by Matt Shaw
“Do you really believe he holds any feelings for you, other than one of pity? You’re nothing. You’re less than nothing; a dirty, drug addicted whore. A murderer,” continued her subconscious.
She closed her eyes again hoping that Leon wouldn’t be there when she opened them. He was; pale skin with the wound still looking fresh across his throat.
“He’s calling the police right now. They’ll be coming for you soon. There’s nowhere you can run to – no one you can turn to. That’s it.”
Kim wanted to reply but didn’t. There was no point. Even with Leon’s sneering face staring at her, via the reflection – she knew he wasn’t really there to reply to. All that he was saying was just what she was thinking. Again, she shut her eyes tight. She knew the only way to silence ‘him’ was to talk to Kirk; talk to Kirk and find out how he felt about her current situation. More importantly, how he felt about her. He had to like her. She didn’t believe he was doing all of this for her because he felt sorry for her. There must have been something else to it. There had to be something more to it. She opened her eyes and Leon was gone. Kim turned back to the bath and turned the tap off. She had to talk to Kirk – if only to tell him how she thought she felt about him. She didn’t understand where the feelings had come from but she couldn’t ignore them as she hoped Kirk was her salvation – her path to a normal life. She couldn’t help but get carried away as, in her mind, Kirk said how much he loved her and would hide her away forever – he wouldn’t let anymore harm come to her and would keep her locked away from the people outside that were looking for her. She didn’t need anyone else in her life.
Kim took a deep breath before she opened the bathroom door and stepped onto the landing, “Kirk?” she half-heartedly called out. She wanted to talk to him but, at the same time, she was worried about his reaction. She knew she was being silly – he had been fine about everything else she had told him, so far, and this was nothing in comparison to what she had done to Leon. “Kirk?” she called again. Again, there was no reply. She stopped and listened carefully – trying to determine which room he had gone to after leaving her in the bathroom.
Kim took a breath in, ready to call out again, but stopped short of calling Kirk’s name again when she heard muffled voices coming from the first bedroom on the right hand side of the landing. She cautiously approached the door and gently pressed her ear against the wood – trying to hear who was talking. Kirk; she recognised his voice but not the second, quieter voice. She pressed her ear harder against the door.
“You know I love you,” said Kirk, in the other room, “I don’t know what you are getting jealous about.”
There was a muffled answer. The voice sounded quiet but there was a definite angry tone. Kim strained harder but couldn’t make the voice out.
“Don’t be stupid. Of course I’m going to be nice to her – look at what’s happened to her! Look at what she has been through these past few years,” said Kirk as he defended himself. “She’s a prostitute!”
Kim pulled her ear away from the door. She had heard enough. She had hoped Kirk was going to be the man in her life that she could trust but his words hurt her more than Leon’s violent outbursts. Her eyes welled-up and a tear trickled down her cheek before reaching the end and dropping to the floor. She stepped back away from the door unsure of her next move. She wanted to stay with Kirk for as long as possible but, whoever else was in the room, didn’t want her there.
Kim turned down the hallway and crept back into the bathroom – trying to be quiet so Kirk wouldn’t realise that she had been listening to his conversation. He had been kind to her and she didn’t want him feeling awkward.
When she got back into the bathroom she locked the door behind her in case the other person suddenly came charging in to confront her. She didn’t need that on top of everything else as well. Kim returned to the bathroom mirror and wiped another rogue tear from her cheek.
“You were stupid to think he’d want you, or even continue to help you,” said Leon as he stepped into the reflection behind Kim.
“Fuck you,” she whispered with another tear spilling from her eye.
“You belong with me,” said Leon as he opened the cabinet that was fixed to the side wall, next to the mirror. “Do yourself a favour. Do everyone a favour. Do the right thing. You don’t belong here.”
In her mind Leon pulled a razor blade from the cabinet and held it to Kim’s wrist. In reality – she had hold of the razor herself and Leon wasn’t there.
“It’s the only way of escaping what you’ve done. It’s the only way of escaping what you’ve become.” He pressed the edge of the blade into her vein, opening it up. Kim flinched at the sharp sting and screwed her eyes up tightly – not daring to see what she was doing.
“You belong with me,” continued Leon. He pulled the razor down the length of her main vein – slicing it deeply. More blood flowed out and spilled over onto the floor. He gently let go of her wrist and took a hold of her other arm.
In reality, Kim took hold of the razor with her other hand and pressed it into the vein on her other wrist. She opened her eyes to make sure she was in the correct position before…
Leon pressed the razor down hard, same as before, cutting deeply into the vein – freeing the blood. “You belong with me,” he repeated, “in Hell.”
Kim dropped the razor blade to the floor and screwed her eyes up tightly, once more, as she tried to block the pain out. The stinging sensation was worse than anything she had ever felt before. Tears started to flow more frequently as the pain increased.
“No one could ever love someone like you,” she said to herself as Leon cuddled in close behind her and kissed her neck.
“No one could have loved you as much as me,” said Leon.
14
IF KIM HAD CARRIED ON LISTENING at the door she would have heard Kirk say that he thought he had feelings for her. He said that it was time to let go of the past and that, now, he had a chance of finding happiness once more – even with the current circumstances. He didn’t know how he could fix things but he felt that it wasn’t too late to put things right for Kim; and, ultimately, himself. If Kim had continued to listen at the door she would have heard Kirk confess that he had feelings for her when he first saw her at college – when she first knew, and dismissed, him. Kim would have heard him say that he would never stop loving Tracy but there was room in his life for Kim as well. He said that, if Tracy loved him, she would understand how he felt; what he was going through. He said that Tracy should let him live his life, if she loved him. That was where the conversation stopped as Kirk walked from the room. He walked from the room to tell Kim how he felt. He walked from the room to reassure her that, although he didn’t know how, everything was going to be alright – for them both.
Kirk tapped gently on the door, so as not to startle Kim, and waited for her to answer him; waited for her to call that it was okay for him to enter. There was no reply. He knocked again, a little harder this time. Again, there was no reply.
“Kim,” he called through the door, “can I come in for a minute, please? There’s something I have to say to you.” He waited patiently for an answer but, again, no answer came. He thought that she could have fallen asleep in the bath. A safe, warm environment where people could often lock themselves away and forget about their problems; Kirk often fell asleep in the bath himself. He knocked again louder, hoping to wake her up. No reply.
Kirk tried the door handle; locked. Part of him felt a little offended that she would lock the door after he left. He had closed the door in the first place to give her the privacy she would have wanted – she didn’t need to lock him out. He would have left her to it. With the lack of replies coming from the bathroom, and with the noise he was making to get them, he couldn’t help but feel concerned.
“Kim, are you okay in there?” he called through – not quite shouting but not exactly whispering either. As his concerns grew stronger he banged his closed fist against the woode
n door, harder. “KIM?” he shouted. Again, there was no reply. “If you can hear me and just want to be left alone, just tell me and I’ll go, okay?” he said through the door in a gentle tone of voice. Maybe she was ignoring him. Maybe she did just want peace and quiet and to forget everything, and everyone, whilst she washed away her sins. Kim didn’t reply.
Kirk tried the door handle again hoping that, maybe, it wasn’t locked and that it was just jammed. This time, with the twist of the handle, he threw his body weight against the door. The door didn’t move. It was locked. He rubbed his shoulder and tried, once more, to get her attention, “Kim, I’m getting worried out here – can you just let me know you are okay, please?”
When Kim didn’t reply, he took a few steps back and lined up his foot against the door, where you lock would be, and started kicking as hard as he could – desperately trying to break the door open. If she was asleep; she’d soon let him know that everything was okay on the other side of the door. Either that or, in her present condition, she’d have a heart attack. Kirk kicked the door hard. It moved slightly but that was it. He let loose with another kick; another slight give in the wood.
“Please, just let me in!” he called out with each kick as he got more and more desperate to see that Kim was okay; more and more desperate to see that Kim was even still in the bathroom and hadn’t climbed out of the window. “Please, just let me in!”
* * * * *
“Please, just let me in!” said Tracy as she banged on the car window. Kirk was sat in the driving seat watching her, and laughing.
“Promise me first; promise me that you do love me and that you really do want to marry me. Promise me!”
“Come on, it’s cold out here,” replied Tracy, trying hard not to laugh herself.
“I need to hear you promise me,” teased Kirk as he turned the key in the car’s ignition, firing the engine into life. To prove his point, further, that he was willing to go without her he revved the engine a little. “Promise me, I’ll drive off and leave you here – and then you’ll have to go back into the restaurant and get them to order you a taxi,” he teased again.
Tracy smiled, “If you don’t take me home now, I won’t be able to prove how much I love you.” She licked her lips seductively.
Kirk hesitated for a moment before, “Oh well, if you put it like that!” He leant across to the passenger side and pulled the door lock up – letting Tracy in.
“Asshole,” she laughed as she climbed in.
“Ah, signs of true love,” he smiled and gave her a kiss on the cheek. “I love you.”
“I love you,” she replied as she turned to him. They kissed.
“Seat belt,” said Kirk as he sat back upright into his chair and turned his attention back to the wheel. He pressed his foot down on the accelerator and the car pulled away from the restaurant’s car park.
“But if I put my seat belt on, how can I show you how much I love you?” said Tracy as she leant across in her seat and undid Kirk’s belt.
“What are you doing?” he laughed as he tried to fight her off with one hand.
“Concentrate on the road, we don’t want to have an accident now, do we?” she laughed as she took hold of his hand and placed it on the wheel before turning her attention back to his belt.
* * * * *
The wood around the bathroom door splintered and the door swung round, hitting Kim in the head where she laid on the white-tiled floor, in a pool of her own blood. Kirk froze. There was so much blood.
* * * * *
When Kirk opened his eyes he saw the blood; all the blood. There was so much blood. He turned his head to the passenger seat; the empty passenger seat. Panic kicked in – where was she? Where was Tracy? He tried to open the car door but it didn’t budge. The damaged body-work keeping it forced shut.
“Tracy?” he called out. There was no reply, “TRACY?” He undid his seat belt and climbed through the smashed windscreen, cutting his hand in the process. When he was completely through he rolled off the side of the crumpled, smoking bonnet and dropped to the floor with a thump, “TRACY?” He sat upright. There she was; the other side of the trees. Kirk ignored his own pain and stood up. As he stumbled his way through the woods to get to where Tracy was he cast his mind back to what happened. What had happened? He had driven that stretch of quiet, country road a hundred times before. He shut it from his mind – it wasn’t important. Tracy was. The baby was. Oh God.
15
KIRK RAN DOWNSTAIRS and picked up the telephone. Kim’s pulse was very faint but there was still a chance to save her. He dialled a nine, then another nine and then stopped. If he called the ambulance they’d come for her. They may even save her. But then she’ll face more tough questions – and what if they’ve found Leon already? He hesitated over the final ‘nine’ before putting the phone back into the charger unit. He didn’t need them to save her. He could; just as he had saved Tracy.
Kirk walked back upstairs and into the bathroom where Kim was still lying in her own blood. He stopped and looked at her. She was beautiful. He bent over and kissed her on the lips before scooping her up in his arms and carrying her down the landing, towards the first bedroom on the right.
When he got to the door, he pushed it open with his foot – being careful to keep his balance. The door opened and a strong vanilla fragrance wafted out. He carried Kim into the room. The curtains were closed making it dark to see but he knew his way around the room to avoid any obstacles. He took Kim to the bed and placed her on the right hand side before flicking the bedside light on – illuminating the room.
All around the room, scattered on the floor, were pictures of Tracy. Stuck to the wall, with tape, were more pictures of Tracy – some of them were just of her and others were of her and Kirk together. From the ceiling hung hundreds of car fresheners – all shaped like trees – all giving off a strong vanilla fragrance. The only other thing in the room was the bed; Kim on the right hand side of it and Tracy on the left hand side; decomposed – a skeleton of her former self.
* * * * *
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Kirk kept saying to himself as he rocked back and fourth with Tracy in his arms. Kirk knew that, although she was distracting him at the time, this was his entire fault. She was dead because of him. The baby was dead because of him; his baby. He wept as he stood up, with Tracy in his arms and started walking from the scene of the accident. He wasn’t too far from his house and he knew he could make it before morning. He’d worry about the car in the morning, phone the police and report it as stolen. He just had to get away now.
“I love you, I love you, I love you,” he kept saying to Tracy, sure that her corpse could hear him, “I’ll look after you, no one is going to take you away from me. I love you so much.” He wept; from both the thought of losing Tracy and from the pain in his right temple that must have happened during the crash.
He had been looking for someone like Tracy for as long as he could remember – and he wasn’t about to lose her now. No one was going to take her away from him. She was his. Once he’d get her home, he’d protect her. He’d never let her go.
* * * * *
“You’re safe now. You both are. My ladies. I’ll look after you, nothing bad can happen to you now,” said Kirk as he stood above Tracy and Kim. He climbed onto the bed, between them, and gave them both a tender kiss on the lips, “I love you so much, I’ll protect you. There’s room for both of you in my life.”
He smiled as he pulled the duvet up, “I love you.”
He leant across and turned the bedside light off again, plunging them back into darkness.
“We love you too,” said a ‘female’ voice.
~ END
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