The thought of losing Sophie kills me but right now, losing her isn’t an option. She hasn’t truly left me, she’s just confused about what she needs right now. I know for damn sure I need her. She’s the love of my life and I’ll be damned if I let her get away. Not now, not ever.
There’s about thirty minutes left until the flight and my ass is starting to cramp on these damn chairs. It’s well past the middle of the night but I don’t care. I’m going to get to her tonight, even if it kills me.
My phone vibrates in my pocket and I pull it out to see her father’s name on the caller ID.
“Robert,” I say as I answer the phone.
“Hi son, just thought you should know she’s here. She’s safe,” he tells me.
“I know,” I say. “I’m on my way.”
“Good. She’s a stubborn fool like her old man but she needs you,” he says. “I’ll leave the key under the mat.”
“Thank you,” I say and with that, he cuts the line.
I let out a breath of relief, I knew she was there but to hear it confirmed and to hear that she’s safe is just what I needed. Especially after what she’s been through. I have to admit, the thought of her being taken by Christian Baxter is always popping into my head and it drives me insane knowing it’s a very real possibility. Just that knowledge alone makes me want to be by her side 24/7.
A few hours later, the plane touches down and I rush out of the airport, eager to get to Sophie.
I hail down a cab and tell him to step on it. Within twenty minutes, the cab pulls up at Sophie’s parents’ house and I soon find myself digging under the mat, using the torch on my phone to find the damn key.
I get inside and the need to find her and get straight into it takes over me but then, it’s nearly the morning and I’m fucking exhausted. I make my way up to Sophie’s room and find her curled in a ball on the bed. I’m furious at her for wanting to take the easy way out but at the same time, I’m so deeply in love with her that I can simply let it go, well, at least for tonight.
As I make my way to the bed, I strip off my jeans and shirt, letting them clatter to the floor before climbing in beside her. I instantly reach out for her, desperate to have her in my arms. I hold her against me, the way we used to before the whole Baxter thing.
As soon as I have her back up against my chest she lets out a deep, satisfied sigh and just like that, she has answered one of my million questions. She didn’t want to leave. She still loves me and she needs me just as much as I need her.
With my woman safely in my arms, I finally fall into a deep sleep.
----------
I wake to the feel of my wife nails running through my hair, down the side of my face and into the coarse hairs of my stubbled jaw. My eyes open slowly as I take her in. She lays right by my side with her eyes trained on my jawline, looking as beautiful as the day I met her.
With my arms still wrapped around her, I pull her in tighter, being careful not to jostle her injuries. Her eyes snap up to mine at the movement but I’m thankful she doesn’t try to escape. “You’re here?” she questions with pain in her eyes.
“There’s no place else I’d rather be,” I murmur as I press a gentle kiss to her temple.
Her eyes close as she takes satisfaction in my kiss. She keeps them closed as she nuzzles her head in under my chin and up against my chest. “I love you,” she tells me.
Hearing her say it for the first time in so long brings a piece of me home. “I know, babe,” I say. “I love you, too.”
I drift back off to sleep and wake later to Sophie climbing out of bed. “Where are you going?” I question as I groggily sit up in bed.
“Nowhere, just getting up. It’s past eleven,” she tells me.
Shit. I guess sleeping the morning away is what happens when you don’t get to bed until five in the morning, after a massive night of playing pro hockey, but seeing as though we’re at Sophie’s parents place, I should probably get up.
I get up out of bed and walk around to Sophie’s side before sitting on the edge. “Babe,” I say as she turns and gives me a nervous look. “Come here.”
She slowly walks over to me and I take hold of her hips between my legs. “What’s going on?”
Her eyes fall from mine as a sigh escapes her lips. “You deserve better,” she says with tears. “It’s my fault. My actions are what led to our son’s death. I don’t know how you can even stand to be near me. Every time you look at me, I see it in your eyes.”
Anger instantly starts to take over me. “You’re running away and you’re going to use a shit excuse like that.”
“It’s not an excuse,” she argues.
I let out a sigh, trying not to lose my shit at her. I stand before her and back her into the wall, making sure she only has me to focus on. “It is. What happened to you is not your fault. Yes, you fucked up. You shouldn’t have taken the case, especially when I asked you not to. But that does not mean it’s your fault. Not for one second have I ever blamed you and I wish, for once, you would just hear me,” I tell her. “I fucking love you and I refuse to let you leave over this. I need you. Without our son, you are all I have.”
The tears in her eyes fall over the edge and leave streaks down her beautiful face as she looks up at me with a world of pain behind her eyes.
I swipe my thumb across her cheek, wiping away the tears as I press myself closer to her. “Christian Baxter is the man who did this to you, to us. He is the one who holds the blame and he is the one who is going to pay for his crimes.”
Those eyes focus in on mine. “You really feel that way?” she asks with hope. “You don’t blame me?”
“Never for one second have I blamed you,” I say with a sigh. “I have never lied to you and I’d be fucked if I was to start now. You are my world. You always have been and I intend for it to stay that way.”
She pulls me in and instantly her lips are on mine. I kiss her deeply, having missed this kind of connection with her. “I’m sorry,” she murmurs through our kiss.
I pull back slightly so I can look her in the eye. “Me too, Soph. I should have been there more. You’re hurting so much and I feel like I’m failing you.”
She pulls me in once again and I wrap my arms around her as she nuzzles her face into my chest. “This is helping,” she murmurs. “I feel like I’m coming home.”
My eyes close as I hear those words. Nothing in this world has ever felt better. She relaxes into me and I pull us back to the bed. I sit down on the edge once again and she curls up in my lap.
“I can’t stop thinking about him,” she says as she opens up about our son for the first time. “It hurts so much. I just… I don’t know what to do.”
“Tell me about it. The things you think about,” I encourage.
“I… I don’t think I can,” she cries.
“Please, baby. I’m missing him too.”
She nods her head. “I wanted to call him Tyler,” she says with a small, embarrassed smile. “After you.”
“Yeah?” I question.
“Yeah,” she says. “I thought he’d be a lot like you and I figured, it’s not like you actually use the name, so why couldn’t he?”
“I like it,” I grin. “But you’re dead wrong. He was going to be like you. Blonde hair, blue eyes and the most stubborn personality you could ever imagine. Trust me, we were going to struggle to keep up with him.”
“No way,” she says with a fond smile which melts my heart. “He was going to be an easy baby. He’d breastfeed perfectly and sleep all night. I bet he would have had your dimples as well.”
“I don’t have dimples,” I argue.
“Yeah, you do,” she smiles. “He would have been perfect and I would have loved being his mommy. Singing him songs and watching as he fell asleep in my arms. I mean, I didn’t even get a chance to hear his little voice or feel his skin,” she cries. “I just wish I had a chance to hold him. Just once.”
“I know, Sophie,” I whisper into her hairline. “Me, too.�
��
We sit in silence for a short while before I pluck up the courage. I know she isn’t going to want to hear this but it needs to be said and I don’t know if it’s going to hurt her more or help her to move forward but I need to try. “Babe?” I question.
“Yeah?” she sighs as she grabs the blanket from the bed and uses it to dry her eyes.
“For the rest of our lives, every time we think back to him, it’s going to suck and it’s going to be hard, that’s what grief is. But I’d like to believe that he’s looking down on us and I want him to see us shine. I want him to be proud of the lives we’re living. I want him to be boasting to all his little friends up there that his Mommy and Daddy are absolutely rocking it down here, but lastly, I want him to know that everything we do is for him,” I tell her. “I don’t want him looking down on us to see us falling apart. We need to be strong for him.”
I hear her sniffle and I know she’s really thinking it over. “You’re right,” she says. “From now on, everything is for him,” she says, sitting up a little taller. “I want him to be proud of me.”
“He will be,” I tell her. “And so will I.”
Chapter 14
Sophie
I don’t know how the hell he did it but somehow Tank has managed to heal a bit of the pain that resides in my heart. He has helped me to see a future where my son doesn’t exist. It’s the hardest thing to actually accept but in order for me to move forward, I need to try.
I sit here curled in his arms, thankful that he had enough fight in him for the both of us. That he had what it took to come after me and prove to me that I was wrong. That I belong with him and that there’s still a bright and long future for us.
I hate myself for putting him through the pain of the last twenty four hours but in the end, I’m sort of glad it happened as without his push, I’d still be sitting in my bed, day in and day out, sobbing for my son and wishing there was a way out.
“Thank you,” I murmur as I wipe my eyes on the blanket once again.
“I would have done it a million times over, Sophie. You’re my wife and I intend for you to stay that way, even if it means you need a good kick up the ass every now and then,” he tells me.
I grin at him as he lifts us up off the bed. He carries me around to the other side of the bed before placing me down on the edge. He pulls on his jeans and quickly shoves his hand into his pocket.
He pulls out my rings and falls to one knee before me. “What do you say to a new start?” he asks as he takes my hand in his and gently slides my rings back into place. “I fucking love you, so much,” he murmurs.
I lean forward and catch his lips in mine. “A new start,” I say, thinking it over but decide to word it better. “A new start where an angel is looking down on us.”
He smiles. “It’s perfect,” he says as I scoot myself off the bed and drop down onto his lap so I straddle him.
“Careful,” he warns me of my injuries.
“Shut up,” I scold. “I need you to kiss me.”
Without another word, my man obliges. My hands instantly find purchase on his sculptured back and my nails dig into his strong muscles, telling him I need more.
His hand come down to my singlet and slip it up over my body. After weeks of constantly being covered up, feeling my skin against his again is like absolute magic. Goosebumps take over and before I know it, Tank lifts me up onto the bed and hovers above me.
He loses his jeans and boxers as I slip my own underwear down my legs. His lips come down on mine and he kisses me with every ounce of love he possesses. I open my legs and wrap them around his narrow waist allowing him entry.
He doesn’t skip a beat as he slides into me, nice and slowly, filling me to the brim. He starts to move and I let out a gasp as he makes the sweetest love to me and treats me as though I’m the most precious object he has ever laid eyes on.
We come together with our lips still firmly on one another’s. “I’ve missed you,” I murmur.
He smiles down at me. “Never again am I going that long without being inside you,” he tells me… or maybe it’s more of a warning but either way, I completely agree.
He eventually pulls out of me and we decide it’s best to show our faces to the world. He pulls his jeans back on as I get myself dressed and search the room for his shirt. Once he finds it, he follows me out of my old room and down the hallway. He’s just raising his arms to pull his shirt on as my mother comes from the opposite direction.
“Oh, my,” she gasps with a hand across her chest as she takes him in and starts to swoon. “You just keep getting bigger and bigger every time I see you.”
Oh, geez.
Tank scoffs a laugh but reaches down and pulls her into a tight hug. “It’s good to see you,” he says and she looks at me over his shoulder and winks as she pretends to fan herself.
“Put your fucking shirt on before she has a heart attack,” I hear my father scolding from the end of the hallway.
“Thank you,” I announce. “I couldn’t have said it better myself.”
We all make our way down the hallway and into the kitchen where dad and Zac are busy fussing over lunch. Well by fussing, it’s more like Zac telling Dad how to do it while he huffs and whines about doing it in the first place.
I take over for my dad as Tank settles in to catch up with my family.
Zac starts dishing out lunch and adds an extra plate. I’m about to ask the moron if he knows how to count when a knock sounds at the door.
“I’ll get it,” I groan as my dad is busy questioning Tank about last night’s game while mom is nowhere to be seen.
I make my way over to the door and open it up to find some girl staring back at me. I narrow my eyes at her as I look her up and down. She must only be around twenty two or twenty three and my guess is she is here to see my dimwit brother. “Can I help you?” I question as I hold the door close to my body, not allowing her entry.
Her eyes go wide as she takes me in. “Holy shit. You must be Sophie, Zac’s sister,” she says.
“Yes, I’m well aware of who I am. Who are you?” I question, enjoying making her squirm.
“Shit, of course… um, I’m MJ, or Emma Jane or um… I guess you can call me whatever you like,” she stutters, leaving that comment wide open. Though I give her a break and let her continue. I watch as she visibly swallows. “I’m Zac’s girlfriend.”
“Girlfriend, hey?” I say with interest.
“Yeah,” she smiles. “It’s only been a few months. Though, congratulations, he mentioned you were pregnant,” she says as her eyes instantly travel down to where there’s no bump before widening in horror. “Holy shit. I’m so fucking nervous, I forgot. I’m so sorry. I tend to ramble when I get nervous.”
“Yes, that part’s clear,” I say, a little unimpressed with the girl.
I sense a mountain of a man come up behind me and watch as MJ’s face rises to meet Tanks. Her eyes bulge out, though this time it’s obvious she’s gawking at the pure size of him. “Stop interrogating the girl,” he tells me. “Let her in.”
I roll my eyes but do as he says before opening the door wider. I wave her in and watch as she scurries past me and beelines straight for Zac, who looks up, only noticing her arrival now. He looks at her and notices her freaked out face before looking back at me with narrowed eyes.
I shrug my shoulders. “What?” I question.
He presses his lips together but decides to let it go. I mean, what are big sisters for? I need to weasel out the weak ones.
We all sit at the table and it’s a flurry of chatter.
“So, do you have to go straight back?” my mother asks us.
I look to Tank, guilty that I have no idea what his training schedule is like at the moment. “Nah, we’re good. We can head home in the morning.”
I raise my eyebrow at him in question. “You sure?”
“Yeah, I’ll have to call Coach this afternoon to explain why I missed today’s session but he’ll be fin
e. The next game’s not for another week and besides, I think you need a little time at home,” he says as he reaches under the table and laces his fingers through mine.
‘Thank you,’ I mouth to him, so happy that he always seems to know just what I need.
“The Dragons have their first game of the season tonight, did you want to go to that?” he asks.
My face brightens up as a huge smile takes over. “Hell yeah, can we go to Micky’s after?” I question, thinking about his famous burgers.
“Anything you want,” he says with emotion heavy in his eyes, almost as if he had missed this easy way of conversing between us but I can’t blame him. I’ve also missed it and I’m so damn happy to have it back.
He squeezes my hand under the table before leaning across and planting a big kiss on my lips.
“Ugh,” Zac whines. “Do you really need to do that at the table?”
I can’t help but smirk at my little brother. “You think that’s bad? You should see what he made me do on the kitchen counter.”
“Shit, Sophie,” Dad scolds as Zac’s face scrunches up. “I don’t want to hear this while I’m trying to eat.”
“I’m with Dad,” Zac says.
“Oh, come on. It’s not like you’ve never done it,” I say.
“Actually,” Tank says with a thoughtful look as he studies my brother. “I don’t think he’s that adventurous.”
“Hmm,” I say. “Maybe you’re right.”
“What?” Zac says. “I’m plenty adventurous.”
“Eh,” MJ says with a shrug while Zac looks at her horrified.
“You should take some lessons from Tank,” I grin. “He knows how to show a woman a real good time.”
Tank grins in approval as Dad demands the conversation to come to an end. We get back to lunch and manage to finish our meal without any further talk of Tanks good deeds in the bedroom.
After lunch, Tank disappears to call his Coach while I spend the afternoon with mom, who insists on taking me through her own version of a counselling session just to make sure I’m doing ok but since Tank’s kick up the ass this morning, I seem to be coping much better.
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