But it had felt right to be with him again. This was the man who’d given her the most precious gift of her life. This was the man to whom she’d offered not only her body but also her heart. What if she could have this time, even only a couple of weeks with him, what if she could block out everything else?
At the car door, he stood so near that his mouth was only inches from hers. She felt the heat of his breath on her cheek and found herself staring into his eyes, into the dark blueness she thought she would lose herself in.
“Mom, aren’t you going to unlock the door?”
Abby mentally shook herself. Before she did something silly, she slipped the key into the lock, then quickly slid behind the steering wheel.
Jack waited for her to roll down the window. Resting a forearm on its edge, he spoke softly. “Don’t be afraid to admit what you want, Abby.”
She made herself meet his stare. Hadn’t she done enough? With one kiss, she’d already revealed everything she’d tried to deny to herself. She still wanted him in a way she’d never wanted any other man. “What if it isn’t what I should want?”
“What if it is?” Jack stared at her slightly parted lips until Austin’s movement caught his eye. “See you, Austin.”
“Thanks for the ice cream. It was really good.”
He didn’t understand, Abby realized as she watched Jack walk away. Her life was about her son, about caring for her child, it could no longer be about a fantasy that she’d abandoned years ago.
Chapter Six
Abby managed to get Austin back in time for the craft class. He told her that after the class he was going to learn to lasso a bull. Abby doubted that a bull was involved. More likely a calf would dodge the children’s ineffectual efforts at tossing the looped end of a rope. After leaving him, she wandered into the kitchen. Over a cup of coffee with Wendy, she finalized arrangements for her aunt’s shower.
With time to herself before Wendy needed her help with the barbecue, Abby strolled to the corral where Guy was finishing a rope trick for some guests.
“I’d like to go for a ride,” she said to the ranch hand in charge of the guests’ horseback riding.
Instead of him, a few minutes later, Guy came from the stable with reins in his hand as he led a horse behind him. “Here you are, Abby. Guessed you might be thinking about a ride.”
“Oh, it’s Wizard.” Abby stared at the bay she’d ridden when she’d been here years ago. Still spry, the beautiful animal with a dark brownish-red coat and a white diamond-shaped mask whinnied with its approach. As if remembering her, the bay’s nose poked at Abby’s shoulder when she stepped near. She laughed and caught the horse’s bridle to bring the silky smooth face close to hers.
Guy gave her the expected advice. “You be careful.”
Abby took the reins from him. “I will.” Mounting, she eyed the horse trail that led toward the foot of the mountains. She set the horse at a slow pace until they cleared the ranch buildings, then gave the bay full rein..
She’d needed this ride, needed to feel the wind blowing through her hair. In the middle of clusters of straggly bushes and wispy desert shrubs, she saw a coyote. Sheepish at being seen, it scurried in a different direction.
When the ranch buildings disappeared from sight, she rode along a fenced, dirt lane. For nearly an hour, she let the bay dawdle, pick its way through a meadow of bright sunflowers and past a herd of white-faced Herefords. Relaxed, she looked beyond a sandy wash, past craggy canyons. This land was a legacy to Austin. By being silent, and not telling Jack about Austin, she was stealing it from him, wasn’t she?
No matter how much she wanted to forget the past, she couldn’t. She’d kept the truth to herself because she’d truly believed that Jack wouldn’t want to know he was a father. For most of his life, he’d carried the burden of guilt, believing his birth had caused his mother’s death. She remembered how adamant he’d been about no marriage. He wouldn’t marry a woman because he would never give her a child, never risk any woman’s life.
Back then, Abby had tried to convince him that most women who had children survived. He’d turned a deaf ear to her. A careful man, he’d used protection when they made love. One time, a few weeks before he left, before she left, they’d gone camping.
While crossing a brook, they’d begun splashing each other. Laughing, they’d shed wet clothes. They’d made love quickly, with heat, with love but without protection. And she’d thought about what they’d done almost immediately after. She’d thought about it, and had had no regrets. She’d been in love, knew a child conceived in love would never be considered a mistake. From the second she’d guessed she might be pregnant, she wanted her baby.
But Jack hadn’t. So what if he did know now? What would change? He lived a life on the road, traveling from rodeo to rodeo. That wouldn’t change just because he learned he had a son. Austin would get nothing more than a part-time father.
Returning to the ranch, she slid from the saddle and planned to walk Wizard into the stables. Before she’d taken a few steps, one of the ranch hands met her and took the bay from her. Abby thanked him and scanned the corral area, expecting to see Austin perched on the corral fence, but she didn’t see him anywhere.
“If you’re looking for Austin, he went with Jack to repair the fence around the swimming pool,” Guy said on his way past her.
“Thanks.” Abby did an about-face, then strode toward the swimming pool to find Austin and Jack. With passing smiles at guests, she crossed the lawn at the back of the lodge. As she neared the pool, where several guests were basking in the sun, she saw nothing wrong with the pool fence.
She assumed they’d already repaired it. Playing sleuth, Abby checked her watch, then opened the back screen door to enter the kitchen. At two o’clock, Austin usually agonized about dinner being too far away and clutched his stomach to convince her that he needed cookies or he would waste away to nothing.
Abby guessed right.
Sitting at the kitchen table, he was dunking a vanilla wafer into a glass of milk. Beside him, in a high chair, Wendy and Guy’s daughter cooed as she gummed a cookie.
“Hi, Mom,” Austin said. A milk mustache bordered his upper lip.
“Hi, yourself. I’ve been looking for you.”
“I’ve been real busy. First, I had to help one of the little kids get down from the corral fence.”
Abby maintained a sober expression as she recalled that the children of several of the guests were probably six months to a year younger than him. “That was nice, Austin.”
He sent her a grin. “And then I had to help Jack repair a fence.”
“Yes, I heard.”
At the sink, washing vegetables. Wendy smiled over her shoulder at them. Nearby, one assistant was breading chicken for a menu appetizer. Another one was cutting tips off fresh string beans. Noticing that her son had four cookies left, Abby settled on a chair adjacent to him. “What else did you do?”
“I was going to go horseback riding, but Jack said I couldn’t go without checking with you first.”
The idea of Austin horseback riding rushed a shiver of fear through her.
“Jack said he has a horse I could ride.”
It was one thing for Jack to suggest fishing, but she would decide when Austin was old enough for horseback riding. “We’ll see.”
“That usually means no,” he mumbled in a disgruntled tone.
Abby caught Wendy’s grin before she stepped outside, and nearly plowed into Sam in her haste down the steps. “Have you seen Jack?” she asked the older man.
“He’s in the stable.” Sam released his steadying grip on her. “Do you know where your aunt is?”
“Sorry, no, I don’t.” She kept walking, and realized, steps from him, that she might have appeared rude. But she had to talk to Jack.
Entering the stable, she walked down the row of stalls until she found Jack in the last one, scrutinizing the hoof of a gray quarter horse.
“I need to talk to you
,” she said, raising her eyes from his sun-browned hands holding the horse’s hoof steady.
Standing, Jack pulled a rag from his pocket.
Abby met his questioning blue eyes. “Austin told me that you said you had a horse he could ride. He’s never ridden a horse, Jack.” He’s only seven.
“I was thinking about Rainbow for him,” he replied.
Rainbow. Abby remembered the white, tan and brown horse. She was so sweet. In fact, Rainbow had been the mare she’d first ridden when she’d come to work at the ranch.
“Your boy could ride her. She’s aging. Docile, too. Content to go slow.” He pointed and turned Abby’s attention to the horse behind her. “Aren’t you, girl?” Jack patted the mare’s rump affectionately. “Can I teach him?”
“Can he, Mom?” Austin asked unexpectedly behind her, obviously having followed.
As Austin sidled close, she placed a hand on her son’s slim shoulder and smiled down at him. “Yes.”
Ecstatic, he let out a loud cheer and wrapped his arms around her waist. “Boy, Mom.” Unbridled glee flushed his cheeks. “Wait until I tell everyone at home that I rode a horse.”
Abby pressed a kiss to the top of his head. Even as she held him close, she felt as if she was letting him go.
A half hour later, Abby sat perched on the top rail of the corral fence and watched Jack walking beside Rainbow as Austin rode the horse around the corral. She should have known Jack would teach Austin to ride before he would let him out of the corral. A cliché slipped into her thoughts when Austin rode by and waved. He was definitely sitting tall in the saddle.
Late-afternoon sunshine glaring in her eyes, she glanced at her watch. With a promise to return and help in the kitchen, she had no choice but to leave. “I have to go, honey,” she said, and waved.
Cautiously, he raised one of his hands from its grip on the saddle horn to wave back. “Bye, Mom.”
“Bye,” she called back, pleased for him.
“You three look good together,” Wendy said as a greeting when Abby entered the kitchen. Standing by the window, she had a bird’s-eye view of the corral.
Abby reached for one of the bib aprons hanging on a hook in the short hallway that led to the pantry, but she, too, could see the corral, see Jack and Austin. Father and son. They looked so content with each other. “What do you want me to do?” she asked instead of responding to Wendy’s comment.
As if she’d never said anything about them, Wendy said breezily, “You’ll be sorry you asked.”
Nearby, several employees shared a smile. Nonstop, they and the kitchen staff of half a dozen worked for the next three hours.
By six that evening, Abby stood with Wendy and other kitchen help behind a long table of food. With a metal plate in hand, guests formed a line and were hustled along to receive huge spoonfuls of beans and potato salad, slices of barbecue beef, an ear of corn and a biscuit.
Jack stole Austin from Laura and Sam to give them time alone, and were among the nearly two hundred people served dinner in fifteen minutes. Seated at one of the picnic tables set up for the barbecue, he found himself smiling as he watched Austin scarff down dinner and then a slice of blueberry pie.
Under the pavilion, a country band played music. Jack knew the program. Guests enjoyed a night of fun and music under the stars. In between the music, they were treated to comedy skits, mostly ones that poked fun at cowboys.
“There’s my mom.” Austin waved in Abby’s direction. “Do you see her?”
“I see her.” He hadn’t taken his eyes off her. As the evening wound down, he thought about how often he’d been in a crowd like this, and wish he’d seen her face.
“Hey, Jack.” Head bent, Austin was fishing for something in his shirt pocket. “I got bubble gum.” He produced a small pink square. “Want some?”
Jack checked a smile. “No, thanks.” Every time he was with the boy, he felt closer to Abby.
“Know what I’d like?” Austin said.
That was easy for Jack to answer. The boy longed for a pet. “A dog.”
Austin cracked his gum. “There’s something else I’d like.”
Jack expected something outlandish, like an elephant. “What do you want?”
“A brother.”
“A br—” Unprepared, Jack took a moment and cleared his throat. He’d heard deadly seriousness in the boy’s voice. “Does your mom know?”
Austin blew a bubble. “She said I couldn’t have that, either. I know we can’t have a dog ’cause we live in an apartment. But I could have a brother. There isn’t any rule about not allowing babies.”
Jack stifled a grin. So he understood a brother wouldn’t arrive ready to play ball with him. “You wouldn’t mind a baby?”
“I know they’re kind of noisy. I could kind of pat its back—real gentle,” he added. “That’s what I saw Traci’s mom do to her baby.”
That would explain where the idea came from, Jack assumed.
“Sometimes they’re stinky.” Austin made a face. “But Mom has to change the diaper. I’m too young to do that.”
Good sense made Jack steer Austin to a safer topic. “About the dog. If you could have one, what kind would you like?”
“What kind?” He slipped his hand in Jack’s as they stood to leave. His eyes danced with his smile. “Any kind.”
By ten-thirty, the evening was over. Abby finished helping with cleanup in the kitchen, then she stepped into the lobby. Seeing her aunt standing by the window, she approached her. “It’s raining?” Abby said, surprised because she hadn’t heard any raindrops while she was in the kitchen.
“It started raining five minutes ago. Sam assures me it wouldn’t dare rain on our wedding day.”
Abby touched her shoulder. “This is the rainy season. We can have rain every night for weeks. But the wedding is in the afternoon. Storms don’t usually come in until late evening,” Abby said, ridiculously trying to offer some kind of reassurance about the weather several days away.
“Cross your fingers for me that the weather stays predictable.”
“I’ll cross fingers and toes,” Abby said, drawing her aunt’s laugh.
“Tonight was fun, wasn’t it?”
“Yes.” Even working, Abby had had fun. “Have you seen Austin?”
“He went out back.” Laura abandoned her fascination with the stormy sky to look at Abby. “Obviously he takes after his mother.”
She’d always enjoyed walking in the rain. “I didn’t have time to tell you earlier, but I love the dress you chose for me.”
Laura’s face lit with a smile. “Oh, I’m so glad. So you got the final fitting on your dress?”
“Yes, earlier.” Abby stepped away and followed a path to the door. It would be like Austin to be sitting on a playground swing and letting the rain pour on him. She recalled the walks she’d taken with Jack in the rain. With parents who thought getting wet was a fun thing to do, how could Austin not feel the same?
How many other traits had Austin inherited from both of them? She knew he was tenacious, a quality she and Jack carried, and he was curious like her, as well as stubborn like Jack. He could be almost bullheaded when he thought he was right. He also had a marvelous sense of humor. Another attribute of Jack’s.
Steps away from the back screen door, she heard voices. Like the other evening, as if they belonged together, Jack and Austin sat side by side beneath the shelter of the back porch. As the door squeaked open they both looked over their shoulders at her.
“Hi, Mom.”
“Hi.” She eyed the smudge of chocolate on Austin’s cheek.
“Are you exhausted?” Jack asked her. He’d been missing her, wanting to be with her ever since he left her this afternoon.
“Incredibly.” Abby let the door close behind her. “I’d forgotten how much work that barbecue was.”
Jack thought she’d made it look easy. She’d taken over as if she’d never stopped helping out.
“I liked it when they sang th
at funny song about the alligator who wore a saddle,” Austin said about the country band of four.
Jack’s eyes gleamed with humor. “You said you liked the song about the cactus that talked.”
“Both of them.”
Squatting beside him, Abby brushed a fingertip against the chocolate on her son’s cheek. “I see you had the chocolate cake for dessert.”
“I had blueberry pie, too.”
“And how did you get two desserts?” she asked leaning back against one of the uprights near him. He sent her a sheepish grin. “Jack gave me his.”
They both turned similar looks up at her. If they were looking in a mirror, they would see matching smiles. Abby’s heart twisted.
“Mom, can I?” Austin asked emphatically, indicating to Abby that he’d repeated a question.
“Can you do what?”
“Can I watch the movie in the recreation room?”
“What movie?” She’d already decided that it wouldn’t hurt him to stay up late one night. She was becoming as bad as her aunt, she reflected. Lately, she found herself indulging him. But she’d been busy helping Wendy and felt a smidgen of guilt leading her.
“The Wolfman Meets Dracula.”
Jack restrained a grin. “Scary stuff.”
“Yeah,” Austin said with utmost seriousness.
“I’ll meet you in the lobby when it’s over,” Abby told him.
“Okay, Mom.” Standing, he high-fived Jack before opening the screen door.
Jack expected her to scurry off with some excuse Instead, concern clouding her eyes, she settled on the step beside him.
“I saw you two together at dinner. He rambles sometimes.” she said.
“He talks a lot about dogs.” He decided against mentioning their discussion about a brother.
“That’s on the top of his wish list.”
Jack read distress in her eyes that she couldn’t give him the pet. “Ever have a wish list when you were a kid?”
Abby looked away with a frown. Every night she used to wish her father would call. “Nothing my mother could give me.” Hugging her knees, she listened to the tapping of the rain against the roof, watched it pelt the ground. As the breeze swept damp air at her, Abby roused herself from an almost dreamy state. “I should go back in. I need to check on Austin—”
Forever Mine Page 8
