by Mia Madison
He said nothing in return, but he watched me as I retreated to my bedroom. I tried hard to resist the urge, but I couldn’t stop myself from turning my head to look at him one more time. My heart pounded when I saw him standing frozen to the spot, staring at me with a naked look of longing that I was sure I mirrored back at him.
When I laid down in bed that night, I spent hours staring up at the ceiling, unable to fall asleep. I realized that—in my eyes, at least—we had gone past the point of no return. My feelings for him had grown and seeing the look on his face after I stood up for him had cemented them. I wanted him as more than just a protector. A lot more.
But what kept me awake was the uncertainty of how to go about getting what I wanted.
6
After the moment we shared in the hallway, we both held up our ends of the truce.
Since I was so hell-bent on making things right, Trent hadn’t had much need to point out any bitchy behavior. There were a few times when he made a snide comment when I started getting worked up over something silly, but I didn’t have the nerve to admit to him that those were hormone-related occurrences.
Not after the one time when he shifted around so uncomfortably when I had lingered a little too long for his liking while picking up sanitary pads. That hadn’t been a fun experience for either of us, so I made it a point to order them online the next time.
But since Trent insisted on checking my mail before I did, I was rewarded with his priceless expression when he opened the box to find a mega-size box of pads. The look on his face was so hilarious that I couldn’t even bring myself to be embarrassed.
He tried to hide his discomfort and joked, “Stocking up for winter?”
“Something like that,” I replied, grinning again at his expression.
Men were so easy to rile up.
It was that line of thinking that led me to subtly trying to push Trent a little harder. Not my wisest decision, but well worth the effect it had.
I started with a random shopping trip for clothes I suddenly “needed.” We had hit two department stores with him lingering in the aisle while I browsed through the bras until I finally accepted that the only way I was going to get a reaction was to demand participation.
So I lied and said that I couldn’t find my size and he dutifully followed me into my next stop—the only store in the mall entirely devoted to lingerie. The store was so small and crowded that the only way he could keep a close eye on me was to follow directly behind.
It worked like a charm. He tried so hard not to look, but I’d catch him glancing at me every now and then as I held up bras and lacy pairs of panties and I knew that I was getting to him. The way his jaw clenched and his eyebrows drew together in concentration were a testament to that. I didn’t dare try to sneak a peek at his jeans, too afraid that he’d catch me doing so and wise up to the game.
But despite my best efforts and though I was certain that he wanted me like I wanted him—at least on a physical level—nothing became of my attempts to push him. Trent remained unreachable in almost every sense of the word. It was disheartening, but not enough to make me give up hope just yet.
“I want to go out,” I announced after coming out of my bedroom one evening and finding him in his usual spot.
He groaned, flipping his book shut with force and looking up at me with dreadful resignation.
“Where to now?”
I shrugged. I really didn’t care where we went, I was just sick of being alone in my room, unable to think about anything other than the fact that he was sitting right outside my door.
“I don’t care. You pick.”
That seemed to surprise him. He gave me a questioning look before his eyes narrowed suspiciously as he asked, “What’s going on?”
“I’m bored. Since you seem to hate every place I like to go, I’m curious to see what kind of place you consider a good time.”
“Strip club it is,” he declared as he stood and waggled his eyebrows at me.
“Eww.” I scrunched up my nose as he laughed heartily. “Never mind. I’ll just stay here and be bored.”
“I was kidding, Ava.” He sat his book gently on the chair before heading to the bedroom door adjacent to mine. “Grab a jacket.”
I gave him a quizzical look, but he had turned away before he saw it. With a shrug, I went into my bedroom and grabbed my favorite jacket, pulling it on over my shirt and zipping it up before meeting him back in the hall.
I managed to stay quiet until right after I buckled my seatbelt, which was when I turned to him and asked, “So where are we going?”
“You’ll see.”
I wanted to protest, but I loved surprises. Plus the anticipation made discovering his choice that much more exciting.
It didn’t take a genius to see the disappointment on my face when he pulled into the parking lot of a fast food restaurant.
“Relax. This isn’t the final destination,” he reassured me as he pulled the car into the drive-through line and ordered us both a milkshake.
I smiled when he handed me the strawberry shake, sipping it while his was placed in the drink holder and he started the drive to wherever we were going. When we passed by the lights that lined the streets in town and the road descended into darkness, I started to get a little worried.
“Trent? Where are we going?”
“You said to take you somewhere I like. My first thought was this bar I hang out at near my apartment, but I’m pretty sure your father would have my head if I took you out drinking.”
“A bar? I can’t picture that.”
Trent snorted. “Probably because you’re trying to imagine me in a club—not a biker bar.”
Yes, that mental image made a lot more sense than the one I had come up with. Not that I had ever been to a biker bar before but if it was anything like what I’d seen in movies, I supposed Trent would fit right in.
“So... you just go to drink? That’s your idea of fun?”
“I go to hang out. Have a beer, throw a few darts, break up a couple of bar fights. You know—just shooting the shit.”
“Are you sure you don’t mean start bar fights?” I joked, gesturing to his face. “I doubt you gave yourself those scars.”
His hand absentmindedly reached up to touch his cheek and there was a pang in my chest, a sense of guilt even though I wasn’t sure why. When he spoke again, I understood where it came from.
“These are from my time in service,” he said with a mixture of pride and sadness. “Marines, to be specific.”
“How long were you a—”
“Am,” he cut in, his voice thick with irritation. “Once a Marine, always a Marine.”
“Sorry. I didn’t mean to offend you.”
“I know, it’s all right. I served for twelve years. When the time came to sign back up, it just... didn’t feel right anymore. So I retired and came home. Did a lot of drinking and screwing around, but I eventually got bored with bullshitting and started working as a bodyguard. Been doing this for almost a decade now.”
“How old are you?” I asked, trying and failing to add up the math in my head. I had never thought to ask, but I had always assumed that he was in his mid-thirties.
“Just turned forty-one.”
Damn. It was no wonder he hadn’t taken any of the bait I laid out. He was twice my age—or at least very close to it.
“We’re almost there,” he said, causing my attention to snap back to our surroundings. I looked out the window, but couldn’t figure out where we were going. Everything was pitch-black even with the soft light the moon cast. He eventually flipped on the turn signal before pulling the car onto a gravel pull-off spot and I looked around curiously before turning to him.
“I know it’s not as entertaining as shopping,” he said with a dramatic eye roll. “But I like to take my bike up here sometimes and walk out to the park just up ahead. It’s... nice. I like the quiet.”
He gestured out the windshield where the headlights were
illuminating the entrance of a footpath. I tried to give him a nervous look—outdoorsy stuff really wasn’t my thing—but Trent was already getting out of the car.
“Wait, wait,” I said as I followed suit. “I’m not exactly a hiking kind of girl.”
Trent snorted. “No shit. But it’s a very short walk—not a hike. Come on.”
I slammed the door shut and listened as the doors locked before rushing over to where Trent was walking ahead.
“But-But it’s dark,” I said pitifully, knowing I was fighting a losing battle when he turned back to smirk at me.
“You scared?”
“I didn’t say that. I just meant—”
“Come here,” he commanded, his expression softening.
It must have shown on my face that, yes—I was afraid of the dark. But I didn’t mind it so much when he reached for my hand and held it in his own as he led me into the woods. In fact, my wild heartbeat wasn’t from fear at all.
At least until the sound of something skittering through the woods nearby scared the ever-living crap out of me. I shrieked and ran face-first into Trent’s back—clutching onto him in terror.
“What the hell was that?”
“Probably a deer.”
“What if it wasn’t? What if it was a-a serial killer or a rapist or a bear?”
“Then it’s a good thing you have your bodyguard with you,” he said with a combination of amusement and annoyance. “Do I have to carry you through the damn woods?”
That sounded rather delightful. As it was, I was really enjoying the scent of him pressed so close to my nose as well as the feel of his solid back against my front.
Before I could bring myself to pull away, Trent was crouching down as he said, “Hop on.”
“What?”
“You heard me. Hop on.”
I swallowed hard, knowing that he only meant to give me a piggy-back ride, but my mind was summoning some rather dirty images of other instances where he might make the same instruction. Thankful that he wasn’t able to see my blush, I did as instructed, wrapping my arms around his neck and resting my cheek against the back of his head.
He grunted as he stood up straight, his large hands gripping my legs tightly just above my knee. I smiled at the feel of his hands on me, though I wished it was more intimate in nature.
Apparently my body didn’t give a flying fuck how old he was. But it was a bit of a surprise to realize that my mind really didn’t care either.
The walk was a little longer than he let on, but I couldn’t say that I minded. I cherished being able to hold onto him while I could. After a few minutes of walking, I noticed that there was absolutely no change in his stride.
“Either I’m really light or you’re really strong,” I said with a breathless chuckle.
“Bit of both,” he easily replied, his tone bordering on smug.
“Okay, Superman. No need to get cocky.”
“I can back it up.”
I rolled my eyes because I could just picture the smirk on his face even though I couldn’t see it. I got excited when I looked ahead and could see the moonlight once again, the park he mentioned coming into view. He stopped to let me slide down before reaching for my hand again and leading me out.
It wasn’t much of a park—just a few picnic tables and benches—but I could see why he liked it. We had climbed a hill at some point during the drive—one that was apparently a high enough altitude to get an incredible view of the lights of our small town.
“The city’s in the other direction. There’s a park on the other side for that view, but it’s usually pretty crowded. I like this spot better. It’s slow during the day and deserted at night.”
“It’s nice. You come here often?”
He shrugged. “I guess so, yeah. When I’m not on a job, that is.”
I nodded slowly, turning around to see him gesturing at a picnic table. I sat demurely on the bench seat, rolling my eyes when he used it as a step to sit up on the table itself. When he gave me a mocking smile, I followed suit and climbed up beside him.
We sat quietly for a long time, just looking out at the lights of town and the surrounding areas and I understood why he made it a point to come here often. The feeling of peace that washed over me was unmistakably due to the location.
Well, maybe a combination of that and Trent. Regardless of how I once felt about him, there was never a time when he didn’t make me feel safe.
“You know, I wouldn’t object to coming here more often,” I said, smiling shyly when he turned and raised his eyebrows. “I-I mean while you’re on the job. We could come here and read or something. Get away from the house.”
“That place makes you crazy, doesn’t it?”
I nodded, looking down at my hands and pretending to inspect my nails as I whispered, “I want to leave, but I don’t know where to go.”
“I’m surprised you’re not in school. Your folks seem like the kind of people to send you to some expensive college you don’t even want to go to just to have something to brag about to their friends.”
“They tried. My dad wanted me to follow in his footsteps and go to Harvard, but I’d make a terrible lawyer.”
“What about your mom?”
I rolled my eyes. “Mom kept her opinion to herself for once. She doesn’t care what I do for a career—or if I even have one at all—as long as I marry someone she finds suitable.”
Trent let out a snort. “By suitable you mean—”
“Rich? Yeah. And preferably with a career she considers worthy. Doctor, lawyer, politician—anything along those lines. She doesn’t care which.”
“You poor thing,” Trent said with a long sigh. I frowned at him as he leaned back on the table, bracing himself on his elbows. “You’ll never know the pain of making a hundred mistakes and the joy that comes when you finally get something right. At least not if you keep following their lead.”
A part of me wanted to tell him that I had already figured that out on my own, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. Not when we were speaking so openly—when he seemed so at ease. I didn’t want to screw it up by sounding ungrateful.
Instead I asked, “What would you do? If you were in my place.”
He pushed himself back up, staring silently at the side of my head while I continued the inspection of my nails. Eventually, he let out a sound of frustration and reached up, gripping my chin gently and forcing me to face him.
“Find a way out,” he whispered. “Do it before the claws are so deep in you that you can’t look in the mirror without seeing your mother looking back.”
It was a low blow, but there was truth in it. More than I liked.
“And what if I can’t?”
“You can. You haven’t turned into her yet and you don’t have to. When all this shit with Callahan is over—just go. Anywhere you want.”
“Anywhere?”
Trent smiled and nodded. “Anywhere. You can do whatever you want, Ava. You’re a smart girl. I’m sure you could be resourceful as hell if you had a reason to try.”
What he was saying rang true, but my mind had drifted off as I watched his lips forming the words. The truth of it was—every scenario my mind conjured up all ended the same way.
Me leaving home… to be with him.
Feeling encouraged by his words—and with a bravery I didn’t even know I possessed—I leaned in and pressed my lips to his. I felt his startled gasp against my lips and let my eyes open just enough to see his frozen on me in shock.
I started to pull away—mentally preparing myself to apologize—but his hand wove into my hair and before I even registered my own surprise, his lips were dominating mine, causing a long moan that I didn’t even recognize as my own voice until he groaned in response.
Kissing Trent—or to be more accurate, Trent kissing me—was perfection. There wasn’t a better way to phrase it. We both poured everything into the kiss—the months of desperate longing and the fire I had stoked by teasing him at t
he lingerie store—and it was only a matter of moments before I felt him pulling at my hips and shifting around until I was positioned on his lap, his hands running greedily up my sides.
We broke to catch our breaths and his lips went right to my neck—kissing and biting up and down the column while I moaned in response. My body felt like it was on fire in every place we touched.
I leaned down until my lips were against the shell of his ear and whispered, “I need you.”
He froze and I immediately realized my mistake. The spell had been broken by my voice and despite how much he wanted me—the reality of who I was and what he was to me was too much for him to handle.
Trent might not have been a gentleman, but he clearly had a sense of honor. I watched his throat bob as he looked up at me with wide eyes for a few moments while be both panted raggedly.
When he finally broke eye contact, he nudged at my hip and huskily said, “We should be getting back. It’s late.”
I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want to argue, but Trent looked completely stricken. I didn’t have the heart to push him while he was so obviously torn up about what had transpired between us, so I swallowed around the lump in my throat and nodded.
He seemed relieved, but said nothing as he turned to offer me another piggy-back ride. I accepted it, holding him tightly on the walk back to the car, knowing that it might have very well been the last time I got a chance to be so close.
With that thought in mind, I gently pressed my nose against the back of his neck and inhaled his scent, closing my eyes when I heard his soft, sad sigh.
7
Much as I was sure he wanted to, Trent couldn’t avoid me. Considering it was his job to follow me around, the two of us were pretty much stuck together, awkward or not.
Which it definitely was.
We made a silent agreement during the drive home that night not to talk about it again, but I couldn’t stop my mind from replaying the event every time I looked at him. Sometimes, I’d catch him staring at me with darkened eyes and I took solace in the fact that I clearly wasn’t suffering alone.
