“Oh,” I replied. The note of disappointment in my tone was surprising to hear. Perhaps in my dreams, I could not deny the truth like I could when conscious. “And in the park—after Kingston—”
I cut myself off, wrapping my arms around my waist.
He gently took my wrists and lowered my hands from my abdomen to rest at my sides.
“Your suffering was hard to bear,” he said softly. “Watching you—the pain you were in—was impossible. I did what I did to take it away.”
“Because it hurt you to see someone that hurt?” I asked, thinking that trait was one deeply contradicted by what the boys had told me. That he was essentially a soulless killer. A mercenary. I needed to know if he really was more than that.
“No.” My heart sank for a moment, thinking that maybe all I’d experienced him to be wasn’t as true as I would have liked. He leaned in closer to me, our bodies touching. My heart perked back up at the contact. “It hurt me to see you like that.”
“Oh.”
“You like that response, don’t you?” There was laughter in his voice when he asked. My eyes shot up to his immediately.
“You surprised me, that’s all. Sometimes it takes me a minute to wrap my head around things.”
“Then allow me to give you something else to wrap your head around,” he said, his hands cupping my face to angle it up toward him. “You didn’t ask my other reason for saving you the night Kingston attacked us outside the club.” My breath caught in my throat as his lips drew nearer to mine. “I may be everything you’ve been told, Piper. I’m cold. I’m a killer. And yes, at times, unstable. But not with you.” I felt the tickle of his breath on my mouth and I leaned toward him, desperate to feel his lips upon mine. “That is something I am not willing to lose. I like how it feels far too much for that.”
* * *
I shot up in bed, sweaty and panting as Merc's words ran through my mind. I wanted to process them—to make sense of them—but then I remembered that there was no point. It was a dream. A machination of my subconscious, which seemed hellbent on making sense of the mystery named Merc. The mystery I couldn’t escape.
With a sigh, I threw back the covers and dragged myself from my bed. It was just about one in the morning—prime vampire time. I really didn't want to see anyone, so I did what I could to sneak around unnoticed, which is no easy feat in a household of super-hearing beings. I made my way down the hall to the butler’s staircase and sneaked down into the kitchen. Once there, I went through the cupboards quietly, hoping to pilfer some snacks I could bring back upstairs.
I could hear voices arguing from the ballroom that was just down the hall from where I stood. The high ceilings and sparse furniture in that room allowed for the voices to carry easily. At first, I couldn't make them out well. But as they got louder and louder, they became more clear, as did the subject of their heated discussion.
“If things are as bad as the king said, then there's nothing we can do,” Dean argued.
“She's a liability, plain and simple,” a male countered. I couldn't quite make out who it was.
“Liability or not, she's our responsibility by order of the king. That hasn't changed.”
Holy shit...they're talking about me.
“Maybe you want to take on that responsibility, but I don't,” the unidentified male proclaimed. “She's a death trap.”
“Maybe you should hone your skills a bit more so you're not so scared to take on whatever chaos she attracts,” Jase countered, disgust plain in his tone.
“Do what you want,” the mystery male said dismissively, “but I'm telling you right now, you'd better not leave her with me. I won't lift a finger to save her. And don't think I'm the only one that feels that way.”
The distinct sound of a fist hitting a face echoed down the hall from the ballroom to the kitchen just before a full-on fight broke out. I didn't want to hang around just in case someone happened upon me listening to the infighting I'd created.
I had to get out.
Before I knew exactly what I was doing, I was sprinting through the woods on the property, the cool wind blowing my hair around me. It looked as I felt: wild and chaotic.
The words of the unidentified vampire ran over and over in my mind. I wanted to dispute them, but history had proven him right. I'd attracted trouble my whole life, and now I'd brought it upon the enforcers.
I would have eventually fallen victim to Kingston and his crew if it hadn't been for the safety the king had offered me. He had done something no one else was willing to: take me in. And all I did to thank him was put him in a politically difficult situation on numerous occasions. Knowing that the treaty could fall at any time, I hated that I could somehow be the straw that broke the camel's back, unraveling the balance that had been struck amongst the races long before I was born.
Nobody needed that outcome.
So many would die if it came to be.
The worst part of all was the knowledge that Jase and Dean would do all they could to protect me when the races began to war with one another, and that made them a target. Kingston would relish the freedom to come at me full force until he got what he wanted, and the brothers would put themselves directly in the crosshairs to keep him from succeeding. I feared that they would eventually fall because of it. Jase and Dean were warriors, but they had a code of conduct—a sense of honor. Warlocks, however, had none. They fought dirty.
My interactions with them were a case in point.
So I ran as the guilt rose within me, crashing through the brush and low-lying branches. I don't know what I was trying to escape, but I knew I had to get away. Away from the mansion, away from the boys—away from anyone that I could ever bring harm to, however indirectly.
I soon found myself standing on a narrow wooden bridge that hovered high above a gorge that sliced its way through the ground. That bridge had seen better days, its planks rotted right through in places, the handrails dubiously attached. Still, I stood there, overlooking the deep crevice the creek had cut through the earth, and I wondered.
I closed my eyes, trying to focus. I was always more able to do that in nature. There, I could think. There, I could find clarity. I inhaled the sweet, clean smell of the running water, letting the cool night air dance around me. It calmed me slightly, but when I opened my eyes to stare down at the black abyss below, my fears snapped back to me.
There would be no escaping them.
Before I fully grasped what I was doing, the rough wood of the handrail bit into the skin of my hands as I pushed myself up to balance upon it. Slowly, carefully, I uncurled my body to stand. The wind gusted, causing me to wobble, but I remained on my perch. Looking down, I felt the breeze on my face, blowing my hair behind me.
It calmed me.
It called to me.
“I'm sorry,” I whispered to the night, the wind carrying my words deep into the woods. Extending my head back, eyes closed, I reached my arms out to the side and let the now harsh air whip around me.
Then I felt my body lean forward.
I knew the exact moment when there would be no turning back. That millisecond where I fully realized what I was doing—that my impending descent could no longer be stopped. A jolt of fear shot through me instinctively, my survival instincts cutting through the fog of guilt that had settled in my head. But they were too late.
I was going to fall.
I was going to die.
And yet I didn't. With my body at an angle impossible to recover from, I felt a blast of wind crash into me, so strong that it was not only enough to right my position, but also forceful enough to knock me backward. I fell to the safety of the bridge behind me, landing hard on my butt. As I fought to stand again under the siege of the gale force wind, I heard the voices it carried. When the weather calmed itself, I turned to find Jase and Dean approaching me, their massive frames shaking the dilapidated bridge.
“Piper!” Jase cried, scooping me up in his arms. He crushed me against him painfully.
I couldn't breathe. “What the fuck are you doing, crazy girl?”
“I—”
“I don't want to hear it,” he shouted, interrupting me. “I know exactly what that was. What I want to know is why you were about to do it?”
“I just—”
“Did you think that one trip into the water this week wasn't enough?” Dean asked, yanking me from his brother's grip to angrily embrace me. “Fuck, Piper. What the fuck were you thinking?”
“I...I don't know,” I replied, my voice muffled by his chest.
“You don't know what?” Jase shouted, pulling me away from Dean to face him. “You don't know that you just tried to kill yourself?”
“I wasn't trying to,” I whispered, wondering how I could possibly convince them that I wasn't doing what they clearly saw me trying to do. I dropped my gaze to the weathered boards of the bridge underneath my feet. I had failed yet again. “I overheard you guys talking. I was in the kitchen...”
“Aw shit,” Dean spat.
“Piper,” Jase said more calmly. “Piper, look at me. Please.” I did as he asked, lifting sad eyes to meet his. “You need to ignore what you heard, understand?”
“But I can't,” I argued, my anxieties rising. “He was right! You'll all get hurt. And if a war comes, the king will need you. Both of you...”
“We won't get hurt,” Dean snarled.
“You guys can't keep fighting my battles for me, don't you see that? It can't be this way forever. You can't keep me safe, and I'd never forgive myself if something happened to either of you while trying to do that.”
“Never gonna happen,” Dean scoffed, garnering my attention. “Where is this all coming from, Piper?”
“I told you I overheard—”
“No, where is it really coming from?” he pressed, leaning in closer to me. The bridge groaned in protest under his weight.
“We need to get her off of here,” Jase ordered, ushering me carefully to the end of the rickety structure.
“Answer my question,” Dean continued from behind me. “Do you remember something about the night you were attacked?”
“No,” I lied.
Jase eyed me tightly.
“Is there something you're not telling us about the Brooklyn Bridge incident?”
“No! Jesus,” I yelled, storming away from them right into Merc. I jumped back from him, startled by his presence. His pale blue eyes practically shone in the moonlight while they pierced mine, looking for the truth behind my words.
“Something's wrong with you, Piper,” Jase observed, his tone controlled and kind. He was trying a different approach. “You haven't been yourself since the attack, and while I can see that there is a definite amount of mental and emotional trauma you suffered because of it, I don't understand why you're shutting us out. Why you're suddenly trying to take a dive off a shitty old bridge in the middle of the night. That's not you, Piper. You're too strong for that...”
“Ha,” I scoffed, the bitterness in my tone so thick I could practically taste it. “Strong...”
“You think differently?” Merc asked, shocking Jase and Dean. He hadn't spoken to me in their presence since the night I was attacked in the park, and I guess they thought that was a one-time deal. If our little secret was out, Merc didn't seem to care. He continued to speak to me like they weren't present. Like I was all he cared about in that moment.
“I think that whoever was talking in the ballroom was right. That anyone close to me is likely to meet their end trying to protect me. You said as much to me the other night. That's a lot of burden for me to bear,” I explained, doing all I could to fight back the tears that threatened to escape. “I think that strong people aren't victims. I think the night I nearly burned to death etched that reality into my mind and my body. And I think that you all would be far better off without me, especially if the treaty falls. I'm a distraction. A distraction that will get you killed, if you let it.”
Merc stared at me, his expression unfaltering.
“I think you're wrong.”
That was all he said, those four words his entire argument to the harsh realities I'd just pointed out to him and the others. It seemed a ridiculous rebuttal, and yet somehow, for some reason, those words had a weight to them that I couldn't explain. A persuasive quality that I couldn't deny.
“Wrong about what?” I yelled, frustration overtaking me.
“It takes great strength to protect those around you, especially when the cost is yours alone to bear. It takes great strength to pull an unconscious werewolf from a body of water. And it takes great strength to endure the very incident you just cited as an example of your weakness,” he said, taking a step closer. “Kingston did not attack you because you are weak, Piper. He attacked you because you are a force beyond measure. You just haven't realized it yet.”
I stared at him as though he were speaking a foreign language, and yet everything he'd said made some measure of sense. Merc didn't think I was prey. He thought I was a badass who had yet to emerge.
“Piper,” Jase said, spinning me around to face him, his hands resting firmly on my shoulders. “I don't care if you're weak, strong, or otherwise, you need to know that whatever may come—whatever happens with the treaty—we won't leave your side. Do you understand? You can't make that choice for us.”
“Damn right,” Dean chimed in, seconding his brother's sentiments. “You're stuck with us whether you like it or not. We ride or die.”
“I just wish you didn't have to,” I said meekly, my emotions a cross between frustration and adoration. I loved those two more than I could explain, but I hated that that love inherently put them in danger.
“Your powers will come to you one day, Piper,” Jase reassured me. “I mean, look what happened with your burns! Kat said they healed up when you went outside—when you laid on the ground in the sun. We know you're a Magical, we just don't know what kind or what powers you can call.”
“And nobody has ever helped me explore that,” I said curtly. Except for the one that now wants me dead...
“Maybe if the treaty falls, one of them will,” Dean countered.
“Yeah, that's a big if. And I hardly think we should wish for that to happen on the off chance that some rogue Magical might be interested in mentoring me to get on the good side of the enforcers and the king.”
He shrugged in response.
“Would you want to be on our bad side if this all goes to shit?”
I contemplated his words for a second.
“Fair point.”
He smiled wide.
“Jase isn't the only one in the family with brains, you know?”
“I see that,” I said with a halfhearted laugh.
“I think it's time we take bridge-jumper here back to the mansion,” Jase said, putting his hand on the small of my back.
“And lock her in her room,” Dean muttered under his breath.
“That won't be necessary,” Merc said, startling me for the second time that night. “This will not be an issue again.”
Jase and Dean stared at him with confusion that quickly bled to anger.
“You didn't, did you?” Jase asked. Merc said nothing in response—at least nothing I could hear. But judging by the put-upon exhale from Jase, they were having a silent conversation. “Careful, Merc. That didn't end so well the last time,” Jase pointed out, his words a mystery to me. “Remember what Doc said.”
Merc said nothing, just looked over at me again, his eyes lingering uncomfortably long before he started back toward the mansion at a fast pace.
“What did he say?” I turned and asked the boys. Neither answered.
I ran after Merc, catching him by the arm to halt him.
“What makes you so sure that I won’t…you know,” I said, squirming a bit under his heavy gaze.
“Because what was done has been undone.” He said those words in a way that made shivers crawl along my spine. There was a subtext in them. One that I couldn’t read, but it was
clear that he wasn’t alluding to my failed attempt at suicide straightening me out. Something else had happened. Something I desperately wanted to understand.
He leaned in close to me, shooting a cautious look at his brothers before he whispered in my ear.
“And it will not be done again.”
With that, he turned and continued on toward the mansion. I looked over at the boys and sighed, then headed off after Merc. Jase and Dean were soon at my side. They were understandably concerned for me and unwilling to give me much room. I could hardly blame them for that.
I was still trying to piece everything together myself—especially what had just taken place.
I couldn't understand why my mind had taken such a sharp dive into depression. It was as if, for the first time ever, I’d considered that there was an out—a way to escape my existence of perceived weakness. Though the king's words had been harsh, they were in fact true. The supernatural world wasn't for the faint of heart. The helpless. I did have a choice to make. Maybe the one I'd just made had been ill advised, but I could make a different one now.
It was time I stopped being fodder for others. It was time that I found a way to embrace what I was and inherit the powers that were my birthright.
... As soon as I figured out how.
* * *
For the next few days, I spent just about every waking moment I could outside, doing all I could to try and re-create the connection I'd had with the source of my power when I’d healed. To put it kindly, I failed miserably. It had been a shot in the dark and I knew it, but I’d still hoped that perhaps something would just happen. That maybe because I was actively seeking it this time, it would let me find it.
But all I got for my efforts was a sunburn.
Frustrated, I took a break, hoping that if I let myself relax, I could approach the whole thing again with a new take on it; let the magic come to me. That seemed to be how it had worked before. Maybe it would again if I just let it in.
From the Ashes (Force of Nature #1) Page 8
