by J. L. Ostle
I sing the first verse and I let the words seep into me and Ella starts to sing the second verse until we reach the chorus. We sing to each other and we start to sway our hips. I start to sing solo again and I look out into the crowd. People are starting to move from their tables to watch us. I look at Ella and she smiles at me. I slowly walk to her as she walks to me, and I place my hand on her hip as she does the same to me. We slowly start to bend down, sticking our asses out as we come back up, and I try not to laugh.
I finally start to fall into the song and walk to one end of the bar. People are dancing, waving their hands around in the air, and I even notice a few people who are singing along with the words. I find Cara and she is singing along also, smiling at me, and I give her a wink. I notice Sebastian isn’t with her. I walk back to the middle of the bar and I put my hand in my hair as I move my head from side to side. When I look out I finally spot Sebastian in the far back. He has a drink in his hand as he watches.
I don’t mean to but I keep my eyes on him. I move my body slowly as I let the words come out. I let the rocker in me out. I close my eyes and move with the words as I sing the last line. When I open my eyes again, everyone is screaming and cheering, asking for more. Ella comes to my side and gives me a sideway hug.
“They love us,” I say.
“Who could blame them?”
I look at her and hug her. “That was amazing.” I look out and everyone is still clapping. I turn, about to get down, before I notice Cory and Sean come and stand up on the bar.
“Do you want more?” Sean shouts out.
They all scream out, “Yes,” and a few chant out, “More,” over and over again.
“You heard them, ladies. You have to give what the people want,” Cory adds in.
“You wanting more?” I shout out into the mic.
They all still chant, “More,” with their arms in the air.
“I guess we have no choice, Ella.” I smile out.
“I guess not,” she giggles. “‘Alive’?” she asks me.
I nod.
“‘Alive,’” she tells Sean.
The song comes on and we start singing “Alive” by Sia. I let Ella sing the first part as I sway my hips, and when we get to the chorus, we both sing out. I sing with all my heart as I sing the alive part. I love the chorus so much. I want the crowd to feel the words seep into their very core. I sing the second part of the song, tapping my leg with the beat. We sing the chorus again and I close my eyes, lifting my hand in the air and I sing out—singing with my very soul.
We sing the last part of the song together, singing to each other and smiling. We sing word for word. I get excited at the last chorus. We both turn and sing the chorus to the crowd once again. I look out and they are all up watching us, and a few look at us in awe—just watching. The song ends and I feel the adrenaline rush through me.
Fuck me, I have missed this feeling so much.
“Thank you all for listening to us, but it’s now time to get ready to hear Dark Players.” I even notice a few boos and Ella bursts out laughing. “Thank you again.” I bend and Cory helps me get down, as Sean does the same for Ella.
“They fucking loved us. I guess the US has good taste after all,” Ella says and I notice that Sean’s arms are still around her.
“That was … that was beyond words.” Cory kisses me hard and I feel the adrenaline still rushing through me. I grip his hair in my fists and pull him towards me. I kiss him hard. I walk back until I hit the bar and I arch myself into him. He follows my lead, putting his fingers in my hair and holding the back of my head. He stops kissing me and our breathing is coming in fast. “Fuck,” he says, smiling and shaking his head.
“That was fucking hot,” Ella whistles.
“You took the words right out of my mouth,” Sean replies.
I look at them both. “You need to stop watching, you pervs,” I laugh.
“You shouldn’t kiss in front of us then, should ya.”
I laugh. “Right, I am going to start serving.” I give a little peck on Cory’s lips and walk to the end of the bar, and straight away a load of guys come surrounding me. I look down the bar and start laughing. I guess I am going to be busy for the rest of the night. I serve a lot of men for the next couple of hours. I am so busy that I don’t have a chance to let Sebastian’s voice affect me when he is onstage. I am taking money from a customer and placing it in the till and when I turn around Sebastian is right in front of me. I quickly give the change to the customer and walk to him.
“I am shocked you are getting a drink from me,” I joke. I head to the fridge and get the bottle of beer he always drinks. I place it in front of him. He looks at it in confusion and looks back at me. “This is what you drink, isn’t it?”
“I didn’t think you knew my drink.”
“I have noticed what you drink.” I shrug and he hands me a note, well a bill as they say. I put my fingers on it but he grips it, stopping me from taking it.
“You have a really good voice.”
“Thank you.” I try to take the money again but he is still holding onto it.
“I like this look on you. Were you a rocker badass back home?”
“Yeah, I was. But I didn’t sleep around.”
He raises an eyebrow. “But you teased—you tease the crowd, you tease men to look, but never to touch.” He cocks his head to the side, looking down at my bare stomach and back up again. “I hope to hear you play again.” He lets go of the money and walks away. I am still watching him as I see him walk to Cara, who smiles at him adoringly, and I look away.
“I heard what he said.”
I look to see Ella sitting on a stool. “Ella, I know.”
“No, you don’t know. I get why you are infatuated with him. He is a rocker and he knows how to use words to his advantage. But fuck, how he spoke to you was hot. I probably would have caved and let him fuck me sideways by now.”
I burst out laughing. I love how she just says what’s on her mind. “I know you would.” I pass her another drink.
“I would have enjoyed every second too.” She winks at me and I continue serving.
It is the last day before Ella has to go home, and I have been dreading it. The week has just flown in and I hate that she is going. It has been nice having my best friend with me again. Ella said she found a place she wants to go on her last night here and that it is a surprise. She told me to dress up so I decided on my black skinny jeans, black suede boots, and black three-quarter sleeve blouse.
Ella went with black leather pants and a white vest with a leather jacket. When the taxi arrives, I am so intrigued about where we are going. I look out the window to see if I can find any clue, but I haven’t gone this far from home yet so I remain clueless until we get to a place that looks like a bar—it’s called Musique.
We walk in and it’s smaller than Randi’s. There isn’t a dance floor but on the right is the bar, and in front is the stage with a stool and a microphone in a stand with loads of round tables in front of it. I see a few couches on the far side. I look around, looking at the walls with pictures of people I don’t recognise. That’s when I see a poster on the wall saying, “Mic Nights.”
She took me to a mic night.
“That stupid poster just ruined the fun for me,” Ella says and I look at her in confusion.
“You took me to a mic night?”
“I don’t know when I’m going to perform with you again, so I want my last night to play by your side.”
I see her eyes prickle with tears and I feel a tear slide down my cheek. I pull her to me, giving her a hug as I don’t want this night to end. I don’t want her to go. “This sucks balls, you know that?”
She chuckles into my shoulder and steps back. “Yeah, big hairy balls,” she says and I chuckle. “I am going to sign us up.”
“Okay, I will get us a couple of drinks.” I watch as she heads farther down the bar to a man with receding grey hair with a clipboard in his hands. I order u
s each a bottle of beer and head to a table near the front of the stage. It will be nice to hear a few other musicians.
“Right, we are all signed up, we just need to wait until they call us up.”
I nod. “What song did you pick?”
“You know you sent me some songs from that Chase guy?”
“Yeah, he is good.”
“I totally agree. I love how he sings in a minor key, so you are going to sing ‘Hello.’ I think his version is way better than Adele’s.”
“What do you mean I am going to sing it? You’re not going to sing it with me?”
“Come on, baby cheeks, we know you are the singer. I am going to play on the keyboard as you sing. I have learnt to play his version, so we are all set to go. I know you probably know his version of the song like the back of your hand, so you know all the tempos and high keys to match your voice.”
“I don’t know what to say right now.”
“You are the singer. You are the leader. I always knew it, so did the guys back home. You have something that is in you that makes you more than just a voice. You just shine.”
I look at her and I feel my eyes tearing up again.
“Don’t you dare cry on me or I swear, I will kick your ass.”
I chuckle and wipe underneath my eyes. “Right, let’s sing and get drunk.” I raise my bottle.
“Yeah, here’s to a major hangover in the morning.” She clinks her bottle with mine and we both take a sip.
We order a few more drinks and watch as a few people come onstage to sing or to play the guitar, and some are very good—like crazy good. One guy played the guitar like it was made for him. The finger work was amazing. I look around and love how no one judges. You are here to enjoy the music, no matter how bad or good you are. Then I hear us being called onstage. I take the seat in front of the mic as Ella sits next to me in another seat in front of a keyboard. I wait until she is ready and gives me a thumbs-up. I look into the crowd and wait until she starts to play.
I start to sing softly when she begins. I look out and see everyone’s eyes on me. I close my eyes and when I get to the chorus, I pause to take a breath, and then sing out the words—singing with passion, with my heart. When I sing, I always sing with my soul. I can’t explain what happens to me when I sing, but I feel like I’m in another world.
Ella plays so amazingly that I can’t help but think she really has practiced for just in case we ever got the opportunity to play it. I hold onto the mic as I sing, and I feel my body lifting up into some kind of high. I am brought back down when I feel those tingles. I search for him. I am looking around subtly until my eyes land on Sebastian’s.
Once again, I am singing to him. I watch as he walks towards me and I see him sit at my table. I continue singing, but it’s not to the crowd, it’s to him. I let him see a side of me only a few ever see. I let him see my vulnerability when I let the music take over. I finish the song and I watch him stand and walk away before Ella notices that he was even here. The crowd stands and claps as we head off the stage.
“That felt so good,” Ella says as we take our seats.
I look around the room, wondering where Sebastian went. I feel my blood pumping and I want to know why he is here.
“You okay?” Ella pulls me back to the now.
“Yeah, sorry. I am just going to use the bathroom. Can you order another round?”
“Yeah, sure.”
I stand up and walk in the direction I watched Sebastian go in.
A few people stop me to say how good I was and I thank each of them. I feel like I imagined him there. I am about to head back to the table when I feel my hand being pulled. I am down a small hallway and Sebastian is standing in front of me. He isn’t saying a thing but I feel like I’m being suffocated by this pull. I feel it surround me. I see his chest heaving up and down.
I am about to open my mouth to say something, when I feel his mouth land on mine. I don’t move for about a second before I close my eyes and kiss him back. I feel like I have just been drugged. I have never felt anything like this before. I feel my whole body tingle with so much want and need.
Months of wanting, but never having, are finally catching up with us both. I wrap my arms around his neck, pulling him closer to me, and when I hear him growl in the back of his throat, I groan into his mouth. He pushes me farther into the wall and I can feel his erection against me and I start grinding myself against him.
He glides his hands down until he reaches my ass and he bends and lifts me, so my legs are wrapped around his waist. I continue to grind against him, trying to dull this ache, but it makes it worse. I want him so badly. I am pulling his hair as he digs his fingers into me, causing me pain, but it’s, oh, so pleasurable at the same time. But it’s not enough. I need more. I want more.
“Sebastian,” I breathe out.
He kisses me harder and I arch into him. He starts kissing my neck and jaw. I hear music playing in the background. I know anyone can see us but I am lost. I can feel this kiss right through my whole body. I place my hand to cover his dick over his jeans, and start rubbing it, causing him to hiss.
“Fuck. Fuck.” He bites my neck and I pant out his name. I use my hands to get to his jeans to unbutton them, when I hear a very loud cough. We both stop and I turn my head, seeing Ella standing there with her hands on her hips, looking at us both like a mother would to a naughty child.
“Ella,” I say, my voice uneven.
“Don’t you Ella me. What the fuck are you both doing?” she yells. “Don’t even answer that, any idiot can see what you both were doing. Iris, you have a loving boyfriend, remember? And, Sebastian, aren’t you dating her cousin? What the fuck?”
I untangle my legs and Sebastian helps me stand—my legs feeling like jelly. “Ella,” I say again, but she puts her hand up, stopping me.
“What are they going to say when you tell them what happened?”
I look at her with wide eyes. I can’t tell Cory that I kissed Sebastian. It would hurt him. But Cara—she would hate me for life. “Ella, we can’t tell them. They would hate us,” I plead with her.
“Yeah, they would because this is wrong. You are both taken and not with each other.”
I look at Sebastian but he won’t even look at me. He isn’t even saying anything. “Sebastian, say something.” I look at him, pleading for him to say something. Anything.
“She is right. What we did was wrong.”
I feel like he just hit me in the stomach. Yeah, we shouldn’t have done it, but to say it was wrong?
“It was a mistake. It won’t happen again.” He walks away and I feel like he just landed a final punch before he walked off.
“See? He isn’t even man enough to stand by what he did.”
I look at her but I feel … hurt.
“Oh, Iris.” She comes to me and hugs me and I let a few tears fall.
“I feel so stupid. He just kissed me and I just got caught up in it.” I hold her—I need her right now.
“I get it, I have been there remember? I have had two guys on the go before and you remember how that ended. It wasn’t pretty. Cory is a good guy. You deserve a good guy. Not a guy who is with your cousin.”
I know. I know this, but I still feel like he just took a part of me with him. “I know. I really need that drink now,” I try to joke.
“Come on, think we need a few shots, well loads of shots, as you take them like water.” We both chuckle and she walks us back to our table and we order five shots of tequila each, which I down one after the other. “How did he know you were here?”
I shrug. I never had the chance to ask as I was too busy pushing my tongue down his throat. How did he know I was here? “There is no way he could have known,” I say out loud. We don’t wait long before I hear his name being called. He walks onstage and sits on the stool I was sitting on not that long ago. He introduces himself and starts to play Nick Lachey’s “What’s Left of Me.”
He normally sings huskier wh
en he is in his band, but how he is singing now is smoother. I can’t tear my eyes away. It’s such a meaningful song. I wonder what he has dealt with in his past. He looks at me when he sings the chorus and I feel tears slide down my cheeks. He is saying he is broken and that he is only half a man.
“Fuck, he is good. This isn’t helping right now,” Ella says.
Yeah, how is this meant to make me feel better? “I am so confused, Ella.” My eyes are still on his.
“I know, I am too. But you can’t have him, Iris. If you were both single, I would say fuck it, go for it, but you will hurt people if you go down this path. The truth always comes out.”
Yeah, it does. I think back to my dad and yeah, the truth always comes out. “Let’s go.” I stand. I walk away, not looking back, but I know his eyes are on me until I am gone.
We get a taxi and head home in silence, her hand in mine. I know she is giving me time to think. Tonight has just opened doors I never wanted open.
I like him.
For some stupid reason, I do, but that can’t happen again.
I wake up the next morning feeling like utter shit. My head is banging. We grabbed a bottle of tequila on the way home and stayed up talking about past memories, trying not to bring up Sebastian.
Mum and I take Ella to the airport, and when she lines up to board, I hug her, not wanting to let go. “I don’t want you to go. Just stay. We will hide you.”
She laughs. “I need an education, remember?”
“I will bring back my notes and quizzes and we can help each other.” I am crying and she is crying with me as she smiles.
“I don’t think my parents would like that.”
“I guess not. I can’t wait to see you next.”
She holds my hand, squeezing it. “Call me, okay? With what I have seen in the last week, you have a lot of drama heading your way. But please tell me everything.”
I laugh. “You will be the first person I tell.” I shake my head.
“I better be.”
We stop when we hear the announcement that the passengers need to now board. I hug her one more time. “Fuck, I’m going to miss you, girl.”
