“I haven’t been able to find out anything much of value,” she said. “I thought I could play the femme fatale and get some Starson secrets, but I just can’t play up to a man when it’s not real. What kind of a disastrous reporter am I?” Her voice was weaker than she liked. She looked up at Vincent. “You should be yelling at me. I’ve dragged you to that bar too many times, and I haven’t found out much of anything.”
“Shh,” he said, and he raked one long, lean finger down her jaw. She trembled beneath his touch. “Don’t insult yourself,” he said gently. “Don’t apologize for daring to be honest, for refusing to lead a man on to get him to tell you his secrets. I respect you for that.”
“Well, that makes one of us. I can’t help but feel that some other woman wouldn’t have made such a mess out of this. Some other woman would have seduced Brad Herron’s secrets right out of him.”
“But you didn’t, because it wasn’t honest.”
She nodded and swallowed. “That wasn’t the only reason.”
“Tell me the rest,” Vincent whispered, and he tipped her head up so that she was staring straight into his dark gray eyes.
Natalie swallowed. She didn’t want to tell him the truth, but there was something about Vincent. She couldn’t tell him any less. “Brad makes my skin crawl. I don’t want him to touch me. Neil, either. See, I’m not much of an investigative reporter. I can’t even get past my personal hang-ups.”
Vincent’s fingers were resting on her jaw. Natalie was very aware that she had no personal reservations about being touched by him.
“Natalie?”
She nodded, and his fingers slid higher. She almost moaned with need.
“You’d tell me if I scared you when I touch you, wouldn’t you?”
“I’d tell you if I didn’t want you to touch me,” she whispered.
But she didn’t ask him to stop. Indeed, she didn’t know quite how it happened, but Natalie stepped closer so that her body was only inches away from Vincent’s now. She reached up and touched his chest.
“Natalie, this isn’t smart,” he said.
She swallowed. “I know.” But in these past few weeks, so little good had happened. She still woke up at times remembering Melissa Wilkes’s dead body and Jason Jamison’s face after he’d killed her. She remembered that dark ride when she had run and then the frightening prospect of returning to turn Jason in. She thought of the notes that threatened death and Mrs. Morgensen giving away her husband’s book because she had so little left to give. She thought of how ineffectual her efforts to save her friends had been and how Vincent was standing by her all the way, going beyond the call of duty when he helped her friends and comforted her. “I shouldn’t touch you,” she agreed, but she rose up on her toes and kissed his chin.
“Damn it, Natalie,” Vincent growled, and he hauled her up against his body, curling his arms around her, his mouth crushing hers.
She pressed closer, closing her mind to everything but Vincent’s touch. She wanted more of him, all of him. She wanted something she had never known, how it felt to be with a man who truly respected her.
“I can’t touch you, Natalie. It’s wrong for me to do this when I’m supposed to be protecting you.”
“I know. That’s why I’m the one doing the touching,” she said against his lips.
“That’s it, then,” he said when she came up for air. “You and me, right here.” He slid his hands down her back, curling his palms around her buttocks. When her body came up against his, she could feel the hard evidence of his arousal.
“You make me insane,” he told her. “You make me forget who I am and what I should be doing.” There was need in his voice, desire and anguish. She was driving him to the brink of breaking that code of honor he held so dear. Did she want to do that? Would he wake up in the morning and regret touching her?
Of course he would. He had as much as told her so. To push him over the edge…
With the greatest of effort, Natalie planted both palms on Vincent’s chest and pushed lightly.
He let her slide down his body slowly. He let her go, his breathing ragged and labored. “I’m sorry,” he said.
She closed her eyes, crossed her arms and tapped one foot on the floor, struggling for control, trying with all she was worth to stop the silent scream of protest that welled up inside her. She had wanted him beyond all reason, and he was correct. Doing this would have been so wrong, but it would have felt so very right.
“If you’re implying that you started this, I’m going to be very angry. I pushed you to it. And if you’re implying that you’re sorry we had to stop, well, you told me so in the first place. I started it and I stopped it, and you don’t have a thing to be sorry for.”
“Nat, I practically begged for you to touch me. That’s how much I wanted you. I couldn’t have stopped on my own.”
She nodded. “I guess we’ll leave it at that.” She turned to go. Then she turned back. “For the record, thank you.”
He frowned.
“I was feeling pretty low. Now I’m just feeling frustrated.”
He managed a laugh. “Frustrated doesn’t even begin to describe how I feel right now.”
She nodded. “I’m sorry I was acting crazy and that I started something we couldn’t finish.”
“We were both acting crazy, but we’ll get through it. You’re allowed to feel crazy. I’m assuming it’s because you didn’t get any information tonight.”
“Not much, anyway. Just a few tiny nuggets and an exchange of phone numbers.”
“Phone numbers?” Vincent’s eyes turned dark and lethal. He slammed his fist against the wall.
“My cell, not my home phone,” she said. “I’m not giving out any links to my address.”
“But you plan to see them both again.”
“I don’t want to, but I might have to.”
“Natalie—”
“I know, I know. I’m trying to move things along and get this over with quickly.”
“Me, too,” he said. “We’re looking for Jamison all the time. But I’ll tell you this much. I’m not leaving you until everything is concluded. I don’t like the way Brad Herron looks at your behind. He covets it.”
“He’s not getting near it.”
“Some men don’t ask. They take. I’m not letting any man take advantage of you.”
He walked away. For a second, she thought she heard him say, “And that includes me.” But that was probably only her imagination.
Nevertheless, she had pushed him too far tonight, and she knew that if she pushed him, she would be the one getting hurt. Vincent didn’t want a relationship, and she could never have one with a man who needed to be the leader, the protector.
Frustration rose up in her like hot lava. She couldn’t have Vincent.
But knowing that didn’t make her want him any less. Relationships were just too darned complicated.
Eleven
Relationships were just too darned complicated, Ryan thought one day later. He had told Lily about Linda Faraday a month ago, but his wife was still wearing that fragile, brave look. It had to be a blow to realize that your husband had kept a secret from you for more than ten years. If the tables had been reversed, how would he have felt about hearing there had been a man in Lily’s life she hadn’t told him about, even if she’d had a good reason for keeping that man secret?
“I would have been in a jealous rage,” he admitted. Lily deserved better. She needed to meet Linda and see for herself that there was nothing other than family responsibility and friendship between Linda and himself.
He picked up the phone and made a few calls. Three hours later, he handed Lily into his car. “I’m sorry I waited so long to do this,” he said, kissing her behind the ear. “I thought I was doing the right thing. My only excuse is that, as a Treasury agent, Linda needed secrecy. Her position, combined with the fact that Cameron’s blood alcohol level was well above the limit when he nearly killed her in that car wreck, woul
d have attracted attention. Add to that the facts that she had given birth and spent ten years in a semi-conscious state, and the story would have made national news. In these past few months since Linda has reawakened, she’s been trying to get her life back together. Her son spent ten years being raised by the Armstrongs, a couple I met through my work with MADD, and she and Ricky are virtual strangers to each other.”
He shrugged. “They need privacy. Moreover, I didn’t want anyone to know what Cameron had become, not even you, and I—”
“You thought I would tell?” Lily’s soft voice was wounded. Ryan hated thinking that he had hurt her.
“Of course not,” he said. “But there was a helpless woman involved, and a child, Lily. You wouldn’t have been able to stay away, to keep from helping. I wouldn’t have wanted to ask you to slip around. Honesty is in your blood.”
She gazed at him with troubled eyes. “Ryan, I’m your wife. I want to help you.”
“You do help me, Lily. So much, every day. Just knowing you love me makes me feel ten times bigger than I am.”
“I just wish you had trusted me.”
“I know. I love being a Fortune, but sometimes I hate being the head of the Fortunes.”
Lily leaned over and kissed him. “You have too much responsibility. It weighs on you. You look tired.”
For a moment, he felt an overwhelming need to tell her about his illness, but he loved her too much. Instead, he drew her to him and kissed her gently. “Today we’re just going to meet Linda, but soon I’ll introduce you to Ricky, too. He’s a pistol.”
Lily smiled. “If he’s anything like his uncle, I’m going to adore him.” She kept her hand on Ryan’s knee while he drove to the rehab center.
Linda was expecting them. She was a pretty blonde, very slender, and she nodded when Ryan told her who Lily was. “Mrs. Fortune. Yes. Ryan…well, he’s been good to me.” She clutched a book with a blue cover tightly, as if it were a child she was trying to protect. The fact that she had a real child, one who didn’t live with her, made the gesture even sadder.
Lily’s eyes misted over. She looked at her husband, then back to Linda. “I’m glad Ryan’s been there for you. You’ve gone through a lot.”
A tiny, pained look in Linda’s eyes was her only response. “I don’t remember much,” she said haltingly.
“Ryan tells me you have a son,” Lily said.
Linda looked at Ryan and then to the side. “Yes,” was all she said, her voice wispy.
Instantly Lily’s heart went out to her. This woman had been strong, she had been in a position of responsibility and danger. Now she was like a lost child.
“Ryan tells me that you see Ricky now and then.”
Linda nodded. “Sometimes we go to his house.”
“I’d like to go with you next time, if you don’t mind,” Lily said gently.
Linda blinked. She looked at Ryan, who nodded. “All right,” was all she said.
Watching this wounded woman, Lily felt her heart nearly break in two. Linda had been a good agent, Ryan had said. She was an intelligent woman, and life had kicked her around in some pretty horrifying ways. Now she looked scared and confused.
“Could I see a picture of your child?” Lily asked. “That is, if you have one?”
Linda clutched her book more tightly. Ryan walked over to a small bulletin board and removed a picture tacked there.
“Yes, that’s him,” Linda said in a weak voice.
The boy in the picture had blond hair and blue eyes just like Linda’s. He wasn’t exactly smiling, but he didn’t look unhappy, either, and Lily knew that ten-year-old boys didn’t always like to smile for the camera. She assumed that the happy man and woman flanking him were his foster parents. Together with Ricky, they looked like a family.
“He’s handsome,” Lily offered.
Linda didn’t respond, but she looked confused. Immediately, Lily went to her and looked at her. When she gazed into Linda’s eyes, she saw a lost woman, one who was probably frightened a great deal of the time. She couldn’t imagine what it would be like to almost lose your life, to live in a void for ten years and then to awake to a different world, a world where you had a child you didn’t even know.
“Thank you for agreeing to meet me,” Lily said gently and she carefully touched Linda’s arm. When Linda didn’t jerk away, Lily gave her a little hug.
“I think you and I are going to be friends,” she told the younger woman, her voice soft.
Linda didn’t respond, but she gazed at Lily with a hint of interest.
Ryan watched his wife, and knew that he had done the right thing in bringing her here. Lily had been born to nurture. Lately he’d given her nothing but trouble and worry, and there was surely more worry to come. He knew the fact that Jason Jamison was on the loose and that the man resented the Fortunes, particularly the head of the Fortune family, troubled her deeply and kept her awake at night.
He didn’t even want to think how devastated she would be when she found out about the cancer that was killing him, but for this moment she had something good to concentrate on, and she was in her element.
“Perhaps I can arrange a visit with Ricky soon,” he suggested to Linda.
She hesitated, twisting her fingers. “All right.”
It was the best he could hope for, he knew. He and Lily said their goodbyes, and he led Lily back to the car.
Linda had once been a fighter. Now she was fragile. He was sorry for that, even though he knew that it would awaken the mothering instinct in Lily.
Once he had started the car and they were moving down the road, Lily proved him right.
“You didn’t tell me just how damaged she was, but I suppose I should have expected it,” she said. “Now, the question is, how can we help her?”
Ryan grinned. “I’m sure you’ll find some way.”
“I’m sure I will.” At last there was a hopeful glow in Lily’s eyes, one that hadn’t been there for quite a while. He’d be damned if he let anyone threaten to put out that light.
Another day had passed. Vincent watched Natalie as she sat at her computer, lost in thought, her fingers flying over the keyboard.
She had long fingers, he thought, and long legs. Dancer’s legs, legs to wrap around a man in the night.
His chest felt tight, and he got up, needing action.
She glanced up, her eyes still dazed as if she was focusing on a dream world rather than the here and now. Vincent barely suppressed a groan.
“You done?” he asked.
“For now.” She raised her hands over her head, lacing her fingers and stretching.
He tried to concentrate on the newspaper he was holding. Not that he was succeeding. It was all he could do to keep from marching over there and kneading her shoulders, slipping his hands down over her breasts.
The paper crumpled beneath his hands.
“Looks like someone needs to get out of the house,” Natalie commented.
He considered the risks, a frown creasing his forehead.
“We don’t know where he is, do we?” she asked softly, and he could see that she wasn’t completely indifferent to her danger.
“No. All the leads have turned into dead ends.”
“And that could go on for a long time. I can’t stay inside hiding,” she said, giving him a wide-eyed look.
He chuckled. “As if you have. I’ve had to chase you down at The Ladder twice. You’ve damn near killed me worrying about you.”
“I know. That’s why I’m telling you that I’m going to do something.”
Instantly he was alert. “What are you going to do?”
She shook her head. “You don’t want to know. I just don’t want you to worry, and I can tell you this much. I’ll be completely safe.”
“Natalie—”
“Vincent,” she whispered, “don’t make me a prisoner in my house. Don’t take away my work and the things that make life worth living.”
“I’m not doing tha
t. I would never want to hurt you,” he said, gazing directly into her eyes.
“I know that. He’s the one who wants to hurt me. Jason. And right now he’s succeeding, because he has me hiding behind closed doors. In the meantime, I can see Mrs. Morgensen flutter in fear every time the mail arrives or the landlord comes to call. She’s afraid she’s going to end up in a pauper’s grave. That wouldn’t happen, of course. I wouldn’t let it, but, this situation is killing her soul, you know? The elderly give up so much of their dignity as they get older, and then this happened and made her feel as if she had lost everything precious, and I don’t mean money. I mean self-worth. She’s afraid she’ll look foolish or unintelligent, an easy target. I’ve got to take things to the next level. I have to help.” She swiped at her cheek, and Vincent knew that a tear had slipped down. She didn’t seem real happy about that.
“All right, you help, then,” he told her. “But only on the condition that I go with you.”
She opened her mouth to protest.
He stood and walked to her, reaching out to take her by her forearms and lift her to her feet, so that they were only inches apart. “I go with you,” he repeated.
“Will you stay outside?”
“Depends on where you’re going.”
“It’s a place with lots of security. No one’s going to be able to take a shot at me while I’m inside.”
“All right, you might as well tell me where if I’m going with you.”
She shrugged and he thought he saw a spot of color tinge her cheeks. “Starson,” she said in a low voice.
He glared at her.
“I’m not going in there to see Brad or Neil,” she told him. “I just want to get some of my questions answered.”
“And if you don’t?”
She looked to the side. “I have to believe that I can do it. If I start out believing I’ll fail, then I will.”
Vincent noticed she said that as if she had experience with such situations. He wondered how many times her parents or brothers had told her that she wouldn’t be able to do something in an effort to protect her. He understood their dilemma, as it was now his, but he wasn’t going to let anyone crush Natalie’s spirit.
Keeping Her Safe Page 12
