by Lila Kane
She was light on my lap but the weight was enough to make my dick throb. It wouldn’t take much to have her clothes off and her body pressed to the cushions of the couch while I took her like I’d imagined so many times since she’d gotten here.
But.
I knew she’d been drinking before I’d even gotten home, and she’d had another two glasses of wine after that. She was vulnerable and sad, and I just couldn’t give in to my urges right now no matter how much I wanted to.
There was too much at stake. And I didn’t want her waking up tomorrow with regret. I wanted her to want this of her own free will. I wanted her engaged completely, and to remember it the next day.
How much she enjoyed it and how she wanted it again and again.
She set her free hand on my chest and I swallowed hard. Then I took her wine glass and set it aside on the end table. Her eyes lit with the gesture, probably thinking it was acceptance. Her other hand pressed against my chest.
“Looks like you don’t want to watch the movie either,” she said, her lips curving.
I was honest. “No, I don’t.”
Actually, what I wanted was to get her to her bed and tuck her in. That way she might avoid a massive hangover tomorrow.
That way we could pick up on a good note.
She shifted on my lap, brushing my cock, and I held in a groan. Then her mouth was right in front of mine, her breath touching my lips.
“Libby,” I said, my voice almost choked.
“I feel better now. Really.”
“I see that. But—”
Before I could finish, her mouth was pressed against mine, demanding and possessive. My brain short-circuited and my cock shot to attention. It throbbed against the zipper of my pants while her hands moved down my chest, slipping over buttons she was prepared to undo.
“Libby,” I said again.
Her tongue skimmed my bottom lip. “I like that. When you say my name. You know what you sound like when you talk like that?”
“What?”
She grinned. “A lawyer.”
Fuck. This wasn’t good. If she kept talking to me like that, kept pressing her body against mine, I didn’t know if I’d be able to help myself. Already, my body was betraying me.
Later. I had to keep telling myself that. When she wasn’t drunk, I’d be able to do whatever I wanted to her. With her.
Just not now.
Her hands slid under my shirt, and I gave a short laugh. “It’s getting kind of late.”
She smiled. “That’s funny. It’s still early.”
“And it’s been a long day.”
She stopped moving her hands and gave me a confused look. “It wasn’t really…”
God, it killed me that I was going to have to let her down like this. I cupped her cheeks between my hands and gave her a soft smile.
“Sweetheart,” I said gently, “I hate to do this, but I think it would be best if you went to bed.”
She blinked, her forehead furrowing with a frown. “Me?”
I wished I meant “we” but that wasn’t a good idea.
I cleared my throat and nodded. “It’s best for now. Get some rest.”
“Rest?”
“Right,” I said, hoping she wasn’t as let down as it seemed like she was going to be. “We can do this again another night. I’d like that. But for now, rest.”
She leaned back slightly, and then steadied herself with her hands on my shoulders. “I don’t…”
“How about I lay with you?” I asked with a nod. Just an innocent evening, with her under the covers and me keeping her company.
With my clothes on.
She angled her head so I nodded again.
“I’ll help you,” I said, shifting from underneath her.
Before she could argue, I lifted her into my arms. It was a struggle to keep my thoughts, and my needs, at bay. Feeling her this close to me, knowing how well we fit together, was another kind of torture.
I carried her to her bedroom and set her on the bed before I pulled back the sheets.
I’d almost expected an argument from her. Or irritation. Instead, she looked confused. And that was almost worse, because I had no idea what this might look like tomorrow.
“Here we go,” I said, easing her back and tucking her legs under the covers.
“But my clothes,” she said.
Hell no. I couldn’t take anything off of her. Not if I wanted to keep my sanity. “You’re wearing sweats,” I said reasonably. “That’s comfortable.”
But now I couldn’t stop picturing her naked.
She sighed and closed her eyes. “Right. Comfortable.”
“Right,” I agreed.
I smoothed her hair back from her forehead and listened to her breathing slow down. Then I stood, ready to make my escape. I was close to a meltdown.
But then she spoke again, her voice soft. “Where are…you going?”
“Nowhere. I’m right here,” I said quickly.
I had no choice but to lay down next to her. I kept my clothes on and stayed out of the covers. No sense in making this even harder. But it was nice, almost soothing, to hear her deep breath next to me. To feel the weight of her beside me on the bed.
Almost like a preview of what our life might be like if we formed a relationship.
And I liked it.
When she turned in the other direction, I stayed where I was. But then she reached back to grab my arm and pull it over her middle, forcing me to tuck myself up against her back.
My cock twitched at the proximity and I winced.
This wasn’t working as well as I expected. But I doubted it would take longer than a few minutes for her to be completely out. So I held her and wondered how much of this she’d remember tomorrow.
When it had been at least ten minutes and her breathing seemed even, I eased out of the bed, waiting for a minute to make sure I hadn’t woken her up.
She didn’t move.
I blew out a soft breath and then walked to the living room. I gathered our dishes and deposited them in the kitchen before walking in the opposite direction to my bedroom.
I almost turned around to go back to her room. Just for the company. Suddenly it felt too quiet and lonely in here.
“Fuck,” I whispered to myself.
The whole night had taken a turn I hadn’t expected. And I’d hated seeing that look in her eye when she talked about her mom.
It felt good being there for her, but I wanted that all the time now.
She made me want to be the person she used to think I was. That better person. The one enamored by her and ready to commit should we choose.
With another curse, I started the shower and stepped into the stream of hot water, hoping it would get my thoughts going in a different direction.
And it did. Right to Libby’s body. How she’d pressed against my cock and made me come alive. I washed my body and stroked my cock once under the spray of water, wishing she were here with me.
Then I groaned and raced to wash my hair. I didn’t need this.
What I needed was to go to sleep and forget everything that had happened tonight. We’d start over again tomorrow, and I finally had hope that it might go in the direction I wanted after all this time.
16
It didn’t hurt as bad as I expected when I woke the next morning. I mean, sure my eyes felt swollen shut and my body didn’t cooperate. But I’d had worse.
I forced myself to get up and shower, which helped, and then allowed myself to remember what had happened last night. I still remembered the heartache, the memory of my mom that I wanted to cling to and forget at the same time.
But then Ben had come home and…
More drinking. There had definitely been more drinking. But he’d brought movies, right? Super sweet. And then…
I got out of the shower and, dressed only in a towel, pressed my fingers against my temples. Oh, no. God, no. I’d sat on his lap like a horny teenager.
Ther
e went my dignity.
But…we hadn’t done anything.
No, I remember going to bed. I remember him laying behind me. But that was all. In fact, I was pretty sure he’d gotten up and left as I’d been falling asleep.
Worse, I still felt like a horny teenager right now. I remembered clearly how his hands had wrapped around my waist to steady me when I’d straddled him. How his eyes kept dropping to my lips. How, if I leaned in a little, my breasts would press against his chest and my nipples puckered.
I know I’d said business suits didn’t do it for me, but I guess I lied. At least, business suits on Ben did it for me.
A shiver of sheer desire raced through me, and I groaned.
No way. I wasn’t supposed to be feeling like this. And after shooting me down last night, Ben didn’t need me coming onto him ever again.
I’d fucked up the boundaries and I hoped it wouldn’t cause a problem in the future.
I walked to the bedroom and glanced at the clock. It was already late morning, which meant he was probably already at work. Maybe he’d even gone in early to avoid me.
I probably would have.
Shit. Now what? Did I wait until he got home to apologize? Did I not mention it at all and hope it never came up?
Ugh. That would be avoiding it, which was what I’d done with him—or my feelings, rather—and look how that had turned out. I’d ended up dumping coffee on him in the middle of the shop.
No, better to deal with it head-on.
I snagged my phone off the stand next to the bed and stared at it for one, long moment. Simple and professional. That was all I needed.
But I deleted half the lines I typed and then tried again more than once before I thought I got it right.
I need to apologize for last night. I overstepped boundaries and it shouldn’t have happened. I hope you’ll forgive me and know that I’ll be professional from here on out. I understand, however, if I’ve made things too uncomfortable and you don’t want to continue the arrangement.
I pressed send before I could change my mind. Then winced.
No, I shouldn’t have put that last part. I mean, yes, if he didn’t want to do this anymore, I had no choice. But I could be professional. I could treat this like it was business—and he had to know that deep down.
Too late now.
To distract myself, I walked to the oversized closet to pull out a simple pair of slacks and a shirt. At least putting myself together would counteract the embarrassment I still felt inside. But that embarrassment was laced with heady memories of Ben.
His lips moving against mine, hands roaming, my mouth wandering down his abs before I wrapped my lips around—
Libby! I chided myself. God, was I really that desperate?
No, Ben was really that hot. And dammit, it was more than that. He’d been there for me last night and made what could have been a horrible day better. I got through it because of him and it was more than he needed to have done, but I was starting to realize that that was the man he was.
Once I was dressed, I checked my phone and frowned when I didn’t see a response. But it showed that he had, indeed, read my message.
Oh, fuck. He was mad. Or maybe even disappointed in my behavior.
I mean, come on, he’d turned me down.
I’d fucked up royally.
In the bathroom, I finished drying my hair and fluffed the wavy ends.
No, he was just in a meeting. That was all. Ben was a grown-up just like me and he wouldn’t let one night change our whole agreement.
I’d just call him. Easy peasy. Sorry, Ben, I had too much to drink. Won’t happen again.
Even if I kind of wanted it to. We’d had fun save for me throwing myself at him. And we could do that without copious amounts of alcohol.
Once I finished getting ready, I checked the time again. It was already almost lunchtime.
I made a firm decision. I’d go see him. The partners would like that anyway, right? Ben’s girlfriend visiting him at the office for lunch?
I left the building before I could change my mind, stopping on the corner to grab some turkey wraps for him and me. Then I hailed a cab and took it all the way to Ben’s office, where I snagged an elevator to the top floor.
Wow. He was big time here.
And, suddenly, I felt underdressed.
I lifted my chin. No, I’d already met half the people here. It was fine. Better to keep moving forward.
But when the elevator doors opened, I froze on the brink of the lobby. Shit. Was I supposed to know where his office was?
Then I saw his assistant Melanie at a desk off to the right and relief filled me. She spotted me at the same time and gave a wide smile.
“Libby!” Her infectious enthusiasm hit me and I grinned back even as she was hugging me. “It’s great to see you.”
“Great to see you too,” I told her as my nerves lessened.
Until I saw Ben behind a window in an office, his hands moving in a gesture as he spoke to someone about something. Or was he on the phone?
“You here to see Ben?” she asked.
“Uh…” Uncertainty hit me again. “It was just a spur of the moment thing—I really should have called first.”
“No, it’s fine. He just finished a meeting and he’s on the phone, but I doubt he’ll be long.”
Ben looked over at the same time. His gaze locked on mine and he stopped pacing.
Fuck. That didn’t look like happiness to see me.
“I should just leave this,” I told Melanie, flashing a quick smile. “It’s lunch for him and—”
“No. Don’t go—I’m sure he’d love to see you.”
I opened my mouth to protest, but Ben opened the door, a frown etching the corners of his mouth. “Libby, is everything okay?”
“She brought you lunch,” Melanie said with a smile, looking far happier about that than he did. “So sweet, right?”
My smile probably looked like a grimace, but I offered it anyway. “I can tell you’re really busy, though, so—”
“No.” He gestured two doors down. “I’m almost done here, actually. Do you mind waiting in my office?”
I started to reassure him once again it was fine for me to go, but he’d already gone back inside the other room and closed the door to finish his call.
Melanie pointed to the same office Ben had and smiled. “You can wait in there.”
My smile came out wobbly, and I made my way to his office while nerves hit me again. Inside, I couldn’t sit still, so I set the bag on his desk and looked around the room. It was sparse, minimally decorated, but comfortable. Great view.
I walked to the window and looked outside. There were people on the roof of the building across the street, lounging in chairs even though it was the middle of the day.
Probably the same thing I should have been doing. Enjoying my freedom when I could. Forgetting about last night because there wasn’t anything I could do about it.
“You look like me,” Ben said from behind me. His voice was low and almost gruff, making me shiver.
I turned around. “Excuse me?”
“You look like me. I do that a lot.”
“Stare out the window?”
He nodded.
The words bubbled up and spilled over before I could help myself. “I’m really sorry. About last night, and about coming here today. I—I mean, I really—”
He moved inside the office and shut the door so it was just him and I in the space. The blinds on the windows leading to the lobby were closed, which made me feel even more trapped. But I supposed that looked good from the outside. That I was here for an afternoon talk. Or kiss. Or…more.
I closed my eyes briefly, trying to scrub the image from my mind.
“Libby,” he said calmly, offering a small smile. “Why are you apologizing? It’s good to see you.”
“It—it is? I mean, I didn’t—I texted you, but then I didn’t hear back. And then I interrupted you—”
&nb
sp; “No, you didn’t. I was in a meeting and then I had a phone call. No big deal.” His eyes narrowed on my face. “Did you get to sleep in a little?”
My mouth hung open. He wasn’t mad? No, he didn’t even look a little mad. He looked…relaxed.
“I did,” I told him quietly, suddenly feeling guilty. I’d been sleeping while he’d been working. “Thank you. And thanks for last night, too. I mean, for the dinner. You know, being there. And—and the movies.”
The movies we hadn’t gotten to watch because of my “issues.” God, this was awkward. I just needed to get it out so we could move on.
“I’m sorry,” I blurted out without preamble. I texted that to you, but I don’t think it was enough. I mean, of course it wasn’t enough. I should have—” I sighed and ran a hand through my hair. “I didn’t mean to do what I did last night. I shouldn’t have done it and I promise you it won’t happen again. I completely understand why you turned me down—”
My eyes widened, and then I cursed, wishing I hadn’t said that last part. But shit, nothing was coming out right. And Ben was just staring at me, making it worse because he wasn’t saying anything.
“Right,” I said with a nod. “I wanted to apologize and I want you to know I can be professional from now on. Oh, and I brought you a sandwich for lunch, too. You should refrigerate it if you’re not going to eat it.” I exhaled. “That’s it.”
When he angled his head at me but still didn’t say anything, I gestured to the door. “So, I should just…”
“Can I talk now?”
I lifted an eyebrow. “I never said you couldn’t.”
“I wanted to make sure you were finished.”
“I was. Am. I am finished,” I said with a nod.
“Good. You’re not leaving. Not yet,” he said.
My mouth opened to respond but he gave his head a rough shake.
“It’s my turn to talk.”
A laugh bubbled up but I shoved it back down and nodded, ridiculously turned on by the command in his voice. God, I really was a horny teenager.
I felt my nipples hardening into peaks and crossed my arms over my chest so he wouldn’t see. “You’re right,” I murmured. “Your turn.”
