Rachel swallowed against the knot in her throat. “So do you think I was a fool to believe Dex could care for me?”
“No.” She kissed Rachel’s forehead. “He was a mistake.” She stood, playing with something in her pocket. A sad, faraway look altered her face, careworn and old in the evening shadows. “A blunder you’ll get over with in time.”
“I suppose I should go to school now.” Rachel wrapped her arms tight about herself.
“Don’t be downhearted. By the time the fall semester starts, you’ll be excited to go.”
Rachel nodded slightly. She’d always had firm control on her emotions—except in regard to Dex. No matter how far her heart had led her astray today, she could rein in her feelings. Hopefully within the week. Or maybe in a month.
“I love you, Rachel. I really do. And I know college will make you happy.” She picked up the copy of The Castle of Otranto from the bed. “But let’s find you something less depressing to read.” She scanned the pile of books on the bedside table. “Hmm. And without any romance in it.”
Just like her life.
“Well, seems we can’t have both. How about Twice-Told Tales?” Momma handed her the short story collection. “I think I’ll go lie down and read as well. My head is beginning to ache a little.”
Rachel stayed in her bed, curled in a little ball until Momma left. She then returned the book to the table and took in the disaster that was her room. Petticoats, dresses, boots, ribbons, hats, and lace draped every piece of furniture. Neil had insisted Patricia take only one trunk of personal effects, and her sister had packed and repacked for days, still unable to decide what to take and what to leave.
Perhaps sorting through her sister’s things for practical outfits would keep her mind off wishing she could undo her week of blunders.
And if God granted such a fantastical wish, she’d start by refusing to tutor Dex Stanton.
Dex paced in front of the gathered wagons, the sun almost overhead. The wagon train would be leaving soon. Grant, Lily, and Allen had left ten minutes ago, but he hadn’t seen any of the Olivers.
Around him, everyone scrambled to adjust any items that had shifted in the short distance they’d traveled from town. Family members staying behind either helped check loads or stood in clumps, hugging and crying with the loved ones they’d likely rarely see again.
Why hadn’t Rachel at least sent him a reply saying she never wanted to see him? It wasn’t as if he’d walked Miss Pratt down an aisle this morning; they’d never even been engaged.
He ran a hand through his hair, knocking off his hat. Leaning over to retrieve his Panama, he held his hand against his pocket to keep the letter he’d stayed up all night writing from falling out. If last night’s note hadn’t convinced her of his love, then he hadn’t enough time to convince her today. But maybe the words of this new letter would weasel in and weaken the wall she’d erected—if she could read his writing.
He rubbed his sleepy eyes and slapped his cheeks. A smart woman like her shouldn’t marry a man like him. But until she told him to leave her alone, he’d test out what she’d said—that a woman could ignore spelling mistakes if a man bared his soul on the page.
Another wagon passed the saloon on the edge of town, but not Neil and Patricia’s. Dex’s timepiece indicated they had less than an hour before the group left. Maybe he’d missed them. And where was Everett?
Spotting his friend on the other side of Jedidiah’s and Fannie’s wagons, Dex walked a wide circle around the pair smiling at each other like a couple of kids enjoying their first lollipops. Maybe Fannie should marry quickly. What would a single woman do on the prairie anyhow?
As long as she kept her sights on anyone but him.
Dex hoisted himself into Everett’s wagon, ducking his head under the pristine white canvas cover. “Seen Patricia and Neil yet?”
Everett’s brow furrowed as he pushed a crate across the wagon bed. “No.”
“Aren’t you worried?”
“Nah.” He used the bandanna around his neck to swipe the dampness from his hairline, then shooed a fly buzzing around his face. “Patricia is probably begging Neil to let her take one more bonnet but is waffling between a blue one or a green one. But they’ll make it, even if he has to carry her and wear the other hat himself.”
“Did you talk to her last night?”
“I let her talk about anything and everything. Might have sneaked in a kiss or two.” Everett winked.
“I mean, did you talk about today’s plans?” Dex kept his hand against his forehead to keep from punching Everett. “Her parents are coming to see them off, right?”
“I didn’t ask. I said my farewells yesterday. Suppose I’ll say them again if they show up.” Everett cocked his head. “What do you need to see the Olivers for?”
“Do you know if Rachel’s coming?” At the sound of hoof beats, Dex ducked his head outside. “Never mind, here they come.” He hopped out of the wagon and strode toward Neil and Patricia. They veered to park near the edge of the gathering. No buggy followed them.
Everett appeared at his side. As soon as Neil set the brake, Everett helped Patricia down.
Dex put a hand to his brow to deflect the sun as he looked up at Neil. “Are your folks coming?”
He shook his head. “Why?”
“Your mother said they were.”
Patricia tucked herself against Everett’s side. “Rachel didn’t feel well enough for church or the ride out here, so we said good-bye at home. Which was a good thing since Mama’s been crying all morning and gave herself a headache.”
“Are you all right, darling?” Everett ran his thumb along her hairline.
“I’ll be fine with you.”
Dex whipped off his hat and scratched his scalp. “Then I need to go back into town.”
“Now, who’s been preaching to us about being prepared and ready?” Everett let go of Patricia to put his hands on his hips, but she snaked her arm back around his elbow.
“It’s not something I planned to do.” He slammed a fist into his palm. He should have barged into the house and hollered through Rachel’s barricaded door last night when he’d had the chance.
He’d rather have taken a slap in the face over silence. “Neil, a word please.”
Rachel’s brother hopped down and followed. “I can’t think of anything you’d need from my parents.”
“No, I need something from Rachel, but she’s refusing to talk to me.”
“That doesn’t sound like her.”
“I didn’t think so.” Dex paced a step or two, then spun and faced Neil. “Did you see the incident with Miss Pratt at the picnic?” He waved toward Jedidiah scrambling around the back of Fannie’s wagon.
“No, but I heard.”
“Well, Rachel saw but didn’t hear.”
Neil crossed his arms. “So . . . ?”
What did it matter that Neil knew his feelings before Rachel did? She was the one refusing to talk to him. “I . . . I’m in love with your sister. And I thought she felt the same for me. That is, until Miss Pratt happened. So I wrote her a note explaining the situation and your mother took it to her. But Rachel never answered. I felt sure she’d answer, if only to tell me no. So I sat outside for two hours until I had to leave to get home before dark, and I—”
Neil held up his hand to cut him off. “You gave the note to my mother?”
“Yes.”
“She’s intent on Rachel going to school. Rabidly so.” Neil sneaked a look at his watch and stared at him for a moment. “Would you ask Rachel to sacrifice college for you?”
He wasn’t worth that. “She shouldn’t give up any dreams for me.”
“She might, Dex. Possibly even today.”
His jaw worked as he judged the look in Neil’s eyes. Had Rachel talked to him? “What do you know?”
“I pay attention to my sisters.” He shrugged.
“But everyone knows she’s going to some fancy college out East.”
> “Because Ma tells anyone and everyone. But one good thing about not talking much is people forget I’m in the room, and I can study them. You’re right, Rachel likes you—more than school. She would have responded to your letter.” Neil frowned at him. “You told her you turned down Miss Pratt, yes?”
“Of course I did.” If Neil thought Rachel liked him enough to forget schooling and leave with him today, Rachel didn’t merely care for him. She must feel something more. A lot more. “But what makes you think she’d leave with me now?”
Neil held out his hand to count on his fingers. “She’s always watching you. If she hears your name mentioned, she perks up. In your company, she’ll migrate to wherever you are. Has for years.”
“That’s all?” How was he supposed to have figured out she cared for him with only those clues?
Neil smirked. “Rachel hates to fail. She won’t creep out on a limb unless she’s calculated the arc, the weight, the length, the odds—”
“Then how sure are you that she holds any affection for me?” She’d run from him yesterday, but then he’d shocked her with that kiss. He’d stunned himself. Had she simply left to clear her mind and decide what to do?
“She went to the fairground and sought you out, wearing one of Patricia’s fancy dresses, yes?”
“Yes.” And what a sight she’d been.
“Did she look at you, beckon to you, anything she’s never done before?”
How could he describe what had flashed in her eyes? “Yes.”
“I’d say that took her a mountain of effort, seeing how she’s never done as much before.”
How was he supposed to have known that? Neil would be a handy business partner if he could read other people so well.
Dex looked toward Jedidiah’s wagon. “So when Miss Pratt showed up, Rachel believed she’d made an error in judgment.” He turned back to Neil. “But that doesn’t explain why she’d ignore my letter. I told her about Miss Pratt.”
“Which means she didn’t get it.” Neil cleared his throat. “I love my mother, but she’s manipulating Rachel into college and uses Rachel’s tendency to second-guess herself.”
So a dragon guarded the castle turrets. “Then how do I get around your mother?”
“Rachel’s at the library now. She helps Mr. Peterson with whatever one does at libraries when they’re closed.”
Tremors overtook Dex as he contemplated a quick change of plans. Plans he had no time for. But he didn’t have much choice—not if he wanted the woman he loved by his side.
“The group won’t wait for me.” What would he do with his wagon piled high with supplies for the frontier?
“What’s more important, Dex?”
“Your sister of course. I just . . .” He looked between his wagon and town. Must he abandon one dream for the other?
Neil clamped onto his arm. “I’ll talk to Jamison, convince him to start the group slow. If you want, Patricia can drive your team for awhile.” He jabbed a finger at Dex’s vehicle. “You got enough to keep my sister provided for if she comes?”
Dex’s hands grew slick, and he rubbed them against his pants. Would Rachel really leave with him? Today? “We could make do.”
“Then why are you still standing here?”
“The scheduled stop in Lawrence should buy me time. I’ll take my wagon and catch up later.” Dex shook Neil’s hand and then ran to his team.
Even if Rachel cared for him as her brother suggested, would she be willing to marry him and head off to Kansas within the day?
Married. He could be married by tomorrow.
Chapter 7
With a hard twist, Rachel finally turned the skeleton key in the library door’s lock. A slight push opened the darkly stained oaken door, and the smell of paper and ink washed over her. Hopefully she could find some tranquility here. Though she didn’t intend to do much work today, only pray and read her Bible.
Keep Neil, Patricia, and Everett safe as they start their new life. Help me figure out what to do with mine. I should have asked You long ago what You’d have me do. Please give me direction today. I know You want to give me the desires of my heart, but I should be talking that through with You. Turn my desires into Yours.
And yes, watch over Dex and his new wife too.
Opening the shades to read by sunlight, she ignored the ache the last part of her prayer created in every muscle of her body. Maybe she’d read a little, then pray until she fell asleep. Sleep should brighten her outlook, even if she had to doze upright in the little library’s only upholstered chair.
She settled herself and put on the spectacles she only used when her eyes were tired. Holding the thick Bible in her lap, she turned to where she’d left off. She hadn’t the strength to search for anything, so she’d just spend time with God and hope He’d supply a verse to ease her pain. Being cut loose from the life she’d imagined for so long left her at the mercy of a fickle wind like a spent autumn leaf. She couldn’t bear to live that way for long. But the further she read without receiving any balm for her soul, the more she yearned to curl up and disappear.
How long until she could think of Dex without her heart throbbing? How long until God gave her a purpose?
I give up. Can you say something to me now? Anything. Do you want me to go to school?
Knock, and the door shall be opened to you.
Doors. Opened or closed, knocked-upon or not. What did it matter?
All I wanted was for Dex to care for me. I even knocked. Granted, I didn’t bother until too late. So is that what You want to teach me? Find something to knock about but don’t wait so long next time?
But what should she knock for that she could have? God wouldn’t condone her knocking for the love of a married man. But right now, she didn’t desire anything but Dex.
Thump, thump, thump. The hair on her neck stood as the front door’s shade flopped with each rap of a fist. Who thought the library would be open on Sunday?
The door flew open, and Dex slid in, breathing heavily.
Rachel’s heart jumped, but she stuffed the reaction down and glanced at the ceiling. What is this, Lord?
“Hello.” Dex’s voice rumbled through her, starting her heart flopping again. Even glistening with sweat, the man looked good.
She closed her Bible and gazed out the west-facing window though she couldn’t see past the buildings across the street. Why was he here? A visit from Dex certainly wouldn’t alleviate her envy for Miss Pratt’s position. Or rather, Mrs. Stanton’s.
“Aren’t you supposed to be headed to Lawrence already?”
“Yes.” He stalked over and stood beside her, running a hand through his damp hair. “But I needed someone to write a letter for me, and I only trust you. The woman I love . . . was upset when she left me.” He fidgeted, then quickly strode back to the door and shut it. “I figured she might hear me out if I sent her a letter.”
Rachel suppressed a groan. He was asking her to win back a woman who’d left him within a day?
Father, I know I asked You to say something to me today, but I wasn’t requesting torture!
She straightened in her chair and stared out the window. “If she came to you despite your spelling the first time, then you can convince her in your own hand.”
“No, this has to be perfect. Every single letter.”
Maybe God planned to show her through Dex’s own words why she couldn’t have him. A way to heal perhaps from a desire God never wanted her to have. She swallowed hard and steeled her spine. “All right.” She set aside her Bible and crossed over to the librarian’s desk.
“I’ve always admired you for giving of yourself to anyone who asks. Even when they ask more of you than they ought.”
“No need to flatter.” If only he knew how much this favor would pain her.
“Neil mentioned you might not be going to school. Is that so?”
She sat behind the desk, pulled a sheet of paper from the drawer, and dipped the ink pen. “I don’t know. I’
d enjoy going to Elmira or Mary Sharp’s, but . . . it isn’t my dream.” Sighing, she looked up at Dex who’d taken the seat across from her, but couldn’t hold his intense gaze. “I’m ready when you are.”
Not really. But would she ever be ready to hear this?
Dex pulled out his letter and unfolded it behind the desk where she couldn’t see. On the ride in he’d decided to say this to her, to make it more meaningful. He glanced down, but he knew the words by heart—they weren’t the words of a poet, but they were his own.
He cleared his throat, but the words seemed glued to his tongue. Maybe he should change some of the wording . . .
Rachel peeked at him for less than a second.
He clamped his hands between his knees, willing his heart to stop thudding against his brain and causing the sloppy roar in his ears. Neil said she’d leave with him today. If so, it didn’t matter if his voice broke or he stumbled over his own words; if she loved him, she’d want to come with him no matter how badly he messed up the proposal. But what if he couldn’t find a minister willing to marry them today? What were the Kansas Territory laws on matrimony?
“Are you going to be a while? I could read until you’re ready.”
“No, no. I just don’t want to mess this up. And then I started thinking that if the woman I love answers me the way I’m hoping, I have no idea how I’ll pull this off.”
Did Rachel sniff?
“Well, she shouldn’t expect perfection. If she didn’t hold to her end of the deal and ran away, then maybe—” She grimaced. “Sorry, I shouldn’t be trying to talk you out of anything. It’s your life.”
She propped her chin in her hand and stared at the paper. Her thick hair, usually caught up in a bun, hung loose in a tempting curtain of curls. A pair of gold rimmed glasses he’d never seen perched precariously on her nose. He wanted to slide them off and get a good look at her eyes, but then he’d get lost in them. Not good. He needed to say absolutely everything he wanted to say and make sure she heard every word.
Love by the Letter (An Unexpected Brides Novella) Page 8
