by Denise Vega
I turned back to my work. “She was going out with this guy—”
“Mark?”
I ignored him. “So he broke up with her and she thinks he likes this other girl—”
“You?”
“Mr. F!” I smacked the rag on the wall. “Can I please finish my story?”
“Sorry. Go right ahead.”
I could see a smile playing at the corner of his mouth. Sometimes Mr. F could be really annoying. But he was so great to talk to I had to ignore his annoyingness. I started dusting the back of the bench that stood against the wall, sucked in a breath, and let it out. “So now this girl is mad at this other girl when the other girl didn’t even do anything, you know? And if he does like the other girl—which I don’t think he does—what is she supposed to do? It isn’t her fault he might like her, right?”
He looked at me.
“Right?”
“Oh, I’m allowed to speak now?”
I smacked his arm. “Yeah.”
“It isn’t her fault.”
I stopped wiping and looked at him. “Really?”
“Of course not,” Mr. F said. “You can’t help it if someone likes you, Erin.”
“That’s what I tried to tell her but—” My eyes narrowed. “Hey, you tricked me.”
Mr. F laughed. “I did no such thing. I just said what I knew to be true, that’s all.”
“Maybe,” I grumbled. “But it still felt sneaky.” I finished wiping the back of the bench and started on the legs.
Mr. F dumped the contents of the dustpan into the trash.
“I told you I should have been prepared,” I said.
“Would it really have changed anything, Erin?” Mr. F. asked. “Would you have done anything differently?”
I shrugged. “I’ll never know because I wasn’t prepared.”
Mr. F smiled and glanced up at the clock. “Bell’s going to ring. Anything else?”
“No,” I said, handing the dust rag back before knocking my fist against his. “But I may need some Tootsie Pops later.”
* * *
Rosie and I found seats way at the back of the bus on the ride home. Jilly didn’t even look at me as she sat down in the row ahead of us across the aisle, next to a girl who was on her track last year.
“Uh oh,” Jilly said, nudging the girl, “relationship casualty at twelve o’clock.”
Kara climbed on, keeping her gaze down as she sat in the first available seat near the front. She ignored all of the eighth graders in the back rows.
“I feel bad for her,” Jilly said. “She’s in my algebra class first period and she was a mess.”
“Did she say anything to you?” the girl asked, wide-eyed.
I couldn’t help it; I leaned slightly to my right so I could hear better. Had Kara mentioned our conversation this morning?
“Yeah,” Jilly said. “She wanted to talk after class. I guess since Mark and I were together last year, she thought we might have some kind of dumped sisterhood or something.”
I glanced up front. Kara sat rigid in her seat, her back straight, her backpack on her knees for easy grabbing when she reached her stop.
“What did she say?” the girl asked.
“She wanted to know how I handled the breakup,” Jilly said. “Did I try to get him back and stuff.” She sighed. “When I told her the breakup was mutual and I didn’t want to get back together with him, she just shut up.” She shook her head. “Then I told her that I knew it must be really hard for her, even though I had never been dumped before so I wasn’t speaking from personal experience—” Rosie smiled and nudged me before flipping through her playlist—“Well, I didn’t say that part because that would have been mean but, you know. I can imagine how it would feel. I imagine it all the time with my boyfriend, Jon.”
Several minutes later, the bus screeched to a stop and we all jerked forward. I watched Kara stand up, heave her backpack over her shoulder, and step off without a backward glance. I felt bad for her, even though a teeny tiny part of me was happy. Weird.
“Do you think she’ll be okay?” the girl asked Jilly.
“It will take awhile,” Jilly said. “She is really in love with Mark. I just hope he doesn’t start going out with someone else right away. That would be really bad.” She glanced briefly in my direction, then turned to face front. What was that about?
I turned to Rosie, who shook her head. “It’ll work out.”
“What will work out?” I asked.
“It,” she said as she leaned back and closed her eyes, her head nodding slightly to the music.
Friday, October 3
THINGS TO PONDER
Does Jilly think Mark might ask me out? So does Reede!
If he did ask me out, what would I say?
Why am I even asking that question? I have Blake (bushy eyebrows). Blake is awesome (crooked eyes). I adore Blake (bad breath). I’m meeting him in secret tomorrow. (Why am I kinda dreading it?)
Ack. I don’t like MS that way anymore… u don’t go out w/ some1 u don’t even like, especially if u r supposedly going out w/ some1 else, even tho yr feelings about him might be changing.
& even if I did like MS—which I DON’T—I couldn’t go out w/ him. I couldn’t make Kara feel the way I’d felt when Jilly & Mark were going out last year & it would be worse cuz at least Jilly didn’t know I liked Mark… I know how Kara feels abt him.
What IT was Rosie talking about? Kara not hating Mark or me? Mark asking me out? Jilly not being mad anymore? WHAT???
HOT— —METER
#1 Blake Thornton—totally gorgeous 9th grade mountain surfer
#2 Greg @ mall—h.s. soccer player—yum
#3 Dylan Beaumont—taken, but cute
#4 Mark Sacks—the hair, the butt in shorts—need I say more?
#5 Tyler Galleon—well, not exactly hot but definitely on the Cute-o-Meter, mostly cuz of that dimple I never saw before
#6 Mr. Perkins
.....................................Quiz.....................................
1. A boy u used 2 like broke up w/ a girl u know but aren’t really friends w/. It’s okay 2 go out w/ him:
a. If she gives u permission.
b. If 2 mos, 3 wks, & 5 days have passed.
c. Right away. They aren’t going out & he’s available.
d. Never, cuz even if u r not friends w/ her u know her pain.
2. If u go out w/ a boy when u know some1 else is crazy abt him, u r:
a. Exercising yr free will.
b. Proving that u aren’t completely unlikeable.
c. A total loser & every1 will hate u.
d. Going 2 get hurt so it doesn’t matter whether some1 else likes him or not.
3. People who make up quizzes abt going out w/ boys they don’t like r:
a. Creative.
b. Stupid.
c. Bored.
d. Asking 4 trouble.
Answers to quiz: 1. d, 2. c. 3. b, c, d
Why am I even asking these questions??? What about Blake?
CHAPTER 22
WORD FROM THE WISE
BLAKE WAS ALREADY AT THE trees when I got there. He was leaning against one of them, his arms crossed over his chest, giving me a lazy smile. I set my bike against the nearest tree trunk and stood awkwardly next to it, giving a little wave.
“You’re so far away,” he said, but he didn’t make a move toward me. That kind of bugged me, like he expected me to come to him.
“Not so far,” I said, crossing my own arms over my chest and giving him what I hoped was a smile to match his.
“You’re right,” he said, pushing himself off the tree trunk and striding toward me. An instant later his arms were around me, his lips pressing against mine.
“Whoa,” I said, pushing him away. His breath was okay. Minty, like he’d just brushed his teeth. But I still didn’t feel like kissing him.
“What?”
“Maybe we could talk a little,” I said. “You know, have
a conversation.”
Irritation flashed in his eyes, then disappeared. “Sure,” he said, “what do you want to talk about?”
I sighed. What happened to the easy conversations we’d had at Jilly’s unparty, at the bowling alley, and DQ?
“It doesn’t have to be a specific topic,” I said. “I just thought we could hang out.”
“Fine.” He shrugged and sat down on the ground. “Let’s hang.”
I sat down next to him as he picked at the grass blades, his shoulders hunched.
“What are you playing on the Wii these days?” I asked.
Blake sat up straight, his face suddenly animated. “Battalion Wars, man. It’s awesome.” He launched into a long description of the characters and storyline, tactics, and how he played. I asked questions every so often and then he asked me what I was playing on Playstation and pretty soon almost an hour had gone by. We were laughing and talking and we didn’t kiss until we were getting ready to go. I gave him one kiss on the lips and before he could try for more, I had climbed on my bike.
“I’ll e-mail you,” he said as we rode our separate ways.
When I got back, Mr. F was in the garage, fixing our leaf blower.
“How’s Jilly?” he asked as I sat down on the cement steps that led into our kitchen from the garage.
“Who knows?” I said.
“But weren’t you just over at her house?”
Oops. I’d forgotten about my cover.
“Yeah, well, I tried to talk to her but she wouldn’t talk to me so I just rode around for awhile.”
Mr. F glanced at me, then back down at his work. “I see. Well, I’m sure it will work out.”
“I hope so.”
“And how’s your young man?”
An image of Mark flashed through my mind, but I blinked it away, bringing Blake’s face into focus. “Okay.”
“Just okay?” He picked up a screwdriver.
“Yeah.”
“Feelings fading?”
I looked at him, startled. “How did you know?”
“It happens to the best of us,” Mr. F said, chuckling. “Even back in the old days we had that kind of thing.”
“You did?”
“Sure,” Mr. F said. “I remember in high school liking lots of different girls.”
I furrowed my brow, trying to picture Mr. F young, liking girls who weren’t Mrs. F. “Did you break a lot of hearts?”
“And had mine broken several times,” Mr. F said. “But it’s part of life.”
“I don’t want to hurt his feelings.”
“If he likes you, there’s no getting around that, Erin.”
Sighing, I stood up to hold part of the blower so he could put it back together.
“ ‘Sometimes a friend is better than a boyfriend,’ ” I said. “Remember how you said that last year?” I had a feeling Blake wouldn’t go for the “friends are better than a boyfriend/girlfriend” thing.
“No, but it sounds like something a wise man like me would say.” He winked at me.
“More like a wise guy,” I said, and we both smiled.
I gave him a big hug before he left, holding on a few seconds longer than necessary, hoping some of that wise man, wise guy stuff might rub off on me.
Sunday, October 5
THINGS THAT DRIVE ME CRAZY
I don’t know what 2 do abt BT.
I can’t talk 2 JGH abt what 2 do abt BT.
I can’t talk 2 JGH abt the whole Kara convo.
I can’t talk 2 JGH abt ANYTHING cuz she won’t talk to me!
HOT——METER
#1 Blake Thornton—totally gorgeous 9th grade mountain surfer
#2 Greg @ mall—h.s. soccer player—yum
#3 Dylan Beaumont—taken, but cute
#4 Mark Sacks—the hair, the butt in shorts—need I say more?
#5 Tyler Galleon—well, not exactly hot but definitely on the Cute-o-Meter, mostly cuz of that dimple I never saw before
#6 Mr. Perkins
THINGS THAT MAKE ME WONDER
Mark flashed thru my mind when Mr. F asked abt my “young man.”
I want 2 take BT off the Hot-o-Meter.
ARGH. I NEED 2 TALK 2 JILLY!
CHAPTER 23
BIG DRAMA IN LITTLE ERINVILLE
AFTER LUNCH ON MONDAY, TWO of Kara’s friends kept looking at me while I was washing my hands in the bathroom. Then they started talking. Was I insane, or was this the stupidest conversation in the world?
THE KARA SIMPSON FIRING SQUAD
Place: South Hall Girl’s Restroom
Time: Right after lunch and before Spanish
Players: Kara’s curly-haired friend, her uncurly-haired friend, and me
ACTION BEGINS
Curly-haired friend: Just so you know, there’s no way Mark could like you.
Me: I know. We’re just friends. (Both roll their eyes.)
Me: Why are you rolling your eyes? I’m agreeing with you. (Another set of eye rolls.)
Me: You can’t have it both ways. Either you think he likes me or you don’t.
Non-curly haired friend: I think he thinks he likes you but he really doesn’t because how could he? (Waves hand up and down over me like evidence of my unlikeableness is scribbled on my T-shirt and jeans.)
Curly: And when he realizes he doesn’t really like you, he’ll come crawling back to Kara and she won’t take him back.
Me: So she doesn’t like him anymore?
Non-curly: She can’t stand him.
Me: If she can’t stand him, why does she care if he’s friends with me?
Curly: Omigod. Don’t you know anything?
Me: I guess not.
Non-curly: Well, we’re not going to tell you.
Me: It makes no sense.
Curly: Not to you.
What??!!
I had to leave before my brain exploded.
And here’s what I don’t get. Boy breaks up with Girl. Girl still likes Boy. Girl doesn’t want Other Girls around Boy, no matter what. OGs who know how Girl feels have some guilt about hanging out with Boy, even if OGs and Boy are just friends.
First of all, WHY do OGs feel like they can’t be friends with Boy after a breakup? Especially if they were friends before Boy and Girl even started going out? Boys’ relationships are so much simpler than girls’. Why can’t we just shove each other, fart, go back to playing basketball, and be done with it?
I tried to apologize to Jilly on Wednesday when we got on the bus, but she immediately sat down with the same girl she was with last week when they talked about Kara. Fine. Be that way. I chatted with Rosie, who was nice enough not to bring up the Friend Freeze she had to be feeling across the aisle, while I tried hard to ignore how cold it felt.
During I-Club on Thursday, Reede and I were working on some animation for the home page. Well, I was working. She was watching and occasionally saying things like, “Is it supposed to be going backward?” I was just about finished when she asked me how things with Blake were going.
“Great,” I said, trying to sound like they were. “You going out with anyone?”
“I’d never go out with anyone here,” she said, laughing.
“That’s not what I asked you,” I said.
Reede looked surprised but before she could respond, Serena spoke up.
“If you two are finished planning your social life,” she said, “could the Queen Bee please check out how us lowly worker bees did on the Contact Us page?”
“Well, Worker Bee,” I said. “Have you tested it yet?”
Joe nodded. “Three times. It seems to be working but I wanted you to look it over.”
“He doesn’t trust me,” Serena said.
Joe blushed. “That’s not it. It’s just that Erin’s the leader of our group and—”
“No bickering, kids,” Reede said. She leaned around me. “So, how’s it look, Leader?”
I glanced at Serena, who was staring defiantly at her monitor. “I don’t need to look at it
,” I said. “Serena could make an interactive form with two mice tied behind her back.”
Serena looked up at me, startled.
“You’re good at those forms, Serena,” I said. “But if you want me to look at it before Ms. Moreno does, I will.”
Serena clicked around the page, not really doing anything. “We did test the page three times,” she said finally. “I guess we’ll take our chances.”
When the meeting was over, I stayed back to clean up. As I stepped out of the room, Serena was waiting for me.
“So,” she said, “you really think I’m good at interactive forms?”
“Duh,” I said. “You did most of them last year. Don’t you think you’re good?”
“Yeah, I guess I do.” She smiled as she turned down the hall toward her locker, her head held a little higher.
Score one for the Positive Influence.
Mark was waiting in the hall when I turned the corner. “So how’s your group working out?” he asked as we started walking toward the doors leading to the buses.
“I’m handling it,” I said, shifting my backpack so it hung over my right shoulder, separating us. It was a little weird being with him knowing people thought he liked me, not to mention the crazy conversation I’d had with Kara’s friends in the bathroom on Monday. But I still wanted our friendship. “Serena has been fine and Reede pretty much lets me run the show. It’s weird, but I don’t think she—”
I stopped talking and Mark stopped walking.
Kara stood at the intersection of the two hallways with her friends. She was staring at us.
“Uh oh,” I said under my breath.
“I didn’t know she had an after-school activity on Thursdays,” Mark said.
“Yeah, well, I think I’m walking with her after-school activity.” I picked up my pace so I was a few steps ahead of him. “See you later.”
Mark caught up and grabbed my arm. “You don’t have to leave just because she’s here.”
I glanced at Kara. I could almost feel the heat of her glare burning into my skin. “I don’t want to cause any trouble.”
Mark groaned. “Girls always make such a big deal out of everything.”
