by Ellen, Tracy
Anna waved a negligent hand. “Let’s see, you know Luke’s supplying the beer from that microbrewery in Chicago that he said is so great.” She rolled her eyes, “Guys and their beer.”
She went on with the list, but I tuned out after hearing my hunch confirmed; Luke had always planned on attending this poker party tonight.
‘Is that why he bothered coming back to the farm this weekend?’ demanded the mean mommy voice.
Feeling a glowing heat from the fiery sparkle of the diamonds and gems on my finger, I’d like to think this wasn’t true, but no wonder my Dark Prince laughed when I suggested lessons in multitasking. I was more curious at his instructions this afternoon when I left to meet Pam. Was Luke’s plan to have me waiting in his bedroom, stripped to only my stockings while he was off playing cards until late and I idly did scissor kicks on his lonely bed?
Thinking over the timing, I bet his plan was that I’d be back at the farm between two and three, we’d have some fun and games and then he’d go whistling off down the road to my brother’s.
‘Is that his idea of training?’ asked the sex kitten in a dubious, disappointed voice.
It looked that way, and his plan would have worked had he not been a Dissembler. I would have trotted happily back to the farm after my lunch, eager and willing to strip for my boyfriend. I’d probably be getting tied up in the secret basement, even as we speak, and left dangling from some meat hook while Genghis went riding off to strip poor, defenseless men of their Christmas savings.
‘Excuse me, but did you tell Luke about the plans with Jaz and Tre J tonight?’ timidly asked the accountant voice.
‘That’s not the same thing,’ argued the gruff detective voice.
I agreed it wasn’t the same thing at all. It’s not like I wanted to go ninja Diego’s ass tonight, I had no choice. Luke was choosing to leave me hanging at the farm without any advance warning of his plans.
Ann finished her list and laughed. “At least now I don’t blame you for having plans tonight with Jaz and Tre. You’d better warn Luke about that chili, though, and I’m not joking.”
I smiled faintly. “We’ll get going in a few minutes, but please listen to this app on my phone. I need you to translate and then I’ll explain after.”
Anna screamed and I jumped up. Whirling around, I reached for my gun. Not seeing anything I needed to shoot, I quickly glanced back. Anna had one hand over her mouth and the other was pointing at my right hand.
She yelled, “Oh my dear frickin’ God, where did you get that ring? Is that real?”
“Well, it’s not a mirage,” I retorted, sitting in relief while my heart fell out of my throat and back into place behind my breastbone. Oblivious to anything but the ring, she grabbed my hand for inspection. I explained grudgingly, “It’s an early birthday present from Luke.”
Anna looked closely at the brilliant sparkler happily showing off for her and glanced up, tears filling her round brown eyes. “It’s so beautiful!” She brushed off the tears while laughing. “Look at me! I cry now over everything, it’s the craziest thing. I told you it was so romantic that Luke wanted to kidnap you and now look at this!” She looked down again, and turning my hand, sighed loudly. “I just love it. Tell me how Luke gave it to you. I’m sure he did something awesome.” Her thin eyebrows met in a frown. “Are you sure it’s a birthday present? That’s a lot of big diamonds, Junior.”
I took my hand back and smiled at my goofy friend. “Oh, I’m sure, Anna.”
I know women and they were relentless when it comes to making other women tell about the romantic things their men do for them, and at reciting their baby birthing stories. I believe this was so they can compare your man to their man, and woe to the man that was lacking. The recital of baby birthing stories must be because misery loves company.
I groaned internally. “I promise to tell you how Luke gave me the ring, but not until everyone’s around because I’m not telling the story more than once.” I pointed to the phone. “Now we’ve got to get moving here, girlfriend, so please listen to that.”
“I can’t believe you! Are you sure you’re a girl?’ Anna griped. She gave me another dirty look and then played back the recorded Spanish conversation.
As she concentrated on listening and then played it a second time, I breathed a secret sigh of relief at what Anna was wearing; jeans, a brown sweater, running shoes, and her auburn hair pulled up in a knot.
It would seriously screw with my schedule if we had to stop at Anna’s house for her to change. No lie, she could take ten minutes to decide which one of two identical white T-shirts to wear. It should be interesting when she has to dress herself and a baby. I foresee a lot of pacing in my punctual brother’s future.
Watching Anna’s intent expression, I’m still amazed that she’s eleven weeks pregnant with the next poet laureate in the Axelrod family. She’s glowing with happiness, hormones, and health. She was relieved that it’s been four days since she last puked her guts out. I was profoundly happy this was so because she and Stella, at only six weeks along and proudly strutting around puke-free, have a mommy rivalry going on.
Anna hasn’t started showing yet, except for her breasts growing plumper. This also thrilled Anna to no end because she’s always despaired of her small cup size. She’s daydreamed for years of breast implants and shimmying her bountiful abundance in men’s faces. She was the one female in Northfield that was actually envious of my ex-cousin’s set of painfully ginormous, porn star, balloon breasts. I know this only because I was the lucky person Anna chose to be the recipient of this drunken confession. I could’ve happily lived a long time longer, say about a thousand years, without knowing that fun fact.
Anna passed the phone back to me and her gaze was full of speculation. “Okay, that was obviously Diego and some other woman, right?” At my nod, she continued, “It’s hard to hear really well, but I think they were arguing about something important located in Diego’s office or about something they did in his office.” She hesitated and then said slowly, “Whichever it is, Diego is not happy that it happened and the woman’s trying to convince him not to worry that anybody will find out. Jesus, does Mac know about this?”
“Sort of, and I’ll explain everything, but was there anything else?”
Anna bit her lip and responded, “Oh yeah, that last part where the woman said something in Spanish after you introduced yourself?”
“Yes?” I prompted.
“She told Diego not to worry because you don’t understand Spanish and,” Anna’s voice strangled over her laughter, “you’re obviously not too bright!”
I smiled calmly. “Good.”
Anna’s brows raised high under her long bangs. “How is some bimbo of Diego’s calling you stupid good?”
I jumped up and said, “Hopefully that smart cookie is not Diego’s bimbo. Come with me and I’ll fill you in while I grab a couple of things out of my closet.”
Anna followed, but exclaimed in disbelief, “Are you saying I didn’t pack something you need at Luke’s?”
Laughing, I assured her, “God, no! How could you know Pam would invite us out with her and Carter to some shindig tomorrow night? I want to wear that new dress I originally bought for over the holidays when we’re in Vegas.”
“The black strapless dress?” Anna asked, wistfully.
“Yeah,” I answered. Catching her wiping her eyes again, I laughingly asked, “Why are you crying now, Mama-Bride?”
“Luke is going to drool over you in that dress, Junior,” Anna answered on a sigh. She sat on the stool while I gathered what I needed. She sniffed and then sobbed out, “Strapless always says, ‘one little shimmy and these boobs are yours for the asking!’ and that flared bottom skirt says ‘with one little flick of the wrist you can do me now’.” Anna went stumbling into the attached bathroom and came back with a Kleenex. Blowing her noise with a loud honking noise, she said, “A man definitely wants to instantly bend you over in that kind of dress.”
/> Anna crying while she was analyzing the sexual merits of a dress and its psychological effects on the male population, just as we always did, was disconcerting to say the least.
“Hey, take it easy,” I murmured, patting her on the shoulder.
Tears started falling again and Anna bawled, “But what if I can never wear my skinny clothes again?”
“You’re still wearing your skinny clothes,” I pointed out logically, picking up the bag with my dress and ushering my wackadoodle friend back into the hall.
Blowing her nose a second time, Anna glared impatiently. “I know I am, but soon I’ll be wearing big shirts by Omar the damn Tentmaker!”
“This is probably true, but we’ll shop and they’ll be super cute tents.” Seeing her bottom lip quiver, I rushed to add, “Don’t stress about gaining weight. You are supposed to gain weight now, Anna love. It’s perfectly healthy and necessary for our baby girl. I think forty pounds is about the average amount of weight you’ll gain, and if we’re lucky, twenty of that will be in your enormously big breasts. You’ll be the most beautiful fertility goddess ever seen in the Western Hemisphere!”
Anna was grinning at that image and I hurriedly took advantage of the lull in the crying action to bring her up to date on Mac’s suspicions and the ninja action planned for this evening.
As we clomped down the stairs, she’d forgotten her angst over her skinny clothes and was peppering me with anxious questions about Mac and Diego’s marriage, most of which I couldn’t answer. We parted company in the lobby. She was loading up the jeep with the food for the poker party and I was going to the truck. We arranged to meet on Hwy 3 in Culver’s parking lot. I don’t think I was being watched or followed, but since I’m no expert, I don’t want anyone to see us leaving together.
I called after her, “Please don’t tell Reggie that you’re driving my jeep or going out with me tonight. We have to keep this mission on the down low.”
Anna shot me a wide grin and the okay sign. The way she felt about my brother tonight, she could probably happily lie to his face without flushing guiltily and repeatedly smiling on and off.
Ten minutes later, I was following Anna towards my brother’s house and Luke’s farm. I was glad for Luke’s foresight in giving me a key to the house, so that I could get in and change into my ninja clothes.
I called Jazy and asked if she and Tre would mind meeting Anna and I at eight in Faribault, instead of our previous arrangement of me coming to the Lazy j. Wildly curious what tonight was all about; Jazy said that wasn’t a problem, since Stella was picking Blanca up at seven for their sleepover. She suggested we meet in Aldi Food’s parking lot and they’d look for my jeep. Jaz wasn’t sure what car Tre J had borrowed for tonight because Tre wasn’t back at the ranch yet from her afternoon class. I thought it ironic that Jaz unknowingly suggested a grocery store parking lot, but agreed that would be a good place to hide the jeep in plain sight.
Driving behind Anna through the dark evening in the surprisingly light traffic on Hwy 3, the silence in the truck was building with my nervous anticipation. I’d been vacillating whether or not to call Luke and see what he said about his plans for tonight. Or, I could simply put off driving up to the farm until Anna texted me from Reg’s that Luke had arrived for the card game.
I decided to not call Luke or wait to go to the farm, but drive directly to Reggie’s with Anna. If fortune smiled my way tonight, we could drop off the food and Luke’s truck, and then leave before anyone arrived. Otherwise, I’ll wing it.
Traffic continued to be light and the roads were clear, so we both pulled into Reggie’s at 5:55 PM. I’d already called Anna and hinted that we’re on a very strict timetable. She said she’d run in and out with the sandwiches while I parked the truck, switched to the jeep, and moved it down my brother’s driveway out of the lights. I wanted to remain unseen from someone casually looking out from the porch.
Sometimes Anna wasn’t too shabby of a friend and this was one of them. True to her word, I think she threw the bags of food at my brother when he opened the door. She took off running into the dark night towards the jeep before he knew what hit him.
Pulling away while she was buckling up, I asked her if she’d noticed if Luke was there already.
Breathing heavy from her mad sprint, she nodded vigorously. “Yes, and he was coming towards the door when he saw me, so I turned and ran!” She wiped her brow. “Whew! That is one man who can frown like I’ve never seen before! What’s going on, Junior?”
Laughing, I took off onto the road and drove towards the farm. “Let’s just say that Luke and I are having an interesting day.”
The shrill alarm went off on my phone and Anna yelped in surprise. I laughed again and said, “Excuse me while I check in with Mr. Happy.”
Slowing down, so I didn’t roll the jeep, I texted: E
Turning into the lane to the farm, Anna asked excitedly, “Can you show me the inside of the man cave barn?”
My phone buzzed and I read Luke’s text: K. Where are you?
“Sorry, but the barn is locked and I only have a key to the house,” I replied absently, roaring up the driveway and thinking about what I wanted to answer in response to Luke’s thunderous demand.
“Ah, that sucks,” Anna muttered. “I’ve really wanted to see that barn. Reggie’s been over a few times and is so jealous.”
“Sometimes I forget Reggie knew Luke before me,” I murmured, looping around the circular driveway and parking the jeep.
Laughing like giddy high school girls, I snatched my bags and we ran to the back door. Entering into the back hall, I noticed Luke had courteously left on the overhead light. I switched on the kitchen light, too.
Anna was squealing over the cuteness of the kitchen and I smiled, handing her the paper bag of chips and salsa. “Have some of these if you‘d like. I have to run to the bedroom for a few minutes.” Waving to the counter area, I said, “The ginger cookies I told you about are on that plate under the foil. If there’s any left, help yourself. There’s stuff to drink in the refrigerator.”
Perking up, Anna said, “Sure, go on, don’t worry about me. I’ll look around in here.”
Continuing to flip on lights as I went, Luke’s house came alive. Anna’s squeals turned into moans of ecstasy back in the kitchen, a sure sign she’d hit pay dirt with the cookies.
I had my dress unzipped and was pulling it over my head by the time Luke’s bedroom door closed behind me. Throwing the dress, and the other two bags I brought, on top of the bench at the foot of the bed, I pulled off my boots next. Unsnapping the front closure of my bra, I flung the flimsy scrap of white lace onto one of the four posters of the big bed. Like a ring toss game, it caught and dangled by a thin strap.
I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror on Luke’s bathroom door. A woman looked back with long, disheveled blonde hair and sparkling blue eyes. She was wearing only sheer, lace tights and an EVILBEL smile.
I texted Luke my answer: I’m in your bedroom and missing you
Luke’s shouting return text was instantaneous: ETA 3 min. Do not move!
Sinking onto the white down comforter with a groan, I covered my face and started laughing.
That was not the answer I expected.
I think Anna was about to find out just how high on my toes Luke keeps me.
Chapter XVI
“Give It 2 U” by Robin Thicke ft. Kendrick Lamar
Friday 12/07/12
6:08 PM
The bedroom door opened and my war-god walked in, closing the door very softly behind him. That careful click was more effective than the thunder of any slamming door. Luke standing there with his hands on his hips, coolly observing me, only emphasized the loud silence.
The best defense is a good offense.
So I said, “You’re five minutes late.”
I don’t think Luke expected to see Anna munching on cookies in his kitchen, but tardy people are always full of excuses.
I’d used m
y extra minutes to first freshen up in Luke’s bathroom and then tried to figure out what to do with myself. I was wearing only the tights with a lacey pattern that’s open and sheer, not leaving much to the imagination. For all intents and purposes, I was essentially nude while waiting for my boyfriend--who’d lied to me today and then ditched me tonight. It was a moral dilemma. I didn’t know whether to drape myself seductively on the side of the bed or lean nonchalantly against one of the bed posters with a pillow in front of me.
‘My vote is for straddling the wall to be frisked!’ the sex kitten voice meowed. The detective voice enthusiastically endorsed this vote. The other voices all threw in their suggestions and I was a little taken aback when the mean mommy voice opted for twirling from the ceiling fan.
Falling backwards onto the cushy bed in groaning frustration, I lay staring up at the ceiling with my arms flung out and this was how Luke found me.
Unbuttoning his black shirt and not taking his glittering eyes off me, he murmured his answer to my tardy accusation, “So I am, and you look good enough to eat.”
Watching about one hundred beautiful muscles flex when he shrugged out of the shirt, I huffed, “Yes, you like your sacrificial lambs all spread out like a feast and waiting for you, don’t you?”
He cocked a black brow while his jeans came off. His eyes ran over me, stopping at my breasts. My nipples were already stiff from the chill of the room, but they grew almost painfully erect under his admiring gaze. “I’d say you’re more of a wildcat than a lamb, but I’m definitely appreciating the spread out and waiting.”
I stared at the male underwear ad walking towards me in gray briefs trimmed in black, and I swallowed hard at the sight. This was the real ad we didn’t get to see, unless the magazine screwed up and forgot to air spray out the man’s dangly bits circa the legend of “The Man on Page 602”
