by K. Webster
LonelyLogan69: I want to officially meet you, but I don’t think you’ll like me.
That’s the truth. When I imagine the truth coming out, I see tears and accusations and hate. It makes me sick to my stomach. I want to keep this secret friendship going.
PoetPrincess99: Impossible. In fact…ugh. Never mind.
I enter the elevator and lose service until I reach the fifth floor. Once outside of the elevator, I reply back.
LonelyLogan69: Tell me. What were you going to say?
PoetPrincess99: My feelings are much stronger than like. I think I love you. Or the idea of you. I don’t know. I just look forward to talking to you every day. I look forward to the day you’ll hold me in your arms and kiss my lips. I’ve never been really kissed. Not by someone who truly cares. You’d be my first real kiss. My first real everything.
Again, guilt surges through me.
I’m about to reply when a hotel room door flies open and my best friend comes stumbling out. Her brown hair is disheveled and her eye liner is smeared.
“Come on,” she yells, “you’re going to love this shit.”
I let her lead me by the elbow. My phone buzzes and I wish I could reply back to Raven. Her words have my own heart tightening. Maybe when I tell her the truth, we can be friends. She’ll be devastated that I’m not a guy, but I’ve mostly tried to keep my personality real in our conversations. The only thing that isn’t real is my name and sex. Surely she could forgive me.
“Danny,” Whitney chirps as we enter the suite. “You’ve met my bestie Courtney.”
Dan’s eyes are now hooded and no longer alert as he lazily skims his gaze down my front. “Nice to see you again.”
When I give him a small wave, he grips my wrist and pulls me to him for a hug. Whitney giggles and he gropes my ass. Ew, gross. I push away from him and shoot her an annoyed stare. Before I can suggest we leave, more people start piling into the suite. I’m hungry and want to go home. Also, I don’t see candy anywhere.
“This is what I call happy candy,” a deep voice purrs from beside me. Another man, around the same age as Dan, smiles wolfishly at me. “I’m Nathan.”
I give him a fake smile that Raven would be proud of and take the offered pill in his palm. Instead of swallowing it down, I hold it in my fist. “Thanks.”
“When it kicks in, come see me on the balcony. I can make you feel better than you ever have in your entire life,” he boasts as he winks.
Weirdo.
He saunters off to pass out more “candy” and I seek out Whitney. She’s sitting in Dan’s lap on the bed while she grinds against him. Yuck. Avoiding the unfolding scene, I slip into the bathroom and close the door behind me. People are laughing and the music is loud, but it’s quiet in the bathroom.
PoetPrincess99: I didn’t mean to scare you away.
LonelyLogan69: You didn’t scare me away. Tomorrow, I’ll be there. I swear it. You may not like what you see, though, but it’s time.
God, I hope she can forgive me.
I’m about to put my phone away and drag my friend from the party when the door flies open. Whitney stumbles in, grinning at me.
“Did you find the candy?”
I hold the pill in my hand up to show her. “This candy? This isn’t you, Whitney. We should leave.”
Her smile falls and she glares. “Oh my God. Don’t be such a prude.” She plucks the pill from my grip and motions for me to open my mouth. “Take it. Since when do you act like this anyway?”
I stare at the pill with a frown. “I don’t even know what it is.”
“It just makes you relax and feel better. You need to relax,” Whitney says, her features softening. “Soon, our schedules will be dominated by cheerleading and college courses. Come on, bestie, just one night to let loose. Do it for me?” She gives me her sad puppy dog eyes that always used to work on me when we were kids.
“I don’t know…”
“Please,” she begs. “After tonight, I’m done. We’ll focus on getting stuff for the dorms and new outfits. Whatever you want. All I’m asking is for one night to relax.”
I’m pretty wound up at the idea of confessing everything to Raven tomorrow, so maybe I do need to relax. With a sigh, I accept the acrid pill, ignoring her squeal of excitement. I swallow it dry and gag.
“We should go soon, though,” I press on. “I’m starving.”
“We’ll raid the hotel mini fridge. It’ll be fine.”
My phone lights up and she snags it from me. Before I can protest, she starts laughing so hard tears roll down her cheeks.
“You’ve still kept up with this?” she questions through her tears. “I totally forgot about that cunt.”
I frown. “She’s not a cunt.”
She waves me off as she reads. “Awww, how cute. She’s in love with you.”
“Whitney…”
When she starts typing a response, I stand from the toilet and try to take it away. She’s taller than me and easily keeps it from my grip.
“Chill out,” she snaps. “We’re just having fun.” She holds out the phone so I can read what she wrote.
LonelyLogan69: I love you too.
Bile creeps up my throat. “Okay, that’s enough. Give me my phone back.”
Her lip curls up and she glares. “No.”
“Whitney—”
The phone buzzes again.
PoetPrincess99: Really?
Whitney’s fingers fly across the keyboard as she responds.
LonelyLogan69: Really. Now I’m ready to move to the next step. Show me something sexy.
“Whitney!” I cry out.
She laughs and gives me a small shove. The “candy” is starting to kick in because I lose my balance and fall hard on the bathroom floor.
“Oh my God!” she screeches. “She’s got the boniest body ever! It’s like she’s anorexic!”
Horror washes over me and I scramble to my feet. Whitney has a death grip on my phone but shows me a picture of Raven with her shirt pushed up to her bra. Silvery scars are all over her abdomen. I want to ask her about them, but Whitney is already asking her questions of her own.
LonelyLogan69: Can you show me more? I want to see everything. Are you horny for me?
“Give me my phone or so help me our friendship is over,” I threaten as tears prickle my eyes. I’m unsteady on my feet and now wish I hadn’t taken that pill on an empty stomach.
Whitney’s plump lips part open. “Are you fucking serious right now? You’re choosing Raven the fucking weird-ass over me? We’ve been best friends since the second grade!”
My phone buzzes once more.
“She is such a loser to believe this shit!”
I burst into tears when she shows me the picture Raven sent. In the photo, her green eyes are so vulnerable and unsure. It makes me sick what we’re doing to her.
“Don’t fucking cry about it, Jesus,” Whitney snaps and shoves my phone back into my hand. “When you can stop acting like a baby, come join the party.”
She storms out of the bathroom, leaving me all alone. My body tingles from the effects of the pill and I’m suddenly feeling overheated. I set the phone down on the counter as I splash cool water on my neck. Once I’m feeling better, I let out a shaky breath and straighten my back. Curiosity gets the better of me and I find myself closely inspecting the pictures she sent.
LonelyLogan69: Tell me about the scars. You’re beautiful.
It’s true. She’s pretty in an ethereal way.
PoetPrincess99: They’re what I call a coping mechanism. And thanks.
LonelyLogan69: I wish I could touch you. I would kiss them all and make them better.
Heat surges through me as I imagine kissing her stomach. It’s easy to pretend for a moment that I’m him. And, for a moment, I do just that. I pretend. Sometimes I wish I weren’t me—that I was someone else. Someone better.
PoetPrincess99: Really?
LonelyLogan69: Of course really. I feel like I know you. Li
ke really know you. Sometimes I wish I could just talk to you on the phone or have you come over.
PoetPrincess99: I want to.
LonelyLogan69: I want that too but there are things about me you’re going to hate. Trust me. If you could see past them…
My heart aches in my chest. If only she could.
PoetPrincess99: Trust me, I can.
I wish I could believe that.
LonelyLogan69: Will you massage yourself and think of me? Pretend it’s my tongue?
I don’t know why I said such a dirty thing to her, but now I’m slightly turned on. I’ve been in a dry spell for two months now. A lot of masturbation on my end.
PoetPrincess99: Yes. Where?
She really is innocent when it comes to sex. It makes me glad that I’m here to help her rather than some creepy stranger.
LonelyLogan69: Have you ever made yourself come before?
PoetPrincess99: No.
My panties dampen at the idea of helping her bring herself to orgasm.
LonelyLogan69: Spread your thighs and make your pussy lips part open. Between the lips is a little nub of sorts. That’s your clit. Touch it and tell me how it feels.
PoetPrincess99: Wow. Okay, yeah. That feels good.
An image of her with her fingers between her thighs is hot. I push down my panties, allowing them to hit the floor, and touch myself beneath my dress just as I’ve instructed her.
LonelyLogan69: Rub firm circles there. Keep the motion steady. You’ll start to feel it build.
Tingles of pleasure zing through me as I massage my clit. I’m aroused and this is wrong, but I like it.
PoetPrincess99: It feels really good but maybe too intense. Like I should stop.
LonelyLogan69: Don’t stop. That’s the trick with orgasms. You have to keep going past the point to which you think you can’t bear it any longer. Then, you’ll fly over the edge of bliss. I’m touching myself too. We’ll come together.
She doesn’t reply, so I imagine she’s focusing on coming. So, I focus too. I circle my clit over and over again, enjoying the way the “candy” seems to be adding to the sensations. It doesn’t take long before I’m coming with a quiet raspy moan. Wetness trickles down my inner thigh from my release and I have to grip the counter to keep from collapsing. I’ve barely come down from my high when my phone buzzes.
PoetPrincess99: That was the best feeling of my life. Thank you.
I smile and tap out a reply.
LonelyLogan69: I want to see you.
Some small part of me wonders if she’ll just get over the fact that I’m not Logan but am in fact Courtney. Would she still talk to me via the app? Would she let me walk her through more orgasms?
PoetPrincess99: I want to see you too. My dad just got home. I have to go. Tomorrow. Maybe after my shift we can come back to my house and spend some time alone. I want you to make love to me. I love you.
LonelyLogan69: I love you too. We’ll talk tomorrow. Please keep an open mind.
She sends me another picture. A beautiful smile. Her cheeks are rosy from her orgasm and her green eyes twinkle with love. It makes my heart rattle inside me. Maybe it’s the “candy” or maybe it’s real. Either way, right now, my words are true. I love everything about her and feel oddly satisfied that I made her come.
I’m just tucking the phone away in my purse when the door gets pushed back open. I expect to see Whitney, but instead, it’s Nathan. He’s all smiles as he slips into the bathroom with me and closes the door behind him. I’m about to leave but then his mouth is on mine. The sudden kiss throws me for a loop but between the pill and the way my clit still throbs has me accepting the kiss. His strong hands grip my hips and he lifts me. My legs wrap around his waist and he grinds into me against the bathroom door as he attacks my mouth. I get lost in the sensation and crave more.
“I’m going to fuck you,” he murmurs against my mouth. “Going to stretch your pretty cunt wide-open with my fat cock. You ready?”
I start to giggle because he reminds me of Lee. And when I think of Lee, a level of desperation courses through me. “Y-Yes.”
My eyes roll back as he fumbles with his clothes. I hear the tear of a foil and then this man is inside me. His cock isn’t at all fat like he claims. In fact, he’s much smaller than Lee was. This makes me giggle some more. It doesn’t deter him and he thrusts hard against me. Soon, he’s grunting out his release.
Everything goes blissfully black as the pill sends me into a new world.
I wake to a thundering in my skull. I’m naked and in bed between Whitney and Dan. Both are naked as well. Disgust hits me hard and heavy like a hurricane. I’m consumed by it. Used condoms litter the bed and I choke back vomit.
This is sick.
I’m sick.
Dan’s cock is hard against my thigh and when I sneak a peek at him, he’s staring at me. Fucking creeper.
“Put it in your mouth again and I’ll give you more candy,” he says, his eyes twinkling with mischief.
“W-What?”
“Last night you kept begging for more. Offered your mouth to everyone at the party. Luckily I had plenty of candy to keep you satisfied.” He thrusts his cock at my hip, making me cry out.
“I-I-I…Did we?”
“Fuck?”
I swallow down the bile and nod as tears blur my vision.
“You rode me like a fucking cowgirl. Between us, you’re a much better lay than your friend,” he says with a laugh.
I burst into tears and scramble off the bed, elbowing Whitney in the process. She grumbles and curses at me. Once I’m in the hotel bathroom, I lock the door behind me and stare at my naked reflection. Hickeys cover my neck and breasts. My blond hair is a tangled mess. Makeup is smeared everywhere.
I don’t recognize myself.
With a sob, I turn on the shower in a hurry to scrub the disgusting night from my body. This isn’t me. I don’t fuck two men in one night. Vomit comes up this time and I can’t stop it. I throw up in the shower and it causes me to cry harder. After a few minutes, though, I feel better and finish cleaning up.
Once out of the shower, I wrap up in a towel and hunt for my phone to check the time. My purse still sits on the counter, but my phone is missing. With a groan, I hurry out of the bathroom despite the world spinning around me and find my dress. I yank it back on and start searching for my phone.
“Get up, Whitney,” I snap. “We’re going home.”
“No. Dan says I can stay the weekend.”
“You can stay the weekend too,” he offers with a slimy grin.
“Whitney,” I beg as I tug at her wrist.
She sits up and glares at me. “I am a grown-ass woman and I’m staying. If you want to go hang out with your lesbian girlfriend then go.”
Dan sets to tearing open a condom and rolling it on his cock. “Come here,” he instructs Whitney.
She shoots another venomous look my way before straddling the old man. The moment they begin fucking, I bolt. My phone sits on the end table, so I grab it along the way. It’s dead, so the only thing I have to keep me company on the cab ride home are my self-loathing thoughts.
I fucked two men.
I’m a whore.
A loud, ugly sob escapes me, but the cab driver doesn’t pay me any mind. Soon, I’m back home and dressed in comfy clothes with the blanket pulled to my chin. My phone eventually comes back to life. I’m desperate to talk to someone. Not just anyone. Raven.
With shaky hands, I open the app. There is correspondence—stuff I know I didn’t type—and my heart sinks.
LonelyLogan69: Consider this your lesson, lesbian. You can’t trust people on the Internet.
I’m horrified to see a picture of me having sex with Dan. His hands are on my tits and my head is thrown back in ecstasy. I remember nothing.
PoetPrincess99: I don’t understand. Why are you sending me this picture?
LonelyLogan69: Your boyfriend is really a girl. Courtney Moss. How does it feel knowing you fell
in love with a chick? That every word ever spoken between you two was a lie? You’re not as innocent as you try to make everyone think.
I start to cry because not every word was a lie. And I didn’t want her to find out like this. I continue reading with tears spilling down my cheeks.
PoetPrincess99: Why? Why would you people do this to me?
LonelyLogan69: Ask Courtney. It was her idea to drag you along. You really should learn, though. Internet pictures and conversations last forever. I bet you whore yourself out to everyone. What would your daddy think?
PoetPrincess99: PLEASE DO NOT INVOLVE MY FATHER. PLEASE. I WILL GIVE YOU MONEY OR WHATEVER YOU WANT.
LonelyLogan69: Courtney sent screenshots to his work. He and his work buddies are probably all jerking off to your conversations and pictures as we speak.
That’s it. No more correspondence. I launch myself from the bed and throw on some shoes. I look like hell, but it doesn’t matter. I’ll go to the diner and apologize. As far as I can tell, Whitney never sent the pictures anywhere from my phone, so at least Raven doesn’t have to worry about that threat becoming a reality.
Quickly, I tap out a message.
LonelyLogan69: I am SO sorry. I’m coming to see you. Please, let’s talk about this.
After I hit send, I bolt to the restaurant with a heavy heart but a determination to make things right with Raven Murray.
Courtney
The bell dings above the diner door and I scan the restaurant for Raven. I don’t see her right away, so I slip into a booth. She hasn’t responded since my last message. I feel like shit, but I’m determined to fix this.
An older woman bustles over to my table and her eyes are bloodshot. She sets the menu down and her lip wobbles. “I’m Edna. What can I do for you, angel?”
I frown as I regard her. “Are you okay?”
A loud sob escapes her and she shakes her head. “I’m not. I j-just found out some devastating news.”
My own eyes shimmer with tears. “I’m so sorry. I don’t need anything. Water is fine. I’m just here to see someone.”
She sniffles and shakes her head. “Raven?”
I nod slowly. “Is she in?”
At my question, she starts crying harder. She sits down across from me in the booth and takes my hands in her weathered, wrinkly ones. “D-Did you n-not hear?”
