by Janet Dailey
* * *
Bay’s last parting remark to her had been ‘I’ll call you.’ In Sabrina’s experience, those particular words had always signaled the end of a relationship. It was Friday night and he had not phoned.
Another tear slipped down her cheek. She wiped it away with her fingertips, leaving a streak of dark clay to smudge her face. Why couldn’t her tear ducts have been damaged as well as her eyesight? she wondered forlornly, then sighed. Perhaps it was better to have a way to release the pain.
There was a knock on the studio door. She had kept it closed this last week, not wanting anyone to pop in without at least the warning click of the doorknob. She had told her father it was because she wanted to block out any distractions. The truth was she could work in the middle of rush hour traffic. Lately, however, she had discovered herself simply standing and crying. It was this she didn’t want her father or anyone else to see.
Sabrina took the hem of her smock and wiped her face carefully just in case there was a betraying tear she had missed. ‘Come in,’ she called in answer to the knock.
A cloud of perfume swirled into the room, a scent her mind labeled as Deborah’s. The lightly graceful steps confirmed the identification.
‘I came to remind you we would be leaving in an hour so you would have plenty of time to clean up here and change clothes,’ her future stepmother said brightly.
‘I don’t think I’ll go,’ Sabrina murmured, centering her attention on the partially completed clay bust on the work pedestal.
‘Grant has been looking forward to the three of us dining out tonight,’ Deborah reminded her.
‘I know, but I’d rather keep working a while longer. I’m right in the middle of this piece. I want to keep going while the concept is still fresh in my mind,’ she lied.
‘Are you sure?’ came the slightly troubled question.
‘I’ve just really grasped the form, and I don’t want to lose it,’ Sabrina assured her.
‘I didn’t mean about the work,’ Deborah said hesitantly.
‘What did you mean, then?’ Her hand was poised along the half-formed ear of the bust. Was Deborah’s womanly intuition at work?
‘I . . . I wanted to be sure you weren’t refusing because of me. I don’t want you to think you would be the superfluous third tonight,’ the attractive redhead explained self-consciously.
‘No, Deborah, it wasn’t because of you.’ Sabrina expelled a silent sigh of relief. ‘We’ll go out another night. I probably shouldn’t have started this so late, but now that I have, I must work a little longer.’
‘I understand. I know how important this is to you. And don’t worry, Sabrina.’ There was the warmth of a smile in her voice. ‘I’ll explain to Grant.’
‘What were you going to explain to me?’
‘Grant!’ Deborah exclaimed in a startled voice. ‘You shouldn’t sneak up on a person like that.’
‘I didn’t sneak. You simply didn’t hear me.’ There was the faint sound of a kiss exchanged. ‘Now, I repeat, what are you going to explain to me?’
Sabrina answered for Deborah. ‘I’ve decided to stay and work tonight instead of going out to dinner with you two.’
‘The two of us were going out to dinner with you, not the other way round,’ her father frowned.
‘Then we’ll go out another night,’ she shrugged, determined not to let him change her mind.
‘No, we’ll go out tonight.’
‘Grant!’ Deborah interjected a silent plea into his name.
’dammit, she’s working too hard, Deborah,’ he declared forcefully. ‘Look at the dark circles under her eyes and the hollows in her cheeks. She doesn’t sleep. She doesn’t eat. All she does is work from dawn to dusk, or more aptly midnight.’
’dad, you’re exaggerating,’ Sabrina sighed. ‘Besides, my work is important to me.’ It was the only thing that kept her sanity. Without it, the emptiness of a life without Bay would be more than she could stand. ‘I promise as soon as I can leave this piece I’m doing I’ll fix myself something to eat and go straight to bed. How’s that?’
‘I think that’s a fair bargain, don’t you, Grant?’ Deborah murmured.
‘I — ’ He took a deep, angry breath, but arguing with the two women he loved was not something he enjoyed. He sighed heavily. ‘All right,’ he surrendered. ‘You can stay home this time. But next week we’re all going out together, with no excuses. Now, why don’t you let me have a peep at this work of art that is too important to leave?’
Sabrina stepped to the side as he walked closer. ‘I only have it roughed in right now. I’m doing the head and shoulders of Gino Marchetti as he was in his youth. Over a year ago, he showed me a picture taken at his wedding. I had intended to do a painting, but — ’ She left that unfinished for obvious reasons. ‘He looked very Roman, very proud and very strong.’
‘Gino, the druggist?’ Grant Lane repeated with a hint of disbelief.
‘It’s only rough,’ Sabrina defended.
There was a moment of silence as he studied the partially completed head of the bust. Then he turned suddenly. ’deborah, who does it look like to you?’
‘Well — ’ Her hesitation was pronounced. ‘I don’t know Gino very well.’
‘I’ve known him for years. I’m sorry to be the one to tell you, Sabrina, but that doesn’t look like him at all, not even when he was younger,’ he said emphatically.
‘When it’s finished — ’ Sabrina began.
‘It will look exactly like Bay Cameron,’ her father finished the sentence for her.
‘You must be mistaken,’ she responded evenly, but she clenched her hands tightly together until they hurt, punishing them for having betrayed her. ‘It doesn’t look at all like Bay, does it, Deborah?’
‘It does bear a slight resemblance to him,’ the other woman admitted reluctantly, ‘but as you said, it isn’t finished.’
‘The man has an interesting face. If you could see it, Sabrina, I know you would have had the urge to put it on canvas. But nevertheless, I’m not going to argue with you. You’re the artist not me. If you say it’s Gino, it’s Gino. I suppose there’s Roman characteristics in both of them.’ He put his arm around her shoulders and gave her a reassuring hug. ‘Now if you two ladies will excuse me, I came up here to shower and change.’
After bestowing a light kiss on Sabrina’s cheek, he left the room. Sabrina stared sightlessly at the mound of clay on the work pedestal, her heart crying with pain. For a moment she had forgotten Deborah was still in the room, until the faint click of a heel reminded her.
‘Sabrina, about Bay — ’ The gentle voice paused.
‘What about Bay?’ Sabrina challenged, her tone cold and aloof.
‘You aren’t becoming . . . too involved with him, are you?’ Deborah faltered as if sensing she was trespassing on private territory. ‘I mean, I admire him very much, but I don’t think you should — ’
‘ — take his attentions too seriously,’ Sabrina finished for her. ‘I’m well aware that he only sees me to be kind.’ She couldn’t bring herself to use the word pity.
‘I’m glad.’ There was a faint sigh of relief in the redhead’s statement. ‘I’m sure he likes you, Sabrina. I just don’t think it would be wise if you became too fond of him. After all you’ve been through, it wouldn’t be fair.’
‘I am fond of him,’ she asserted. ‘He helped me a great deal. Bay was even the one to suggest that I try working in clay.’ Silently she admitted that it wasn’t a fair trade to give away her heart for a career, but when was anything connected with love classified as fair? ‘But don’t worry, Deborah. I haven’t misinterpreted his motives.’
‘You always seem to have your feet on the ground,’ was the faintly envious response.
Only this time my head was in the clouds, Sabrina thought to herself. She mumbled an absent reply when Deborah said she would leave Sabrina to her work.
As the studio door closed behind her father’s red-haired fian
cée, Sabrina’s hands reached tentatively toward the bust, lightly exploring the roughed-in features, confirming for herself that indeed it was Bay. A cold anger pervaded her body.
Destroy it! Smash it! her mind ordered. Turn it back into an ordinary lump of clay!
Her hands rested on either side of the face, but they couldn’t carry out the order. One tear fell, then another. Finally silent sobs racked her slender form, her shoulders hunching forward at the excruciating pain in her chest.
But her hands didn’t remain immobile. Shakily they began working, painstakingly defining each detail of his face in the molding clay. It was a labor of love, and what pieces of her heart she hadn’t given to Bay went into the soft clay.
Later, Sabrina wasn’t conscious of how much time had passed, her father knocked once on the door and opened it. She didn’t have time to wipe the river of tears from her face, so she kept her back to the door.
‘We’re leaving now,’ he told her. ’don’t forget your promise. Eat and straight to bed.’
‘Yes, Dad,’ she answered tightly. ‘Have a good time.’
The interruption checked the onslaught of tears. She suddenly realized how drained she was, emotionally and physically. When the front door leading to the stairwell to the street closed, signaling the departure of her father and Deborah, Sabrina sank on to the work stool. She tiredly buried her face in her hands, not wanting to move or expend the energy to breathe.
A pounding began. For an instant she thought it was coming from inside her head. Then she realized it was coming from the stairwell door downstairs. She grimaced wryly as she rubbed her cheeks dry.
’dad must have forgotten his key,’ she muttered aloud, and slipped off the stool.
Her legs refused to be hurried as she made her way out of the studio and down the stairs to the second floor. The knocking continued, more demanding than before.
‘I’m coming!’ Irritation raised her voice and the sound stopped.
The muscles at the back of her neck had become knotted with tension and she rubbed them wearily as she turned the automatic lock and opened the door.
‘What’s the matter? Did you forget your key?’ She tried to make her voice sound light and teasing, but it was a hollow attempt. Her greeting was met with silence. Sabrina tilted her head to the side in a listening attitude. ’dad?’
’did you know there’s a smudge of clay on your cheek?’
Sabrina recoiled instinctively from the sound of Bay’s voice. Her hand moved to shut the door, but he blocked it effectively and stepped into the room.
‘How did you get up here? What do you want?’ she demanded angrily.
‘I met your father and Deborah on their way out. He let me in,’ he explained calmly.
‘Why?’ She pivoted away, unable to face him, a hand nervously wiping the clay from her cheek.
‘Why did he let me in?’ Bay questioned. ‘He said something about you working too hard.’
‘Well, I’m not!’ she said emphatically. ‘And I meant why did you come?’
‘To ask you to have dinner with me.’
‘No.’ Sabrina tipped her head back, her lashes fluttering down in a silent prayer to be left alone.
‘I won’t accept that,’ he stated. ‘You have to eat, and it might as well be with me as alone.’
‘You’ll have to accept it, because I’m busy. It doesn’t bother me in the least to eat alone.’ A solitary meal was something she had better get used to, she told herself.
‘Sabrina, stop being stubborn,’ Bay admonished calmly. ‘There’s no need to change clothes. Just take off your smock and go as you are. We’ll eat and I’ll bring you directly back here to finish your work, if it’s essential it be done tonight.’
‘I’m not going to be talked into going,’ she warned.
With a fluid step, Bay reached out and untied the sash of her smock. Quickly she tried to tie the bow again, but his fingers closed over her wrist to prevent it.
‘You are not going to bully me this time, Bay Cameron,’ Sabrina muttered, straining to free her wrist from his grasp.
He held it easily. ‘It’s going to be a long night, because I’m not leaving here until you agree.’
It was not an idle threat. He was just arrogant enough to carry it out. The fire spreading through her arm was a second threat, a threat that she might not be able to hide her feelings or hold her tongue if she tried to outwait him.
Sabrina closed her mouth tightly for a moment. ‘If I agree to this blackmail of yours, do I have your word that from now on you will accept my decisions about going with you as final?’
Her request was met by guarded silence for long seconds. ‘You have my word, if,’ there was an edge of fine steel in his voice, ‘if you will agree that we will discuss the reason for your sudden animosity.’
‘I don’t know what you’re talking about,’ she said coolly. Her heart started pounding frantically.
‘Your word, Sabrina,’ Bay ignored her denial.
The sigh she released was a well disguised checked sob. ‘All right, you have it. Now let go of me.’ Her wrist was freed. She rubbed the tender area unconsciously. ‘But I still don’t know what you’re talking about,’ she lied.
Her attitude toward him had changed, but not for anything did she want him to discover why. Pity because she was blind was one thing, but pity because she loved him was something she refused to tolerate.
‘We’ll see,’ Bay murmured quietly.
How she hated his air of confidence! Sabrina flung her smock in the general direction of a chair and stalked to the umbrella stand to get her cane, the ivory cane that Bay had given her.
‘Let’s go, so we can get this over with,’ she declared.
‘Aren’t you forgetting your bag?’ he mocked. ‘You might need your key to get back in unless — you plan to spend the night with me.’
‘Perish the thought!’ Sabrina spat.
But the thought was pure torture stabbing into her heart as she hurried up the stairs to her room. It hurt that Bay could joke about making love to her, especially when it was something that she wanted so very much.
Downstairs with her purse in hand, she brushed past him through the door, ignoring his mocking, ‘Are you ready now?’
Her continued silence in the car was for her own protection, not a desire to be rude. She couldn’t begin to guess Bay’s reasons for not speaking. He was an enigma. She didn’t understand why he did anything he did. For instance, why did he want her company when she had made it obvious that she didn’t want his?
Poignantly Sabrina realized that this was probably the last time she would be with Bay, if he kept his word. It was really impossible and impractical to keep going out with him when she knew the truth of her feelings. It would only bring more pain.
She knew he hoped to change her mind and persuade her to continue their relationship. He had succeeded the last time when she hadn’t been aware of her love. Naturally he was sure that he could do it again — why, she didn’t know. She had to guard against his charm. She mustn’t prolong the time when they separated.
Her thoughts were centered on the man behind the wheel. Nothing else around her penetrated her consciousness. She couldn’t hear the traffic. Up or down a San Francisco street, it didn’t matter. She could not care less where he was taking her, although at some future time she would probably think of the restaurant with pain.
‘Sabrina.’
The faint command for her attention drew her out of the sheltering cocoon of her misery. She sat up straighter, realizing with a start that they had stopped. The engine had been turned off. Pink heightened her cheekbones, but she knew the dimness of the car concealed it.
‘Are we here?’ She tipped her head to a haughty angle.
‘Yes,’ Bay answered.
Her fingers closed tightly around her cane while she waited for Bay to walk around the car to open her door. The serpent heads carved into the ivory handle left an imprint in her fingers. Since she
didn’t know where she was going, she had to accept the guidance of his hand at her elbow. Several paces farther, he opened a door and ushered her into a building.
Footsteps immediately approached them and a woman’s voice greeted them in pleasant surprise. ‘You’re here already, sir. Let me take your coat.’
Bay shrugged out of a light topcoat. ‘Yes, it didn’t take me as long as I thought, Mrs. Gibbs. Mrs. Gibbs, I’d like you to meet Sabrina Lane. Sabrina, this is Mrs. Gibbs.’
‘How do you do, Mrs. Gibbs,’ Sabrina greeted the woman warily, her ears straining to hear the sounds familiar to a restaurant.
‘I’m pleased to meet you, Miss Lane.’ Then the footsteps retreated.
‘What kind of a restaurant is this?’ Sabrina whispered, not certain if anyone could overhear.
‘It’s not a restaurant.’ His hand was at her elbow again, leading her forward.
‘But — ’ Sabrina frowned.
‘This is my home, Sabrina,’ Bay stated calmly.
She stopped abruptly. ‘You said you were taking me out to eat,’ she accused.
‘But I never said to a restaurant.’ He released her elbow and curved his arm around the back of her waist, propelling her forward. ‘And you never asked.’
Sabrina twisted away from his arm. ‘You’ve tricked me for the last time, Bay Cameron.’ Her voice trembled with emotion. ‘You can just turn around and take me home right now.’
‘I gave Mrs. Gibbs a list of your favorite things. She’s gone to a great deal of trouble to cook a meal you’ll like. She’ll be very disappointed if you don’t stay.’
‘You were never concerned about my feelings,’ she reminded him sharply. ‘Why should I worry about hurting hers?’
‘Because essentially you’re a gentle and sensitive woman and because,’ his low voice became ominously soft, ‘you gave me your word.’
‘And I’m supposed to honor it even when you don’t keep yours.’ Sabrina swallowed back a helpless sob of frustration.’
‘I’ve never lied to you.’
‘No, you’ve only tricked, maneuvered and bullied me into doing what you want, but after all, you are Bay Cameron. You can make up your own code of ethics, can’t you?’ she snapped sarcastically.
