by Angel Steel
And then there’s Zane.
Smiling to myself. Zane had spent the nights at my place for the last week, and each morning when I woke, he was there. Then we would leave for work together in his truck. I didn’t argue much on the ride since I didn’t have my truck anymore. I needed to get a new one after the accident but haven’t had time to do that yet, and I’m enjoying riding along with him even if it’s only a short distance.
Happy with the design I’ve just completed on the customer’s bike, I place my airbrush down on the bench, and step out of the room and close the large heavy door, leaving it there to dry completely before I apply the final clear coat.
Pushing the main door open, I make my way down to my dad’s office for our lunch date. Last week’s date was a little awkward between us. I tried several times to say something, but it never came out, so we both sat there in an awkward silence and ate our lunch without a word. I hated that I couldn’t talk to my dad and I knew he felt the same way by how tense he was every time I looked his way.
Today is going to be different.
Whether it’s uncomfortable or not, I will be saying more this time round. I don’t want this to go on the way it is.
Throwing the paper towel in the trashcan as I round the corner, I see Lexie walking my way, with an extra bounce in her step. I stop walking and wait until she’s in front of me.
“Hey sweetie,” I say and give her a hug.
“Hey,” she answers, and then steps back.
“Someone has a little more bounce in her step than usual. Why is that?” I ask curiously.
“Nothing,” she says quickly.
“Lex, you can’t lie for shit,” I laugh.
She huffs. “Fine. Torch had Masen pinned to the wall earlier because he snuck into the front room when Torch was dealing with a customer.”
“Shit, Lex. That man doesn’t give up.”
“Nope, he doesn’t. I didn’t stick around to hear what he had to say, that’s why I’m here now,” she tells me, her shoulders slump forward a little.
“Where is he now?”
“I have no idea and I really don’t care either. I don’t want to see him, or talk to him. I don’t want to hear more lies coming from his mouth,” she whispers. After a several seconds, she stands up straight. “I’ve spoken to your dad and he has changed my hours so that I’m not here when Masen is. Now I won’t have to worry about running into him anymore.”
“Why didn’t Dad just shorten Masen’s hours instead of yours?” I ask, frowning.
“He would have. But there’s something about Masen needing to be there when the trucks come in and helping him with some program for the shop.”
Of course, Masen had to stay. Damn Black Ops. He’s the tech savvy of the team, as to what Zane has told me about him and Rosko. He didn’t say much other than Masen being a computer freak Nazi and that he could do any job. Same with Rosko, besides the computer part.
“Hopefully Dad doesn’t need him around here much longer and you can be back here every day,” I say with a smile.
She glances over her shoulder to the end of the hall, and stares toward my dad’s office, “I hope so too, Lia,” she murmurs.
I step forward and wrap my arm around her shoulders. “Everything will work out, Lex,” I tell her, as I grip onto her shoulder slightly.
“I know.” She glances my way with a small smile on her lips. “Need to get back to work. If I stay out here any longer your dad will fire me,” she says with a laugh.
Dropping my arm from her. “You know that will never happen, Lex.”
Shaking her head, she steps around me. “We’ll see.” She waves over her shoulder as she walks down the hall and toward the front of the shop.
Grinning, I wave back and walk to my dad’s office. Stepping in front of the door, ready to push it open, but stop when I hear my dad’s voice.
“This has to end now, Zane?”
What was he talking about?
I lean closer, gripping the outer doorframe.
“She’s in love with you, Zane,” my dad sighs. I hear shuffling behind the door as I stand there. “This won’t end happy if you keep allowing her to continue to fall in love with you. Don’t do it to her. Let her go and do your job and leave. That’s what you were planning anyway.”
I rest my head on the doorframe and close my eyes. I tense up when I hear Zane’s voice.
“The mission is the only reason I’m here, Chopper, nothing else,” Zane replies.
He’s only here for the job, nothing else! I am nothing to him! What we have is nothing!
I lift my head from the door and step back, gasping. Zane is leaving no matter what. He feels nothing between us. It’s only me that has felt what’s between us, not him.
“When you tell her, let me know. I don’t want her to be alone when you break her heart. I don’t want a repeat of the last time, it nearly killed her, and I know the same will happen this time round.”
My sight blurs in front of me as tears fill my eyes. Shaking my head, I take another step back from the door. He knew what he was doing from the beginning, whether I fell in love with him or not, he was still leaving. He didn’t care. There’s not an ounce of caring in his voice as he said those words.
What we had is nothing to him.
Why of all people did I have to fall in love with him? I knew he would break my heart eventually, but I didn’t want to believe it.
I need to get out of here. I don’t want to see Zane or hear what else he has to say. Spinning around hastily, I fasten my pace to the back door and slam it open as I go through. Wiping the tears from my eyes, I scan the carpark for my dad’s truck. Once my eyes land on his silver truck, I make a dash for it. Ripping the door open, I jump up, pulling the door closed behind me while reaching for the sun visor.
“Please, be here,” I whisper, tugging the visor down.
A set of keys drops down into my lap. Whimpering, my hands shake as I grab them and I fumble with them till the right key slides into the ignition. The engine roars to life. I hear the metal of the back door open, but I don’t look that way. I slide the truck into gear, my foot to the floor, and lunge forward as the truck screeches out of the carpark.
I can’t stay behind knowing what I’ve heard. My heart was already breaking at hearing the words that came from his mouth. How could he not have some kind of feelings toward me? Was this all a damn joke to him? Make the boss’s daughter fall in love with him, and then leave not caring what he’s done? Am I the only one he’s done this too? Is this his thing to do everywhere he goes, make a local woman fall in love with him then break their heart, without a care in the world? Obviously.
I feel sick. I feel it rising up my throat and it’s sitting there waiting. Swallowing several times I push it away. I jump in my seat at hearing my ringtone blare through the cabin of the truck. Not taking my eyes off the road, I reach into my pocket and pull out my phone.
Zane’s name flashes across the screen.
Hitting the decline button, I throw my phone across the bench seat. It starts ringing again, but I ignore it as I stop at the first set of lights in town. It rings several more times in a row, but I don’t answer as I shift through the lights and down the main road. He obviously knew I wasn’t at the shop anymore, hence the reason he’s calling so many times.
I need to think things through. Could I go on, now knowing what I’d heard and then act all heartbroken when he leaves? Doubtful. He already owns every part of me.
Can I turn off what I feel for him?
No.
It wouldn’t be that simple.
It never would be now, or later.
He would walk away with my heart beating in his hand and never look back, not worrying that he took the last part of me with him.
I should have stayed away from her.
I couldn’t.
I knew the moment I saw her, I was done for. I fought it with everything I had, but in the end my heart won out, and now I stand outside o
f Chopper’s office contemplating if now is a good time to end what’s happening between us. It doesn’t matter if I have feelings for her. I can’t stay. It was never in the plan. The plan was to get in, do what I needed to do and get out and move on. Not allow my heart to get in the road of the mission, and for the first time ever, I’ve allowed it to happen.
Moving away from the door, I make my way down the hall and toward the booth where I know Amelia will be. I need one more night with her before I say anything. One night of just us, no mission, no job, no one else around. Just Amelia and me, alone together… one final time. A time I will never forget.
Stopping at the closed booth doors, I raise my fist and knock several times waiting for her to answer. I know not to just barge in there when she has a bike in there. I listen carefully to hear noises on the other side of the door, but hear nothing.
Knocking again, I grip the handle of the door and begin opening it. “Hellcat,” I shout, letting her know I’m coming in. Complete silence meets my ears. Pushing the door fully open, I step into the room and look around. First thing I see is a bike propped up in the center of the room. Glancing around I notice a spray gun lying on top of the bench, but no Amelia in the booth. Frowning, I turn around and walk back out, closing the door behind me and make my way to the front of the shop.
Before I get there, I find Lexie heading the exact way in front of me.
“Lexie,” I call out and pick up my pace.
She stops walking and spins around in my direction.
“Hey Zane,” she says as I approach and stop in front of her.
“Have you seen Amelia?”
“Yeah. I saw her about ten minutes ago in the hall. Why?” she says her eyebrows creasing.
“Which direction was she heading?” I ask standing straighter.
“Her Dad’s office.”
“I just came from… ” Pushing my hand into my pocket quickly, I pull out my mobile phone and search her name and hit call and raise it to my ear.
Ring, ring!
Ring, ring!
‘Hi, I can’t get to the phone right now, either I’m busy or I don’t want to talk to you. Leave your name and number and you may or may not get a phone call back from me…’ Amelia’s voice echoes into my ear.
I drop the phone from my ear and redial her number.
Lexie steps over to me. “What’s going on, Zane?” she asks with a hushed voice.
I shake my head and spin around. “Sorry Lexie, I’ll let you know later,” I yell over my shoulder as I jog back to Chopper’s office.
I glancing down at my mobile and redial again.
Motherfucker!
She fucking overheard what was said in the office. It had to be why she isn’t answering her phone right now. Shit! I knew I should’ve closed the fucking door. I didn’t think about it. I was too caught up in the images flashing in my head of Amelia on all fours, her ass swaying as she smiles seductively over her shoulder. Watching my dick slide into her wet pussy as I pound into from behind her. Her tits swinging under her as she moves back and forth.
Pushing the office door open, I jog in and stop at the front of Chopper’s desk. He frowns and his mouth opens ready to say something, but I beat him to it. “Amelia’s gone.”
“I’ll call you back,” he replies into the phone and disconnects the call. “What do you mean, she’s gone?” Chopper growls gripping the top of the desk and standing up slowly.
“Call her and see if she answers,” I tell him.
Chopper lifts the phone and hits a button and holds it to his ear. His eyes harden when his hand drops to the receiver and hits the same button again. Moments later he slams the phone down, rocking the desk with the force of it. “She always answers,” he says looking at me.
“She overheard the conversation, Chopper,” I tell him.
“Fuck!” he shouts and falls back into his chair.
“Where would she go?” I ask, looking down at my mobile in my hand and send a quick text off to Masen and Rosko, telling them both to meet in Chopper’s office.
“There are only several places she would go,” Chopper replies then reaches over the desk for a pen and piece of paper and begins writing on it quickly. Once he’s finished, he shifts from behind his desk and stops in front of me handing over the white piece of paper.
Gripping it, I glance down.
‘Devil’s drop off.’
‘Miller’s Farm, north corner, sunflower field.’
‘Lexie’s place.’
“Check the first two. I’ll get Torch to do a run by Lexie’s,” he says as I hand the piece of paper back to him, then he walks over and pulls his leather jacket off the back of the wooden chair and sliding it on.
The door opens further and in walks Masen and Rosko. I step up to meet them. “Amelia’s gone. Chopper has some idea where she might be. Pick a place on this list and see if she’s there,” I tell them as I open the door fully.
Chopper shows the piece of paper to both of them. “If you find her call me,” I say and step out and run for my truck parked out front.
It wasn’t ending like this! No. Not yet.
I need her like my last breath. A last breath that will keep me alive long enough to walk away from her. I need this one night. We both do. One night that will be embedded in my head and remind me of the one thing my heart wants but can never fully have.
Thirty-seven missed calls.
Twenty voicemails.
Eleven text messages.
Lying down on the leather bench seat of my dad’s truck, I press in the code to hear my voicemails.
13:24, ‘Amelia, where are you? I’ve looked around the whole shop and you’re not here! What’s going on?’
14:39, ‘Fuck, baby. I need to know where you are! I need to know that you are okay, Amelia. You don’t have to tell me where you are, just call me back so I can hear your voice. So I know you’re still breathing,’ he huffs out a small breath, ‘or text me. Give me something here, Amelia. I need to know!’
Why should I give him something, now? I’ve already given him every part of me and he hasn’t noticed. Why care now?
I scowl down the list and hit on another voicemail.
15:47, ‘God damn it, Amelia. Will you answer someone, please? Let one of us know that you are okay! There are a lot of people that want to know where you are, that care about you!’ his voice breaks slightly at the end of the call before he hangs up.
I skip a couple more voicemails and hit on another.
18:11, ‘I know you heard something from your Dad’s office, Amelia. This whole thing was never meant to happen like this! But it did! I need to explain what you heard, allow me that before you make up your mind!
Of course, I heard something, asshole!
Wiping the tears from my eyes with the sleeve of my shirt, he wanted to explain to me what I heard. Was he kidding? It was pretty simple to understand. He was here for the mission and the mission only. Nothing was holding him here. Why would I allow him that opportunity to give me more excuses than what he has already?
I scowl down the list to the last voicemail left and listen.
20:55, ‘Baby, please ring me! I’ve looked everywhere for you, and so has everyone else. We need to know that you’re safe. I need to know that you’re safe! I need to hear your sweet voice,’ he sighs. ‘I won’t say a word just let me hear you, Amelia. It’s killing me not knowing where you are, or you not answering your phone to hear your voice. Call me back, baby. I won’t sleep till I hear your voice.’
He had gone out looking for me? No. He was only doing it so I would cave and go back so he could break me further. Holding my phone to my chest, I close my eyes. The way he said baby into the phone had my heart clenching in my chest. I could hear the pain in his voice as he said, ‘I need to know that you’re safe.’ Why would I give him the pleasure of knowing if I am okay or not? He knew I wasn’t answering. He knew exactly which part I heard in the room. Why need to explain any more than what I heard in
there? Why give him more reason to crush my heart in his hand?
I’m not giving in.
My phone vibrates in my hand. Lifting it from my chest, Zane’s number flashes across the screen. Turning my phone off. I lean over and open the glove box and drop my phone into it and close it shut. I reach for the spare blanket Dad had behind the seat and wrap it around my body. Laying down I stare out of the window above me, at the dark sky covered in little bright stars.
I know no one will find me here. No one knows about this place, but me. I’ve never told anyone about it. It’s my quiet place where I can be alone and think. My only place to go where there are no interruptions. It’s just me and my thoughts. A place I can clear my head and think everything through. But right now I can’t seem to clear my thoughts. There’s too much running through my head to make anything sensible out of it.
The glass windows rattle as the wind brushes up against it. Curling myself into the blanket more, my eyes drift closed at the noises surrounding me. The calming noise of the tree branches rustling in the wind, the breeze hitting the glass, my own breath as it mellows to a steady pace, push all my thoughts away. Tonight, I need a good night’s sleep if that’s going to happen.
Tomorrow was either going to be the happiest day of my life when I tell Zane I love him and he reciprocates in return, or he will destroy me more than he has already.
I can’t deal with heartbreak again!
He doesn’t care about me! Doesn’t feel what is between us!
I’m nothing to him!
What we shared meant nothing!
Undercover!
Why didn’t I end it between us when he told me? I couldn’t deal with someone else working with the government and leaving me the same way as last time.
Because I wanted to feel again, and not be left in the black void I’ve been in for the last five years. He pulled me from it. Pulled me from the dark depths of hell and brought me back to life. Gave me a reason to breathe again.
