Finally, Ethan leaned back in his chair. He looked tenderly at Mandy before dropping his gaze. Then, reaching over to the table again, he picked up his coffee cup and drained it. When Mandy jumped up to refill it, she could feel him watching her with a sad expression.
An indefinable dread crept over her. He’s home, so why is he still so sad? Why does he look at me like that and then drop his head? Is he going away again? Mandy waited with a heavy heart for Ethan to begin.
Finally he said, “Mandy, I want to start my story with how very much I love you. That has never changed, except to grow stronger and stronger. When I am finished with my story, you may not believe me or you may not care, but I want you to know that at the beginning.”
“Oh, Ethan, I do love you. I cannot imagine anything you can tell me that will change that fact. But I will be silent and listen while you tell me the whole story. And then I will share mine with you.” Her eyes twinkled, and the tiny dimple played merrily in her cheek.
So Ethan began. Slowly at first he told of how he had always felt that something was missing from his life. He always seemed to be searching. When he was young, he thought growing up would take care of that, but it only showed him how little he knew. Then he thought being successful in his job would make him feel fulfilled, but he could never be quite successful enough. When he met Mandy, he figured being married and having a family would complete his search, but it only served to make him feel more of a failure, because he could not give Mandy all that he longed to give to her, and could not even produce children.
Mandy was careful not to smile when he talked of their barrenness. Her heart was putty in his hands, and she only loved him more and longed to tell him of their son. But she would let him have his say first.
Finally he told her he was convinced that if he could earn lots of money and be able to buy her anything she wanted, he would feel he had been a success. So he had gone to work on the railroad.
Then he was silent. He was silent for so long, staring at his hand moving his coffee cup in circles on the table, that Mandy wondered if he expected her to comment.
But she didn’t. She sat, waiting. Patiently waiting. Even when she noticed tears splashing on his lap, she sat quietly, knowing he was struggling with some battle he must master on his own.
Ethan looked up at her. “Mandy, I went to the tavern to play cards, but I ended up with a prostitute. More than once. I was so ashamed I made up the lie about being killed and paid a guy to come tell you that story and bring you some money. I thought it would clear my conscience and I would move on, but it didn’t. It did serve to show me what a fool I am. And that I needed help.
“Finally I prayed. I prayed that if there was a God out there, that He would find me and show me the way to straighten out my wretched life. And do you know what?” The tears stopped flowing now. Ethan reached into his pocket for his handkerchief. He blew his nose and mopped his wet face. And then he told Mandy of how God found him and drew him with the singing one night as he stood on the balcony of the saloon. He told her of going to the little church, and of praying and asking God’s forgiveness.
He told her of the way the church people had accepted him and loved him. About Pastor Lewis and Marita, his sweet wife, about the Taylors, and even about Bess accepting Christ into her heart.
“Mandy, I do not deserve your forgiveness. I love you with all my heart, and I want more than anything in the world to be a husband to you. But if you find you cannot forgive me and accept me back as your husband, will you allow me to make a room for myself in the barn and stay and be your friend and companion? I will work here, and we can live together on this land, but separately. I will still take care of you until the day I die, if you will just allow it.”
Ethan’s eyes searched Mandy’s face, but he could not read what he found there. What was she thinking? How did she feel? Could there ever be forgiveness in her heart?
Chapter 26
The house was very quiet as Mandy looked from his face down to her hands. A gentle breeze stirred the curtains at the open window by the table. Ethan could smell the fresh earth on the breeze and felt himself longing to help care for this place that he had built with his own hands. He glanced back at Mandy in time to see her raise her head.
Slowly at first, Mandy began to speak. “Ethan, before I respond to your question, let me tell you of my life while you were away. Will you sit and listen to it all? Will you let me tell you the whole story before I give you an answer?”
“Yes, Mandy, I want to hear it all. I will be patient and listen to all you have to say. And Mandy, thank you. Thank you for hearing me, and thank you for talking with me. I truly thank you with my whole heart.” He sat back in his chair with his long legs stretched out straight in front of him and his arms folded gently across his chest.
“First of all, Ethan, when you left, I had been carrying your child for a couple of months.”
His eyes grew wide and startled but, true to his word, he didn’t interrupt or even move.
“Being my first time,” she explained, “I wanted to be certain before I told you. I also didn’t want you to think I was using the baby to hold on to you or to tie you down, so I said nothing. Perhaps I was wrong, but it felt like the right thing to do.”
Ethan nodded his understanding ever so slightly but still searched her face with his eyes. So Mandy proceeded to tell her story. At one point she heard a noise at the back of the house, but she kept on talking.
She told about her loneliness and about Deidre and Jedediah coming. She told how they had become a family and worked together and played together. She told about teaching Deidre to read and about the worn New Testament. She explained to him about discovering her need for God’s forgiveness, about her prayer, and about reading the New Testament and learning more and more about God.
Now a new tenderness and the light of hope shimmered in his eyes.
Mandy also told Ethan about finding the Brownings and about the way the two families would get together and how Ned and Edna had helped her and Deidre out. She told Ethan she had promised Deidre that they would build her a cabin of her own on their land when and if Ethan ever came home.
She told of selling her soaps, of the new livestock born on the farm, but mostly she told about Daniel. Before she was finished, she could hear Daniel cooing and jabbering in the crib in her bedroom. Ethan’s head swiveled in that direction, but then turned back to look at her once more.
As she waited for his reaction to her story, she held her breath.
“Mandy,” he murmured, “I am so very sorry I have not been here for you. Can you ever find it in your heart to forgive me and allow me to be your husband and Daniel’s father?”
As moisture misted her eyes, then transformed into tears that washed down her cheeks, Mandy said, “Oh, Ethan, you have never ceased being my husband. Do you think for one minute that I would not forgive your sins when I have sinned much in my lifetime also? We all have different sins, but we all sin. And God has forgiven all our sins. So we both come back together clean and fresh and new. All I want is for us to be a family. I want Daniel to know his wonderful daddy. I want us to work together. And I want to not have to clean that barn for a long, long time!”
As one they laughed, then stood simultaneously and held each other briefly. They were headed to the bedroom for Ethan to meet Daniel when the sleepy Jedediah peered shyly into the room. His eyes turned wide and frightened as he looked from Mandy to Ethan.
“Jedediah, come here quickly,” Mandy said, smiling and extending her arms to the little boy. “You must meet Daniel’s daddy. His daddy has been gone for a long time, but he has come home. He can’t wait to meet you, too.”
Ethan stooped so his tall frame would be closer to Jedediah’s height. “Are you the man of this house, son?” he asked as he reached his hand gently toward Jedediah.
Jedediah hesitated, looking questioningly at Mandy’s radiant face. He was a smart boy, so Mandy knew it wouldn’t take him long
to figure that anyone who could make his Mandy smile like that must be good. He walked over and shyly stuck out his hand.
“Hello, sir. I am pleased to meet you,” Jedediah said quietly but firmly.
Ethan beamed. “And I am pleased to make your acquaintance also. I have heard about how you take such good care of my son. Would you like to introduce us?”
Jedediah glanced at Mandy. At her smile and quick nod, he looked back at Ethan. “Come right this way, sir.” He started toward Mandy’s bedroom doorway.
Ethan and Jedediah were headed for the bedroom when Mandy turned her head and saw Deidre duck back from the doorway. She knew Deidre would be nervous about this stranger and what would happen to her and Jedediah. She caught Deidre’s eye and gave a quick nod to let her know all was well. And then she followed the “men” into the bedroom.
The mist in Ethan’s eyes as he beheld his son for the first time and the way he reached for him with trembling arms was more than worth the long wait.
After the tears on Ethan’s part as he held his son had passed, the little family returned to the main room of the house. Mandy went to the back door and saw Deidre sitting on the step with her arms wrapped around her middle, rocking back and forth in a rapid, nervous movement. Mandy slipped out and sat on the step beside her.
“Deidre, did you hear? Ethan is home. He is not dead. It was a mistake. He is home to stay. He will build you a house of your own, and we can all live here in the same clearing and raise our children together. And maybe someday Jeremiah will join us, and we can all be one family. Oh, Deidre, isn’t it wonderful? You must come in and meet him. You can’t help but love him!”
But Deidre kept rocking. Mandy saw her jaw clenching and grinding; her nails were white from gripping her arms so hard.
Mandy stayed beside her friend and waited patiently. Finally she murmured, “You know, Deidre, that I would never be able to love a man who was not gentleman enough to love my friends. Listen to him talking to Jedediah in the house. Do you think Jedediah is not wise enough to know someone who is not truly kind and gentle?” She paused, then added, “And contrary to what I know you are thinking, Ethan does not care anymore than I do that your skin is dark. To him you are a heroine. He knows I would never have made it through this past year without you. He knows, and he is grateful. Trust me.”
Silently they sat together for a few more minutes. At last the rocking slowed. Deidre turned her head to look at Mandy. Mandy smiled and nodded, then rose eagerly and reached for Deidre’s hands. Together they entered the cabin arm in arm.
Jedediah ran and threw himself at her legs. “Momma, momma! Come meet Mr. Ethan. Daniel has a daddy, and he is good. Come, Momma!” His little legs stretched behind him as he tugged at her skirt.
Ethan stood with Daniel in his arms and walked to where the two women stood. “I believe I owe you a huge debt, ma’am. I will never be able to thank you enough for all you have done for my family in my absence. I hope you will always be part of our family if you wish to do so. From the looks of things, I think our boys believe they are brothers. And brothers they shall be. Will you please accept my heartfelt gratitude and continue to stay with us?”
Deidre’s eyes were huge. Her gaze flickered from Ethan to Mandy and back again. “You’re thankin’ me? Sir, I’ll be glad to serve you and your family. I am honored. Thank you, sir!”
“Serve us?” Ethan and Mandy said in unison. “What kind of nonsense is this, Deidre?” Mandy continued. “We are friends, and we work together. You know that. What’s this all about?” Mandy wasn’t certain if Deidre was joking or had lost her mind.
Ethan quickly reassured them both. “Look, nothing has changed in your role in this household, Deidre, just because I have come. If you live here, you can help with the work just as we will. We all work side by side and play side by side. We all serve one another—out of love, not out of obligation. And we do want you to live here. Even with a husband, a woman needs a friend.” Ethan looked briefly at Mandy with a tender smile, then back at Deidre. “And I think we would all find out quickly how much Daniel and Jedediah need one another if we should try to separate them. So again I ask you, will you stay?”
Deidre’s eyes swam with tears. “I will find joy in stayin’. And I thank you, sir.”
“Ethan! You must call me Ethan, and I will call you Deidre. We are brother and sister, and we must be finished with this ‘sir’ nonsense. Is that all right with you?”
Deidre didn’t say a word, but her beaming face spoke volumes.
The sun was beginning to lighten the eastern horizon. Mandy lay still, but she was very aware of the warmth and strength surrounding her. Slowly she inhaled the scent of this man who held her close to his heart. She smiled as she remembered his tenderness in the night.
As she listened quietly, she heard the little baby breaths coming from the cradle across the room. She could tell from the sucking sounds that Daniel would awaken soon and find his thumb was not enough. Yet she lay still. Her son would grow to be a man like his father—tall, strong, and handsome. But he would have an advantage that neither she nor Ethan had had. He would hear of his heavenly Father also. He would learn to know and love Him. And he would have parents who loved each other and loved him. Her heart swelled with the joy of it all.
Mandy heard a cheery chirping and turned her head slightly to see the bluebird sitting on the windowsill. He was pecking the log, searching for bugs to feed his own babies. Babies…mmm…who knew? Maybe in time they would have more. Her mind drifted in future possibilities, but her smile remained as she watched the bird busily pecking.
Ethan’s hand gently cradled her cheek and turned her face to his. As she gazed into his smiling eyes, he tenderly kissed her and pulled her gently to himself again.
Yes, Ethan was home. Finally home. It had been a long, long road for each of them, but he was home, and life was good. So very, very good.
ON THE WINGS
OF GRACE
The Hand of God,
Book Two
by Judi Ann Ehresman
Dedication
To my sisters:
Betty Lou Carter—
who served the best banana tea parties of anyone
Nancy Kay Morgan—
who believed in me when I doubted myself and always challenges me to be the best I can be
Twyla Jane Burkey—
who loves and accepts me always
And to my mother:
Mildred Michael (Rawley) Nelson
I love you all!
Chapter 1
The hotel had always been home for Bess. It was all she knew. There were several women who cared for her, but she shared quarters with Clara more than the others. When Clara was helping some man to “relax,” Bess would stay with another of the women who happened to be “indisposed” for the evening, whatever that meant.
Clara was soft and slightly plump and wasn’t quite as loud and mouthy as the other women in their hotel. At least Bess was told this was a hotel. Men came and went, spent the night with the various women in the “hotel” who would “care” for them for the night. It wasn’t until she was eight or ten years old that Bess began to wonder why there were never women or children who came with the men that stayed there. When she asked Clara about it, she was told this was a special hotel that only took care of men. So Bess assumed this was just the way things were done and didn’t question further.
It was a huge old building with beautiful cherry woodwork, plush carpets, draperies of rich golds and reds, and heavy furniture that glistened and shone. There was a beautiful huge piano that a black man named Augustus played each night until it fairly danced. The women who worked in the hotel were beautiful and always smiled, giggled, danced, and visited with the men who came to the hotel. They would carry drinks to them and bring them food. They would dance with the men and flirt with them until they would coax one of the men upstairs to the hotel rooms with them.
Usually it didn’t take much coaxing, bu
t sometimes the girls had to be patient until the men had played their card games. Then Bess noticed that the men either had to go upstairs to be consoled or to celebrate their bounty. Either way, most of those men ended up in one of the women’s rooms before the night was over.
Bess could hardly remember a time when she wasn’t washing dishes and dipping food up for the ladies to take out to the men. Gertie, the old lady who was master of the kitchen, had no patience with Bess. Bess learned quite young to keep busy, not to make any messes, and not to chatter or ask questions. Gertie had no patience with questions at all. So Bess would drag her stool out from its storage corner as soon as Gertie started cooking in the afternoon and would keep the dishes washed and wiped for her until long into the night.
The kitchen was a large room at the back of the hotel, and it was here that Bess spent most of her days. The ceilings were high and dark. In the summer the kitchen became hot and suffocating; Gertie’s face would become red, and she would stand at the back door fanning herself with her apron. These were the times Gertie would be the most cross, and Bess soon learned to ease Gertie’s discomfort by offering to fan her and bringing her fresh cold water. These ministrations also helped Gertie to be more tolerant and less cross with Bess, to whom Gertie always referred as “the child” or just “Child.”
Sometimes Bess would hear children playing outside. She would sneak out to watch them but was told by the women to never speak to the children and never, never to play with them. In response to her question, she was merely told that she was different. So she would watch them from the windows of the hotel, or occasionally she would sneak out to the big porch at the back of the building behind the kitchen. She could hide behind the stack of wood for the cookstove and listen and watch without being observed by the children.
The Long Road Home Romance Collection Page 12
