“It’s insulting, Logan. I thought you knew me better than that.”
“This is exactly why I have to look after you. You put your pride before everything else. You’re so busy trying to prove your independence that you put yourself at risk.”
“Oh, explain to me how I’ve done that?” People walking past stared at them while they argued, but she didn’t give a damn.
“You didn’t want us to check your apartment out. I had to argue with you to let us put a simple thing on your computer to make sure he didn’t get at you another way. Fuck, Addi. I care about you. Don’t you see that?” He raked a hand through his hair. “It’s more than that, I—”
“Stop.” She held up her hand. “I don’t even want to hear what kind of manipulative shit you’re going to say next.”
His eyes flashed and the muscle worked in his jaw like he was grinding his teeth. “You think I’m manipulative?”
No, she didn’t. Not really. But dammit she wanted to hurt him now; she wanted to make him understand that the way he treated her was wrong. But there wasn’t much point. He wouldn’t change.
“I’m leaving, Logan.” The fight receded within her as quickly as it had bubbled up.
Being angry was an exercise in futility, so she had to pull away. As much as she wanted to be with Logan—and this weekend had certainly planted those seeds of hope—she refused to be treated like a child.
The blood drained from his face, his dark eyes becoming even stormier. “What do you mean you’re leaving?”
“I’m leaving Cobalt & Dane to start my own business.”
14
ALL POSSIBLE REACTIONS collided within Logan. He wanted to scream, put his fist to a wall. Run. Most of all he wanted to run.
You promised you wouldn’t do that again because you’re not a goddamn coward anymore.
But the instinct was there, clawing at him. Building up his walls brick by brick. Isolating his heart.
“Don’t do this,” he said, the weight of his guilt crashing down and suffocating him. He couldn’t be the reason she wanted to leave her own company, and if he was...then he’d failed. “Let’s take a moment to think about this.”
“It’s not a rash decision, Logan.” Her dark eyes glittered and everything in her demeanor screamed at him to back off, from the crossed arms to the hunched shoulders to the drawn expression. “I’ve thought it through.”
You’ve done this to her. Again.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about the email, but leaving isn’t the answer.” He tried to reach out to her but she flinched from his hand.
The greatest thing he’d feared was that she would leave him—like everyone else. Now it was happening before they’d even started, before they’d even had the opportunity to see what they could become. After the incredible weekend they’d spent together, he knew one thing only: that Addison was the most important thing in his life.
Truth was, he’d always known that. Maybe that’s was why he was crazy about protecting her, because without Addison he was lost. Incomplete. She was his family, his partner.
His love.
It should have shocked him, but it didn’t. The feelings had been there for a decade, whether he’d acknowledged them or not.
“Logan, it’s not about the email.” She pressed her fingertips to her temple. The sunlight caught the small, clear stone dangling from her ear as she shook her head. “It’s been in the works for a while.”
For a moment, he thought his chest had been split in two. “How long is a while?”
“A few months. More.” Her eyes swept over the street, not focusing on anything in particular. Looking anywhere but him. “I don’t want to do this anymore. I don’t want to be living in your shadow for the rest of my life.”
“You don’t live in anyone’s shadow.” His mind spun, desperate for a Band-Aid. Desperate for some way to wind back the past so he could un-fuck this situation. “We can fix—”
“No, we can’t. I thought it might work between us, but I was clearly deluding myself.” Her eyes glimmered. “I care about you, you know that. But this—” she waved her hand between them “—I’m not doing this anymore. I’m going out on my own and if you have even an ounce of respect for me, you’ll let me go.”
She’d drawn a line between them and he was screwed either way. If he tried to stop her now, it would prove that he didn’t see her as an equal. That he couldn’t put her needs before his own. But letting her go would be torture. The company wouldn’t be the same without her.
He wouldn’t be the same without her.
“I’m walking away now and I don’t want you to follow me.” She hitched her purse higher up on her shoulder.
“We should still have surveillance on you,” he said, swallowing against the lump in his throat. “I’ll assign someone else to you.”
“I’d appreciate that.” She squared her shoulders. It looked as though she might say something else, but instead she turned back toward their office and marched down the street.
Logan shut his eyes for a moment, fighting the urge to race after her. Acting on his emotions had brought him nothing but a world of pain. So, for once, he was going to let his head lead and if that meant he needed to watch her disappear, then so be it.
He pulled his cell from his pocket and dialed Owen’s number. “Hey, I need you to take care of something. Find Addi and stick by her all day, okay? I’ll fill you in later.”
He was going to fix this. No matter what it took, no matter what he had to sacrifice. He would make sure Addison knew what she meant to him.
* * *
ADDISON BOUNCED FROM one foot to the other, unsure of what to do. What to say. She’d been home for an hour with Owen. But it wasn’t like hanging out with Logan, where she could fully relax. Owen was still her employee. Sure, he was a friend, but right now she wanted to be alone with her thoughts. Alone to wallow in her misery.
“I can wait outside if you’d prefer,” Owen said from where he sat on her couch.
Compared to Logan he was all light—a white shirt, breezy surfer-blond hair and pale denim jeans that matched his eyes. He was funny, slightly irreverent, always at ease. Relaxed and calm.
Here’s the problem: you compare everyone to Logan. And still, even though he screws up at every turn, you think no other man could ever come close to him. Your comparison system is broken.
“No, it’s fine. I don’t want you scaring the neighbors.”
“Moi? Please.” He grinned and she could practically see the light reflecting off his perfect teeth. “I’m as harmless as a puppy.”
She snorted. “I’m sure you’d like people to believe that.”
“It’s true. Logan scares everyone enough that I don’t need to play the tough guy.” He patted the couch beside him. “Why don’t we sit and chat? You standing in the kitchen pretending to be busy is kind of weird. I know you’re not doing anything.”
A laugh bubbled up her throat. “No, I’m not.” She opened the fridge and relished the cool blast of air on her skin. “Want a beer?”
“Sorry, doll. I’m on the job. Wouldn’t want to disappoint my boss.”
Addison grabbed a drink for herself and twisted off the cap. “I’m sure Logan wouldn’t mind.”
“Firstly, yes he would. He’d kick my ass from here to Canada. Secondly, I was talking about you, Ms. Boss Lady.”
She brought the beer bottle up to her lips and tipped her head back. Getting drunk could be the answer—it’d sure helped her last time she’d had issues with Logan. She could drink until she fell down and decided to sleep on the floor.
Yeah, real mature. Dad would be so proud.
“You don’t take orders from me,” she muttered as she made her way to the couch.
Owen cocked his head. “Sure I
do. Nothing better than being bossed around by a gorgeous woman.”
“Don’t make me spank you.”
“Oh, I won’t. Not that I wouldn’t like to see those little chicken limbs trying to do some damage, mind you.” A wicked smile curved on his lips. “But I’ve known Logan long enough to fear his wrath.”
“He doesn’t own me.” She drew on her beer again, willing the frothy liquid to work its soothing magic.
“No, he doesn’t. But cares about you a lot, Addi.”
“He’s got a funny way of showing it.” She plonked her beer bottle down onto the coffee table with an aggressive clink. “He keeps secrets, he lies, he pushes me away the second anything starts to feel real.” She ticked the items off on her fingers. “And yet he thinks that I should be totally honest with him at all times. It’s a two-way street.”
Addison clamped her mouth shut when she realized that her voice had shot up to an octave high enough to call the neighborhood dogs to her front door. This wasn’t Owen’s problem, and she shouldn’t be dumping it all on him because he happened to be the unlucky sucker assigned to keep watch over her.
“I’m sorry,” she began, but Owen silenced her by holding up his hand.
“It’s fine.” He squeezed her shoulder. “Logan’s a difficult person sometimes. I wouldn’t have been able to put up with his control-freak ways over the years if it wasn’t for the fact that he’s one of the good guys. Everything he does is with the best intentions.”
“Intentions don’t count for shit if your actions don’t stack up,” she said with a frown. “If he got out of his own head a little more often, it might be easier to understand him.”
“Fair.” Owen nodded. “I’m not trying to say he’s perfect, because let’s be real, he’s far from it. But I am saying that you matter to him more than you could possibly understand.”
She stared straight ahead, fighting the urge to believe Owen. To let the anger leach out of her body. She couldn’t stop being angry, because then she might let herself fall for Logan—harder and faster than ever. Now was not a good time to have her heart broken. Again.
“He’d do anything for you,” Owen added.
“Anything except let me live my life.”
“Did you know that when your father died, he phoned every florist in the city to find that wreath of yellow roses for the funeral?”
Addison snapped her head toward Owen. “I thought Emily organized that.”
“Nope. He remembered that your dad bought you yellow roses every time you argued as a way of saying sorry. And even though there was a rose shortage around the time of the funeral, Logan wouldn’t rest until he got that goddamn wreath. He said your dad would have wanted to say sorry for leaving.”
Emotion rushed up the back of her throat and she had to choke down a sob. Tears pricked her eyes and she blinked furiously. “No, I didn’t know that.”
“And when you decided that caffeine was bad for you, Logan made sure we stocked decaf coffee in the kitchen as well as the regular stuff.”
“I’d forgotten about that.” Against her will, a smile crept across her lips. “I didn’t last long on decaf. That stuff is terrible.”
“He told me about a year ago that he screwed things up with you after your dad’s funeral.”
“He told you that?” She reached for her beer and sipped.
“Yeah, he got wasted one night after work. I think the stress of running the company without your dad had finally caught up to him and he went HAM. I got a call from the bartender to come pick him up because he couldn’t even stand. Puked his guts up on the side of the street and everything.”
“That’s unlike him.”
“Totally. He was slurring his words something crazy, said he loved you and that he’d ruined everything.”
“He said he loved me?” A lump lodged in her throat.
“Sure did, told me a good hundred times before I managed to get him home. I don’t think he even remembers me coming to get him that night.” Owen chuckled. “But seriously, Addi. I know he isn’t always great at expressing himself with words, but he’s got the feeling where it counts.”
“That’s very sage of you, Owen. I had no idea you were such a softy.”
“Don’t let it get around, okay?” He winked. “I’ve got a reputation to uphold.”
She threw her arm around his shoulder for a brotherly hug. “You sure do.”
“So you’re going to cut him some slack?”
“I honestly don’t know what to do. I feel like every time I get close to him the walls go up and I’m left standing in the cold.” Addison rested her head on Owen’s shoulder.
Early-evening light filtered into the apartment, catching the sleek glass bowl on her coffee table. Her apartment was like her—carefully presented, stylish. A little impersonal. Guarded.
You think you don’t push Logan away, too? You’re as scared and self-protecting as he is.
“I want to be in a relationship where I’m equal with my partner—not held up on some untouchable pedestal, but not seen as weak and unable to take care of myself, either.” She rubbed her temples with her fingers, trying to ease the tension there. Logan always seemed to get her tied up in knots...even after she’d decided to walk away.
You’re hooked on him and walking away won’t change that. He makes you feel too good to forget about him.
“And you believe Logan views you as weak?” Owen asked.
“Sometimes. He’s confusing as hell. On one hand, I’m this untouchable, perfect thing, and yet on the other he wants to make all my decisions for me.” She shook her head. “I’ve tried talking to him, but he’s so stubborn. I can’t be someone else’s puppet.”
“You’ll never be someone else’s puppet, Addi. You’re too smart for that.”
“I don’t think he means to do it, but I went through the same stuff with Dad. Goddamn overprotective men.” She huffed. “I want some space from that...just for a while. I need a little room to breathe before I figure out how to tackle Logan.”
“Then you won’t hear another peep out of me unless you want to talk about it.” Owen made a motion of zipping his mouth closed and throwing away the key.
“You’re going to make some girl very happy one day,” she said, finishing off her beer. “I’m certain of it.”
“Nah.” He shook his head, untamed blond hair falling about his eyes. “I don’t do relationships. Too messy.”
“You’re telling me,” she muttered, looking out the window as the sun dipped. “I’ve seen horror movies with less gore.”
* * *
THE FOLLOWING MORNING, Addison woke with a start. Her sleep had been restless and filled with disturbing dreams. It was as if all the dark thoughts she’d shoved to the corners of her mind had slunk out in the dead of night. Ready to haunt. Ready to terrorize.
She pushed back sweat-dampened hair from her face and let out a long breath. Owen’s words were still swirling in her head. Everything he’d said about Logan simmered in her mind, waiting for her to make a decision. The yellow roses had popped up in her dreams, the image of the buttery petals as vivid and real as if she’d been thrown back into the past. Her hand twitched, preparing to reach out and touch the flowers that had comforted her so much on the day she said her final goodbye. Even the memory of how they’d smelled—sweetly reassuring—was in the forefront of her thoughts.
He’d done that. He’d known her well enough to find the one thing that would give her peace on a day where pain was to be irrevocably tattooed onto her heart.
Regret coiled in her stomach like a snake. She’d blown up at him yesterday, perhaps more than was necessary. Sure, he’d done the wrong thing by keeping her out of the loop, but Owen was right. He might not be perfect, but so much of what he did was for her. Maybe they could find a balance between
protection and independence.
Addison would always live her own life, be her own person, and if Logan truly did care for her then they would make it work. She could be independent and in love at the same time, without compromising her values.
In love.
The words made butterflies flutter their wings low in her belly. Wasn’t love supposed to be sunshine and rainbows rather than passionate arguments? Wasn’t love supposed to be easy?
No. Her parents had been very much in love, but they’d argued over much the same things as her and Logan. Safety. Security. Fear. But her parents had loved with a ferocity and wholeheartedness that she’d inherited. That kind of love wasn’t easy; it wasn’t soft and gentle.
It was rough, jagged. It sat just under the skin.
Was she really in love with Logan? Her fingertips traced the embroidered flowers on her bedspread. Yellow roses.
Yes.
Her body sang with relief at the realization. “I do,” she whispered to herself in the quiet of the early morning. “I love him.”
But she still had to deal with the issue of her plans. Her business. Love didn’t mean giving up on her dreams; she could only hope that Logan would support her to go out on her own, trusting that she would come back to him and be his partner in another way. In a more significant way.
15
“WHERE ARE WE at with Michael Zetta?” Logan leaned back in his desk chair and arranged a mask of calm over his face.
If he’d learned one thing in his life, it was not to let his fear show. But he’d spent the night twisting and turning in his bed, until he’d woken up in a tangle of bedsheets with a pounding in his skull that was loud enough to wake the dead.
He hadn’t gone near Addison in two days, not since their fight, and it was killing him.
You would be near her now if you’d done the right thing and told her what was going on. You’ve dug this hole; time to bury yourself in it.
“We weren’t able to get eyes on Zetta at the coffee shop,” Aiden said, holding his hand up as Logan prepared to bark at him. “But we were able to find out where he worked after tracking him down on LinkedIn. He’s employed as an accountant at a small firm in the Financial District.”
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