight wouldn’t disappear overnight. We needed to pace ourselves.
I walked inside her apartment without knocking, like always. “Baby, your man is here.”
She looked up at me from the couch. “And I’m so happy to see him.”
I jumped over the couch then plopped down beside her. The cushion next to her bobbled up and down when my weight was added. “Show me how happy you are.”
She smiled in a way I loved. Her eyes sparkled like she’d never been so happy, and when she looked at me, it seemed like I was the only thing in the world that really mattered.
I loved it when she looked at me like that.
She wrapped her arms around my neck then kissed me slowly. Her lips moved past mine then her tongue slipped inside. The kiss was short but full of unspent sexual energy. “Did that show you?”
My eyes refocused because I was dazed at the moment. “Yes, it did. So, you have plans tonight?”
“Just with you.”
Thank god she didn’t have to work. “I’m having dinner with my parents and I want you to come.”
“You do?”
“Yes, I want them to meet you—the real you.”
She cringed. “God, this is going to be weird.”
“Why would it be weird?”
“Because I was such a different person before. Now they are meeting me again. It’s a little weird.”
