Holden almost wanted to laugh. Nick might be strong, and have dragon blood in him, but he was still a child. And children could be so oblivious to the worries of the adult world.
Elise wiped away the last few tears from her eyes and smiled at him. “Of course we were worried. We love you. But I accept your apology. Don’t think this means you won’t be punished, though. No video games for a week, young man. And that’s letting you off easy, considering what you did today.”
Nick opened his mouth for a moment as though to protest, but he quickly shut it again. He nodded in acceptance, although he did let a long, sad sigh escape his lips. His mother reached over to hug him, then, and Holden sat awkwardly across the table from them, feeling like he was intruding on a very intimate moment. He wondered if Elise even remembered he was there at this point, but he got his answer a few moments later. She glanced at him over Nick’s shoulder, and mouthed the words, “We’ll talk later.”
Holden didn’t know whether to be excited or afraid of what that conversation would bring.
Chapter Thirteen
Elise gently nudged Nick, who was fast asleep on the couch, snoring slightly as his chest rose and fell.
“Nick,” she said. He didn’t move so she tried again, louder. “Nick!”
He grunted, and rolled over, but never opened his eyes.
Elise stood up straight and looked helplessly over at Holden. “I swear to god, he sleeps like the dead.”
Elise saw Holden glance up from the kitchen, where he was rinsing off their dinner plates. Her heart did a happy little flip-flop at the sight of him. A man who did dishes? What more could any girl ask for? Perhaps a man who didn’t entice her son into life-threatening situations, Elise thought wryly.
“I’ll get him,” Holden said, turning off the water and wiping his soapy hands on a nearby dish towel. Elise watched him cross the small apartment in a few giant strides, and then effortlessly scoop up her son in his arms. Nick was big for a boy of twelve, but Holden lifted him as easily as if he were lifting a feather pillow. Elise followed Holden into Nick’s bedroom, where he laid the boy down gently on the bed and pulled the comforter up over him. Elise bent down to kiss Nick’s forehead, but Nick did not so much as grunt again. Holden laughed.
“He really is dead to the world,” he said. “I’ve never seen anyone sleep through being carried across a whole apartment.”
Elise laughed. “You’ve never seen an almost-teenager sleeping, then.”
“Fair enough,” Holden said. Their eyes met over the top of Nick’s sleeping body, and Elise felt suddenly shy. In some ways, Holden knew her more intimately than anyone else in the world right now. And in other ways, he felt like a stranger. Who was this man, this wild dragon shifter, who had swooped into her life and stolen her heart despite her determination not to fall in love until Nick had grown and moved away? Elise felt her heart pounding in her chest at the intensity of Holden’s gaze, and she was the first to look away.
“We should let him rest,” she said. “He’s had a long day.”
“As we all have,” Holden said. Elise glanced back at him and noticed for the first time how tired his eyes looked. She realized with a start that he’d spent the day worried sick, just like her. Perhaps that should have been obvious, but she’d been so consumed with her own worry and anger that she’d never considered the fact that Holden cared about her son’s wellbeing, too. The thought made her heart do another strange flip-flop in her chest, and she looked away quickly.
What more could she ask for than a man who does dishes, she thought, repeating the joke of a question she’d asked herself earlier. Only this time, she answered it sincerely. A man who fights for what is right and good in the world. A man who protects those weaker than him. A man who is strong and handsome, and whose green eyes remind her of emerald jewels. A man who loves Nick as though he were his own son, even if he doesn’t always understand how to navigate the confusing ways of a preteen. A man who makes her laugh. A man who turns her on in bed. A man who is friendly and kind.
A man like Holden.
Elise’s heart was pounding so violently now that she felt certain Holden must hear it. But when she turned to look at him, he gave no indication that he did. Instead, he followed her out of Nick’s bedroom, and then stood uncertainly in the middle of the living room, running his fingers through his hair.
“I should go,” he said, but it sounded more like a question than a statement.
Elise didn’t reply right away. She looked at him, long and hard, trying to decide in that moment whether she was going to stick to her no-romance policy. Her mind screamed at her to be rational, but the pounding of her heartbeat was doing a pretty good job of drowning out that sound. He was the one who finally broke the silence.
“I’m really sorry, again, for whatever part I played in Nick taking off today.”
Elise had been so angry at Holden earlier, but now, with her son sleeping safely in his bed, she was finding it hard to stir up any feelings of outrage toward Holden. Instead, she let out a long sigh. It felt like her thousandth sigh of the day, and perhaps it was.
“There’s so much about dragons I don’t understand,” she said, as though that explained everything she was feeling. Maybe it did.
“I can help you understand, Elise,” Holden said, his voice husky. “I can help Nick understand. I’m not perfect and I make mistakes, but I care deeply for you, and for your son. I don’t say that lightly, either. I’ve avoided falling in love for so long because I didn’t want to love someone and lose them. But I realized today that it’s too late for me to avoid falling in love with you. When Nick was gone, I was terrified. The thought of losing him took my breath away. The thought of causing you pain, or losing you, makes my heart feel like it’s twisting up inside of me.”
Elise felt a thrill in her core at the sound of his words, then felt guilty. Was she really doing right by her son if she let Holden stay in their lives? Nick needed guidance on being a dragon, that was true. Holden could give him that, but Holden would also encourage Nick to take risks, to be wild. Could Elise handle that? She knew that deep down her son had an adventurer’s heart, but how much should it be encouraged?
“I told myself I wasn’t going to love another man until Nick was older, at least,” Elise said, her voice shaking slightly as she forced herself to meet Holden’s eyes. “I’ve messed up so many things in my life already, and my mistakes have caused a lot of pain for Nick. I don’t want to see him get excited about having a father figure, only to lose that father because a romance didn’t work out.”
Holden looked at Elise with those emerald eyes of his, and she felt like he was looking right through her. She felt her hands trembling, but she wasn’t sure exactly what emotion was causing it. Fear? Excitement? Anticipation?
“That’s the only reason you have not to be with me?” Holden asked. “You’re afraid I’m going to leave you and break Nick’s heart?”
“It’s a pretty significant reason, don’t you think?” Elise asked.
Holden crossed the space between them and took Elise’s face in his hands, tilting her head upward so that she was looking directly at him.
“I am not letting go of you, do you hear me?” he said. “Never. I don’t care what you do or say, or what obstacles lie between us. I’m never letting go. I will always love you.”
Elise’s heart did another flip-flop at the word “love.” Her face was on fire where Holden was touching it, and she found it hard to breathe. Did he mean it? Did he really love her?
“How can you say that?” she managed to ask. “How can you say you love me? You barely know me.”
Holden’s eyes started to swirl as he looked down at her. She could see the primal, animal instinct taking over. He wanted her, he craved her, he needed her. But was it true that he loved her? Could he really know that for sure? Elise herself felt like she loved him, but she thought she was being foolish and letting her emotions get away with her. How could two people who�
��d met less than a week ago truly be in love?
“In some ways, it’s true that I barely know you,” Holden said. His voice was deep, gravelly, and hungry. “But in other ways, I’ve known you my whole life.”
Elise raised an eyebrow, confused. She waited for Holden to explain.
“You see, Elise, shifters believe in lifemates. You’ve probably never heard the term before?”
Elise shook her head no. She hadn’t.
Holden nodded. “The best comparison I could make is that lifemates are sort of like soulmates. But even that comparison falls short. Lifemates are destined to be together from the moment they are born. We shifters believe that fate works your whole life to make sure that you and your lifemate cross paths. Sometimes that’s easy. For example, a lot of people grow up in the same town as their lifemates. But sometimes, it’s not so easy, and I guess that’s how it was with you and me. It’s quite a unique set of circumstances that brought us together, don’t you think?”
Elise blinked. “You think we’re lifemates?” she asked.
“Yes,” Holden said without hesitation. “I know we are. You see, when you find your lifemate and make love to them, a bond is formed. The lifemate bond. It’s unmistakable, and unbreakable. I felt it forming when we made love. It manifests itself physically as a hot sensation in your core, but it’s more than just a physical feeling. It’s a knowing, deep down, that you love that person and that they mean more to you than anyone else ever has.”
Elise could not speak. She was floored by Holden’s words, because she’d felt exactly that when they slept together. She’d been surprised by the warmth in her core after they’d made love, and by the feeling of home. That’s what it had felt like to her—being home. She’d felt, for perhaps the first time in her life, that she loved a man. She’d cared deeply for Nick’s father at one time, sure. But it had been different. There had never been a feeling that she couldn’t live without him. Ever since she’d slept with Holden, though, she’d had this thought that she’d never be able to live without him. She’d struggled to push away the feeling, all in the name of doing what was best for Nick. But what if being with Holden was what was best for Nick? Elise had never felt so confused in her entire life, and yet, at the same time, she had never felt so sure that her heart had been completely captured.
“I…I felt something similar,” she finally said. “But I don’t know if I can ever truly love someone. I have my son to think about, you know? I have to protect him, and…and…”
“And you’re worried I’m going to leave you, and leave him,” Holden finished for her.
She looked up at him with tears in her eyes. Her nod was barely perceptible, but she knew he saw it. He pulled her gently into his arms, and kissed the top of her head lightly. She breathed in his woodsy smell, and wondered how he managed to still smell like the forest in the middle of this godforsaken desert town.
“I won’t tell you not to worry, or not to be afraid,” he said, his voice somewhat muffled by her hair. “God knows I have fears of my own. I think it’s impossible to love without also feeling fear. I’m terrified of losing you, of something hurting you. I tried to resist falling in love for so long because of that, but I couldn’t help falling in love with you. You’re worth the pain, the fear that goes hand in hand with loving. I think that, every now and then in life, you find something that’s so wonderful that it’s worth embracing, despite the haunting ‘what-ifs’ that accompany it. I decided that you were one of those things, Elise. And I hope you’ll decide for yourself that I’m worth the worry, and worth the fear. I promise you, I will never leave you or Nick. You’ll have to decide for yourself whether my words are enough of a guarantee for you. I can tell you all day long that you can trust me, but, at the end of it all, you’ll have to take my word for it. That’s a decision only you can make.”
Elise frowned, and bit her lip. What Holden said was true. Any time she’d ever loved someone, she’d felt a bit of fear along with that love. He’d given her his word that he wouldn’t leave her, but still she felt afraid. She had to decide whether that fear, that risk, was worth the joy of being with Holden.
She let herself debate the matter for a few moments, but she knew in her heart that she had already made her decision. She would trust Holden, because she did love him, and she couldn’t imagine a future without him. He was a good man, and a loyal dragon. He was exactly what she needed in her life. She’d been alone for so long, and she’d managed. She’d worked hard, and provided for Nick all on her own. What did she have left to prove? She was strong, but she was lonely. It was time to listen to her heart for once.
And her heart was pounding in her chest right now, telling her that she belonged with Holden Pars. She tilted her head upward once more, and felt a rush of happiness when Holden’s green eyes met her own.
“Okay,” she said. “I trust you. But if we’re going to make this work, you come to me first from now on when you have ideas that put my son in mortal danger. Don’t give him any more fuel for his wild side. He has enough as it is.”
Holden grinned. “Fair enough,” he said. “I’m just glad you didn’t chop my head off today when he was missing.”
“Oh, I thought about it,” Elise said, putting her hands on her hips in a gesture of indignation. And it was true. She had. She’d been so angry at him earlier, but her anger had faded with the realization that her son was safe, and that Holden couldn’t be truly held responsible for Nick’s actions. Nick had dragon blood in him, and he would find ways to be reckless whether or not Holden put crazy ideas in his head. Elise realized that now, and she also realized that if she tried to put Nick in a bubble, she was going to lose her son’s respect. She had to let him live. Maybe she didn’t have to let him walk straight into enemy territory, but she had to allow him to take some calculated risks. He would be eighteen before she knew it, after all. The last thing she wanted was for him to rebel and go crazy as soon as he was out from under her roof. No, she needed to start allowing him more freedom now. She needed to let him learn to manage his wild side, while she was still around to guide him and help him. And while Holden was here to guide him and help him.
Elise’s heart leapt at the realization that, just like that, she and Nick were no longer alone. Holden was here. Holden loved her, and had promised to protect her and her son. Elise let her hands drop to her side, losing the look of feigned indignation and smiling at Holden.
“I guess I’m glad I didn’t chop off your head,” she said. “After all, it’s quite cute.”
Holden laughed. “Why thank you. I’m not sure how I feel about being ‘cute.’ I’d prefer ‘sexy’ or ‘dashingly handsome.’ But if ‘cute’ is what kept me from losing my head, I guess I’ll take it.”
Elise laughed, and felt a flutter of excitement between her legs as Holden pulled her body tight against his. She could already feel his erection, stiff and eager as it pressed against her body through their clothes.
“Besides,” Holden said, his voice dropping to a low, husky tone. “If you’d chopped off my head, I wouldn’t have been able to do this.”
And then, his lips were on hers. They were warm, and tasted faintly of pineapple thanks to the Hawaiian pizza they’d all shared for dinner. Elise felt the feeling of excitement between her legs growing. She was growing warm, and wet. And she was beginning to freak out about the fact that she was making out with Holden in the middle of her living room, with only one thin bedroom door separating them from Nick.
“Holden,” she gasped, pulling away. “Nicky! He’ll hear us.”
Holden threw back his head and laughed. “Half an hour ago you were telling me that preteens sleep like the dead.”
“Well they do,” Elise said reluctantly. “But on the off chance he wakes up…”
“Come on, then,” Holden said, and scooped her up into his arms in one smooth movement. “I don’t want you focused on anything except me. Let’s get you safely behind your own closed door.”
H
olden carried her into her bedroom, dropping her on the bed in much the same way he had the night before. Elise could hardly believe that it had only been about twenty-four hours since she and Holden had first been together in this room, making love. This day had felt like it stretched on for weeks. Perhaps that’s why it didn’t seem so strange to her that Holden could say he loved her, and that she felt as though she loved him. It seemed they had already lived quite a bit of life together, despite the short time they’d known each other. According to Holden, in fact, they’d known deep down that they were destined for each other before they’d even met.
Lifemates, Elise thought, letting the word roll around in her mind as she watched Holden stripping his shirt off. It was a beautiful word, with a beautiful meaning. She’d always rolled her eyes when someone talked about finding their soulmate, but she had to admit that, now that she’d found Holden, she understood a little bit better what it was like to feel like fate had brought two people together.
Holden had taken off his pants now, too, leaving him wearing nothing except his tight black briefs. Elise’s breath caught in her throat as she looked over at him from her spot on the bed. His body was a wonder to behold. His erection was large and stiff, its outline plainly visible beneath the fabric of his briefs. His tanned skin seemed to accentuate the outline of his sculpted muscles, and Elise thought for perhaps the hundredth time that she’d never seen anyone as strong as Holden. He was smiling as she watched him from her vantage point on the bed. She’d propped herself up on her elbow, waiting for him to undress. He didn’t remove his underwear yet, though. Instead, he slid onto the bed next to her and pulled her close to him. His arms were warm and steady around her, like anchors in the chaos that was her life. She marveled that someone could be so strong and tender all at the same time, and then let out a little sigh of happiness.
She felt his breath, hot against her neck. Somewhat ironically, the heat of it sent shivers up her spine. He must have felt her shudder, because he pulled her even closer and kissed the top of her head. Elise could feel his erection against her as their bodies pressed against each other, and a wave of pure, primal passion flooded through her. She felt as though she’d been over-thinking everything for the last half hour or so. She’d debated in her mind whether she could possibly love Holden, and whether he was worth the risk of loving. She’d wondered if lifemates could truly exist, and whether Holden was hers. She’d fretted and worried and tried to fit everything into a logical, sensible pattern. But now, all of her rational thoughts were fading away. Her physical body was taking over, fueled by a deep, primal need. The moisture between her legs was growing, and she felt a happy, familiar fluttering in her belly.
Stealth and the Dragon (Redwood Dragons Book 7) Page 14
