by Jayne Blue
“Yes, whatever that was, yes,” she said.
She looked up at me with her dark eyes, framed with her pretty lush lashes and I leaned down to kiss her lids.
“You have a couch or a bed or something?”
I knew it couldn’t be comfortable for her now that we’d cooled down.
“Can you stay?” she asked me. There was almost a fear in it. I wanted to know everything about her and leaving was the last thing I wanted to do.
“I can, for a while. But bed? Couch?”
She nodded.
We stood up, and I got to look, just look at her body. God, what the fuck had I done right that this dark-haired rock chic was naked with me? My eyes feasted on her like my mouth had.
“Okay, now I’m getting shy. Come on.”
I followed her into a small bedroom and she climbed in. I stay on top of the covers for a moment. It was the only way, I knew, that I could not start up again. I wanted to hear her talk. But naked, next to me, talking was nearly impossible with miss Joan Jett Hollins.
“So, Joan Jett, why didn’t you tell me that bit of JJ Trivia?”
“My mother is an idiot, that’s why. I was either going to be Joan Jett or Lita Ford.”
“Mama liked The Runaways, eh?”
“That’s not what you really want to know, is it?”
“I want to know what you want to tell me.”
I wasn’t going to push.
“So, I have a piece of shit Mom, and no Dad. Not really much to tell there.”
I was in an MC. I had seen violence and experienced some dark shit. But I had two parents who loved me. And more brothers then I could count some days. I didn’t know what it was like to be alone. I wanted to find her mother and shake her. I was surprised by my intensity.
“I’ve been working since I was thirteen, always bars. My Mom hung out at bars and she’d have me work her tab off washing dishes and bussing tables.”
“That’s fucking awful.”
“Not really, eventually I moved from the shitty bars she hung at and found some nicer places. You can serve alcohol at 18. I made a lot of money in tips. I made enough to get my certificate from the Professional Bartending School of San Antonio.”
“And here we are just ordering beer and shots. We need to put your degree to work.”
“How wrong you are. I got Bo to have a fancy mixed drink the other night.”
“Major accomplishment.”
“Anyway, I was busted with pot a year ago. Getting it for a sick friend, fellow bartender. I didn’t even have the sense to get high on it first. I was sentenced to two years, two friggin’ years, but I got out early, after three months or so.”
“They threw the book at you, your lawyer sucked.”
I was pissed at whoever did her legal shit. That sentence was harsh as hell. Though this was Texas and most sentences for everything were serious as shit.
“Yeah, he did.”
“My friend, the one who I got the pot for was battling cancer. So… he died when I was on the inside.”
JJ closed her eyes and turned her head away.
I didn’t have words for her. I wished I knew her before this moment. I wished I could have saved her from whatever shit her mother and life threw at her.
But I couldn’t. I could only hold her now.
I climbed under the covers with her and pulled her in.
“You’re the toughest cute chic I’ve ever met.”
I kissed her on the top of her head. I was going to keep her safe. I had to now. I didn’t know why or how but I knew it like I knew my own name.
And I also knew I’d already failed her. Maybe that was part of it. She’d taken shit for me and the club without being asked. Through zero fault of her own.
Worse, I wondered if I could keep anyone safe now that the club was under siege.
“I’m damaged goods, Shep,” she said and it broke my heart.
“You’re goddamn perfect.”
7
JJ
* * *
Shep kissed me and I melted again. I felt my body was in tune with his hands, his lips, his tongue; it was unlike anything I’d ever felt.
He may have wanted to talk, to get to know me – it was sweet, and unexpected from this rough biker – but I knew me talking was dangerous. Questions and answers about who I was were going to get me killed.
Instead, I surrendered to the sensation of Shep’s hands on my skin. I opened every part of my body. I wanted him to take me again. I wanted to be his. God help me, I was supposed to be spying on him for my Uncle. I was a part of a plan to bring him down. But I pushed it away. I didn’t want that to be true, so I pretended, for now, that it wasn’t.
I needed him to rock my body with his again. We’d just crashed into each other in my doorway and now, here I was, feeling like I’d die if he didn’t fuck me again.
He slid all his clothes off this time and we were skin to skin everywhere. There was a hum to his body and mine together. They were two pieces of one whole. It made no sense, but I couldn’t stop it. I craved more of Shep.
His body was a work of art. His muscles were long, and hard, and everywhere. He was lean, and so hot that any fat the man had must have sizzled off. I ran my hand over his abs, and down. It was shocking. I couldn’t hold all of him in my hand.
“Fuck,” he said as I squeezed, just a little.
He sucked the flesh of my breast into his mouth and I felt his teeth sink in, just a little.
He rolled me on top of him.
“I want to watch you this time.”
He was demanding. He ordered me around like I would do what he said. And the hell of it was, I would. Whatever he said, whatever he wanted, however he wanted.
I straddled him. He was positioned at the center of me. My most sensitive skin on his. His hands moved from my hips to my breast. His palms were rough, and it woke up each cell that he touched. I sank onto him and gasped at how insanely good it felt.
I knew his eyes were on me. I felt them on my breasts as I moved up and down. I wasn’t one of those girls that needed attention, or tried to tease, but there was something about how much he liked watching me that made me move slower. I wanted to be sure he never forgot what he was seeing. Maybe I was selfish. I wanted to be the best he ever had.
I reached back and touched him while I continued to move our bodies.
Shep growled, no words, just a deep sound from his throat. I quivered when I heard it and little squeal escaped my own lips. Who was I? What was happening to me with him?
Shep pushed my hips down. We were locked together in the most erotic dance. I rode wave after wave of sensation. I wasn’t self-conscious or afraid. I knew he was looking at me. What I saw in his eyes made me feel sexy and in control of how this would end.
Until I wasn’t.
Shep sat up and put his mouth on my nipple while pulling me into him with his strong arm, and suddenly I had to move faster. I needed a release. I was beyond thought. Shep leaned forward and I fell back onto the bed. He pulsed in slowly at first and deeper each time. I called his name. Over and over.
“That’s it, baby, that’s it, let go.”
I did just that.
I felt every nerve in my body respond to him. And I peaked in a totally different way than I had when we were on the floor. That time it was all we could do not to eat each alive. This time, the connection was fuller: the experience was body and mind.
I was thoroughly and completely fucked.
We lay there in bliss for a moment. I tried to wrap my head around the situation. How this man made me feel.
I stole a glance at his face, his jaw strong under a scruff of whiskers. His eyes were dark like Bear’s but his mouth was kind, like his mother’s. I brushed back a lock of his long hair. He had more than I did.
He looked over at me and I could see that while I had worries. He did too. It wasn’t long after we both came down from our mutual high that I could see the real world weighing down on him.
“I know. You have to go soon.”
“I can stay a little while longer. I don’t want to go at all.”
“The entire club looks to you. You can’t stay. But at least...”
“No ‘least’ about it. You fucking turned the worst few days of my life into the best. I don’t want to leave, ever actually.”
He pulled me in close.
But we weren’t in a bubble. And soon enough, Shep’s phone buzzed.
“Let me.”
I found his jacket and handed him the phone. I wanted to make his life easier. I knew he had a lot on his mind. Maybe somehow, I helped. I pushed away the fact that I was supposed to be spying on him and the club. The fact that I was the opposite of helping.
“Yep.”
He was so damned sexy with the sheet draped over his hips. I wanted to stand and stare.
“Shit. We knew this was going to happen. But dammit. That many? I’ll be there in twenty, yeah, full Church.”
Shep looked up at me and I swear there was a new furrow in his brow.
“You have to go, don’t worry. I won’t take it personally.”
I could handle myself. Whatever this was, this intense attraction, I had to remember why I was there. I had to stay strong and keep my head on straight. Even though I wanted to forget everything that came before Shep Bullock.
Shep stood up and I pointed the way toward the bathroom. As he popped in the shower, I found all his clothes.
“Shep, you’re stuff’s right here.”
“You’re thoughtful baby, thank you. Next time you’re coming in here with me.”
I felt a thrill ripple through me at the thought of what it would be like to shower with him. And then the reality set in again. Would he find out who I really was soon? I knew this wasn’t going to end well. It couldn’t. But for now, I could tell myself that this was part of the gig. I was getting information. Even though that was the last thing I was doing in bed with Shep.
He came out, smelling fantastic. He’d tied his hair back and it emphasized how handsome he was. This was all way too dangerous. How would I get out of this without being destroyed?
“You okay, baby? I wish I could stay, but…”
“No, I said it’s cool and it’s cool, that phone call sounded serious.”
My face was showing more than it should to a man I was supposed to lie to.
“Yeah, we run protection for most of the town, it’s one of our more legit money makers. We keep hard shit out of town. Shit The Hawks want to peddle. Anyway, something like half a dozen places called this morning bitching about Hawk activity and threatening to stop paying us. Hawks went on some sort of crime spree last night.”
“Spree?”
“Yeah, smash and grabs, muggings.”
“But if everyone knows it’s The Hawks, why do you catch hell?”
“We keep that shit out of Port Az, and if we can’t, then they’ve got no use for us. They turn on us fast. Hawks are trying to show the town that Saints are useless.”
“Oh.”
“What time is your shift?” Shep asked me and pulled me into his arms.
“Uh, I think six?”
“I’m sending a Probie to follow you in.”
“What?”
“I don’t want anyone thinking they can mess with my woman,” Shep said and I felt my heart break a little. I wanted to be his woman, but I knew a lying spy wasn’t worthy of him. I knew this was going to come crashing down.
“I can take care of myself.”
“I know, but I need to know you’re safe, so I can ravage you again.”
“When would that be?”
“No idea, but soon. Tonight.”
Shep reached down and tilted my chin up. He kissed me and I knew my armor against heartbreak was dropping piece by piece.
Shep left – I heard the roar of his bike – and complete panic set in.
I should have told my Uncle about the raid, about how they were tipped off by law enforcement, about the businesses reacting to the Hawks. All of it was information I was there to get and pass on.
I didn’t do any of it. I pretended that my Uncle didn’t exist. That I wasn’t a plant from The Hawks.
I showered and head out the door. I was going to walk, think, and maybe shop for a few things. I needed to get out of my apartment and out of my head.
When I opened my door there was a biker, waiting for me. He wasn’t a Saint and he wasn’t going to let me leave my place.
I read his patch: ‘Miles’.
“What do you want?”
Miles walked in and shut my apartment door behind him.
“Well, aren’t you a fucking gorgeous little cunt.”
I winced. I’d lied to myself that I could turn my back on my Uncle. Not even one hour of that kind of thinking and he’d sent a reminder.
“Get back,” I said.
Miles laughed and pushed me to the floor. I crawled away and he kicked me. Shit. It hurt. It knocked the wind out of me and I stopped trying to craw. It was best to be still and listen. I was no match for Miles.
He straddled me with a boot on each side. He reached down, grabbed a fist full of my t-shirt and jerked me to my feet.
“Well, aren’t you a stupid little cunt.”
His breath made me gag.
“What are you doing here?”
“Your Uncle sent me. He’s been calling you on that phone and you’re ignoring him. Stupid. Like I said.”
“I didn’t have anything to tell him.”
“Bullshit. The Saints were raided. And that one, Shep, he’s in your pants already. Seems like a lot to tell A.J.”
“I’ll get more information by being with Shep.”
I felt like shit saying it, but it was very clear what was happening. Uncle A.J. wanted to scare me. I lifted my chin and tried to show Miles a brave face.
“You better have something for me to tell your Uncle. Like now.”
I didn’t say anything. I didn’t want to betray Shep. Shit, that was the only reason I even knew him, that was my sole purpose. But I didn’t want to do it.
Miles wasn’t taking silence for an answer.
“Here’s an idea. How about I fuck it out of you.”
I couldn’t breathe. Fear welled up in my chest and felt like it was drowning me.
Miles pawed my chest and I struggled to back away.
“Listen, listen.”
I wasn’t going to let him go one step further.
“Oh, you have some information to share?”
“Six or so businesses in Port Az are threatening to pull out of the security arrangement with The Saints. There’s some information.”
I yanked free of Miles.
“Hmm, it’s something.”
Miles backed me up to the wall.
“Keep your hands off me.”
I wasn’t some schoolgirl. I had handled myself in prison. I needed to show Miles that I wasn’t just an easy victim to do whatever he wanted.
He smiled at me. It was a scary and evil.
“This time I will, plus I can still smell that fucking Saint on your tits. Ruins the mood.”
“Whatever, you hurt me, you lose me as a spy. Now, go tell my Uncle about the businesses and get the fuck out of here.”
Miles lifted his hand and hit me with the back of it across my jaw. Fuck. It hurt. But I snapped my head back and looked him in the eye.
“You get out, now. The Saints are sending a Probie over here to be sure I get to work safely. You’re here, you blow my cover. My Uncle won’t like that shit. Plus, touch me again, I fucking shank you.”
I produced a knife from my pocket and Miles’s eyes widened. Had he gone any further with me, I would have stabbed him. Maybe in a non-lethal place, or maybe not.
I wasn’t going to let this asshole have his way.
“You keep the information coming or I’m back here bitch.”
Miles turned and walked out of my place. I locked the door after him.
>
I put hand up to my jaw. That was going to leave a mark.
I’d need to head to the drugstore for some way to cover it.
The last thing I wanted was for Shep to know I was under the thumb of The Hawks.
But I was. I completely was.
8
Shep
* * *
I hated leaving her. I also knew opening my life up to a woman right how was fucking stupid. And dangerous as hell.
But there it was. I wanted JJ with me. I wanted to be with her. I needed to protect her.
And The Saints needed me focused. Without Bear at the table, we needed to do everything we could to fight off The Hawks. I shook off the memories of the night with JJ and put the club first.
We were meeting in Church. The Hawks were pressing us, and we needed to push back.
We sat around the table, but no one sat at the head of it. Bear’s chair was Bear’s chair and it would be until he got better.
If he got better.
“We’ve got over a dozen businesses who refused payment.”
Bo was updating us all on how bad and how fast we were losing trust.
“Jenny said it was a fucking crime wave last night,” Benz added to the tally of shit that was happening.
“Hawks are stepping in to make Port Az afraid of them and turning us into fucking eunuchs,” Kade said and he wasn’t wrong.
“Everyone who needed to get to the Lake House get there?”
I knew that Bear would be on top of that, too, making sure all the old ladies and kids were untouchable.
“Yes, and we’re having them check in at specific times just to be sure,” Deacon said. My name was Shephard, but Deacon really was a shepherd at heart. He kept his eye on this motley flock. When he said the old ladies were safe, I trusted him.
“Any word on E.Z.?” Maddox asked, voicing a question we all had. The man had fucked the club, he’d shot my Dad, and he’d gotten away with it so far.
“Nothing. We’re spread too thin. We can’t react to The Hawks spreading their wings in Port Az, protect the families, run the shipments, and still find E.Z. without taking some of the pieces off the board,” Axle outlined the realities of the situation.
