A Walk Down the Aisle

by Holly Jacobs

  “You’re not mad? You haven’t said much of anything, though that’s not unusual.”

  “One of the beautiful things about our relationship is you find the words for me when I can’t find them on my own. You laid it all out and I understand. Just make the appointment.” He rose. “Thanks for letting me crash last night.”

  “Are you sure you’re all right?”

  He didn’t answer that one, not because he couldn’t find the words, but because he didn’t want her to feel guilty when he said no. Hell, no. He wasn’t all right. He was going to sign over custody of the baby. He wasn’t marrying Sophie. And last night was the first night he’d slept through in weeks.

  But mainly he wasn’t all right because he realized he’d let down the woman he loved more than life itself. When she’d needed him most, he’d walked away.

  No, he wasn’t all right by any stretch of the imagination.

  “Have the lawyer put down whatever you need to feel comfortable and I’ll sign it.”

  “But you’ll have some things you want.”

  “There’s a lot I want, Sophie. But none of it is going to come from a paper that a lawyer draws up.” He turned and headed back to the farm.

  Once he’d have called it home, but he realized that the farm wasn’t his home anymore. Home was wherever Sophie and their baby were.

  * * *

  SOPHIE PONDERED Colton’s quiet acquiescence over the next week as she was thrown into a whirlwind of wedding preparations. She worked at juggling that with her winefest duties and spending time with Tori.

  She’d dug out a folder containing some of her old school stuff. They’d spent an evening roaring at her yearbooks, and looking at her childhood artwork. She’d pulled out her report cards and pointed to her less-than-straight-A grades. “Look at that—D in gym.”

  “How did you get a D?” Tori had asked.

  “I absolutely refused to climb the rope in gym class and the teacher failed me that day.”

  “You refused?”

  “I got my first period that day, and wasn’t confident that nothing would show.”

  They bonded over periods, grades and embarrassing school moments.

  The one thing Sophie did not do that week was call Colton. She did text him about her appointment with the attorney on Friday, but he’d simply texted back, Do whatever you need to do.

  Which was why on Wednesday she walked into the Ripley office of Mattie’s attorney, H. T. Aston. Mattie had said his first words to her were Call me Tim, which must be his standard greeting because it was the one he used with her. She told him what she needed. A custody agreement saying that the baby would live with her and when he or she was old enough, the child would spend weekends and whatever other days they agreed on at the farm, as well as every other holiday.

  “I want to be fair, but I also want to protect my rights.”

  He had papers drawn up that morning. She’d stopped at his office at lunch. Ripley was another small town like Valley Ridge, North East and a dozen others in the region. Fairview, Girard, Greene Township, Harborcreek...

  None of them felt like home the way Valley Ridge did.

  As she walked to Mattie’s house with Tori, the custody agreement tucked into her purse, Sophie wondered what made Valley Ridge so special. Tori talked about her day. She’d just finished reading Tolkien’s Lord of the Rings for the first time. “...and once I got past the way he wrote it, I loved it.” She spotted JoAnn on the porch at the bed-and-breakfast. “Hi, JoAnn.” She ran to the porch and talked earnestly to the older woman for a moment.

  Sophie watched as JoAnn laughed, and Tori ran back.

  “I told her that the book she wanted is at the library.”

  “What book?”

  “Another Jan Karon book. I told her that I think she’s got a crush on the hero, Father Tim. Anyway, I’m going to check it out for her tomorrow and drop it off after work. She’s got a whole family checking in. I’d have brought it with me today if I’d known.”

  Tori went back to chatting merrily, and Sophie knew that her daughter had fallen for Valley Ridge, too. It had become her second home, and the people had become her second family.

  Sophie thought about her own almost-wedding. The night before the big day they’d had a stag and drag, a local variation of a bachelor/bachelorette party. Hank had gotten lost and—

  “Sophie, you’re awfully quiet.” Tori wore a worried expression.

  “Sorry. Just lost in thought.” She pointed to an old stone house. “You know, when I moved here, I walked the streets—”

  “Oh, you walked the streets?” Tori’s tone said she was teasing.

  “Not like that,” Sophie said with a laugh. “But I walked all the streets. I fell in love with my house, but the rest of them are so picturesque. I thought mine looked like—”

  “A gingerbread house. At least that’s what I thought that first day. Then I changed my mind and decided it looked more like Mary, Mary, Quite Contrary’s house. It made me mad that you lived some fairy-tale life despite giving me away. That’s why I kicked the door,” she admitted apologetically.

  “No, you, angry?” Sophie teased, and then marveled that she had a relationship with Tori that allowed her to tease her like that and be met with a grin. “And the smudge cleaned right off, and those are good enough descriptions for my house. How about JoAnn’s house?”

  Tori considered it a moment and said, “The Snow Queen would live in that one.”

  They played pick a fairy tale or nursery rhyme for the houses on the rest of the walk to Mattie’s. When they got to her friend’s, they saw Mickey and Abbey tearing across the front lawn, chasing after the huge dog. Sophie and Tori looked at each other and said, simultaneously, “An old woman who lived in a shoe?” Which made them both laugh.

  Mattie came to the front door and spotted the kids. “You two stop tormenting Bear.” Then she turned to Sophie and Tori. “What are you two laughing at?”

  “Don’t tell her we called her an old woman,” Sophie whispered.

  Tori nodded and ignored Mattie’s question. Instead she asked, “Want me to go save the dog and snag the kids?”

  Mattie nodded a little too enthusiastically. “Thanks, Tori. I can’t tell you how much we appreciate your helping out tonight.” She shook her head. “I told Finn we should leave the Disney World honeymoon a surprise. They’ve been in Mickey Mouse overdrive all week.”

  “I’ll help with them at the wedding, too. We’ll consider it my wedding gift.”

  “That may be one of our best ones.” Mattie glanced at the side yard, where the dog started barking maniacally.

  “I’m on it,” Tori said, and sprinted around the corner.

  “She’s a great kid,” Mattie said.

  Sophie looked toward the corner, then back at Mattie. “She is. Her parents get all the credit.”

  “Nature. Nurture. I think nurture matters, but genes play a role, too, and she got a good batch of those. So come in the back and save me, would you?”

  “What’s up?” They heard a great deal of noise, then a little girl’s shriek from outside.

  Mattie noticed her looking and assured her, “It was a happy shriek. They’re probably still chasing the dog. It’s been like that for days. It’s not only the kids excited about Disney next week, it’s Lily. I think she’s about to burst with her pre-wedding excitement.”

  Sophie noticed that Mattie looked a tad green. “Are you okay?”

  “I feel a bit...” Mattie paused, obviously hunting for the word. “Claustrophobic, if that makes sense. For so many years, I was out on my own. Then I came home to help Bridget, and my life keeps on changing. I mean, I liked changing locations, but huge life upheavals make me...”

  “Claustrophobic?” Sophie filled in.

  Mattie sighed. “Yes.”

  “I know that change can be overwhelming,” she said, “but these are good changes. You and Finn belong together. Despite your rough start, you’re a perfect fit.” />
  As she said the word perfect, she couldn’t help but think of all the times people had told her that she and Colton were perfect together.

  Her purse felt heavier, probably because of the custody agreement she hoped Colton would sign, and her conscience felt guilty because she knew that people’s perception of them being a perfect couple had been based on faulty information.

  The backyard was crowded with the wedding party and Mattie’s family.

  Sophie did her best to run interference between the very excited Lily and the grumbling Mattie, as well as help with the two younger kids, who continued to race around the yard, followed by their dog, or following their dog—with Zoe and Tori on their heels. She passed out drinks and made the rounds, visiting with everyone.

  She told herself that she was being a good friend and helping out.

  But she knew she was actually avoiding Colton.

  He obviously knew it as well because he kept shooting her questioning looks.

  When it was Abbey’s and Mickey’s bedtime, she volunteered to put the youngest two Langley children to bed. The party was winding down, and she hadn’t seen Colton to give him the papers. She assured herself that it was all right. She had months to give him the papers and work out the custody.

  Odds were, despite what he said, he’d want to add or subtract things from the agreement as it was written.

  She got the kids showered and left Mickey reading a book in his room as she took Abbey to her room and read her a story. When she finished and closed the book, she happened to glance up and see Colton at the door.

  “Aunt Mattie gets a new name tomorrow ’cause she’s marrying Uncle Finn,” Abbey said, then yawned and snuggled down into her pillow.

  Sophie pulled up the covers. “Yes, she does.”

  She smoothed Abbey’s hair. She’d done this many times when Bridget had been sick, but not recently. She missed bedtime routines.

  She kissed Abbey’s forehead.

  “And then we’re gonna go to Disney World on our honeymoon. Maybe you and the new baby can come? Tori, too. We like her.”

  “Well, the new baby won’t be here until Christmas, so maybe we’ll wait until after that to go.”

  “Tori, too?” Abbey asked.

  “Yes. Tori, too, if she wants.”

  “Oh, she’ll want to. Everyone wants to go to Disney. But it’s good to wait for the baby, ’cause when it’s in your belly it can’t see much.”

  “No, he can’t. But he’s lucky. You’ll be able to tell him all about Disney after you’ve gone.”

  “Hey, yeah, I can.” Abbey popped back up like a jack-in-the-box. “Maybe I’ll bring him a present.”

  Sophie tucked her back in. “I’m sure he’d like whatever you brought him, but I’m also sure he’ll like you telling him about the trip the most.”

  “Okay. Night.”

  She kissed the little girl’s forehead again. “Good night, sweetie.” And knowing there was nothing more to do, she went into the hallway, shut the door behind her and faced Colton.

  “I got your message saying you wanted to talk, then you spent the evening avoiding me.”

  “I didn’t.” She stopped because her denial was a lie and Colton deserved better than that. “Okay, I did avoid you all night. I... This can wait.”

  “What can wait?” he pressed.

  “I went to the attorney’s and he drew up some custody papers saying I have primary custody, at least until the baby is weaned and can spend nights with you, but otherwise, we share all parenting decisions. Co-parenting. I’ll be the custodial parent. He said that doesn’t mean you don’t get a say, and if you don’t like the way it’s written up, we can change it—”

  He interrupted. “Breathe. It’s okay.” He studied her a few long seconds, then added, “You really need that put in writing?”

  “Colton, I do.” She wasn’t sure how to explain. “I trust you. I know you think this means I don’t, but I do. It’s just that I need it guaranteed. I don’t think I’d survive losing another child. I—”

  “Sophie, it’s okay. I get it. Give me the papers and I’ll return them tomorrow.”

  “I don’t need them that fast. I simply thought it made sense to take care of it before the baby came.”

  He looked at her and she nodded. They went back downstairs and she grabbed her purse from the floor near the table. She opened it and pulled out the envelope. “If there’s anything you feel is unfair or want changed...”

  “The changes I want aren’t something a document can give me.” He leaned down and kissed her. His lips pressed to hers with a hunger, an urgent need that begged her to respond.

  And she did. For a moment, Sophie simply opened herself up and kissed him back. Kissing Colton felt natural. It felt right.

  It felt like coming home.

  She felt as if something important had been missing and she’d rediscovered it.

  But she knew they couldn’t go backward. So she slowly disengaged herself and said, “Thank you.”

  * * *

  COLTON WASN’T SURE if she was thanking him for taking her damn papers or for the kiss.

  He’d like to think it was the kiss, but as he opened the papers and skimmed the legalese, he suspected it was his willingness to look at the papers.

  This was what she wanted? Everything neatly spelled out. He’d have access to the baby at will, though he had to call first.

  When the baby had weaned and was able, he could have overnights.

  And...

  Pages of rules and contingency plans.

  Neither of them could move away without the other’s approval.

  Major decisions would be made jointly, unless... A list of possible exceptions were listed.

  This was what Sophie needed to feel safe. To relax and not worry that someone was going to take the baby from her.

  He continued reading through the papers. Finally, he made up his mind about something he hadn’t even known he was considering.

  He picked up a pen and ran a line through all the pages of lawyerly gobbledygook and on the last page, he simply wrote, “I give complete and absolute custody of this child to Sophie Johnston. The only thing I want more than being an integral part of this child’s life is to be a part of Sophie’s life. For better, for worse. For richer, for poorer. For the rest of my life. But I’m willing to walk away from both of them, from my very heart, if that’s what Sophie needs.”

  He signed the papers and went to bed.

  He might not be able to take back the pain she’d endured years ago, and he certainly couldn’t undo the way he’d acted when he’d found out about Tori and about Sophie’s parents, but he could do this.

  He couldn’t even give her his love in a way she’d believe in.

  But he could give her peace of mind.

  Sophie needed to be sure no one would ever take their child from her.

  And he loved her enough to see to it that’s what she got.

  He’d give her the papers at the wedding and he’d hope that someday she could forgive him for letting her down.

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  COLTON AWOKE the next morning refreshed. He’d slept well, mainly because he was at peace with his decision.

  He made his coffee and stepped out onto the porch. He wondered if Sophie would ever stand here again in the morning.

  Just a few short months ago, he’d known if she woke up before him, he would find her here. She loved curling up in a chair or simply sitting on the porch steps watching the farm wake up. That’s how she’d put it. It was as if the farm was alive in her mind.

  They’d sat on the porch steps a few mornings before the day they almost got married and she’d pointed to a spot between the house and barn. She’d told him it would be the perfect place for her chickens. She’d be able to see them first thing in the morning. She’d told him if he played his cards right, he’d get fresh eggs for breakfast.

  He stood by himself on the porch remembering, heavy with the kno
wledge that he hadn’t played his cards right.

  Until now.

  All he could do was trust Sophie to realize it. He had to trust that she’d eventually forgive him for letting her down like everyone else in her life had. He’d done all he could.

  He got ready for the day—Finn and Mattie’s big day. He greeted people as they arrived. He didn’t need to point anyone to the field behind the barn. They’d all been there in June and knew the way.

  And though he’d known she’d be there, he felt a surge of relief when Sophie finally arrived. He watched as she parked then walked up the gravel driveway, teetering a bit on her high heels whenever she hit stones or depressions. He wanted to go help her but knew that wouldn’t be welcome, so he simply waited as she made the walk in her sunny yellow dress.

  “Good morning,” she said formally as she approached.

  “Where’s Tori?”

  “She’s coming with her parents.”

  He nodded and tried not to stare at her stomach. The dress sort of draped over it, but as the slight breeze wafted the material, he thought he could see the outline of her stomach, and he was pretty sure there was a definite baby bump.

  He wanted nothing more than to put his hand on the place their child rested, but he knew Sophie wouldn’t welcome the intrusion.

  And really he wanted so much more. And because he wasn’t sure he could simply stop at that, he resisted the urge.

  He had to trust her. She’d figure out that even though he’d made a mistake, he loved her.

  And the first step to her realization was in his pocket. He took out the envelope and handed it to her. “Here.”

  She stared at the envelope a moment, then back at him.

  “You can go over them later,” he said. “I think you’ll find everything’s in order and your mind should be at ease.”

  “Thank you for being so nice about this.”

  “I get why you need to know you’ll never lose this baby. And even if you don’t trust me anymore, I need you to know that I’d never do anything to take this baby from you. I’ll do everything in my power to see to it you never worry about that.” He leaned down and kissed her. Not like last night—not with all the pent-up desire and longing he held. But a simple, chaste kiss that he hoped she realized was full of his love.