by Lesa Corryn
“Yanda?” My arm, it boiled beneath the rising tide. The salty water collected at the corners of my mouth.
“Well, yes, but you knew that.” Her voice trailed as sand crunches under light footsteps. The sky clouds and the petals fall. “Another is gone.”
“No,” I cried, but the water dampened my words and filled my throat. “Allouette,” I choked.
“I'm here, Jek. I'm here.”
The water rushes as if a wave surged up along the peaceful shore. The petals coated the surface as I sank into the deepening pool. The water smelled of strawberries. So sweet, filling my lungs and washing me away.
“Jek, wake up, I can't lose another,” exclaimed a voice. The cold spread across my face and the strawberries turned to a bitter taste, thick and tepid. My body lurched up and my hands felt glossy blades of grass and soft pools of mud. My face dripped with brackish river water.
“Oh thank the stars.” The voice was soft and just above a whisper. I almost didn't believe I heard it.
Opening my eyes, I discovered I laid just outside the tent. The umbrellaed pine still stood before us, but this time a mass of monstrous shells lay in our way. About seven creatures littered the meadow and the grass burned with the rancid smell of their yellow blood. I grabbed my nose and felt the pull of sore muscles. A hand rushed to my aid, but it wasn't my own.
“Jek, now awake, should go inside.” Flik pulled at my bad arm, tugging with relentless fervor. She, however, sat before me, her long lean legs crossed, her shoulders slumped. My arm tensed and Flik recoiled.
“Someone's hurt,” I began, looking only at Allouette. “Aren't they?”
“Yes, someone is hurt, probably more than she knows.” She grabbed her shoulder. Although bandaged, blood spread through it, dampening the cloth a vermilion red. The rich brown color drained from her face and her hair laid flat against her back.
“How bad are you,” I started.
“Not me, Thurman. I've got a large gash in my shoulder and maybe a few fractures, but I'll recover. She's lost though.” Her eyes pointed to the tent. My eyes followed hers and in turn, my body followed them. My legs lifted up, ignoring the pain. My shoulder brushed past Flik, who stood clutching his water bucket beneath his white knuckled fingers. His golden curls looked dull in the setting sun light.
Inside there was a mess of bandages and towels. Our survival kits' medical supplies were easily exhausted in the procedure. Probably didn't matter how much we had though given the looks of things. On the mat, she laid quiet and still, the rise in her chest like a flutter of a hummingbird's wing.
Bits of her tunic laid scattered across the floor. The bloodied rags were sliced off in their attempts to save her, but probably could easily have been torn by hand with all the holes and scratches left by the creatures. Now she rested wrapped in a blanket, breathing her quick shallow breaths, sweat beading along her forehead. She was indeed a muscular woman. That's why she probably survived the attack. But without her child, she seemed smaller and weaker. As if her muscles were no longer enough to carry her.
I knelt down by her side and wiped the sweat from her brow and dabbed a cool rag against her face and chest. I sat with her there, just looking at her face, so pale against the red of her tunic, the red of the blood. Guilt rose in my chest and I could not sit by her anymore.
Walking out, I saw a discarded rag that stuck out amongst the others. It was not a single wrapping or a shred of tunic. It was not a bloodied bandage or a misplaced towel. It was the other. Another life I failed to save, another bloodied by my hands. A life that didn't stand a chance. In the end, for its sake, this was probably the best for it.
Outside, the setting sun lit the forest line ablaze and cast looming shadows over our blood soaked clearing. Allouette built a fire close to the tent as Flik dragged parts of our foes along the grass. His small figure was never meant to be that of a work horse, but he was all we had now. The rest of us were a breath away from joining the dirty bundle inside the tent.
“What is Flik doing?” I asked. My voice lost its inflection and depth. Now my words crawled out hollow and flat. I was still drowning in that sea of strawberry blossoms.
“Creating a perimeter with the discarded bodies. It might serve as a sign to others, maybe their claws can offer defense, who knows? Who cares? I just needed to give the boy something to do.” I sat down next to Allouette by the fire. Our eyes never met, but instead followed Flik. He pulled carcasses twice his size along the bloodied grass. His arms shook and his feet stumbled, but his eyes glowed bright in the setting sun.
“Why do you call us that?” I asked. I reached for a nearby twig and began to prod the fire.
“What?” replied Allouette. Her question indicated interest though her eyes still focused on Flik.
“Boy, girl. You may be more seasoned than us, but you are only about two years older. Do you really think so little of us?”
“You judge my statements by your definition of time. Indeed physically, I'm not much older than you, but since when did physical maturity ever match that of mental age. I've seen more in my two years in service than you have in your lifetime.” She closed her eyes and smelled the air, I'm not sure for what. The flat tip of her nose wrinkled just enough for me to notice and her mouth frowned. “Well, that's what I thought, at least. But I am not above making mistakes.” Her eyes finally landed on mine and I felt the heat of the fire wash over me.
“I, was wrong,” she stuttered. Her eyes pulling away as fast as they came. “About all of you, I think.”
“You don't think I'm a spy now.” She grimaced as if a cinder had fallen in her lap. Then her eyes searched the ground, her hand running along the blades of grass.
“I haven't thought you that since we landed on this planet. I heard you cry out for a girl, I saw the pain in your face. I knew then, I was wrong about you.”
“You saw me, but you were out cold.”
“I was in and out. It was your calls that woke me. I saw you then, sweating, your arm straining. I didn't know what happened, but I knew you were not the boy I thought you to be.”
“And Flik and Gin?” When I said Gin's name, Allouette's breath caught in her throat and she turned her head from me, pretending to wipe ash from her eyes.
“Corporal Meikr is still a mystery to me, but his dedication is more than admirable. Something drives him and with that I think he the maturest of us all.” This time it was my turn to catch my breath. Flik, the same Flik who bounces through the ship's corridor with a goofy grin and his ridiculous goggles. The same Flik who is nearly a foot and a half shorter than any other soldier but has a mouth twice as big. But now I wore the garish goggles and he stood out in the field dragging the monstrous carcasses in a vain attempt to protect his comrades. Perhaps she was right.
“And Gin. She was, is my assistant. Hand-picked from everyone in your year.” Her words wobbled uneasily in her throat and I fought the urge to pull her near. “She is a brilliant tactician, but a foolish girl. But now, she can't come back from something like that.” She bit her lip and again turned away. I felt afraid to ask, but I had to know. I had to know if Gin's pain was from my inability to protect her. Did her child become another one of my victims?
“What did happen to Gin?” The words fought their way out, though they came out tired and feeble.
“What is there to know?” Anger curled in her voice and the hairs rose along her arms.
“I just, need to know. That's all.” I couldn't tell her. I couldn't tell her the truth about my arm.
She turned, her hair whipping along, brushing the tips of the fire. Her eyes blazed red like the darkening vermilion sky of dusk. “Why must you know? What satisfaction do you get of hearing how that child was torn from her? Let it rest, let the baby be.”
Her words stung. Did she believe I was the reason the child died? Was I the reason?
Yanda's face, round and red before the reactor's glow. She's smiling at me. She didn't know. I couldn't save her. Now will tha
t bloodied bundle haunt my dreams, a ghostly companion by Yanda's side. I couldn't have it, I had to know.
“If I tell you why, will you tell me what happened?” My voice was shaken more than I'd like to admit. I cowered beneath Allouette's gaze, my eyes unable to truly meet hers beneath the thick goggles. The sun had set and so I pulled them from my head, throwing them to the ground. I looked at her again, the light of the fire illuminating her face, my eyes pleading. She slipped down into her crossed legged stance and dropped her head.
And so I told her of Yanda.
Chapter 12
Yanda
“She was a year younger than me, but smart. Smart enough to push through her studies so she could graduate the same year as me. She was energetic. I guess that's what attracted me. Every day was a new adventure for her. She took it all head on and never slowed to stop and wonder if she was making a mistake.”
My eyes caught the twitch in Allouette's mouth. I knew what she was going to say, going to ask. But she just planted her hands between her crossed legs and stared forward, her eyes urging me on.
“She would be reckless from time to time. Her vision always focused on the goal, never quite on the world around her. That's why we made a good team. I was her eyes. I'd catch her before she went too far. I'd pick up the pieces of anything that might have gotten knocked over on her way to her goal. She did notice me though. She saw the way I looked after her, and loved me for it. So she made me her new goal. To graduate with me so we could roam the stars together.
“For two years in Academy we worked towards this goal. It was tough. I tutored her and she kept my spirits up. There were times I didn't think we could make it, but she'd give me that toothy smile and told me to 'just have a little faith.'
“She was right, we were going to make it. It was only a month away from graduation and she was excelling in all her classes. I even thought she might beat me out for my top chair position.”
Again a twitch in Allouette's mouth. She didn't know. Why would she? Who would ever think someone like me would rank top of the class? Course I wasn't like this back then.
“A month before graduation, Tech Admiral Erins gave us an assignment as a sort of final before recruitment. A reactor was malfunctioning and the two of us were to deal with it properly.” My voice shook a little and my eyes pulled from Allouette's. I could still feel them on me, her eyes leaving an impression against my skin. The glow of the fire calling me back to that day. I pulled away, meeting her eyes again.
“It was overheated and a cooling cell was down. She went to manually pull up the cell because the mechanism was broken. It took too long though and we ran out of time. It was too late, but I had to protect Yanda. I had bought the ring from an Aveslor merchant. I had made plans to hold the ceremony in the edelweiss atrium. I had dreamed of our days in the stars. But then it broke. It shattered and the plasma gas billowed from the coil, engulfing her, stealing her away. I reached out to grab her, to pull her away. I wouldn't accept it. I couldn't, she promised me she'd be there. But, what came out was charred and burned, lit aflame in white.
“The Admiral arrived in time to shut down the coil completely and to pull me away before they sealed off that whole sector from the meltdown. Her body was ashes, planted on her homestead back on Earth Terra. My arm was fried as a reminder of the one I couldn't protect. She was everything to me. I didn't have the will to go on. Erins even offered to give me an honorable discharge. And I was going to take it.”
Allouette's eyes bore into my skin and my face reddened in the fire's glow.
“Why didn't you?”
“Because I found strength in someone. Someone I had never met, but in times like those you cling on to anyone, you know.” I couldn't help dodging the question, I shouldn't have even spoken this far.
“Who was it?” Her words goaded me on, though I'm sure she had no idea what power they held.
“A former student who also was surrounded by people telling her to quit. Telling her she'd be a burden to the fleet. She however didn't take their words and proved them all wrong. She knew why she became a soldier and never forgot her duty to her planet.”
“Who was it, Thurman?” Her voice quaked. She knew who it was.
“She was a young and powerful tactician. One that I longed to meet, to thank her for her words that drove me to continue my service. It was her door I stood outside of every week in hopes that I could just say a single word of thanks.”
My eyes were beyond Allouette now. I couldn't look at her. My secret was out, not all of it, but enough for the weight to pull from my chest. The red in the sky was gone and a deep purple painted the night.
“Why didn't you tell me?”
“I tried, but a gun at your head is really not the best for polite conversation.”
“You're a fool for finding strength in me.” Her words were angry. Confused I looked back at her. I thought my words to be more embarrassing than irritating, but somewhere I had struck a nerve.
“Why?”
“You think I went on for my 'planet.' Don't joke. You know nothing about me.” She snatched her walking stick from her side and jerked herself up. If she felt pain, which I'm sure she did, she refused to show it. Without a word she turned and limped over to the far end of Flik's barricade. I rose to follow, but Flik's voice pulled me back down.
“You fool to follow,” he murmured. Flik rested his arms on his knees and head bowed to the flames. All of us had grown visibly thinner over the past couple days, while Flik seemed to grow muscles that pulled against his tunic. Now his once polished boots were scuffed and sticky with blood and his hands coarse and cracked.
“Perhaps, but she owes me an explanation.”
“You not cause baby death.” The world around us went quiet. It was the kind of quiet that you find to be impossible. The kind where you didn't notice how much background noise of rustling leaves and chirping insects there was until it all seems to vanish. Then your ears awaken to a new type of silence. The kind that hurts them and steals the air from your lungs.
“But I couldn't stop the creatures from coming, my arm gave out.”
“You two create enough mess to finish those that come. I shot those that you might miss. But I miss other. I not pay attention.”
“What do you mean?”
“So focus on you two, I forget girl. I give panel to girl, but I see only ahead. Did not see the other.”
His voice grew dark and his stilted Galactic seemed like sharp stabs of a dagger, slicing his sentences with deadly precision.
“It came behind. Maybe not part of group. Maybe they more smart than we think. She not able cry out. Creature push panel down. Crushing her. She could no breathe. Then I heard crush of metal. I turn. Creature on top stabbing at panel. I shoot in belly like you two. It fall and die. But red blood on ground first. Red blood all I see. Lift panel and her legs wet with red. Her body scratched and torn. I fail. I fail to protect. I murder baby.”
“You didn't murder it. You were not the one to stab her, not the one to crush her.”
“But I one to ignore her, I one to forget!” This was the first time I've ever heard Flik yell. I fell back and pulled myself away. From me, a yell is like a mosquito, common and annoying. But to come from someone so innocent, it's as if the sky had fallen.
“Still, you didn't murder her child. Don't let anyone tell you that, you hear.” I forced the words out so that the tremble in my voice was not evident.
“Just like you didn't murder Cadet Magname, Thurman,” snarled a sarcastic voice from behind me. That voice. My ears burned and my arm tensed, the muscles tight and stiff. That voice.
Behind me a still shaken Allouette stood next to the monster in white. Teshe.
Chapter 13
Drowning
“Don't start Teshe.”
“Not going to, at least not now. Where is she?” His head bowed down to me, but his eyes peered beyond and towards the tent.
“Gin is resting. She's suffered sev
ere blood loss, I'm not sure if she'll make it.” Allouette's voice regained the strength of a lieutenant and she marched forward past the fire. I rose to follow but a force thrust me down, pushing against my right shoulder. My arm gave and I curled tight against the dirt, my face burning before the fire. Teshe always knew how to use my weakness to his advantage. He looked down at me, his dark eyes boring into mine. I wanted to scream. Why was he here? Where did he come from? When did he get here? My mind raged with questions as the pain surged through my arm. But I said nothing and Teshe continued on without a word, moving into the tent. Allouette made to enter but stopped short to glare in my direction. I was not to follow.
Flik remained seated on his clump of grass, unfazed by Teshe's surprise entrance. His hands explored some rock he picked up, rolling it along his fanned fingers, tracing each scar and indent with his thumb. The rock, chipped and scratched, was deformed by more than just time and weathering. A battle fought, the footfalls of the spider monsters, or some other outside force left scars against the smooth surface of the marbled stone. Now it weaved in and out between Flik's fingers. The tips caressed the wounds and his eyes glowed with the fire. While I sat alone in the sand, the pain of Yanda's death throbbing in my arm.
No words passed between Flik and I, as the others looked over Gin. Time melted as the light faded to black and a lavender moon rose above the jagged horizon. Stars dotted the darkness, shining far above. Now and then a star faded away, whole clumps turned to black. The asters danced across the sky, barricading the planet from passing beyond the system. The rhythm of disappearing and reappearing stars gave breath to the night sky, like a ripple in the ocean. Somewhere I laid in the sand drowning, my eyes looking up as waves distorted the sun's glare. Her voice called to me, but the water muffled my ears. Again she called, her legs breaking the pattern of the waves, her face marred by the ripples, her hand reaching down to grab me.
