She wasn’t sure if this was a final stab at the independence she needed to survive or the ultimate in self-protection. All she knew was that her babies deserved more respect and she needed more self-respect than the morning after an almost-affair from a man who had only ever been kind to her.
And most terrifying of all, she needed to go before Nick trapped himself into something she refused to see him regret.
* * *
Even before Nick woke up his hand searched for the warmth of Lucy. His eyes opened but the dent in the pillow beside his head only made him feel sad. He strained to hear the sound of movement in his flat but all he could hear was the relentless ocean, washing in and washing out across a deserted beach, and in his heart he knew she was gone.
He couldn’t believe how empty, and deserted, his own life seemed, so different from yesterday when he’d bounded out of bed to make her a surprise breakfast. Today—it was just him. Like old times.
Times before Lucy. He couldn’t believe how much he missed her.
Nick rolled out of bed, walked to the blinds and pulled them back. He wished he could share the sunrise with Lucy because she’d have enthused over it. He wished he could have seen her bathed by the golden light.
An ominous prickle under his skin asked the question. What if she never came back? If he never woke to Lucy beside him, ever?
He searched for a note but didn’t find one. He resisted the urge to phone her. Had to give her space she’d silently asked for by leaving and take on board that it was time to sort out his own issues before he saw her again.
Tomorrow morning. At work. He could wait till then.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
LUCY TRIED SO hard not to think about Nick. About leaving his bed in the early hours like a thief.
But he was the thief. He’d stolen her heart and nobody was going to get it back for her so she needed to grow another one. And that wasn’t going to happen unless she stayed away from Dr Kefes.
But it was so hard to pretend she didn’t miss him. When she swept the path, she thought of Nick, and got hotter than she should. When she picked a frond out of the pool her stomach dropped as she thought of Nick. Opening her refrigerator even the water bottles reminded her of Nick.
But the worst, when she lay on her bed, she missed his warmth. His strength. His caring.
Could even hear him telling her to stay, the day he’d run all those errands for her, when she’d been scared she’d lose her babies. But she had to be strong.
For both of them. For all of them.
* * *
On Friday morning, Flora introduced Lucy to Dr Donaldson on his first day back at GCCH. He was a tall, smiling, stick figure of a man with very kind eyes, so it seemed strange, when Nick had endorsed the man to her, that Flora obviously wasn’t comfortable with him.
Lucy’s first antenatal visit with the new doctor was that afternoon after work. It had been arranged by Nick on Wednesday, with strict instructions not to miss it, and while she’d been steamrollered into changing doctors, it seemed now it was all for the best.
The shift was busy, but thankfully Flora was still allocating her non-Kefes patients. Lucy saw Nick twice in the distance, but ducked into a room each time before he saw her, and once she turned round when he’d started to walk towards her.
All painful, heart-wrenching choices she had to make, and at times she wasn’t so sure she was doing the right thing. She had to face him some time but she was feeling too fragile yet.
Flora seemed preoccupied, and Lucy, hunting for distraction from thoughts of Nick, tried vainly for an opportunity to broach the subject of why she didn’t like Dr Donaldson. If she wasn’t having Nick, she wanted someone good.
Finally, at the end of the day as both were about to leave, Lucy caught up with the senior midwife. ‘As far as Dr Donaldson is concerned, do you think he’s a good obstetrician?’
‘Of course.’ Flora seemed a bit short, and Lucy still didn’t feel any better.
I’m not reassured, Lucy thought, and tried again. ‘Would you recommend anyone else?’
Flora stopped walking and sighed. She met Lucy’s worried eyes with a strange expression on her face. ‘David Donaldson is an excellent obstetrician. Very experienced with twin pregnancies and has a stellar reputation. You could do no better.’
Well, that was glowing, it just hadn’t been said in an enthusiastic voice. But at least Flora wouldn’t say something that wasn’t true. And there was no doubt Flora would prefer it if Lucy dropped the subject.
So, reluctantly, she did. ‘Thank you.’
Fifteen minutes later she was shown into the good doctor’s new rooms and Lucy suspected that behind the twinkling grey eyes lay a very astute mind because he glossed over the point that Nick had handed her on for personal reasons and concentrated on her pregnancy.
After taking her blood pressure and weight, he helped her climb up onto the examination couch to feel her tummy. It just wasn’t the same as doing this with Nick but she needed to stop thinking about that.
Dr Donaldson palpated the babies, and he must have been a little firmer with his hands than Nick because once or twice Lucy winced with discomfort.
He lifted his hands. ‘Sorry. So you’re twenty-four weeks, the babies are growing well, one is head first and the other breech today.’
She nodded. Wished she could tell Nick that one was breech at the moment.
The kind doctor smiled. ‘You know they can swap and change for a few weeks yet?’
After he’d found and listened to their two different heartbeats he wiped off the gel and palpated one more time on the lower part of her abdomen.
Lucy winced again and he nodded to himself. ‘I thought that was uncomfortable?’
She nodded and he quizzed her on her general condition. ‘So you’re well. No discomfort you didn’t expect, babies moving as usual. Anything worrying you?’
Did he mean apart from tearing herself away from the man she wanted to spend the rest of her life with? She’d barely thought about her body—too obsessed with pining for Nick. ‘Just a few aches and pains. But probably ligament discomfort or a mobile elbow.’
Dr Donaldson was more interested than she was. ‘Show me where.’
Lucy pointed to the right side of her abdomen, the spot that he’d touched, and he nodded, and gently palpated the area again.
Lucy winced and his eyebrows drew together. ‘Haven’t had any temperatures? Sweats? Nausea?’
Well, actually... Hot and feeling sick? Lucy nodded reluctantly. ‘Yes. I might have.’
He smiled kindly and helped her sit up. ‘One or all three?’
To be honest? ‘All three?’
He helped her down from the couch and directed her back to the chair beside his desk.
But she’d just thought the day was warmer than expected, the babies were growing and making themselves known, and the stress of moving back into her house, away from Nick, was making her feel a little rotten.
He sat back behind his desk and typed on the computer. ‘I’d like you to go down to Pathology and have another blood test.’
Not again. But she wasn’t having any unusual tightening of her belly. ‘I’ve already been treated for a kidney infection.’
He smiled. ‘I think it’s more likely you have a grumbling appendicitis. Fairly unusual in pregnancy and quite complicated with twins on board, but we’ll keep an eye on you.’
Lucy felt her mind go blank. Appendicitis? Where was Nick at this moment? What would he say about this? So it wasn’t a baby elbow or knee. And it was still a bit achy from where he’d palpated. She couldn’t afford a grumbling appendix. ‘What happens if it gets worse?’
He smiled kindly. ‘You have an appendectomy.’
Good grief. Why did this have to happen today? When
she was being strong about not calling Nick? ‘I didn’t think I could have a general anaesthetic. What about the babies?’
Let alone the six weeks off work with no sick pay. And she wouldn’t even have Nick to bring her healthy yoghurt and sympathise.
‘Yes is the short answer. If necessary, your babies would be anesthetised as well, because the drugs do cross the placenta.’
Too scary to even think about.
‘The babies would wake up when it wore off.’
This was a nightmare. And a hundred times worse because she couldn’t share it with the one person she wanted to.
She needed him. But she couldn’t have him. ‘Don’t tell Dr Kefes.’ The words were wrenched out of her and were the direct opposite of what she really wanted. More than anything she wanted Nick with her. More than anything she knew she couldn’t. This was the start of it. She had to push him out of her life.
This was her surviving the next crisis without Nick.
She’d already had two disasters he’d had to manage and she needed to sort this herself. The problem was, all she felt like doing was bursting into tears.
‘You remind me of someone I used to know.’ Dr Donaldson gave her a quizzical look. ‘Determined to be independent. But I won’t mention it if you wish. And your symptoms might go away. We can hope.’
He gave her his card and wrote his mobile phone number on the back of it. ‘So take it gently. Phone me if there is a problem or the pain becomes severe. You must do that.’
She nodded, took the card and put it in her purse.
He opened his door for her and before she walked through he said gently, ‘And don’t forget to have that blood test done today.’
She stopped. Looked at him. He smiled blandly. Surely Nick hadn’t told him she’d done that last time? She narrowed her eyes at him. She’d bet Nick had mentioned it. ‘Thank you, Doctor.’
* * *
Nick found himself wondering how Lucy had gone with Dr Donaldson.
He’d woken so many times on Thursday night, wondering how she’d gone back to her house after the break-in. How she’d gone after leaving his bed. Was she thanking him for not seducing her or hating him? The jury was still out how he felt about that himself.
His eyes strayed to the clock again. She’d be in there now. He knew he’d miss Lucy but he hadn’t realised how much he would miss his frequent interaction with Lucy’s babies when he handed her on. And this was only the first visit. It was worrying how invested he’d become in her babies’ well-being.
He’d been subtly trying to catch their mother’s eye all day, without drawing the attention of the whole hospital, watching for developments, but it had been frustratingly difficult to even get close to speaking with Lucy.
He hated the distance he could feel between them and that was despite the fact he was ten rooms away. In the end he’d asked Flora how she’d gone at home, an innocent question, and had been told she was fine.
He’d have it out with her on Sunday, when they had breakfast, if she was still going to come with him. He didn’t like to think how much he had riding on the assumption she would.
* * *
On Saturday morning Lucy felt well enough to work the early shift, despite the fact she’d been miserable all night, missing Nick, because the discomfort in her side remained constant but was no worse.
After work Flora was coming around late afternoon with some baby clothes and that was something she could look forward to. She needed more distraction like this if she was going to stay sane.
Baby clothes. She hadn’t had a chance to do anything yet but her friends with their twins had promised to bring a load of things around next weekend. Lucy decided to ask Flora to come when they did and they could all have an afternoon together.
More distractions and moments to look forward to. Funny how her friends were all older now.
Her midwifery training friends were all far flung and busy partying. Finding herself pregnant on her first shift had made her less outgoing with her mind more on survival than on forming friendships.
Except with Nick. Always her thoughts came back to Nick.
He’d taken her under his wing from the first day. But you couldn’t be a pseudo sister when you fancied the big brother so she was doing the right thing to get out of that situation as soon as possible. Before he did.
Everything else was fine. Truly.
She wouldn’t be as lonely when she’d had the babies, went to play groups and met other mums. But for the moment it was brutally lonely and not just because she missed Nick. Mostly that, but not only that. She just needed to keep reminding herself.
By the time she finished work at three she didn’t feel quite so well.
At four o’clock, when Flora arrived with her freshly baked scones, Lucy was feeling pretty darned miserable.
Flora took one look at her and made her sit down. ‘What’s happening here?’
Lucy felt like crying. Or being sick. Or both. ‘Dr Donaldson thinks I might have a grumbling appendix.’
Flora felt her forehead. ‘Hot! It looks to be more than grumbling. You need to go to Emergency, my girl.’
‘Dr Donaldson gave me a number to ring him on if I got worse.’ Lucy pointed to her handbag on the table. She didn’t have the energy to get up and get it herself.
Flora picked up the handbag and brought it over. She dug out Lucy’s purse and gave it to her. ‘And you haven’t?’
Another urge to weep. ‘I didn’t like to bother him on a Saturday.’
Flora patted Lucy’s shoulder and stood up. ‘I’ll pack you an overnight bag. What about Dr Kefes? Nikolai? Have you told him you’re unwell?’
Lucy felt so miserable. And hearing Flora say it only made it worse. ‘I’m trying not to lean on Nick. He’s treating me like his little sister. It’s not fair on him and I have to learn to stand on my own feet...’ She put her face in her hands and squeezed her eyes to hold back the tears. She was pathetic.
‘Hmph,’ Flora said as she stood up. ‘I don’t think it’s a sister he wants.’ Flora spoke more to herself than to Lucy as she bustled around. ‘And you are a very capable young woman so stop beating yourself up. Shall I ring him?’
Nick would take control again. And she’d throw herself on his chest. She knew she would. She needed to learn to rely on herself. ‘No. Don’t bother him.’
Flora sighed as she busily rummaged through Lucy’s drawers. She held up a soft nightgown. ‘This one okay? These underclothes?’
Lucy sniffed and had to smile. ‘Nobody has ever packed a bag for me before.’
Flora glanced at her. ‘Maybe it’s time you let them.’
‘Let you?’ Lucy would have liked to laugh but she didn’t have one in her. ‘Could I stop you?’
‘I doubt it.’ Flora came back to Lucy and leant down, all elbows and awkwardness, and hugged her. ‘Stop worrying about putting other people out. They wouldn’t help if they didn’t want to. Now, do you have a small bathroom bag?’
The pain was getting worse. ‘No. I’ve never needed one. But my toothbrush is there.’
‘Never mind. I’ll put it in a plastic bag and bring you one later.’ She stopped for a moment and sighed again. ‘Give me David’s card and I’ll ring him.’
It all happened very fast after that.
Flora drove her to the hospital, a scary trip in Flora’s big off-road vehicle, and with Flora’s attitude that everyone needed to get out of her way because she had a medical crisis.
Lucy wanted Nick. Needed Nick to hold her hand. Say her babies would be fine after the anaesthetic. But it was too late now.
The emergency staff knew she was coming, Dr Donaldson was waiting, and before she knew it she was repeating her name to the gowned theatre nurse as she was being wheeled into the operating theatre.<
br />
When she came round, it felt like she’d been stabbed. Der, she had been, she thought groggily, and then she remembered her babies.
Her hand slid gingerly across her belly for reassurance and there they were. Probably asleep, like she wanted to be, and she glanced at the empty chair beside the bed and tried not to cry before she drifted off again.
Flora had arranged for Lucy to be cared for in the maternity section, and that meant she knew the people who cared for her. Except Nick didn’t come.
In her groggy haze they all seemed genuinely concerned for her and maybe she wasn’t quite as friendless as she’d assumed. Even Cass apologised for not knowing about the break-in, and her less-than-flattering comments that had caused the gossip storm.
Lucy brushed it away. She really didn’t care any more but Cass apologised again when she brought Lucy jelly for breakfast before she went off. Lucy just wanted Nick but she knew she couldn’t have him.
* * *
Down the road from the hospital Nick had gone round to Lucy’s at eight o’clock as arranged for Sunday breakfast, but the gate had been locked and when he’d used the intercom she hadn’t answered.
Late Saturday afternoon, when he’d got home from a function he’d promised Chloe he’d go to, he’d tried to confirm their date for today and just hear her say she was settled. But that hadn’t happened.
He hadn’t rung later, even though he’d wanted to, in case she was sleeping. He knew she was due to work yesterday to make up for the Thursday, that would be Thursday when she’d left his bed, but he pushed that thought away.
And he’d rung this morning but there had been no answer and now she wasn’t answering the intercom. He didn’t like that one bit.
He’d told himself she was probably doing something industrious around the mansion but this time when he phoned and it again went through to the message bank his skin crawled at the thought of Lucy unconscious or, worse, attacked by criminals in her own home.
Why on earth had he agreed she should come back here when he knew it wasn’t safe? Three nights she’d been here alone.
Gold Coast Angels: Two Tiny Heartbeats Page 14
