by Ann Lister
He was dressed in a white dress shirt, that like hers probably had one too many buttons undone, and a pair of faded blue jeans. His hair was tussled and still appeared slightly damp from a shower. The skin around his goatee was freshly shaven and tanned.
“It will only be the three of us,” Sydney replied, attaching the matching earring to her opposite ear. “I told Madeline to go into town and do some shopping before we have to head to the airport.”
His eyes followed Sydney as she drifted around the room, focused on the gentle sway of her hips. She was bare-legged with skin that looked smooth as silk and sandals on her feet. The sight of her nearly brought him to his knees. He watched as she turned the corner into an adjoining room and fell against the wall for support and cursed under his breath.
This day was about him meeting Jenna, but it was going to take every ounce of strength he had to fight the urge of locking himself in a room alone with Sydney.
A few minutes later, Sydney returned holding Jenna's hand in hers. They approached Ben slowly, then stopped a few feet from Ben. Jenna quickly circled her mothers leg with her arms and peered at him from behind Sydney's thigh.
The little girl was wearing a sailor-suit dress with white ankle socks and black patent leather shoes. Her hair was long, like her mother's, and the same shade. She was the spitting image of Sydney, but she definitely had his eyes. Jenna shared the same distinctive shade of green eye color with tiny brown flecks. She was a beautiful mixture of both of them.
Ben's eyes focused on Jenna. He was barely able to draw a breath, disbelieving the reality he was in fact standing in the same room as his child.
Sydney bent down to her daughter. “Jenna, do you remember who I told you was coming to see us today?”
“The man in the pictures,” the little girl said.
“Yes, that's right. Do you remember who the man is?” Sydney asked.
Ben shot a questioning look at Sydney, then went back to Jenna.
Jenna pressed her tiny index finger against her lips. “Daddy.”
Ben nearly fell over at the sound of the word leaving the child's mouth. He dropped to his knees in front of Jenna and held out his hand. “It's very nice to meet you, Jenna.”
Sydney watched as Jenna took Ben's finger to shake and rubbed at her daughters back.
“Are you ready?” she asked Ben.
Ben stood and reached for Jenna's hand to hold and together they walked down the hall. Sydney followed behind them closely. The sight was almost too emotional to process, Ben's large frame beside Jenna's, her little hand grasping onto his finger.
Sydney stood beside Ben in the elevator and glanced at his face. Emotion threatened to spill from his eyes. She slipped her hand around his bicep.
“Are you okay?” she asked.
“This is very powerful,” he said. “I wasn't prepared for it.”
Sydney squeezed his arm. “You'll be fine.”
Breakfast went by in a blur. Ben listened to Jenna chatter endlessly as she picked at her plate of pancakes. Sydney and Ben did their best to carry on their own conversation over Jenna's.
He reached across the table and set his hand on top of Sydney's. Her eyes lifted to his and held, both caught completely in the moment. And, as her eyes always did, she began to speak through them, saying the most intimate things - things she'd never dare to say out-loud. Seeing it now was making it difficult for him to sit comfortably.
“Why don't you send the nanny back to New York and you and Jenna can stay with me?” he said, squeezing her hand beneath his.
Sydney quickly glanced down at Jenna. “Ben, I don't think that's a good idea.”
“You can stay in the guest room - like last time,” he smiled.
“Ben…”
“I'd really like to spend some more time with Jenna. I don't think that's too much to ask, do you?”
Her eyes met his. She understood his need to see Jenna, but it was the fire she saw in his eyes that was making it difficult for her to breathe.
“Jenna, do you like the beach?” Ben asked.
“You're putting me on the spot,” Sydney said with a little more force.
“Come on, Syd. One night. You can fly back to New York tomorrow.”
“What if I can't get a flight?”
Ben laughed. “I'll call my charter service and have them personally fly you back to the city. How's that sound?”
A long pause fell between them as Sydney contemplated her decision. If she stayed with Ben, Jenna would get to spend the afternoon with her father, but she wondered what would happen after that - after Jenna went to sleep. Would Ben expect her to share his bed? And if he suggested it, would she be able to muster the self-control to decline his offer or would she want to accept it?
“One night?” she asked.
“You can stay as long as you like,” he grinned.
Ben pulled his wallet from his pocket and tossed several bills onto the table, then he helped Jenna from her highchair and set her onto the floor. When Jenna was settled, he reached for Sydney's hand and gently helped her to her feet. He set both his hands on her hips and leaned into her ear.
“Take Jenna outside and I'll be right with you,” he said, softly kissing the side of her face. “There's someone here I need to talk to before we leave.”
Sydney led Jenna from the restaurant and stopped on the sidewalk. She knew without asking who Ben wanted to talk to - the pretty brunette that had stared at them all through breakfast. Sydney wondered if the woman was Ben's girlfriend, then rolled her eyes in annoyance because it didn't matter.
Ben approached the woman and kissed her cheek.
“Hi Lisa. How are you doing?” he asked.
Lisa was an attractive woman with thick dark curls and deep brown eyes. Ben had met her in his store, shortly after he bought it and was in the process of doing the renovations. At the time he met Lisa, he had already been without Sydney for a year; although he was still reeling from the break-up.
Getting involved with another woman at that point was the furthest thing from his mind. Lisa seemed content to be friends with the occasional ‘benefit’, and for a while, it worked. Ben was honest with Lisa from the beginning about his remaining feelings for Sydney and Lisa accepted it, until she finally asked for a commitment that Ben was in no frame of mind to give.
“Not as good as you seem to be,” Lisa said. “That's the infamous Sydney Willows, isn't it?”
Lisa studied Ben's face. Her remaining feelings still made it painful to see him, but it would have hurt more if she had stayed in the relationship. She couldn't force Ben to love her - not when his heart still belonged to someone else, and it wasn't as if he hadn't been honest with her about that when they first met. Lisa knew what she was up against from the beginning. Even still, she hoped she might be the woman to make Ben forget all about Sydney. After seven months of trying, she realized forgetting wasn't possible. It would be like asking him to forget how to breathe.
Ben's eyes shifted to the sidewalk where Sydney waited.
“I never would have brought them here if I knew you were working,” he said. “Last I knew, you were waiting tables across the street.”
“She didn't miscarry, like you said she did,” Lisa said.
“That's what I was led to believe - until a week ago.”
Lisa tipped her head in confusion.
“It's a long story,” Ben smiled.
“The little girl has your eyes,” she said, emotion pooling in her own.
“I think she does, too.”
“Does Sydney's visit mean you're back together?”
Ben dropped his gaze to the floor. “I would in a heartbeat, but I don't know if that's what she wants.”
“It's what she wants, Ben.”
“How do you know that?”
“It's obvious every time she looks at you. The eyes can say a lot without using words and they never lie. That's how I knew what your true feelings were for me.”
“I never mea
nt to hurt you.”
“You were always honest with me, Ben,” Lisa said, and wiped a tear before it slid off her cheek. “I can't fault you for loving someone else. She's beautiful.”
Ben nodded and glanced back toward the sidewalk.
“Go on,” Lisa said. “Go win her back.”
The door to the restaurant opened and Sydney glanced inside. As she expected, Ben was standing at the hostess desk talking to the brunette. She saw Ben kiss the woman and turned away.
A few moments later, Ben joined them on the sidewalk.
“Is everything all right?” Sydney asked him.
“Couldn't be better,” he said. “It's a perfect day to spend on the beach.”
Sydney followed Ben's truck in her rental car with Jenna secured in her child seat. She wondered if she was making a mistake staying at Ben's house. If the woman at the restaurant was Ben's girlfriend, then Sydney wondered why he was kissing her in his living room the previous day?
Once inside Ben's house, he helped Sydney bring their suitcases up to the spare bedroom, then suggested they change into their bathing suits. When they finished changing, they found Ben waiting for them on the deck. He was dressed in a faded pair of swim trunks and nothing else. Sydney did her best to keep her eyes off his bare chest.
“No bathing suits?” he asked, eying the t-shirts and shorts they were both wearing.
“I didn't think we'd be spending any time at the beach, so I didn't bother to pack them.”
“I hope you don't mind if she gets this wet,” Ben said.
He scooped up Jenna in his arms and proceeded down the steps toward the beach. Sydney grabbed her camera and followed. She sat on the last step and watched Ben lead Jenna by the hand all the way to the waters edge. Sydney snapped several candid shots of Ben with Jenna, content to stay at a safe distance on the steps. It was overwhelming to see him playing in the sand beside Jenna. So many times she had wondered how he'd be as a father. Seeing him interact with Jenna now seemed as natural for him as breathing.
Finally, Ben ran up to Sydney with Jenna bouncing on his back. A sensuous grin relaxed his face.
“Why are you hiding up here?” he asked. “Are you afraid I'll throw you into the water?”
“You wouldn't dare,” she said, and set her camera on the step.
Ben carefully slid Jenna down into the sand and grabbed Sydney around the thighs. He swung her over his shoulder and ran back to the water with her screaming and slapping at his back the entire trip. He took two steps into the waves, then stopped, slowly sliding Sydney down the front of his body. When her feet dropped into the water, his lips reached for hers.
“Ben, don't. Jenna is right there,” Sydney said, and stepped away from him.
He took Sydney's hand and raised it to his mouth, kissing her finger tips.
“Thank you,” he said.
“For what?”
“For spending the day with me. It really means a lot.”
Ben barbecued chicken on his deck grill for dinner, while Sydney tossed together a garden salad. They ate outside with Jenna between them. It felt comfortable, like this was the way it was always meant to be. Ben reached across the table and toyed with Sydney's finger.
“I should get Jenna cleaned up before she falls asleep in her plate,” Sydney said, watching her daughter's head bob with fatigue.
“Go ahead,” Ben said, and kissed Jenna on the forehead. “I'll clean up down here.”
An hour later and Sydney returned to the deck. She had showered and changed into a pair of pajama pants and tight white t-shirt. Ben was standing at the railing. He had showered, too, and slipped into a pair of lounge pants and a linen shirt that was completely unbuttoned. As he turned to face her, the wind blew his shirt open and exposed his tanned chest and stomach. Sydney stopped short.
“Did Jenna fall asleep in the bathtub?” he asked.
“No, but she did while I was putting on her pajamas.”
Ben smiled and reached for two glasses from the table and poured wine into each, then handed a glass to Sydney.
“It's late, Ben. I should probably join Jenna.”
Ben laughed. “Sydney, it's barely nine o'clock. You can stay up for another hour or so, can't you?”
Sydney rolled her eyes and grinned. “Okay, fine. I'll stay up for a little bit.”
Ben stepped closer to her and tapped his wine glass against hers. “Here's to us making a beautiful little girl.”
Sydney nervously took a sip from her glass.
As if sensing her uneasiness, Ben moved to the double-wide lounge chair and reclined. He looked up above and inhaled. The sky was lit with millions of twinkling stars and a huge moon that illuminated the deck like an outside porch light. His eyes fell to Sydney standing at the railing. The way the moon was casting shadows across her face and the sea breeze shifting her loose hair around her face and shoulders, she had never looked more beautiful to him. She literally took his breath away. Seeing her like this was a snapshot he'd keep in his minds eye forever.
“So, besides doing a tremendous job raising Jenna, what have you been doing for the last three and a half years, Sydney?” he asked.
Sydney looked at him. He was laying on his back with one leg extended and the other bent at the knee. His shirt had slid off his torso and was piled at his sides. He still had too much skin exposed and it was becoming a serious distraction to her ability to focus on anything else. Sydney closed her eyes and tipped her head back, trying to form a complete thought in her brain.
“Other than raising Jenna, I haven't had time to do much else.”
“Well, you're obviously still shooting concerts,” he added.
“Yes, but no more tours. Yours was the last one. Now I do small jobs. I call them ‘hit and runs’. I can show-up, do my shoot, and go back to Jenna all in the same day if possible. I don't like to be away from her longer than that. If the job requires me to travel, I take Jenna and the nanny with me, otherwise, I don't take the job.”
“That sounds understandable,” Ben said.
“Is it true you retired from music?” Sydney asked.
“Yes. I quit the band right after our last tour ended. I couldn't work with Simon anymore. So, I came back here and bought the store in town. I take care of the business end of it and have sales people that do the actual hands-on work. It keeps me busy, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss the creative aspects of music. I might go back to that someday, but for now, I'm happy being here.”
“You did exactly what you said you wanted to do. Not many people can say they were able to retire before the age of forty and move to a place they love.”
“That's true,” Ben sighed. “But, I definitely didn't expect to implement the plan as soon as I did. When I told you about my retirement plans, I was thinking long range.”
Sydney turned on the railing and faced the water. Her thoughts drifted to how differently their lives had turned out since they were last together. But, in some odd way, they had both gotten exactly what they had wanted - except for each other.
“You've done a fantastic job with her, Sydney,” he said softly, breaking their silence. “I can't wait for my mother to meet her.”
“What about your father?”
“He passed away two years ago,” he said solemnly, crossing his legs at the ankle. “He had a heart attack. It was quick; which didn't give us time to say good-bye, but we're all grateful he didn't suffer.”
“I'm sorry to hear that.”
“It's okay. I guess it was his time,” Ben said, drinking from his wine glass. “Sad that he didn't get to meet either of his grandchildren.”
“Grandchildren?” Sydney asked.
“My brother had a kid about six months after my father died.”
“Simon is a father?”
“Yeah,” Ben chuckled. “He got a Vegas stripper pregnant. They were married a few years ago.”
“Do you still see Simon?” Sydney asked.
“The last time I saw Simon
was at his wedding. I haven't seen him since and that's by my choice.”
“Is that because of what happened between us?”
“Partly, but the bad blood with Simon goes way back.”
“I'd say I'm sorry, but I don't have any sympathy when it comes to Simon. He's not a very nice person.”
A pause fell between them and Ben shifted on the lounge chair. “Mike and Laura got married,” he said suddenly.
“When did they do that?”
“About a year ago,” he said. “It looks like everyone got a happy ending, except for us.”
Sydney turned her head toward the ocean. “I don't know how to respond to that, Ben.”
“I wasn't necessarily expecting a response, Syd. I was just making a comment.”
Another pause settled.
“When you bought the film at my store last week, did you remember this was the town where I lived?” he asked.
“I remembered the town, but I wasn't sure you still lived here, and I certainly didn't know you owned the store. Although, all the photographs of me hanging on the wall gave me a good indication you at least had a connection to it.”
“Were you upset to see the photographs?” he asked.
“It was a bit overwhelming to see that much of myself on a wall, but you couldn't see my face, so it's not like anyone could tell it was me. Besides, the artistic composition of the photographs are beautiful. No denying that.”
Ben watched her at the railing. She seemed nervous, but so was he.
“Are you seeing anyone?” he asked.
“I've been so busy with Jenna I haven't had any interest in it,” she said, and raised her glass to her mouth. “How about you?”
She already knew his answer but still had a need to hear it. She heard Ben inhale and turned away.
“I was seeing someone for a while, but it didn't work out,” he said.
“The girl from the restaurant this morning?”
“How did you know that?”
“I could tell by the way she was looking at you. At first I thought she was a fan, but it soon became obvious her feelings ran deeper than that.”
“I'm sorry, Syd. I never would have taken you to that particular place if I knew she was working there.”
