by J. L. Ostle
I continue walking and think this is what the doctor ordered. I don’t want a relationship but I am sick of being on my own all the time as everyone is coupled up. He really is cute and I am just going to go and have fun.
I arrive at the party and already it’s in full swing. The music is loud and the house is full of people drinking and dancing. I see people heading up the stairs or making out on them. Guess they are having a good time.
I head to get a drink and I see a few people from my classes, so I talk to them and hate that I have never really talked to most of them before. I am laughing when I feel someone standing behind me.
“Hi,” I hear Damon say.
I turn around and see him smiling at me and it is such a cute smile. “Hi, you. Some party.” I smile and lift my drink, saluting him.
“So happy you could make it. Do you want to dance?”
I see that blush again and take hold of his hand. “Lead the way, Romeo.”
He laughs and guides me to the makeshift dance floor. “I am so in love with your accent,” he leans forward and shouts over the music.
“Thank you.” I smile and we start dancing, with him remaining at a good distance away so he’s not too close and invading my personal space. I respect that because I know most guys wouldn’t consider doing that. “So, what made you invite me tonight?”
I see that blush again. “I have noticed you, but I heard you were with Cory and then you just seemed to be in your own bubble, so I knew you would have said no. So I waited until it was the right time.”
Hearing him say that about me being in my own bubble hits me hard and I think that’s because I have been pining over a guy I know is unattainable.
“Now is the right time?”
“You said yeah, didn’t you?”
I chuckle. “True.”
“You liking my frat house?”
“Yeah, it’s very lively,” I joke and he laughs again.
“That’s one word for it.” He gives me his cute smile again and I giggle and move closer to him.
An hour or so has flown by and I either talk to my classmates or dance with Damon. He is always nearby and I smile at him in return. I am dancing when I hear a guy shout out about a game—seven minutes in heaven—and I am dragged to where the game is being set up.
I have never played before but I know the gist of it. A cute guy with long, messy brown hair comes around with a hat and asks each girl to put their name in. I look up and see Damon watching me and I know he wants to pick me. The pen and paper come my way and I write my name, folding it up and placing it amongst the other names.
I freeze though when I see Sebastian walk through the crowd and stand next to Damon. His eyes connect with mine and I know he knows that my name has been added with the rest. I didn’t even know he came to these parties.
“God, I hope he picks my name, he hasn’t been to one of these parties in months,” I hear a girl say beside me and I see her eyes on Sebastian.
“I think one of his bandmates, brother is a fraternity brother.” The girls friend replies.
I give him a small smile but his eyes are dark and he is looking at me intently. The guy with the hat stands near the door that I assume we go in and starts shaking the names around.
“Okay, each guy will pick a name and you both will go in this closet for seven minutes and do whatever you please.” He winks and a few cheer. “By taking part in the game, you agree to no changesies and no turning back. You are obligated to follow these rules.” He looks at each of us.
I can feel two sets of eyes watching me and I am starting to feel hot. Surely Sebastian won’t take part? He is with Cara. Maybe he is just here to watch. The hat goes to the first guy and he smiles when he calls out a name and I watch as they head into the closed-up space and the hat guy clicks on his timer.
This goes on for a few more guys and girls, and yet my name hasn’t been chosen. I feel my stomach fill with butterflies with each guy who has to pick a piece of paper. It is Damon’s turn and he looks at me and I don’t know if I want him to pick my name or not.
It’s annoying me.
His face falls and I know he didn’t pick me and he calls out a name. It is the girl who was hoping Sebastian would pick her and I see Damon debating about going in or not. I give him a shrug and two thumbs-up, telling him it’s okay.
I look away and see Sebastian still watching me. He is the reason why I’m being annoyed with myself, so I stick my tongue out at him and I notice his mouth twitch. I burst out in laughter and he breaks out into laughter also. People are looking at me like I’m crazy but I don’t care.
I needed that laugh.
Damon comes out and he looks sheepish but won’t look at me. I see his hair is messed up and I see lipstick smudged on his lips.
“Who is next?” the hat guy asks and there are only a few guys left.
When one is about to step forward, Sebastian walks forward first. “Me,” he says and the few girls that are left come in closer, hoping he picks them.
What happens if he does pick them? My mind is in overdrive and I see him hold the piece of paper, his eyes connecting with mine before he looks down. I can’t tell what he is thinking.
Who did he pick?
The suspense is killing me.
He walks closer to us all and he stands in front of a leggy blonde and I feel disappointed. It wasn’t me. I am looking at the floor when I feel his fingers tipping my chin up. He shows me the piece of paper with my handwriting.
“It’s you.”
I feel my breathing coming in short gasps. He picked my name. He holds my hand and starts walking me to the closet. I walk in and look out at the people and then the door closes, leaving us both alone.
For seven minutes.
I can feel him near me, close to me, and I don’t know what to do. All this is too much. I wish I can see him. I feel his hands glide up my arms as he stands behind me, and with one quick motion, he spins me around.
“I have missed you.” His voice sends shivers down my spine.
“I missed you too,” I whisper.
He is stroking up and down my arms. “You have been avoiding me.” It’s not a question, it’s a statement.
“I have.”
I feel him move in closer. “Why?”
“Because …” I sigh.
“Because you want to be with me?” I start shaking my head.
“Like I want to be with you.”
“Sebastian, please.”
“Not seeing you this last week has driven me insane. Not hearing your laugh or seeing your smile. I just need to be near you and you are taking that away from me.”
“We are getting too close, don’t you see that? We are walking on some dangerous ground here. We can’t be alone together without this force, pulling us together.”
He pushes me to the wall. “Fuck this shit. I know you want me. I know you need me as much as I need you. Why do you keep fighting it? Why won’t you let me taste you?” he says with his mouth close to mine, making my head spin. “I just want one taste,” he whispers, his stubble scraping along my jaw. “Please, flower. Just one taste,” he says slowly and he presses his lips gently against mine.
We kiss softly, neither of us wanting to take it further, to cross a bigger line but that line is fading. I don’t think that line even exists anymore. With each passing second his lips are on mine, the more I am falling.
I just pray he will catch me.
This is the moment where I know I will end up hurting Cara but my fucking hormones and heart don’t care. I press my body closer into him and he moans into my mouth and starts kissing me with so much hunger and need. I pull his hair, digging my nails in.
He lifts me up so I can wrap my legs around his waist and he starts grinding his hard erection against my core. We kiss hard and soon he starts kissing my neck to the top of my breasts and I can feel how wet I am getting. I am sure he can smell my arousal. He bites my breast causing me to moan and then he stops.
He puts me back on the floor and pats down my hair.
“Why did you stop?” I ask with a shaky voice and I hear him moving away from me. Why is he walking away from me? Soon the door opens and the lights blind me and I almost forgot that we are playing a game. He stopped so people wouldn’t see what we were doing.
“You guys have fun?” The hat guy smiles as we head out. I feel like I’m burning up and I’m sure my face is red but when I look at Sebastian, he looks calm and put together. Like we didn’t do anything intimate.
“Yeah, it was a hoot,” he says sarcastically and walks away, not once looking back at me and I then feel like an idiot. He just wanted one taste. He said that.
I guess I gave it to him.
“You okay?” I turn and see Damon standing beside me.
“Yeah, it was so stuffy in there,” I lie.
“I am so sorry. I went in and she kissed me and …” he mumbles on, looking red and I probably look the same.
“It’s fine, really. I’m not your girlfriend and you don’t need to apologise.”
“You sure?”
I nod. “Do you want to …” I was going to ask him to dance when a few girls from my class grab my arm, pulling us to the next room.
“They are playing spin the bottle and Sebastian has just joined.”
I feel anger build up inside me. He just made out with me and now he wants to make out with someone else too?
Dickhead.
We walk to a room where a group of people have already formed a circle and I see Sebastian sitting there with a bottle of beer looking at the ground. I sit on the opposite side and he looks up and notices me but I look away first. I pat the floor next to me for Damon to sit next to me.
A bottle is placed in the middle and the first person spins it choosing someone. When it lands they both crawl to the middle and share a kiss as everyone cheers and it goes on like that. I kissed two guys, but neither was Damon or Sebastian, and as luck would have it, no one lands on Sebastian.
It is my turn again and I spin the bottle and watch it finally stop on Damon. When I look at him, he has such a huge grin on his face you would think it was Christmas. I lean forward and press my lips to his as he cups my cheek. It is such a sweet kiss but unfortunately, I don’t feel a connection. It’s a shame too as he really is a lovely guy.
All these nice guys come in my life and yet I have to be attracted to a guy I can’t have.
I have kissed Damon a couple of times and a few others and it’s now my turn again when I feel my arm being pulled and see Sebastian standing above me.
“Come on, we are going home.” I am being pulled up.
“What are you doing?” I snatch my arm away.
“Leave now or make a scene, it’s up to you.”
“I can take her home.” Damon stands.
“You have been drinking, so no. Enjoy the rest of the party.” He pulls me along, out of the room.
“Will call you some time, I guess,” Damon shouts out.
“Not if I can help it,” I hear Sebastian mutter under his breath, thinking I wouldn’t be able to hear his comment.
“You are being such a dick,” I seethe at him when I see a cab pulling up.
“You are becoming a pain in my ass. Now get in the fucking cab.”
“Thought you were driving?”
“No, I’ve been drinking so we are getting a cab.”
“Why couldn’t Damon get in the cab with me?” I say stubbornly.
“Why do you need to answer back to everything?” he growls.
“It’s a gift, I guess,” I say sweetly and he rolls his eyes as we head off.
I am dragged up the stairs, past my home, straight to his place. I guess he didn’t want to wait for the elevator. He opens his door, dragging me in, kicking the door shut, and turning on the light. I walk to the middle of the room, turning and glaring at him.
“What the fuck is your problem? I don’t get you,” I shout at him.
“You know why I did that so don’t start acting stupid now.” He walks past me, heading to the kitchen to bring out a bottle of whiskey and he takes a huge drink from it.
“What? We have been here Sebastian. We seem to be having the same conversations. You are allowed to be with someone, but I’m not. Is it your ego? You don’t like other people touching me? Do you want me to be alone for the rest of my life, is that it?” I feel tears prickling up. “Do you want me to be on my own?” I want him to stop doing this to me.
To stop messing with my head.
To stop being all over me one minute and being a cold-assed dick the next.
“You know how I feel about you,” he says, looking at me.
“How you feel about me?” I laugh. “You lust after me. You like the chase. You like wanting something you can’t have. You mess with my fucking head,” I tear up.
“Stop talking like that.” He walks towards me. “You know it’s more than that.”
I walk away from him. “Yeah, you care for me that much that you kiss me, you tell me sweet nothings, all while you have a relationship with my cousin. I told you to not hurt her, and yet we are both doing it. You won’t let me go.”
“Is that what you want me to do? To let you go?” He walks slowly to me. “You want me to stay away from you?”
I nod. “We can’t be in the same room alone together. We are hurting someone and that someone is my family. We need to stay away from each other, just acknowledge each other when we are hanging in a group. We need to be just friends,” I breathe out.
“You.” He points his finger at me. “You are stupid if you think we can be just friends.”
“You.” I walk up to him and push him. “You are stupid if you think I will let you keep messing me about, as you are with another woman.”
He turns and pulls at his hair as he looks at the ceiling and faces me again. “You are driving me mad.”
“Yeah, join the fucking club.”
“I don’t even know why I keep putting myself through this shit.”
Yeah, same here.
He walks towards me, and I walk back until my back hits the wall. “I hate that you are stuck in my head.” He points to the side of his head. He leans forward, pressing his forehead to mine. “I hate that you are here.” He places a hand over his heart.
“I need to go,” I whisper.
He looks up, connecting his eyes with mine, looking deeply—like he is looking into my soul. “Why couldn’t you have wanted me when we first met?”
“Why couldn’t you want a relationship with me?” Tears prickle again. “Why couldn’t you want me more back then?”
His eyes look pained and it is tearing something inside me.
“I didn’t deserve you. I still don’t. I lusted for you, yes, but then the more I saw you—the more I was around you—the more I needed you in my life, and it scared me.”
“Well, it’s too late now. You made your choice.”
“Yeah, and so did you. You chose Cory.”
“You chose my cousin.”
“I know,” he whispers.
“I do think I need to go.” He nods and steps back. “We can’t be friends, can we?” I know we can’t, not really. You can’t be friends with someone who you want to do bad things too.
“I don’t know.” He watches me.
“I know,” I say quietly. “Goodbye, Seb.” I give him a small smile. I place my hand on the door handle and pull it open, ready to walk away.
“Fuck this shit,” I hear him say and I turn in time for his lips to land on mine. I feel his tongue against mine. My head is spinning as so many emotions rush through me. I wrap my arms around his neck.
He lifts up one of my legs wrapping it around his waist as he presses his erection against my core, rubbing it slowly, teasing me. He is pushing me in harder against the door, kissing my lips, neck, shoulder, any bare skin he can reach. I can feel his fingers digging into me. My head falls back as he bites my neck, marking me.
“Sebastian,�
�� I plead. He kisses me hard and with one swift movement he lifts me. I wrap both legs around him as he carries me to his room, his lips never leaving mine. I am laid on his bed with his body covering mine. His starts to kiss me slowly, gently, like this could be our last. I wrap my legs around his waist, pulling him in closer to me.
“I need you, flower. I need you so much,” he whispers into my neck. He starts grinding himself against me, making me arch myself closer into him. “I need this, even if it’s just once.”
I groan, my heart beating so fast, it’s ready to jump out of me. I feel that ache building. But then his words start registering.
Just once.
We had our once and it led me to lose Cory. It will never be just once with us. We will always want more. He grinds harder into me and I moan out, this feels so good. I don’t want to stop. I want him inside me again, to fill me up, but I am already falling for him. I can’t handle doing this again and seeing him all over Cara.
“You need to stop,” I breathe out.
“We can’t stop.” He grinds harder and starts biting my neck.
“We need to,” I say a little stronger but even I can’t believe my words.
“Please,” he begs.
“I’m sorry but I can’t.”
He stops and looks at me and I am trying so hard to not cry. He gets off me and starts pacing the room. We need to keep away from each other. We are bad for one another. I know if I asked him to choose me he wouldn’t. He wants perfection and I’m anything but. He would have left Cara by now if he truly wanted me.
I know, if I don’t start keeping my distance, I’m never going to be able to move on and find someone new. Find someone I can have a fresh start with.
It’s going to be hard to stay away as he is with Cara, and I have seen his sweet side. I know he cares about me in his own way, but it’s not enough. I want more. He has cheated and even if I was with him, he would continue cheating on my cousin, and to me, it will be like he is cheating on me too.
I stand up and he walks to me, pained. “I know you want this with me.”
“I do, but it’s not enough. You can’t give me what I want.”
