I let out a sigh and turned in the other direction toward the street to hail a cab.
“Where to, miss?” the cab driver asked.
“Central Park,” I stated as my heart started to beat faster in my chest.
I was nervous. I didn’t know what to expect. I didn’t even know if he’d still be there, but I had to go. I could’ve been making the worst decision of my life going to see him, but if I didn’t? I’d always wonder what could have happened.
I needed to know what this was between us. And there was only one way to find out.
Six
Mason
I’d walked around the fountain twelve times and she still hadn’t shown up. I wasn’t upset. I was frustrated with myself.
I debated on whether or not I should have even texted her. After getting off the phone with Victor and scheduling an appointment to see him on Friday, I went upstairs to my gym and ran out all the thoughts that flowed through my mind.
A part of me wanted to get dressed and go on the prowl. Do what I normally did. It was who I was, all that I was used to. This new person working his way out was a stranger to me, and I didn’t fucking like it. But the thought of picking someone up and bringing them to my condo wasn’t appealing to me. I didn’t want just anyone. Tony’s words kept repeating in my head. That one’s something special. He was right, and without a second thought, I went into my student files and pulled out Emma’s number. I had stared at the phone for at least twenty minutes before I finally sent her the text to meet me at the fountain.
I knew there was a chance she wouldn’t show up, especially with the way things went after class. I didn’t expect her to be so assertive, but that was one of the things that attracted me to her. I loved her feistiness. She was honest and beautiful, and I was a scarred, fucked-up asshole. I should do what I’d vowed to do. I should stay away from her. But I couldn’t.
I needed her.
A light breeze blew around me, and I stopped and looked up at the sky. It was hard to see the stars in the city, but in Central Park, it was an amazing view. The stars were faint in the sky, but they were still there.
“It’s beautiful out here.”
Her voice took me by surprise and I snapped my head down to meet her smiling face, offering her a smile of my own.
“You came,” I stated, turning to her with my hands in my pockets.
“Yes. I came.” She clasped her hands in front of her and diverted her gaze to look up at the sky. “I’ve always loved coming out here. It makes me miss home.”
I looked at her as she stared up at the sky. It amazed me how at ease she appeared to be when she was around me. She was shy, but always seemed to get past it and open up. It made me wonder, if she knew exactly what type of man I was, would she still feel at ease around me? She knew about my scars, but that was only half of it.
“Do you plan on going back home for your break?”
She turned to me and shook her head. “I’ll be here with Melanie. I plan on visiting in the summer, though.”
We were quiet as we looked each other over. I was still shocked to see her standing in front of me. Deep down, I didn’t expect her to show up and for the first time in my life, I was nervous. I had no idea what I was doing.
“So,” she said as she averted her eyes and started to walk, but then abruptly stopped. “Why did you ask me to meet you here?”
I smirked at her forwardness.
“I needed to see you.” It was an instant reply, one I didn’t have to think about.
“You needed to see me?” Shaking her head, she crossed her arms over her chest and glanced down at her feet. She was quiet for a moment before she finally looked back up at me. “I don’t understand what’s going on between us, Mason. You’re hot one minute then cold the next. You either want me to bend to your every command or you want me to go away.”
She shook her head again, and I could see the frustration on her face. “I don’t want to play games. I don’t have time for games and you don’t seem like the kind of man who plays them, but yet, here you are. So tell me. Why did you want me to meet you?”
This was something I’d never had to deal with, a woman asking questions. I usually moved on to the next. I didn’t have to explain myself. I did what I did because I wanted to. It was the way I lived my life. The way I’ve done it for years and for the first time, I didn’t know what the fuck to say. Do I tell her that just seeing her face calms me? Do I tell her just being near her makes me feel like a different man? Do I tell her she makes me want to change? No, I could never tell her that.
I didn’t know how to open myself up to someone else. I didn’t know how to let my mask fall.
I turned and started walking around the fountain again, trying to figure out what to say to make her understand. The only thing I could tell her was the truth, or rather, part of it.
I looked to the side to see her walking beside me, and a small smile lifted onto my lips.
“You are right. I’m not the type of man who plays games,” I stated as I kept my gaze straight ahead. “I take what I want then move on to the next.” We continued to walk slowly around the fountain and she kept quiet, waiting for me to continue. “But with you, it’s different. With you, I want more.” I stopped and turned to her to see her brows furrowed. “This is unexplored territory for me, and I’m not exactly sure what to say.” I chuckled at my nonsense, of how stupid I really must sound. I shook my head. “I’m not even making any sense.”
“Yes,” she blurted. “You are. But that still doesn’t explain to me what exactly you’re after. What is it you want from me? I just got out of a three-year relationship, and I’m not exactly ready to jump into another one. Plus, you’re my professor. Things can’t end well.”
I stepped closer to her until we were mere inches apart and lifted my hand to her face. She looked up at me, and her eyes glowed from the street lamps that surrounded us. She is so beautiful.
“I just want you.” I didn’t want to live my shell of a life anymore and I didn’t know how to break past my demons, but I knew the way she made me feel. She was hope when my life was filled with nothing but despair. “I know you feel this connection, too. We can just explore what this is. I told you before that I wasn’t going to give up.”
She stepped away from me with an inscrutable expression. “You can tell me anything you want, Mason, but your actions speak louder than words. You say you want me, but what about all the times you gave me the cold shoulder? I can’t handle that. I won’t keep putting myself in a situation that I know is going to end badly for me, even though I’m aware that connection is there, too. You’re too unsure of what you want.”
I placed my hand back into my pocket and let out a sigh before looking around the park. A few people were walking around, and I didn’t want to continue having this conversation out in the open.
Grabbing Emma’s hand, I led her up the stairs of the terrace and pulled her down to sit next to me on one of the steps.
“I know it wasn’t fair of me to treat you the way I have been. There are things about me—” I cleared my throat and debated on what to tell her. I definitely couldn’t tell her the truth. The only person I’d tell any of it to would be Victor, and that was only because I had to in order for action to be taken. “My life is complicated. It’s always been complicated. Some days, I don’t deal well with it; you saw that first-hand.”
I glanced at her to gauge her expression. She stared down at the fountain, and I could see the wheels turning in her head. I knew she wanted to say something, so I just waited patiently and looked her over. The skirt she’d worn had ridden up her legs when we’d sat on the step, putting them on full display. Visions of those beautiful legs wrapped around me entered my mind, and I wanted them there again.
I saw movement out of the corner of my eyes and looked up to see Emma staring at me.
“Are you a cutter?” she blurted then sighed. “I mean, you know, I saw the scars and…”
�
��No,” I said sternly. I knew I should pull back the anger I felt brewing inside. The shame I’d felt with Luke a week before was rearing its head. That sensation was why I’d kept things to myself for so long. It made me feel weak. It wasn’t an emotion I dealt with lightly.
“But the scars—” she started.
“Are none of your business,” I finished for her sternly.
I knew I’d just fucked up by the shocked expression on her face, and I let out a sigh of defeat. I didn’t know what the fuck I was doing. This could never work. This was why I had rules. It was easier that way. Feelings just fucked everything up.
She stood abruptly, and I watched her as she smoothed out her skirt.
“Well, it was good seeing you,” she said quickly before walking down the steps.
I jumped up and followed behind her.
“Emma, don’t go.”
She ignored me and it pissed me off. I wasn’t going to let her leave without listening to me first.
I grabbed her hand and pulled her with me, ignoring her protests along the way.
Walking under the Bethesda arches, I pushed her against one of the columns, away from prying eyes, and brought my lips down to hers.
There was only one way I knew how to communicate, and this was it.
She opened up for me, and I lifted my hands to hold her face. It was a hard and rough kiss—biting, sucking, and nibbling—from all the pent-up sexual tension.
When I finally pulled away from her, we were both panting for air. I let go of her face, running a hand through my hair. If we weren’t out in public, I would have taken advantage of the situation. When she was in my hands, she turned to putty. Her feelings were like an open book for me. I knew she wanted this just as much as I did, but she was being cautious. Which I didn’t blame her for.
“Listen,” I stated, shoving my hands back into my pockets. “There are things about me that I’m not willing to talk about. My life isn’t roses and fairytales. It’s a big, fucked-up mess. I told you, I live my life a certain way. The question is can you handle it? I’m your professor, but I honestly don’t give a fuck. I know you’re worried about your career, but that’s a risk you have to figure out if you’re willing to take. In a few months, it won’t matter anymore.”
She stood there, pressed against the column, looking over my face. I didn’t know what her response was going to be. I expected her to walk away, tell me to fuck off, because who would agree to want to be with me?
I was too fucked-up. I had too many secrets and demons that hid in the dark recesses of my mind. It was everything that made me who I was. And yet, there I was, trying to change it. Did I think it would be that easy? No. But I also knew I didn’t want to let her go. She was my redemption, the light at the end of the tunnel, and I craved it. I wanted that itch inside to go away, the feelings of loneliness to subside.
Pushing away from the column, she took the few steps to reach me and placed her hands on my chest.
“I can respect your privacy, but don’t play games with me.” She turned away from my gaze and stared at my chest. “This whole thing between us,” she said, gesturing with one of her hands. “It scares me. So many things could happen. I can’t lose my scholarship.” She looked up to meet my eyes once again, and I could see the vulnerability written all over her face. “We could just be friends?”
I lifted my arms and rested my hands on her shoulders before leaning down to give her a soft kiss on her forehead.
“I think we’re way past friends, princess,” I mumbled against her skin.
I pulled away from her, knowing it was time for me to leave. I’d done what I’d set out to do. I apologized for my actions and made it very clear that I wanted her. It was all I could do. The ball was in her court, and it was probably one of the hardest things I’d ever done. She had total control of the situation. The ‘take what I want’ kind of man had to be pushed aside; she wasn’t that type of girl.
“I’ll see you on Wednesday, Emma,” I said to her with a small smile, then turned away to head to my car.
I had to get away before I talked her into coming to my apartment, only a few blocks away. I needed the release. The anxious feeling in the pit of my stomach had been trying to take over for days, but I held it in. I’d hit my bag or run a few miles, letting all the tension out. I’d have to, because it was the only thing I was allowing myself to do. Cutting was no longer an option—at least, that’s what I told myself.
Seven
Mason
Seventeen years old
I looked myself over in my bedroom mirror as I buttoned my dress shirt. I woke up with a buzzing noise in my ear that hadn’t gone away. It was irritating and soothing all at the same time. Over the past few weeks, my life had been forever altered. It was the first time in a long time I felt like I had a purpose. I was doing this for Sophia. I would get her out if I had to destroy myself to do it. I felt obligated to save her. She was an innocent in my world of darkness, filled with lies, violence, deceit, and malice.
I’d do another swipe soon. I’d lure a girl and take her to the drop-off. Donicko made it sound easier than it was, but I knew I could do it. The vision of Sophia being set free was more than an incentive. I just had to block out my conscience. I had to build a wall around everything my mother had taught me. I had to transform myself into someone I hated, into someone evil who cared for nothing but his task. It was the only way I’d be able to get through what I had to do. No matter how trying or nervous I became, this was what I’d chosen to do.
I looked at the gleaming red numbers of my clock and decided it was time to head down to John’s office. I was to check in before I went out, orders from Donicko himself. John would inform him when I left, and I’d see Donicko when the drop-off was complete, only to make my way home as if nothing had happened.
I held on to the railing as I made my way down the stairs, as if I needed the extra support to stay upright. The bubbling sensation in my stomach was taking over as my nerves went haywire. I couldn’t tell if it was from fear or anticipation, maybe a mixture of both.
I walked into John’s office without knocking, a habit I knew he couldn’t stand, but I never seemed to care. He looked up from his laptop and motioned for me to sit, a gesture I ignored. I stayed by the door with my hands grasped behind my back and stared him down with a blank expression. I had nothing to say to him, and I had no idea why I was supposed to check in with him before I left. I was sure he and Donicko wanted to double-check I was in the right frame of mind before I left the house, although the notion was stupid since I could back out at any time. But they knew I wouldn’t do it. I knew what was at stake.
John stood from his desk and walked around to lean against the front of it. He crossed his arms over his chest and looked me over.
“You shouldn’t have any problem tonight, Mason. You play your cards right and the women will be eating out of the palm of your hand. I’ve seen the way their eyes follow you. Girls at your age are pitiful. They look for any kind of attention. It’s up to you whether or not you want to go for the easy swipe or a hard one. And watch your surroundings for security cameras. I want this to be clean. You got it? I don’t have time to deal with a cleanup.”
I squeezed my hands together in a tight ball as his words penetrated my eardrums. My heart was beating rapidly, and I was sweating from the anticipation. I needed to get the hell out of there.
“Are you done?” I asked him through gritted teeth.
“Yes.” John smirked. “Get out of here and make me proud.”
I turned abruptly and pressed my lips together to stop myself from responding to his words. I wasn’t doing any of this to make him proud. I was doing this for one reason and one reason only.
Sophia.
~*~
The bass of the music pumped through my body as I made my way through the nightclub with my hand firmly grasped around a petite one. I’d approached the dark-haired beauty after watching her shake her hips on the dance floor
for an hour. She met all the requirements for the night, and she was dressed to receive attention.
Attention is exactly what she received.
I dragged her to the exit, her all too eager to follow behind me. This was the fifth time I’d grabbed a girl, and it still amazed me how easy it was.
When I came out on a mission, I was a different man. I didn’t think of everything that was going on at home. I didn’t think about her, stuck in that room all alone. I had to change myself or I’d never be able to go through with any of it. But with doing so, it tore away a piece of my humanity, a piece of my conscience. That part deep down that wasn’t supposed to get any enjoyment from the acts I was going to commit.
That piece? That piece was long gone, and there I was pulling this girl to her worst nightmare. But first, I’d get my enjoyment out of it. It was all part of the game.
The first time wasn’t this easy; I was nervous and had no idea what I was doing. I was sent out on my own with no instructions on what I should do, other than to keep a low profile and where I was to take the girl.
This time around, I was a pro. I knew exactly what to look for and how to get it. I was young and attractive, everything the girls looked for. While I was scoping them out, I kept to the shadows, giving small smiles as they looked my way.
It was easy, really. Most girls didn’t realize how vulnerable they were in environments like these. They became a potential victim as soon as they decided to go to the club.
We walked out into the brisk night air, and she giggled as she mistook a step and tripped in her heels. I stopped walking in order for her to gain her balance once again and she grabbed on to my shoulder, bringing her body flush with mine.
“Are we getting a cab?” she asked.
I turned to her with a smirk and slowly shook my head. My heart was pounding in my chest, but my blood flow was already making its way down to my dick.
“No. I drove, but we’re not going to the car. First, I’m fucking you.”
Professor Cline: Redeemed (Professor #2) Page 4
