Dolly lifted the lid on the basket and reached inside to remove one of the little square baskets inside. Commenting on the pleasant fragrance, she opened the small square basket to see the bar of soap inside tied with a sprig of dried mint. “These smell just like the soaps we used to use at home in Ireland. I can hardly wait to try it.” She smiled. “I can’t really pay you for all these right up front, but what if we put them in the store, and we will pay you as they sell? Out here on the frontier we have two kinds of women: the kind who work like men and don’t take the time to remember that they are ladies, and the ladies who love being ladies. Those are the ones who will enjoy and appreciate something so beautiful and so fragrant.”
Betsy spoke up. “There’s something in there that makes your skin real soft, too.”
Dolly’s eyebrows rose as she looked at Mandy.
Mandy smiled and nodded. “I’ve been making soaps since I was ten years old, and as I had opportunity I would experiment. Because my skin became very dry and would crack in the winter, I wanted to develop a soap that would not only leave my skin soft, but would help it to not dry out. I think you’ll find I’ve been most successful in my experiments.”
“I am eager to try them myself,” Dolly replied.
The subject changed to flowers and children, and before Mandy knew it, Mr. McDonaugh stuck his head around the doorway to let them know that Ned was ready to return home.
Their good-byes and thank-yous were said, and Dolly invited them back anytime for another visit as she accompanied the women back into the store.
Mandy quickly settled up with Mr. McDonaugh as Ned carried her packages out to the wagon. She was pleased to discover she was able to purchase everything they needed and still had a bit of money left over. Perhaps by the time she came back in the fall, some of the soaps would have sold, and she would have a means to support them all.
That evening, as they made their way back to the cabin, Mandy told Deidre all about the visit and the unexpected tea party, about the McDonaughs, the soaps, the “ladies department” in the store, and all the new, exciting things she had experienced that day. Deidre, too, told about the fun time she and Edna had enjoyed together with all the children. Jedediah had played so hard that he was already sound asleep on a pile of blankets in the back of the wagon with Angel snuggled up tight against him. Daniel was fast asleep in Mandy’s arms as Deirdre drove them home. They decided that, all in all, it had been a fun, profitable day.
Chapter 21
Ethan swept off the boardwalk in front of the store, watching the dust swirl into the wind and be blown back in the general direction from which he had just removed it. He worked in the warm spring afternoon trying to make the front of the store presentable. Somewhere in the distance children played. A mother called for her children to come to her. The squeak of a pump handle brought refreshing water to the surface for someone to drink or clean with. Horses stamped and snorted, and a cow lowed in the distance.
He had grown to love this small town and most of the people in it. Many of the families were a part of the church, so seemed family to him as well. He and Mandy had lived in seclusion for so long that he felt he had come back into the light after spending a long time in a cave. But his heart was heavy that Mandy was not with him and even heavier knowing it was he himself who had caused this to come about.
Many were the times he daydreamed of having Mandy in this little town with him. How she would enjoy Rebecca Taylor, Anita Sheldon, and so many of the other kind women here. And he wanted to weep when he thought how much she would enjoy knowing his Lord. Once more he became convinced that he would have to go tell her about God. But always it was followed by a hopeless feeling that she would have no reason to believe him because of the huge lie he had perpetrated. When what he had done overwhelmed him, Ethan breathed a prayer for guidance and forgiveness once more. He would have to trust God to take care of Mandy and to give him wisdom to know what to do. Meanwhile, he would do his best to be patient.
Ethan enjoyed his work in the store because he had always enjoyed being around people and socializing. He loved listening to the farmers as they talked of their crops, the rain, the soil, and their families. He loved watching the children when they came into the store with their mothers. And as he had grown to love Jason and Rebecca Taylor, he was happy to notice they didn’t seem as drawn and sorrowful as they watched the children coming and going in the store and in the town as they once had. He hoped they were healing from the sorrow of losing their own children but continued to pray for them.
Often before and after church he would see Rebecca Taylor and Bess talking and laughing together. How he appreciated Rebecca for taking Bess under her wing to encourage and befriend her. It was wonderful to see Bess grow in her relationship with God. Occasionally Ethan and Bess would speak, but only casually and almost as though they were brother and sister. It was a comfortable feeling knowing that Bess was now a child of God and that God was using her to minister to someone in need. He could tell that the situation was not only good for the Sheldon family but gave Bess a sense of satisfaction that she was doing something worthwhile. He could tell the children adored her and that she mothered them as though she had been doing it all her life.
Usually Sunday mornings excited Ethan because of the sharing in the church of God’s Word, the learning, and the fellowship with the other families and men of God. However, this morning there was heaviness in his heart that he couldn’t understand. Before going downstairs to share breakfast with Jason and Rebecca, he quickly knelt by his bed, asking God to search his heart and reveal to him the reason.
He ate breakfast woodenly, remembering to compliment Rebecca on her light biscuits and thanking her for the delicious meal. He tried to act natural, but it was difficult. He couldn’t get away from the black cloud pressing in on him.
Ethan went through all the motions of church, but for the first time, his heart wasn’t in it. He couldn’t worship. It was as though there was suddenly a thick wall between him and God. He examined his soul to search out the cause but found only closed doors. It was as though there was no light at all in his soul anymore, and Ethan didn’t know what to make of it.
While people visited quietly after church, Ethan started to leave. Then he felt a hand on his elbow.
“Is God speaking to you about something, son?” Pastor Lewis quietly said close to his ear.
Ethan turned toward the dear pastor and felt his eyes swim with tears. He could only nod as he tried to swallow the huge lump that prevented speech.
“Would you like to talk to me about it?”
Pastor Lewis was always kind and understanding, but Ethan was amazed at his perception. Ethan could not imagine the good pastor ever being less than loving toward anyone, so he slowly nodded. Pastor Lewis guided him to a small room at the back of the church. The room had a window open on each of two sides, and an old wooden desk and chair were centered under one of the windows. Under the other window was a bench, and along one wall stood a couple of chairs with their backs to the wall. The fourth wall contained the door and a small wooden bookcase with ten or fifteen leather volumes neatly standing in two rows. On top of the bookcase stood a small jar with some flowers. The room seemed empty, yet not desolate, colorless, but not drab, humble, yet welcoming and sacred.
Pastor Lewis closed the door behind them and offered Ethan a chair while turning the other chair to face Ethan and settling into it. The pastor gazed at him for a moment before bowing his head. “Our God and Father, only You can know what is troubling Ethan this morning. I am only Your servant. If I can be of any comfort to this, Your child, then give me wisdom, Lord, and guidance to share it. In the name of Your only Son, Jesus Christ.”
As the two waited quietly for God’s guidance, Ethan realized the block in his path with God was Mandy. Before he could plan what to say or lose heart, he told Pastor Lewis the whole story, from beginning to end, leaving nothing out. All the while the good pastor looked at him with such love
that Ethan finally understood that God had truly and completely forgiven him and so had Pastor Lewis. Peace filled his very being as though liquid were being absorbed into every tissue of his body. And with it came tears…slowly at first…then a torrent of them.
With the tears came cleansing and Ethan knew without a doubt that God would show him what to do and how to do it. It was such a tremendous relief to have his secret shared by this godly man and to know there was no lessening in the love and respect between them. Pastor Lewis encouraged Ethan to pray for God’s guidance and promised to do the same on Ethan’s behalf. He seemed to have no doubt that God would show Ethan what he should do, but encouraged him to be patient and not take the situation into his own hands.
Ethan felt as though a huge load was lifted from his shoulders. He was amazed how much lighter the load became when someone helped carry the weight. And so Ethan prayed consistently for God to show him the way.
Chapter 22
The early mornings had become a time of prayer and reading the scriptures for Ethan. As the sun rose early with the longer days of spring, Ethan found he had more time to read his Bible and pray.
One morning he was reading about a young man who wanted his inheritance early in life but took it and squandered it on wild living. After some time the young man realized he had nothing left and no way to earn a living. He was living in a barn eating the slop that was fed to the hogs when he thought of home and his kind father. He decided he had nothing to lose to go home and beg his father to let him be one of his slaves. At least he would have a warm bed and food to eat. But when his father saw him coming, he ran to meet him with open arms and welcomed him home as a son.
Suddenly it was clear to Ethan. He would go home to Mandy, tell her the whole truth, and hide nothing. Ethan knew he no longer deserved to be a husband to Mandy, and he would understand if she could not accept him at all. He would offer to stay to care for Mandy and the farm and make himself a room in the barn. At least if she would speak to him, he would be able to tell her about Jesus. He prayed for God’s guidance and leading as to when he should go and then washed and went downstairs.
The day seemed charged with expectation. Even the air was still, as though it, too, was waiting. Why does today feel so very different? Ethan thought. It’s as though everything is changed, yet nothing appears changed. He watched the Taylors to see if they noticed the change, but they acted as though everything was the same as before. People who came into the store talked of the weather, their children, their gardens, even things of the church, as though this were any ordinary day. Yet Ethan could feel the difference.
Throughout the day Ethan found himself glancing quickly over his shoulder. He wasn’t sure what he was expecting. It was difficult to keep his mind on his work; restlessness stirred in the very deepest part of his being. He had felt restless before, but this was almost uncontrollable.
After several days, Ethan felt he must talk to someone. After dinner one night, he went for a walk. He headed out of town, finding himself on the riverbank where he used to sit to think when the railroad crew became too boisterous for his tastes. He wanted to pray but didn’t know quite what to pray. As he sat by the water in an attitude of prayer, even though no words formed, he knew he was praying and that God was hearing. Soon he heard a crunch and looked up to find Pastor Lewis standing nearby.
“I felt the Lord leading me, but I didn’t know where or why,” the pastor said with a gentle smile. “I hope I am not intruding.”
“Not at all.” Ethan smiled up at the man. “Please sit with me for a while.”
Soon Ethan found himself trying to explain what he could not understand himself: the restless drawing and the scripture of the prodigal son that he had read earlier in the week and how he felt he should go back to Mandy. But something felt unfinished here.
Pastor Lewis was quiet for a while; Ethan knew he was praying for wisdom and guidance. Then he spoke. “Ethan, I believe God is telling you the time is here. It is time for you to return to Mandy. And I believe the unfinished part is that you need to tell your church family here first. You have lived a lie among them, and you will not feel free until you allow them to forgive you. It will not be easy, son. But we will be praying for you and God will guide you. I encourage you to be obedient.”
In that quiet moment, Ethan knew it was right. He was at the same time overjoyed with the thought of seeing Mandy but full of dread and fear at having to expose his wickedness to her and to these dear friends. He nodded silently.
After praying together, the two men rose and walked with reverence back to their homes. They agreed that Ethan would tell his church family the next Sunday morning during the worship service and then be on his way home on Monday morning.
Sunday morning dawned bright and still, as if the world were hushed and waiting. Perhaps it held its breath in anticipation of the confession that was on Ethan’s heart. Pastor Lewis had said he would let Ethan know when the time was right to speak in the service. Ethan equally dreaded and looked forward to his time of confession. It was certainly not normal to expose oneself in their church, yet he longed for the cleansing sense of having his hidden life exposed and not needing to pretend any longer. Ethan knew it would free his spirit to be honest with these dear people. He prayed with all his heart that they would extend forgiveness and not withhold their love from him. But whatever the result, he knew in his heart it was the right path to take. He thanked God once again for the wisdom, understanding, and forgiveness he had received already from Pastor Lewis.
The service started as usual with singing and praising, praying and sharing. And Ethan waited. Then Pastor Lewis began his message.
“We all know the story of the Prodigal Son. But I would like us to turn in our Bibles today to Luke 15 and start at verse 11. Please follow along as I read the story to you.” After reading through verse 32, Pastor Lewis said, “Whenever I have studied this chapter before, I tended to focus on the foolish choice of the young son who ran away from home and squandered his inheritance. Today I want us to think about God’s calling the son back home. Yes, the son was foolhardy and unwise. He had gained nothing and lost everything. How many times do we judge this young man, yet we don’t look at the part of the story where he admitted his error, picked himself up, and did something about it. He did not blame anyone else but took responsibility for his actions himself. He humbled himself and took a chance that his father might forgive him.
“Now turn to the story of the servants who were forgiven in Matthew 18. We will begin reading at verse 21.” And he read to the congregation the story of the servant who was unwilling to forgive the debt owed to him. “How many times,” asked the pastor, “must we be forgiven before we are willing to forgive others? In John 8 we read of the woman caught in adultery, and her accusers who wanted Jesus to allow them to stone her because it was the law. What did Jesus say to them? ‘He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her.’
“Today someone among us has a confession to share. I plead that you will hear this confession only in light of your own sins and shortcomings. Let’s allow God alone, who sees the heart of man, to be the judge. Ethan, will you come now and share your story?”
Ethan had never experienced the dread that was in his heart now. It was almost a tangible thing rooting him to his seat. But he stood and moved slowly to the front of the church. When he lifted his head to look at the congregation, he saw only love and acceptance among these people. And so he told his story. He told of the restlessness that had been with him since childhood. He told of his precious wife and home he had built, yet the restless spirit still resided in his heart. He spoke of his search for something to quench that restlessness—the money he could gain working on the new railroad. And how, after being away from home for a long period of time and with continual coaxing from his coworkers, he had eventually visited the brothel and betrayed his wife.
Still the searching was not quenched. The emptiness was not filled. The restl
essness continued until he was drawn to this little church and found forgiveness and his own relationship and acceptance with his Father in heaven. He explained that now he felt an urgency to share his newfound faith with his dear wife. Fear of rejection had led him to live a lie and keep his secrets among the church folk, but now he felt an urgency to be honest and truthful with those who had accepted, encouraged, and strengthened him in his faith before he left them. He humbly asked their forgiveness and then sat down again.
The church was silent for a few minutes.
Then Pastor Lewis stood. “To close this morning’s service I will read to you from Luke 6 starting with verse 37: ‘Judge not, and ye shall not be judged: condemn not, and ye shall not be condemned: forgive, and ye shall be forgiven: Give, and it shall be given unto you; good measure, pressed down, and shaken together, and running over, shall men give into your bosom. For with the same measure that ye mete withal it shall be measured to you again. And he spake a parable unto them, Can the blind lead the blind? Shall they not both fall into the ditch? The disciple is not above his master: but every one that is perfect shall be as his master. And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but perceivest not the beam that is in thine own eye?’
“Friends, I want to remind us all that there is not one among us today who is without sin. Will you rejoice together with Ethan that he has cared enough for you to ask your forgiveness? Let us not only forgive, strengthen, and encourage Ethan, but let us search our own hearts and confess before God any hidden sin that is there. It is not always necessary to confess it all verbally to one another, but to be open and honest with God and willing to be obedient to Him.”
When the service ended, Ethan tried to slip out the side door. But he was immediately surrounded by the loving arms of many of the church family. They reassured him of their love and acceptance, and welcomed him back if he ever wanted to bring Mandy to the community. And most importantly, he was reassured that their prayers would be with him as he went home to Mandy.
The Long Road Home Romance Collection Page 10
