by Carl Weber
“No, but I’ve seen her naked.”
Suddenly his chest seemed to inflate and he wore the same expression I’d seen before he hit me last week.
“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”
“She’s a stripper, Dante. I seen her working at Scandalous.” My body tensed as I prepared for him to hit me. The blow never came.
“Shorty, what are you saying? Are you sure it’s her and not someone who looks like her?”
“Yeah, I’m sure. I wish I wasn’t. I don’t go there anymore now that I’m with Donna, but I’ve had my share of lap dances with her. She recognized me, too, the night of the rehearsal dinner. I would have told you sooner, but we weren’t exactly on the best terms lately.”
Dante looked crushed. “Shorty, I was going to ask her to marry me tonight.”
I wished I could take back the news I had given him. At the very least I wanted to think of some words that might ease the pain he was obviously feeling. Instead, I felt powerless to do anything but watch as he jumped out of his seat and announced, “I gotta go, Shorty.”
“You gonna be okay?”
“I don’t know, but I know things aren’t gonna be the same between me and Tanisha if what you said is true.” He strode out of the bar like a man on a mission.
35
Tanisha
I’d been waiting anxiously for Dante to come upstairs from the bar, where he had gone to talk to a few of his friends after Donna and Shorty’s reception. Before he left the room, I reminded him that he might want to hurry back so I could show him how much I appreciated him taking me to the wedding. Things had gone pretty smoothly as far as I was concerned, and now that I thought about it, it made sense. This was Donna’s day, so the first lady was much too wrapped up in the details of the wedding and the reception to have time to scrutinize me. For that I was thankful, and hopeful that things could only get better between us. Who knows? Someday she might actually come to accept me enough to treat me like a person worthy of being in her presence.
Shorty, of course, was much too caught up in his new bride to give me any thought. I stood in line to congratulate the new couple, and though his greeting was chilly, he left me alone after that. In fact, I don’t think I noticed him looking my way one time. He was too busy gazing adoringly at Donna.
As an added bonus, Anita and her husband were seated far away from me, at the deacon’s table on the other side of the reception hall. Though she glared at me every chance she got, I made sure to never head to the ladies’ room alone. When I needed to go, I just waited for one of the other women at the table to excuse herself, and then I followed. I figured that as long as I wasn’t alone, Anita wouldn’t dare confront me. She had a lot to lose if her obsession with Dante became public knowledge. She had a husband and a job to hold on to, and though she was a huge pain in my ass, Anita was not stupid. So while she sat at her table and sulked in silence every time she watched Dante kiss me, I had a great time.
The ceremony was beautiful, and Shorty was so obviously in love with Donna. His face glowed every time he looked at her. I don’t know, maybe I was wrong, but Donna didn’t seem quite as overjoyed. When they kissed after the minister said, “You may now kiss the bride,” I noticed Donna seemed a little hesitant. She was the first to pull away from their embrace. Oh well, she was pregnant, and pregnant women can be moody. Still, if it were me up there getting married to Dante, they would have to pry me out of his arms when the groom kissed the bride. I was really feeling him, and the way he had treated me this weekend just intensified my feelings. That’s why I couldn’t wait for him to get back to the room to experience some of my gratitude.
I took a shower and slipped into this cute little red Victoria’s Secret number I had bought the other night. I sprayed on my favorite perfume, Tresor, then slipped under the covers, waiting for my prince to awaken his sleeping beauty. About ten minutes later I heard Dante using the electronic key card at the door. As soon as the door swung open, I saw Dante’s face, and it looked like he was enveloped in a dark storm cloud. He gave me the most vicious sneer I had ever seen. He came over to the bed, but instead of taking his clothes off like I had hoped, he pulled the covers back, snatched me by the arm, and lifted me up out of the bed.
I screamed. I had never realized how strong Dante was, and I had never seen this side of him. Actually, I was afraid he was going to hit me. His face was directly in front of mine. His eyes were bulging out and his teeth were clenched.
“Are you…are you a stripper? Are you a fucking stripper?”
Shorty had gotten to him before I could. I didn’t know what to say. “How—Wha—Who told you that?”
“No, answer my question. Straight up, are you a stripper?” For the first time since we’d met, he was reminding me of the way I was treated by the other guys I had dated before him. “Answer me, dammit!”
“I used to be. I’m not doing it anymore. You’re hurting me, Dante.”
He let go of me and turned his back, walking toward the window.
“I can’t believe this. Why the hell didn’t you tell me?”
“Dante, please. You know I had to take care of my family.”
“Oh my God. Ain’t this a blip? My father is running for office, and here I am dating a stripper. Everything I thought I knew about you was a lie.”
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. This man had stuck by me even after he found out my mother was a crackhead, helped me get my brother out of foster care, and insisted over and over that he didn’t care what his mother or anyone else thought about me. Told me he loved me just the way I was. I thought I had truly met Prince Charming, and he made me feel like a princess. Yet here he was now, talking to me like a piece of dirt, telling me that what I did for a living mattered to him above all else. I was hurt more deeply than I could ever have imagined.
Beyond my pain, though, I was scared. Dante looked so angry I didn’t know what to do. To hide my fear, I got defensive. “What did you think about me? You knew I lived in the projects. You knew I worked in a club.”
“I didn’t know it was a strip club. I thought you worked as a barmaid. I didn’t know you were taking off your clothes!”
“I was a barmaid. I was just topless while I was doing it,” I protested, though I knew that wouldn’t make any difference to him.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” he demanded to know.
“I was scared, Dante. I just needed more time before I felt I could say anything. It’s not like I was proud of what I was doing.”
“So you thought it would be okay to string the preacher’s son along until you felt the time was right? You didn’t think I deserved to know this and make my own decisions?”
“Would you have accepted it if I had told you, Dante?”
He remained silent, which told me everything I needed to know. Despite all of his sweet talk, he was just as judgmental as his damn mother.
“The point is I’m not doing it now. I’m getting ready to start school. I’m getting my life together. I can’t change who I’ve been, so if you can’t accept my past, then I don’t know what to tell you.”
Dante looked at me in disgust, then spun around and left the room, slamming the door behind him. I fell upon the bed and cried like I had never cried before. I loved Dante and I had hoped he was going to ask me to marry him someday, but now everything had fallen apart. I didn’t know who to blame. Was it my mother’s fault for leaving me to fend for myself and my brother while she was out getting high? If she had given me a more secure home, maybe I wouldn’t have taken the path I did to survive.
Maybe it was Shorty’s fault for not minding his own damn business.
No, I couldn’t blame Shorty. I was the one who had purposely chosen to keep this secret from Dante. It should have been my responsibility to let him know the truth before someone else did.
Maybe, though, Dante held some of the blame in this whole mess. After all, he had me believing he was Prince Charming. I thought I could feel se
cure in his love for me, but he had just proven me so very wrong. Maybe we all shared some blame, but none of that really mattered to me as I lay on the bed sobbing. I’d just lost the best man I’d ever had, and the only one I’d ever truly loved.
36
Donna
The sun was blazing in the room when I woke up. I had no concept of what time it was or where I was. I just wanted to find the bathroom so I could pee. That’s when I realized Shorty was in the bed with me. At first I was confused, then it hit me. Fool, you married him. The events of my wedding day reeled across my mind in a blur.
When I’d put on my gown and veil and seen my reflection in the mirror, it had finally started to feel real to me. I was the bride, and a hundred and fifty guests were waiting to see me walk down the aisle. My father had just come in to tell me how much he loved me. It was too late for me to back out now, so I did my best to forget about the dream I’d just had. This was no fairy tale I was living; Terrance wasn’t going to come and stop the wedding. He had proven himself to be a lying, selfish son of a bitch, and I knew I would be better off when I was finally able to acknowledge that fact and move on. Eventually I would learn to accept and maybe even be happy about being married to Shorty.
When my father escorted me down the aisle, all the guests stood to watch and welcome me. I had seen this tradition many times before, but this time I was overwhelmed. Their smiles and good wishes were for me; this was my day. For a brief time, I was able to forget about all the drama and heartache leading up to this day and just bask in the glow of being the bride. Even my mother, when I approached the front pew where she sat, reached out and squeezed my hand. She looked ready to cry, just like my father. Then I saw Shorty.
He was waiting for me at the altar, looking so handsome in his tuxedo. His eyes locked on mine, and I felt his adoration so powerfully that I just froze. As he stood up there waiting eagerly for his bride, a pang of guilt shot through me. I knew I couldn’t give him more than the tiniest bit of my heart, which felt locked in a steel cage ever since Terrance had hurt me, but Shorty was giving his love so generously. It wasn’t fair to him, and I was the one to blame.
I wanted to turn and run from the church, but my feet wouldn’t move. My father put his hand on my shoulder and turned me toward him, bringing me back to reality. I had gone too far to turn back now, and as much as I couldn’t give Shorty my whole heart, I knew it might hurt him even more if I left him here at the altar.
“I love you, Donna,” my father said as he lifted the veil off my face and kissed me.
I made it through the rest of the ceremony as if I was a puppet. I responded to the reverend’s questions and repeated after him in all the appropriate places, but my body was numb and my mind was blank. There was a momentary feeling of panic when he said, “You may now kiss the bride,” but I performed my duty then also, and before I knew it, I was Shorty’s wife.
The reception was a blur. I stood with Shorty to greet the guests in the receiving line, and though their congratulations were genuine, most of the time I was too numb to even recognize who I was talking to. I wished that could have been the case when I looked down the line and saw Terrance approaching with his new wife. My knees got weak and my stomach felt like a volcano, but Shorty sensed my anxiety and held me closer to keep me from falling on the floor. It took every ounce of strength I had not to spit in Terrance’s face when he told us how happy he was for us. Shorty managed to shake his hand instead of punching his face, then we both turned away to greet the next guests in line.
Terrance had enough sense to stay away from me for the rest of the night, but it was still emotionally draining for me to even know that he was in the room. That, along with the fact that I had to pretend to be so happy in front of my family and the guests, left me completely exhausted. By the time Shorty carried me over the threshold of our honeymoon suite, I barely had enough energy to remove my gown before I was asleep.
It was probably better that I had passed out, because I don’t think I could have faced Shorty. He was obviously ready to consummate our marriage, and my emotions were too raw to even face that issue. I knew I wasn’t ready, but now that the sun was shining into our suite on our first day as a married couple, I couldn’t avoid it forever.
I slipped into the bathroom, wishing I could turn back time to before I got pregnant, but my body wouldn’t let me even pretend that was possible. My breasts were sore, my stomach cramped, not to mention the fact that I felt like I was going to throw up. This was not a good way to start what I knew was going to be another rough day.
When I came out of the bathroom, I looked around for the first time and savored the beautiful décor of the suite. We had a large bedroom as well as a living room area with a fireplace. I went to the large picture window and looked out at the beautiful New York City skyline. The view was awesome.
“Hey, Sleeping Beauty.”
I jumped with a start. Shorty was awake.
“Hey.” I waved from the window.
“Come over here and give your new husband some sugar.” He held out his arms to me.
I walked to him and gave him a hug, feeling again the guilt I had experienced at the altar. I just did not love him the way a woman should love her husband, and I wasn’t sure that kind of passion was something you could learn to feel. Either it was there at the beginning or it wasn’t. I was afraid I was destined to a lifetime of feeling unfulfilled, and that I was offering the same kind of life to Shorty.
For the time being, though, he seemed oblivious to the road we had ahead of us. He leaned in to kiss me, but I pulled away.
“Shorty, I haven’t even brushed my teeth.”
“I don’t care about that. You’re my wife. You can kiss me with the worst halitosis.”
“Well, I do care.” I ran my hand through my hair. “God, I must look a mess. I slept in my clothes. Why didn’t you wake me up?”
“Baby, you were out for the count. Wasn’t any waking you up. Trust me.”
My stomach started to growl, more from nerves than anything else, but I used the excuse to buy some more time. “I’m hungry, Shorty. I need to get something to eat.”
“Aw’ight. I forgot you’re eating for two. Let me order room service. I’d like to feed you breakfast in bed.” He was so accommodating, and it only made my guilt more intense. It was obvious that he was happy we were married. I wished that I could be feeling the same way, but happy was so far from my true feelings.
When the room service cart arrived, Shorty propped up the pillows and put the small serving table before me. He cut up my pancakes and my omelet, then fed me lovingly. I managed to relax a little, and we played around and teased each other throughout the whole breakfast. It reminded me of how well we used to get along before I met Terrance and my life became so complicated. I hoped that one day I might be able to put my past behind me and just accept Shorty’s love.
After he finished eating his breakfast, he became serious. “Donna, you know we haven’t consummated this marriage. You promised when we were married you’d—”
I lifted my hand, cutting him off, then swallowed. “I know what I promised, Shorty. Just let me go take a shower first. Then I’m all yours.”
I think he had to work very hard to keep a grin off his face at that point. I got up from the bed and walked to the shower.
The whole time I was in the shower, my stomach was in knots. Though we got along well and I appreciated Shorty’s generosity toward me, I just couldn’t imagine myself making love to him. Those feelings just were not there, but once I stepped out the bathroom, I was going to have to grin and bear it. Hopefully, he’d be quick so I could be done with it. I stepped out of the shower, dreading what I knew I had to go in the bedroom and do. It turned out, though, that I wouldn’t have to do it that day, because when I looked down, the drops of water on my thigh were mixed with a trail of blood. I let out a terrified scream.
37
The First Lady
It had been a while sin
ce T.K. and I had made love, so I must admit I was smiling as I made his breakfast. Lord, did I love that man, and last night he showed me just how much he loved me, too. It was so nice to have the kids out of the house so we could spend some intimate time together. I spent more time with T.K. in a week than most women spent with their husbands in a month, but I couldn’t remember the last time we were in the house alone without worrying when or if one of the children would be home. Who knows, though? Now that Donna and Shorty were married and Dante was spending so much time with Tanisha, perhaps I’d be able to get to know my husband in a much more intimate way again.
“Hey, Ma.” I looked up to see Dante enter the kitchen wearing pajamas. He surprised me. I had no idea he was even in the house. Lord, I hope he didn’t hear me screaming last night.
“Good morning, Dante. Would you like some eggs?” I tried to keep up my usually calm demeanor.
“No, thanks. I’m just gonna have some coffee.” He took a mug from the cupboard and poured himself some coffee from the pot on the counter before sitting at the table. I didn’t mention it, but he looked like something was troubling him. I was praying that it wasn’t the fact that he had heard his parents making love last night. “Where’s the bishop?” he asked.
“He’s upstairs getting dressed for church. When did you get home? I didn’t hear you come in.”
“ ’Bout three.”
I glanced at the ceiling and said a quick thanks because by that time T.K. and I had finished making love and were asleep. “I thought you were spending the night at the hotel with the rest of your friends.”
“I was, but I decided I wasn’t really in the mood to celebrate, so I came home.”
“I hope you’re not still angry at Shorty, are you? He’s a part of the family now, and sooner or later you’re going to have to speak to him. Otherwise there are going to be some very quiet Sunday dinners around here.”
