“Kevlar?”
Simon rolled his eyes. “Yes, he will bring you Kevlar. God knows why you want it.”
Miko put the envelope in his coat pocket. He didn't want Kevlar, he needed it. He wanted Toby. Needed him. And could never have him again. “Anything else?”
“Yes.” Simon pulled out a bill fold and handed Miko a few twenty pound notes. “Buy yourself a new bloody shirt. You look homeless.”
Looking down at himself, at Toby's old shirt, Miko thought of exsanguinating Simon. But instead he just dropped the money on the floor and left.
Yuri, the associate from Miko's unfortunately timed Amsterdam hit, waited for him at a cafe overlooking the river. Miko sat down and Yuri's bag was gently kicked closer to him. “We meet again,” Yuri said in German even though Miko knew he was actually Russian. Yuri spent a lot of time in Germany. He used to work with Hector until he became partners with István and worked with Simon instead.
“Guten Tag.”
“It is okay for you to destroy the face this time, hmm?”
Miko nodded, foolishly wishing that Yuri would've somehow not heard about Miko's indiscretion.
“The vest will not protect you. You would do better with hazmat suit.”
Cocking his head, Miko watched Yuri stand up and put some money down for his drink. “Hazmat?”
“Infected. Did Simon not say?”
“Dirty work,” Miko said as if it made no difference. But even though coming in contact with blood was part of the job and always had been, Simon's neglect to mention any additional risk made Miko acutely aware of just how unimportant he was. Which was probably the point.
He rested his feet on the bag and watched Yuri walk away, then got up and went the other direction with the bag hefted over his should. It was beige canvas, heavy and quite large. A soldier's bag.
Stopping in a men's room, Miko went to a stall and opened the bag. There was a large ax and his Kevlar vest. He took the shirt off and carefully set it on top of the bag, then strapped on the vest and got dressed again. Miko put the bag back over his shoulder, looking at himself in the mirror, the shirt well worn especially in contrast with his much newer and sturdier wool coat. He put a candy in his mouth and buttoned his coat up to the collar.
Miko's shoulders were sore by the time he got to his hotel, since he'd stopped several times at payphones to call Toby's work number and listen to the answering machine. He wrote a quick letter to Fee once he got settled in, then looked again at the photograph of his marks. The entire picture was red. Miko put it in the envelope again and took out his ax, Anton's words from so long ago coming back to him, “Put that down before you shoot your fingers off.” Or cut them off. “Parsnips,” he said to himself. He put the ax in the bag and wrapped the entire thing in the blanket, then lay down next to it and closed his eyes.
It was the nights when Miko missed Toby the most, when he felt the loss so sharply that he could barely breathe. He thought a lot about what had happened, ran the scene through his mind over and over, Toby sitting in the dark watching the news, running to the bathroom to be sick. Kicking Miko out. Toby had seen a glimpse of Miko's true nature, and he'd been afraid of him. A lot of people were afraid of Miko. Simon's little Mako Shark. Marks, other handlers, associates. Even some of his colleagues. His nickname had served him well.
Homecoming
Miko: Age 27
Despite the fact that Simon had never gotten Silva's book, work was steady. And although there was a need for extra men, Simon did not try to separate them. He was pleased that they were together as if he was truly shaken by what had happened.
Russell checked in on Miko once, but now that Simon was actually being good to him Miko felt like a traitor to speak with another handler, and so he kept it brief and did not ask for any more help with Claudius.
Jobs could take weeks or days, and it became harder and harder to say goodbye even though they said it more and more frequently. Miko had started buying Toby plane tickets just so they could stay together that much longer, waiting for Miko's plane to board. Just like he'd done with Ophelia.
But as busy as Miko and Nasir were, Toby was even more so. Toby had thrown himself into his work, doing his best to stay busy whenever Miko was gone. It was difficult to get a hold of him on the first try, but no matter what he was doing, Toby had never failed to be waiting for him in short term parking.
Until now.
Miko tried not to panic as he dialed, not letting the number of things that could've happened enter his mind.
“Hey,” Toby said brightly. “Are you at the airport?”
“Yes.” Miko looked around like he was missing something, like maybe he just hadn't found Toby's car.
“What's the matter?” The worry was rising in Toby's voice and Miko felt even more confused. “Is your flight getting delayed?”
“You are not here.”
“Here?” Toby started, then gasped. “Oh my God it's the twenty-sixth. Shit I thought you were getting in tomorrow night. I am so sorry. I got my days all mixed up. Oh fuck.” Miko laughed as Toby covered every possible equivalent for “I forgot” and a number of dirty words. “Stay there, I'm on my way.”
“I can get cab.”
“No! I'm coming. I'm so sorry.”
“Toby...”
“Jesus, I'm such an asshole.”
“Toby...”
He took a deep breath. “Yeah?”
“Do not hurry. It is okay. Drive speed limit. Do not get ticket.”
“Okay. Shit. I'm coming.”
Miko sighed with relief as he hung up, slipping a candy into his mouth and thinking not for the first time that Toby could've benefited from some of the medication Ophelia used to take. But Toby did this to himself, while Ophelia's parents did it to her.
He checked the website again. Still no response. Miko refused to believe it was over. He refused to believe it was Lorenzo.
Toby got to the airport in what must've been record time and Miko picked him up and spun him around at the curb, not caring who saw. “You are getting so skinny I can pick you up with one hand.”
“Which hand?” Toby asked, laughing and shying away as Miko dropped him. “I'm just stressed. I forgot what fucking day it was.”
“It is okay. You are here and now I am happy.” Miko grinned to show his content. “And now you do not get to drive any more today.”
Toby handed over the keys. “I got your postcard,” he said as they drove home.
“Which card?”
“Rome.”
“That was so long ago!”
“I know. I already got the one you sent from this job.”
“It was Germany. Germans are efficient.”
Toby flipped through Miko's passport like he always did when Miko came home, looking at all the different stamps. “What's your favorite place to visit?”
“Boston.”
Toby smiled. “You live in Boston.”
Miko smiled too, those four little words making him feel very much at home. “I cannot wait to travel with you. It will be nice to have time off, yes?”
“That would be really nice. I have to go in early tomorrow, but just for a few hours. The newbie covered for me last night so I'm letting her sleep in. Then I'm all yours.”
Miko liked those four little words just as much. “You work more than I do.”
“I'm self employed. You still work for that asshole. What was this job?”
“The usual,” Miko said noncommittally. He knew Toby would be upset by it and had been hoping Toby wouldn't ask.
Toby rolled his eyes. “Your jobs have not been, and never will be 'the usual.'”
“You will not like.”
“What, was it bloody?”
Pulling up to the curb in front of Toby's apartment, Miko smirked. “My jobs have been, and always will be bloody.”
“You know what I mean. Excessively bloody.” Toby paused, then clarified, “Too excessively bloody to tell me about.”
“I tell you insid
e. With wine.”
Toby glanced at him suspiciously and carried Miko's bag inside for him, setting it in the bedroom while Miko went to the kitchen to get wine. And dig through the fridge for leftovers. He didn't eat well when he was away. “It can't be too bloody if you're eating,” Toby said, settling in on the sofa as Miko brought over the bottle of wine and a huge plate of food. He didn't bother with glasses. It was too much to carry.
“No, not bloody. Drink.”
Taking a quick swig, Toby brought his feet up and put his arm around him. “Go on.”
“It was bridegroom. We make him disappear. He will be declared dead later.”
“You didn't want to tell me because I cater weddings?”
“I did not want to tell because you love weddings. You are sweet and idealistic.”
“The bride ordered it?” Toby asked, understanding all too well how Miko's hits worked even with as sweet and idealistic as he remained.
“Or her family. She will benefit.”
Toby took another swig. “Do you think he loved her?” Miko shrugged. He knew that's what Toby would ask. Toby worked with people during the times when they were most in love, feeding them happily ever after. “Maybe he did something to her. Something terrible. Something worthy of...”
Miko knew from experience that the type of motivation Toby was talking about called for the type of job Miko wouldn't want to tell him about: excessively bloody. A disappearance gave the bride time to perform her grief for spectators and keep the marriage going long enough to truly benefit without having to actually put in the time with her husband. “Maybe.”
Toby shook his head, knowing that was a lie. “How does it never get to you, being around that?”
“Because I get to kill them, Toby,” Miko joked. Toby didn't laugh. “These people, they are not like you and me. Motivations are different. Money or power. Or they are maybe psychos. You let someone else cater those weddings.”
“Did you actually...um...disappear him at his wedding?”
“No, after.” Miko put the empty plate on the coffee table. “How many weddings you have catered?”
“A lot.”
“How many are still together?”
Rubbing his face, Toby said, “All of them. I think. For better or worse.”
“You bake good wedding cake.”
That should've gotten a smile out of Toby, but he just drank some more wine. “Like that has anything to do with it.”
Miko took the bottle from him, having a sip and then chasing it with a candy. He hadn't realized quite how upset Toby would be over this. “You do not think you do good? Make people happy?”
He sighed. “Who am I making happy, Miko?”
Nodding towards his empty plate, Miko suggestively raised his eyebrows. “Me. Even without cake.”
The beginnings of a smile finally played across Toby's face. “And you're a picky eater.”
“You see?” He pulled Toby into a hug. “I think you make a lot of people happy. And if they do not agree, maybe I...” Toby scowled at him. “Share your streusel with them,” Miko continued.
“It's Hector's streusel.”
And Hector had no problem with Miko hurting people.
It was only supposed to be a few hours but after one and a half Miko kept hopping up from the sofa in front of Toby's laptop to look out the window and see if he was home yet. Still no response to the message. Still no Toby. And thankfully still no word from Simon.
Three long hours later Toby's car pulled up and Miko hid behind the door, waiting to pounce. It did not occur to him that a game that simply startled Toby months ago when there was very little to be stressed about would now scare him out of his wits, and Toby practically fell to the floor as he cowered from the nude man jumping on top of him.
Miko tried to pull him up but Toby just backed hard into the door and slid down against it, covering his mouth and hyperventilating. “I am sorry I am sorry,” Miko gasped, instinctively holding his hands out to show Toby he wasn't armed. Then he saw Toby's other hand, wrapped in gauze. “What happened to your hand?”
Toby shook his head, just trying to catch his breath before he passed out.
Sitting on the floor as well, Miko felt suddenly quite embarrassed to be stark naked. “You are okay?” Toby shuddered and nodded, closing his eyes before tears could actually fall. Miko moved a little closer, but made no move to touch him again when he wouldn't see it coming. “You hurt your hand?”
“A burn. I'm okay.” Toby rested his head against the door and opened his eyes. “I think you just took ten years off my life.”
“I am sorry,” Miko said again. He would've offered Toby a candy if he had pockets.
Toby started to get back to his feet and Miko clumsily leaped up to help him, guiding him to the sofa and putting his feet up on the coffee table. Toby slumped into the cushions exhausted, shifting his feet away from the laptop that Miko had practically made him kick. “Any response?”
“No.”
“They're probably scared of you. Like you wanted.”
“You are scared of me?” Miko couldn't get Toby's expression out of his head, legitimate fear like after Miko had cut Ophelia's face, and he tried not to think that Toby was about to kick him out.
Reaching for Miko's hand, Toby pulled him onto the sofa. “It's a good thing you're so cute.” He gave him a candy from his own pocket, which Miko instantly devoured. Toby laughed and gave him another one. “Are you okay?”
“I think I owe Simon apology.”
“For what?”
Miko tentatively put his arm around him. “I am an idiot.”
“No you're not. It's not like you knew I burnt my hand.”
“I did know that you are high stress.”
Toby huffed a laugh. “You're lucky I didn't punch you.”
“You would not punch,” Miko said with disbelief. Toby shrugged and looked down at his hands. “How did it happen?”
“Like most burns happen, I touched something hot.”
“You know what I mean.”
“I just wasn't paying attention.”
“You were distracted. You worry about me being distracted—”
“That isn't the same. Burning my hand won't kill me. Or chopping off the tip of my finger.”
Miko kissed his cheek, gently taking his wrist to inspect the bandage, since he was scared to look beneath it. “It hurts?”
“Yeah.”
“You want I get you aspirin?”
Toby nodded and Miko ran to the medicine cabinet as fast as he could, then paused at the number of bottles. Prescriptions with names Miko couldn't pronounce. Pills Ophelia used to take. Miko wished that he'd never thought such a thing, that Toby would benefit from medicine that numbed Ophelia into handling a life she wanted to escape.
He brought them out with two different kinds of painkillers leftover from Nasir and set them all by the laptop. Toby looked up at him guiltily, then looked away. “I was gonna tell you...my doctor said I should give them a try, because I was having a hard time sleeping and...”
“Fee took these. She felt trapped in her life. Do you feel trapped?”
“It's not like that. I...” Toby sighed, and his comment about Miko taking ten years off his life was all Miko could think about. He was killing him. Doing it himself was even worse than fearing he would get Toby killed.
“I am making you stressed. And scared!”
“I just have to wait it out, Miko. It'll get better.” Ophelia had wanted to wait it out. She would've waited thirty years if Miko hadn't cut her face and freed her. But they only had a short time together in Fee's little house. Not even enough for the flowers to grow. “It isn't you,” Toby added.
“Then who?”
Toby lowered his head. “I have a lot on my plate right now, that's all.”
“You are unhappy?”
“I miss you. I worry when you're gone.”
“You are worried now. You burn your hand.”
Smiling
suggestively, he reminded him, “You did keep me up late last night.”
“I am bad influence. This is sign of toxic relationship.”
Now Toby laughed outright. “You've been reading Cosmo on the plane again.”
“It has good tips.”
“Not if it's telling you that what we have together is wrong. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. When I asked you to tell me the truth, I said I was in for the long haul and I meant it. Now,” he gave him a quick kiss, “if Cosmo advises you not to jump on your boyfriend when he's had such a long week he forgets the date, that is a good tip.”
“It did say 'surprise your man with romantic gestures.'”
“I think they meant something more along the lines of flowers.”
Miko nodded. He could see where that would be better.
“I'll take the naked part though.” Toby traced his fingertips over Miko's heart tattoo, the rest of his hand bandaged. “You can surprise me with that any time.”
“You are all mine now?”
“I'm all yours.”
Simon called the next morning while they were still in bed, but neither of them had slept much. Toby pretended so he wouldn't disturb Miko, and Miko lay awake thinking about magazine articles: How to make long distance relationships work; Lose five pounds without dieting; How to tell if he's lying; Are you eating too much sugar?
Signs you're growing apart.
It didn't feel like they were growing apart. When they were together it felt like Toby clung to him for dear life. But there was a distance between them, a greater one than when Toby still believed he was a spy. Something had changed, and it had changed when Miko went back to work. Before Lorenzo's attack. Maybe Toby was having a harder time accepting Miko's vocation than either of them wanted to believe.
Diminish the appearance of scars.
Miko got out of bed to answer the phone, heading for the living room and turning on the laptop while Simon once again ruined Miko's day. No response from Claudius. He hung up and started looking up flight information.
Toby wrapped his arms around Miko's shoulders from behind and nuzzled his hair. “Morning.” Toby didn't specify that it was good.
The Mercy of the Mako Shark Page 13
