by Sarah Morgan
And all the complications of loving Max Goodwin melted away as if they’d never existed …
There also came the sudden confidence that there might not be light years between them and she could match that mind-blowing sexy force in him. In fact when he raised his head abruptly she thought it was so he could say something personal and intimate that would put the perfect seal on their togetherness.
He didn’t. He stared down at her and she could see his tortured expression before he closed his eyes briefly, then put her away from him.
Alex had a blinding, momentary sensation that she’d been left alone on a high, icy plateau. That she’d been left exposed and vulnerable and rejected.
She put her fingers to her lips and stared at him out of huge shadowed eyes again.
He lifted his hands, then, as if on second thoughts, shoved them in his pockets. And the look in his eyes was brooding and sombre. ‘I should never have done that. I’m sorry.’
‘Please don’t say that,’ she whispered.
He gritted his teeth. ‘Alex, I must. I’ve got a lot of baggage, you’re probably aware of that more than most, and some pretty unpleasant water has passed under my bridge. Those are the only light years between us, but they’re crucial factors and they’d be more of a burden than any man in his right mind would want to place on you.’
He paused and his expression softened. ‘Whereas you’ve got it all in front of you, my dear. You can do it right, you will do it right, and once you find someone to love, someone to have children with, you need never be alone again.’
‘But—’
‘No, Alex.’ He shook his head. ‘You will always have my affection and I’ll never forget what you did for Nicky.’ He smiled but not with his eyes. ‘The other thing is, you look so lovely tonight, I wouldn’t have been the only man who wanted to kiss you.’
If she’d been rejected once tonight, Alex thought, this was even more comprehensive, and the shock of it saw silent tears well and stream down her cheeks.
Max Goodwin moved abruptly, but before he could do or say anything that was how Margaret Winston found them.
‘Oh, there you are, Mr Goodwin!’ Her expression was distressed as she came through the gate. ‘I’ve been searching high and low. Your absence is becoming noticeable—’ She broke off. ‘Why, Alex! What’s happened to you?’
‘Margaret, could you take care of Alex for me?’ Max said. ‘She’s—she needs a bit of help. In the meantime I’ll get back.’ He turned back to Alex and added gently, ‘Don’t go anywhere, don’t do anything, I’ll fix everything.’ He paused as he captured Alex’s gaze briefly. ‘Goodnight, my dear.’ And he turned and strode out.
‘Alex, are you sure you’re OK?’
It was morning-tea time the next day and they were having it on the terrace, when Margaret Winston asked that question.
There was little left to do to restore the Tuscan villa to its pre-dinner-dance spick and span and that was not surprising. A small army of cleaners had descended on the house almost from sun-up.
Alex sighed inwardly. She’d answered that question a few times already. ‘I’m fine, I promise you. I don’t know what got into me last night, but it’s over, really. And I’ve got Mrs Hill, I’ve got Nicky, I’ve got Nemo!’ she added with a spark of humour.
Margaret looked uncharacteristically severe. ‘I still can’t get over that woman doing this to Mr Goodwin.’
Alex poured a cup of fragrant herb tea into a delicate porcelain cup and watched it swirl before she put the silver teapot down as it occurred to her that Margaret Winston was one person who didn’t seem to have fond memories of Cathy Spencer. She shrugged. ‘Anyway, don’t feel guilty about going back to Brisbane. I’m sure Mr Goodwin needs you more than I do.’
‘Well …’ Margaret hesitated ‘.there are inevitably some loose ends to be tied up. He’s personally farewelling the delegation at the airport this afternoon, and he has a couple of press conferences scheduled for tomorrow.’ She stood up but hesitated. ‘If you’re really sure?’
Alex stood up too and hugged her impulsively. ‘Thank you. You’ve been so kind.’
Alex finished her tea on her own after Margaret’s departure.
Nicky and Brad, with Stan’s help, were constructing a cubby house and didn’t seem to need her at all.
She thought back to last night. Margaret had come up to her room with her and, after Alex had taken a shower, she’d brought her a cup of Milo.
Whether Margaret had formed her own conclusions about why she was in the state she was, Alex didn’t know, but, beyond reassuring herself it wasn’t a health issue, Margaret had probed no further.
She probably guessed, Alex thought as she sipped her tea and curled her feet up under her in the basket chair. It had to have been fairly obvious. She’d not only been weeping, she’d probably been looking shell-shocked and she had just been comprehensively kissed.
What she’d managed to hide from Margaret this morning was the fact that she still felt shell-shocked. She could never forget that kiss. Just thinking about it made her pulses hammer and reminded her of how she’d felt during it, and not only the physical thrills, but the reaching-for-the-stars joy it had brought her.
Then that terrible plunge back to earth.
There was also the burning question of what happened now. He’d said he’d fix everything, he’d obviously driven back to Brisbane last night, but was there any point in her not taking matters into her own hands?
Should she stay? If she stayed she would somehow have to contain her feelings for Max Goodwin, but she’d made that decision once before, only to have it rebound on her in a matter of days. And what would she get out of staying?
She moved restlessly. Just to be near him, just to be there for him, perhaps a backstop for Nicky—no. That wouldn’t be going forward, it would be standing still, it would be inviting all sorts of trauma, but.
She drank her tea and pushed the cup and saucer away.
Would he want her to stay now he’d fallen prey to a momentary lapse of the senses? And now that he’d had to issue a warning that he wasn’t for her? Probably not.
So how, if she made the decision to leave rather than the agony of being pushed, could she do it?
It would be so much easier to do nothing, she thought unhappily. On the other hand, how was she going to cope with seeing him again, the memories of being kissed, the pain of that rejection?
But—I need three hands, she thought miserably. I can’t just abandon Nicky.
‘Alex,’ Mrs Mills said anxiously as she shook her awake very early the next morning, ‘Miss Spencer is here and I’m afraid she wants to take Nicky away with her. Stan is trying to track down Mr Goodwin in Brisbane but no one seems to be able to find him at the moment. Will you come and speak to her, please?’
Alex sat up and rubbed her knuckles across her eyes. ‘Say that again,’ she requested huskily and incredulously, then, ‘No, I got it, but—but what can I say to her? And there’s no way we can stop her. He’s her son.’
‘But don’t you think—’ Mrs Mills lowered her voice a notch ‘—that for Nicky’s sake, some negotiations, or whatever, need to be made between Miss Spencer and Mr Goodwin—and Nicky should at least be able to say goodbye to his father if that’s the way it’s going to be? He’s still asleep, by the way.’
Alex rubbed her face and combed her fingers through her hair. ‘Um—yes.’
‘And you are his personal assistant, aren’t you? Mr Goodwin’s.’
‘Yes.’
‘I’ve put her in the pink sitting room. I’ve persuaded her to let Nicky sleep. And I’m going down now to make some coffee for her, for you both. Please, Alex,’ Mrs Mills pleaded. ‘This is a very awkward situation for me!’
Alex sighed, then she hugged Mrs Mills quickly and pushed aside the bedclothes. ‘I’ll be down in a few minutes. I’ll just have a quick shower and get dressed.’
Cathy Spencer turned from the window as Alex entered the pink sit
ting room. Her eyes narrowed and hardened as they fell on Alex wearing jeans, a soft green track top and with her damp hair hastily tied back.
‘Personal Assistant, according to Mrs Mills,’ she said bitterly. ‘I should have expected it to be very personal, Miss—Hill, isn’t it?’
Alex stared at her. Cathy Spencer looked like a different person from the one she’d met in the penthouse foyer. Gone was the fire and the passion, gone also was the gloss. She looked tired and strained. Even her clothes were sombre, a black polo-neck sweater over indigo jeans, a buff trench coat and high-heeled boots. Her river of dark hair—it didn’t seem to possess the life it had had—was clasped at her neck.
‘Miss Spencer,’ she said and gazed at her levelly, ‘it’s not personal at all. And this—’ she gestured to take in the surroundings ‘—has only come about because Nicky took a completely unexpected shine to me after you left him with a father he’d never met.’
Alex stopped, then attempted to articulate her next thoughts. ‘Please believe me, I don’t—I know it’s not my place to make judgements so I’m simply stating the facts. And that is all there is to it.’
To her amazement, she saw Cathy Spencer put her hands to her face, and she saw tears dripping through her fingers.
‘Oh,’ Alex said. ‘Oh, please don’t—I didn’t mean to make you cry!’ She looked around a little desperately and spied the tray Mrs Mills must have delivered while she was showering. ‘Let’s—let’s have some coffee.’
Cathy took her hands from her face and sniffed. ‘Sorry,’ she said huskily and blew her nose, ‘but the reason I’m here is because my mother died yesterday.’
Alex looked horrified. ‘Oh, no! How? I thought the operation had been a success. Look, please sit down.’
Cathy sat after a moment’s hesitation. ‘It was a success but she had a heart attack out of the blue.’
‘I’m so sorry.’ Alex took her a cup of coffee, then sat down opposite with her own. ‘I lost my own mother, and father, a few years ago, so I know what it’s like. I’m so sorry.’
‘Thank you. Nicky also loved her dearly and she was wonderful with him.’ She grimaced. ‘Better than I was, actually. She had so much patience. I don’t know what I’m going to do without her. Of course, that’s not why I’m so sad.’
‘No,’ Alex agreed, and waited.
‘I feel guilty that I may not have let her know how much I loved and appreciated her. I feel terrible because she was too young. I can’t help wondering if she had some sort of presentiment and that’s why she insisted I must tell Max about Nicky.’
She stopped and shook her head. ‘She always said I should, but I don’t take kindly to people telling me what to do even when I know they’re right. Then a month or so ago she said she would if I didn’t—that’s what’s made me wonder if she had a premonition … But I don’t think anyone could understand how hard it was to do.’ She stopped helplessly. ‘Then I didn’t know how Max and I would react to each other and whether Nicky would sense it.’
She broke off and closed her eyes, then looked across at Alex. ‘How are Nicky and Max getting along?’
‘Pretty well.’
‘And you say he took a shine to you?’
Alex smiled faintly. ‘I made a bit of a hit with Nemo. From then on I was in, but he’s a great little boy.’
Cathy Spencer sipped her coffee, then put her cup down with something like decision. Alex held her breath, expecting to have to somehow fend off Cathy claiming Nicky and taking him away, but she got a surprise.
‘Have you any idea how I got myself into this mess—what is your name?’
‘Alex, but—’
‘Alex, then, I need to talk to someone,’ Cathy said with just a glint of her former fire. ‘I need to try to make someone believe I’m not quite the hard-hearted person I’m painted. I honestly didn’t believe it was Max’s child! Without going into too many details of my love life, I’d gone off the pill, it wasn’t agreeing with me, but I hadn’t told Max.’
She paused and Alex was forcibly reminded of Max’s Scheherazade remark because she sensed she was going to get drawn into this tale whether she liked it or not.
‘We were coming to the bitter end of our relationship,’ Cathy continued. ‘We weren’t communicating other than rowing. He wanted us to get married, he wanted a conventional wife who was like the jewel of his household, who would never embarrass him, who would always be there, who would always do the right thing. I’m not like that. I’m a free spirit at heart and I had no desire to be drawn into the Goodwin machine—and it is a machine. We had one last tempestuous night, then I walked away and fell into the arms of a friend for a couple of weeks.’
She closed her eyes. ‘I wasn’t thinking too straight, but I did have at the back of my mind that it can take some time to conceive after you’ve come off the pill.’ Her dark lashes swept up. ‘Then I realized I had conceived, but whereas with—with my friend, it could have been the right time of the month, with Max it should not have been. I just didn’t,’ Cathy Spencer said sadly, ‘take into consideration that my cycle had gone quite haywire.’
‘Your friend,’ Alex said, and hesitated.
‘He never knew. Oh, he was sweet enough and he helped me to pick up the pieces, but I had no more desire to be tied to him than I’d had to be tied to this empire.’ She looked around, then she grimaced. ‘Funnily enough, given the circumstances, I just couldn’t bring myself to have a termination.’
She looked down and pleated the hem of her jumper. ‘I think,’ she said with a frown, ‘it was because I’m such a believer in life and in creating things rather than destroying them. And it was also a part of me.’ Cathy raised her hands to point inwards to her chest, then she sighed. ‘Of course the irony that Nicky should turn out to be a mini-Max hasn’t failed to strike me.’
‘There’s one area he’s very like you,’ Alex said. ‘He adores drawing and painting. He’s the most artistic six-year-old I’ve ever met.’
For a moment Cathy Spencer’s long-lashed blue eyes glowed.
‘So when did you find out whose baby he was?’
The glow in Cathy’s eyes diminished and she smiled wearily. ‘At first Nicky looked like my father, according to my mother—I didn’t know my father, he died before I was born. Then, if anything, he looked like me, and there was always going to be the possibility he’d be blue-eyed with dark hair so it wasn’t a pointer, necessarily, to Max. But by the time he was walking and talking, he was growing more and more like Max. Now, they even have the same shape feet.’
‘So why didn’t you tell Mr Goodwin then?’
Cathy gripped her hands together. ‘I could not lose the feeling that it would be like handing Max a tool to—to control me, but not only that, I love Nicky and I do want what’s best for him. I did think it would be best to go it alone with him rather than subject him to—’ she closed her eyes ‘—a father and mother who—’ Cathy gestured eloquently and shook her head with a question mark in her eyes.
Alex sat back. The house was quiet. Both Nicky and Nemo obviously slept on.
What could she say? she wondered. Was she expected to answer that unspoken question? What would she say if she had no trauma to do with Max Goodwin herself?
Her next thought was to take herself to task immediately. She had no place in all this. If Max felt anything for her it was a small spark, that was all. How it had come about, if it really existed, she didn’t know; she could only theorize. He’d been under immense strain; he’d shown concern for her; she had fallen into his lifestyle with Nicky almost as if she’d been made for it.
So alongside that small spark, or perhaps it had grown out of it, there was gratitude on his side and affection—how could it ever be more? Above all, she was only a bit player in this drama, and if she had any sense at all she would cease even to be that.
There was only one way to answer the implied question Cathy Spencer was posing—the answer she would have given if she’d truly been an u
nbiased outsider.
‘I think you’ll find Mr Goodwin also has Nicky’s best interests at heart and very much so,’ she said quietly. She drew a deep breath and went on, ‘And, forgive me, but to be honest, if two people can’t find some road to travel that gives the child they’ve created an even, loving passage, they would not only be foolish, they’d be, to my mind, incredibly self-centred.’
CHAPTER EIGHT
MONTHS later, Alex could remember word for word what she’d said to Cathy Spencer, her stunned reaction to it, and how the rest of that fateful morning had panned out.
Cathy had still been staring at her, wide-eyed and with an expression of growing guilt, when Mrs Mills had come in with a remote phone.
‘Mr Goodwin would like to speak to you, Miss Spencer,’ she said, and handed the phone to her.
Alex got up. ‘We’ll leave you alone,’ she murmured.
‘Thanks.’ Cathy stared at the phone for a moment as if she were afraid it was going to bite her, then she put it to her ear. ‘Max?’
‘Where was he?’ Alex asked Mrs Mills as they retreated to the kitchen.
‘Out jogging, apparently. He hadn’t told anyone and he hadn’t taken his phone. Does she want to take Nicky?’
Alex hesitated. ‘I don’t think so. I think she seriously wants to do what’s best for Nicky. She’s also just lost her mother so she’s pretty fragile.’
Mrs Mills heaved a heartfelt sigh. ‘They were good together, you know. Maybe they hid their warring side from the staff—’ she made a small moue ‘—which is not to say they didn’t have the odd disagreement, but if they both want what’s best for Nicky now, perhaps they’ll tie the knot, who knows? It’s what they should do.’
If I hear that once more, Alex thought with a feeling of suppressed savagery that took her completely by surprise, I’ll scream. If they were so good together how did it all descend into this and how on earth could a marriage survive all this?
