by Lynda Aicher
His body was on fire. His dick was so hard it ached, and that was nothing compared to the ball of emotion clawing to break out around the thundering beat of his heart. He couldn’t let it out though. It was too powerful. Too risky.
No one had ever given him that much trust without yanking it away later.
The panic struck before he could contain it. He pushed Rock away and lunged for the supplies in the nightstand drawer. He popped the lube cap, flipped onto his knees and had his lubricated fingers at his entrance before Rock could say a word. He grunted as he entered himself. He drove his fingers deep and added a third with practiced efficiency.
“What are you doing?”
Carter ignored the concern-mixed confusion in Rock’s voice. His back was to him, yet he still closed his eyes. He twisted his fingers and bent his head to the mattress, knowing the view would be better. “Getting myself ready,” he grunted out.
Rock grabbed his hand and yanked it away. “Stop.”
“Why?” Carter panted. He tried to pull his hand free, but Rock’s hold was unrelenting. The lube was slick around his hole so he purposely flexed the muscle. Men loved when he did that. “Don’t you want to fuck me?”
“Don’t do that,” Rock ordered, his voice hard. He circled his free arm around Carter’s chest and yanked him up. Carter resisted, but Rock was stronger and had the leverage. He clamped his arms around Carter and held him to his chest. “Don’t bring that in here.” He contracted his arms, squeezing Carter to emphasize his point. “It doesn’t belong with us.”
He sat on Rock’s lap and stared blankly at the wall. Once again he’d thrown his job between them. The regret doused him with shame, but he couldn’t let that show. This was better. Safer.
“What?” he asked, faking stupidity. He tried to control his breathing but it came out in deep pants anyway.
“Really?” Rock shoved him away and sprang off the bed.
Yeah, that felt right.
Rock stalked away, only to spin around and stomp back to glare down at Carter. “I don’t get you. You claim you’re not ashamed of what you do, yet you turn around and shove it at me like it’s a weapon to scare me away. Why?”
Why? Wasn’t that always the question?
Carter sprawled out on his stomach and folded his arms under his chin. It was both a defensive and seductive pose. He wouldn’t cower, but he knew enough to protect his stomach and groin. The more remote he pretended to be, the more likely Rock would retreat.
Rock looked fierce where he stood seething next to the bed. Carter should be afraid, but there was nothing in him now. There was no emotion anymore. The empty hole was back, protecting him.
“I’m not ashamed of being a…an escort.” He stopped himself from saying whore at the last second. They’d been through that discussion.
“Then why?” Rock crossed his arms over his chest, seemingly unconcerned about his nudity. His erection was long gone, as was Carter’s. “What happened that you suddenly started acting like—” he waved his hand around, “—that?”
Carter lifted his shoulder in an indifferent shrug. “We were having sex.”
“That wasn’t about sex.”
“No?” He raised a brow. “Then what was it about?”
“You tried to turn it into fucking. And we don’t…it’s not…We don’t fuck.”
No. They didn’t. They never had. That was the problem.
He stared at Rock, unable to respond. If he moved, he’d break. His throat stung with bitterness at his weakness. He was so damn tired of fighting everything, but he wouldn’t show that.
“Don’t.” Rock’s statement wasn’t hard or cold, yet there was a solid firmness that matched the look in Rock’s eyes. “Don’t,” he repeated as he kneeled on the bed. He leaned down until his nose was inches from Carter’s. “Don’t.”
There was no need to ask what. Rock was calling him on his stupid stunt to push him away. “Sorry,” he whispered. The real fear invaded then, churning within him until he could barely breathe. “That was shitty of me.”
The mattress wiggled then the long length of Rock was wrapped around him. He stiffened, waiting. Rock only snuggled in closer, wedging a leg between his and circling an arm around his back in a hug that said he wasn’t leaving.
“Yes. It was.” Rock’s breath was warm near his ear, his voice gruff and low. “It won’t work with me.”
“It should.” One day it would, when Rock got what he wanted and walked away. Carter wouldn’t be needed once Rock got the gay thing figured out.
“It won’t. So cut it out.” Rock nudged him around until Carter was lying on his side, facing him. “Come here.” He pulled him in for a kiss filled with tenderness and patience and a bit of something soft that was terrifying to trust.
Rock rolled on top of him, and everything was right again. Carter spread his legs and wrapped his arms around Rock to hold himself there. “I’m sorry,” he whispered around the press of Rock’s lips. “I’m so sorry.” God, he meant it. He didn’t deserve this man.
Rock hummed his response through the kiss before he nibbled his way down Carter’s neck. “Now let me finish what I started.” The heat of his breath bathed Carter’s nipple. He sucked it into his mouth and worked the nub with his teeth. Carter arched closer. He wanted more even when his mind said it was dangerous. But he was past the point of return.
He was in love with Rock.
Not kind of, not maybe. Not even really liked him a lot. There was no way he could deny or ignore the truth. This man had claimed his heart completely. It was so going to suck when Rock left.
His desire returned full force with the need to show Rock how sorry he was, but the man resisted his attempts to pull him up. When the wet heat closed around his dick, he gave up and sunk into the mattress. Two long sucks, and he was fully hard once again. The pleasure swamped him, rising up from his groin to spread through every limb.
Rock hummed, the vibration rumbling over his dick in a wave of sensation. He tried to control himself, but his hips bucked and thrust as if they had a mind of their own. He always had control over himself. Except with Rock. He’d never had control with Rock.
The tight hold on his hips kept him still, which only made him want to move more. “God, Rock,” he said through a moan. He reached down and dragged the edge of his nails up Rock’s back and down his arms. What the man was doing with his mouth was indescribable. But it was more than the action. More than the undeniable pleasure that threatened to explode at any second.
It was the connection that made it the best blow job ever. He honestly didn’t get many, but that wasn’t the point. Rock was giving him something no else did or could. He was giving himself.
The flick of tongue, combined with the hot suction and a sudden squeeze on his balls, had Carter sucking in a breath and counting random numbers to keep from coming. “Stop,” he pleaded, struggling to shove Rock’s shoulders. “I don’t want to come yet. Not without you.”
Rock looked up, the heat simmering in his darkened eyes. He released Carter’s cock but eased a finger down to find another target. The slick slide of Rock entering him was right. There wasn’t any pain, only an aching need for more. It wasn’t enough. The glimmer in Rock’s eyes said he knew that too.
Carter patted around on the bed until he found the condom he’d left there. He was reaching for Rock when a second finger entered him. He froze, unable to do anything but feel. His mouth was open, but no sound came out. The pressure was welcomed, wanted. The gentle in and out a slow warm-up that had him begging for more.
“Damn it. Please.” He clamped a hand around Rock’s nape and curled up until he could take Rock’s mouth. The kiss wasn’t gentle. There was too much unsaid and too much contained for him to go easy. He cried out at the sharp, gut-clenching shot of bliss when Rock rubbed over his gland.
No. Fuck, he really didn’t want to come and Rock was going to make him do so soon. He slapped the condom at Rock’s shoulder. “Here. God.” He dropped
to the mattress, gasping for air, his skin slick with sweat. “Please.” He’d keep begging until he got his wish.
Rock sat up, tore the package open and had the condom on seconds later. Carter had thought he’d looked fierce before, but it was nothing compared to the dark, stormy gaze he raked over Carter now. His chest expanded with each deep breath, the defined muscles of his pecs straining before they relaxed.
“Roll over.” Rock’s command was accompanied with a slap on Carter’s hip. The smack of skin rang through the room, and Carter complied instantly. He didn’t even think before he was twisting around to his hands and knees.
The pounding of his heart clouded out other sounds, but he didn’t miss Rock’s low rumble of appreciation as he ran his hands up the back of Carter’s legs. He spread his legs wider and gulped in a breath of air when the tip of Rock’s cock nudged his hole.
The trapped air expelled in a rush as Rock lay against his back. Skin to skin, muscle to muscle, gasping breaths in sync as he eased in. The heat seared Carter and he pressed up for more, welcoming the pressure that burned and filled him.
Rock wrapped an arm around his chest, and he automatically reached up to hold it there. He spread his fingers wide, his heart thumping a manic rhythm against Rock’s palm.
“This isn’t fucking.” The gruff words were spoken into his neck as a hand fisted in his hair. “Tell me this isn’t fucking.” Rock held still, his harsh breaths sawing off the effort it took him to wait.
The actions were rough, almost territorial, but tender and encompassing. It wasn’t just Carter’s body doing the act. His heart and mind were completely engaged too. The disconnect had never been there with Rock. Never.
“It’s not fucking,” Carter rasped. “It’s never been with you.” The second admission croaked out as Rock pulled back and thrust in. “God.” It was so good.
A tug on his hair had him turning to meet Rock in a sloppy kiss. He tried to balance on one hand as Rock started to move in a steady pace that had them rocking forward with each plunge.
It was all too much and not enough. His head was spinning, his body on fire and he didn’t want it to stop.
His arm started to shake and it finally gave out when Rock broke away from their kiss to ram into him. He face-planted into the pillow, bringing Rock with him, but he wasn’t letting go of Rock’s hand. If he could, he’d have that hand tattooed over his heart so he’d never forget this feeling.
Rock grunted into his back, the vibration skimming over his spine with each impact and smack of skin. His own sounds were muffled in the pillow, but there was no way he could stay silent.
“Damn,” Rock mumbled, the word drawn out in a slow roll that matched the sudden change in pace. His arm clamped around Carter as he held still, the tip of his cock just inside. “I don’t want it to end.”
Neither did Carter, but he was crazy with the need to come. His dick was aching, the precome spilling out to leave a wet drizzle on the sheet. He reared back, driving Rock deep on a frustrated grunt. “Don’t stop.” He ground his forehead into the pillow, his fingers wrapping between Rock’s to clench his hand. “Don’t you dare stop.” The raw need in his voice was hoarse and exposing. It didn’t matter. Nothing mattered but keeping Rock there.
Thought ended as Rock braced himself on one arm and hammered into Carter like a crazed man. He shifted his angle and the next downstroke hit home. Carter cried out at the shattering pleasure that burst though him.
With the last of his strength, he wrapped his fist around his dick and stroked it, each drive over his prostate putting him closer to the edge. He leaned on his shoulder and took the powerful thrusts like they were his last.
“I’m gonna come,” he managed to say, his palm twisting over the head of his dick.
“Do it. Come with me.”
His release was more of an explosion that detonated from deep within him. His litany to a deity he didn’t believe in would’ve had anyone believing he was a dedicated worshipper. The world went black, his muscles tensing as every bit of his strength was drained from him. Distantly he was aware of Rock grinding against him with a rugged roar and the warm spill of his own come on his hand as another wave of pleasure powered through him.
With a last grunt, his legs gave out and he collapsed to the bed, sucking in gulps of air. Rock followed him down and sprawled across his back in a deadweight that made breathing even harder, but he wasn’t pushing him off.
Rock’s low moan rumbled against Carter’s neck, each gasping breath leaving a hot steak across the damp skin on his nape. There weren’t words for what they’d just shared. At least words he was willing to say. But if there’d been any doubts about how he felt, they were long gone now.
It was another minute or two before Rock rolled to the side with a moan. “Holy…”
Carter turned his head to see Rock scrub a hand over his face. He smiled, knowing exactly what Rock meant. “Yeah,” he agreed.
Rock turned his head and met his smile with his own. “Not fucking. I know what fucking is, and that was far from it.”
The words were right there, ready to tumble out and risk it all, but he swallowed them back. Instead he gave a small nod and agreed again. “Not fucking.”
But what was it? The answer to that remained unsaid, the truth too fragile to let out.
Chapter Nineteen
“Hey, boys.” The same waitress they had the last time they were at the diner smiled at them. “Coffee this morning?” She raised the pot in her hand, brows lifted.
“Yes, ma’am,” Rock said, sliding his cup over.
She flashed him a wide grin as she filled his cup. “I do like those manners.” She turned the pot to fill Carter’s cup, her smile never faltering. Her lipstick was fresh that morning, and the uniform was free of stains, but there was still a tired pull to her features. “You need a minute?”
“The fruit plate and oatmeal for me,” Carter said. He handed his menu over, and she tucked it under her arm as she turned to Rock.
“Two eggs, over easy. Hash browns, bacon, white toast.” Rock rattled off his order before she could ask the questions.
“Efficient, too.” She grabbed Rock’s menu and winked at Carter. “I knew he was a keeper. It’s good to see you thought so too.”
Carter let out a full laugh, but Rock could only stare in shocked surprise, his mouth open as the waitress sashayed away. “How’d she know?” Did he suddenly have a sign over his head saying he was gay? What the hell?
“I have no idea,” Carter said around his laughter. His eyes were bright with the humor that lightened everything about him.
Rock closed his mouth and shook his head, his own chuckle following. “Unbelievable.” The welcome press of Carter’s leg against his had him looking up. To say he caught his breath would sound stupid. Yet something hitched in his chest as he stared at the man across from him. His hair was still damp from their morning shower, the finger-combed look appearing natural on him. So was the very faint shadow of stubble around his mouth and chin. Neither of them had shaved before they’d left.
“You okay?” Carter took a sip of his coffee and leaned an elbow on the table.
“Why wouldn’t I be?”
“I’m guessing this is your first public ‘outing.’” He did finger quotes around the last word. “I was just checking.”
Rock sat back, crossing his arms over his chest. “I hadn’t thought of that,” he said honestly. But it didn’t bother him. At all. Not here. In fact, he was proud to be connected to Carter. “I’m fine.” He reached across the table and took Carter’s hand. He held it, not caring what others thought. “This is nice.”
Carter stared at their hands before he threaded his fingers with Rock’s. “It is.”
If anyone had told him a month ago he’d be sitting in a public diner holding hands with his male lover, he’d have laughed in horror. Yet here he was, finally out. The freedom was beyond description.
“What are you thinking?”
He glanced up, a smile on his face. “How different things are now.”
Carter’s brows rose. “That good or bad?”
“You have to ask?” He nudged Carter’s leg under the table.
“I wasn’t sure after last night.” Carter sat back, withdrawing his hand. He took a sip of his coffee before wrapping both hands around the cup. “I was a dick.”
So they were having that talk now. They’d both avoided it the rest of the evening, letting it fall to the background as they’d baked the cookies and devoured half the batch while watching a movie.
He glanced over his shoulder. They were in the back corner booth again, the same one they’d had before. The diner was busy that morning, but the normal din of conversation and eating clatter kept their conversation mostly private.
“That was the second time you tried to push me away,” Rock said. Carter stared at his coffee, but his wince was still noticeable. “Talk to me.”
Carter took a minute to answer, his fingers fiddling with the handle on the mug. “I didn’t expect this to last. I still don’t.”
“Why not?” He frowned. “Because I’m in the closet?”
“No,” Carter murmured with a head shake. “Because I’m in the closet.”
Rock jerked back. “How so?”
“What do you think people will say to you when they find out what I do? How will that make you feel?” His stare was cold, a dare for Rock to answer.
“I don’t care.”
“Don’t you?” Carter challenged, leaning forward slightly. “If you didn’t care what others think, it wouldn’t have taken you over thirty years to admit you’re gay.”
Rock ignored the question and held up a finger. “One, how will they find out?” He flicked up a second finger. “And two. I. Don’t. Care.” He really didn’t. Carter’s occupation was nobody’s business. Just like his. Just like their sex life.
“Right. You haven’t even told anyone you’re gay. I can’t see you owning up to having a boyfriend who’s a professional escort.”
