by Bonnie Dee
“How’s Anna?” Rob asked out of the blue.
“Fine. She’s good.” I was surprised. He didn’t usually ask me personal questions. His lack of social skills along with his anger-management issues may have had just a little to do with him losing his salesman job. “Why?”
He shrugged and looked through a magnifying glass as he glued a tiny machine gun in place. “You going to ask her?”
“Ask her what?”
“You know. The big question.”
“What big… Oh.”
“You should. A woman like that you should try to hold on to.”
“We’ve only been together a few months. Neither of us is thinking about…that.” I couldn’t even say the word, so it definitely wasn’t the right time.
And yet, now that Rob had planted the idea in my mind, it wouldn’t leave. Marriage. Or at least an engagement? Was it way too soon, or was Anna actually hoping for a proposal? Would it be a grand gesture to do it on Christmas Eve?
“Anyway, since when are you a romantic?” I moved past a large table, painted to resemble ocean waves, on which several meticulously constructed ships were displayed.
“I’m not. I’m a pragmatist.” Rob set down the magnifying glass and peered at me with cool, piercing gray eyes. “Guy like you doesn’t have a ton of options in the romance department. Sorry. Not trying to be a dick, just being honest. I mean, you’re nice enough looking and your personality’s okay, I suppose, but you’ve got some issues that’d give most women pause.”
“Thanks,” I said dryly.
“Point is, you hit the jackpot with Anna, and you should stake your claim on that.”
“You’re right. You’re not a romantic.”
He shrugged again and bent over the model.
“Even if I wanted to, I couldn’t afford an engagement ring.”
Hell, it’d be years before I could afford a diamond, and my family wasn’t the sort that had a family-heirloom ring I might be able to use. Was I seriously considering these things?
“Pawnshop.” Rob jerked his thumb at the window. “There’s one just down the street, practically right across from the bus stop. You can get some amazing deals there.”
“If I was interested, which I’m not. Someday, maybe.”
“It’s your call, but I figured if there was anybody who understood the importance of seizing the day, it’d be you. People like you and me who’ve survived a life-threatening accident realize what it means to take advantage of every moment.” He indicated the shop around us. “I stopped worrying about saving my money for tomorrow and took a chance. Nobody thought it would pay off, but here I am.”
Following his surprisingly deep thought, a pair of customers entered the shop. Rob went to help the man and woman, who were shopping for a model airplane for their aviation-loving daughter.
I went to one of the display shelving units and straightened some boxes that didn’t really need straightening, but my mind wouldn’t stop buzzing about what Rob had suggested.
An engagement ring for Christmas Eve: cheesy and overblown, or incredibly romantic? Was I ready for that kind of commitment? Could I picture myself with Anna in an “ever after” sort of way?
I envisioned her the way I loved her best—laughing, with a freedom and joyfulness that made her eyes sparkle and made me feel as if I’d won the lottery. She gave me so much happiness, I couldn’t imagine wanting any other kind of life besides one with her. I realized that for me it wasn’t at all too soon to think about a lifetime commitment.
But what about Anna? If I actually did this thing, would she be pleased or dismayed? Would I be rushing her by asking the question? And what would her answer be?
Anna
“Are you bringing your new friend to Christmas?” Even through the phone, I could hear my mother stress the word friend slightly, as if she couldn’t quite bring herself to believe I’d come to care for this man.
“Yes, my boyfriend, Jason, will be coming with me for the holidays.” I tried to suppress my annoyance, but a little seeped through in my voice. The pattern between my mom and me was too deeply entrenched, a sort of passive-aggressive dance we did whenever we spoke to each other.
“I presume you’ll be sharing a room?”
“Yes, Mom. Is that a problem?”
“Some of the Green Bay relatives are staying at the house, so I’m figuring out the room situation.”
“Who all is coming?” I asked.
“Aunt Patty and Uncle Jack are staying at a hotel, but your cousin, Chloe, and her husband, Worthy—my God, what a name—and their two kids will be at our house. I guess they can’t afford a motel.”
“It’ll be good to see Chloe again. It’s been years.” But I was thinking that the addition of four extra people, even in my parents’ spacious home, would add to Jason’s stress level. Bad enough he had to spend quality time with my parents, who’d barely been civil last time he’d met them.
“Is there anything special I need to know about Jason?” she asked.
“No, Mom! He’s not that different. He’s a normal person who happens to have some memory issues. Just be patient when he talks, because sometimes he has to hunt for words. Don’t make him feel uncomfortable, or I swear—”
“I meant is he vegetarian? I’m going grocery shopping, and I need to be able to plan meals.”
“Oh.” My righteousness deflated. So far my mother hadn’t said one negative thing about Jason. It was all me reading things into her tone that might not even be there.
“Anna, I’m sorry to bring this up, but…”
I winced and waited for whatever negative observation would follow. I knew it had been just a matter of time before her true feelings showed. “What, Mom?”
“Please don’t bring that dog along. You know how I feel about animals in the house. They’re so destructive.”
Even as she said it, my little terrier mix tore past me, chasing invisible rabbits around the apartment. Late afternoon was her wild time of day.
“No, Mom. I have a kennel lined up for Baby.”
“All right, then,” she said briskly. “Your father and I are looking forward to having you home for Christmas. Love you, dear.”
“Love you too, Mom.”
I tried to feel it as I hung up the phone. Time and distance should make it easier for me to forgive our past squabbles. I was an adult now, and it was time to forge a new relationship with my parents—my mom especially. Yet bringing Jason home had reduced me to reacting like a teenager again. I felt sulky and annoyed that their opinion mattered to me. I was worried about how Jason would hold up in an unfamiliar situation, and I hated myself for caring what sort of impression he made.
The afternoon was getting late, thin light muffled by heavy snow barely illuminating the apartment. I went around turning on Christmas lights until a soft, colorful glow filled the living room.
Jason still wasn’t back from helping Rob at his store. Maybe he’d stopped to pick up milk and dog food like I’d asked him to.
I lit a fragrant cinnamon-and-spice candle, then went into the kitchen to put together something for dinner.
Almost an hour later, it was true dark outside and Jason still wasn’t home. I sent him a text, but he didn’t respond. The snowfall was heavier than ever, and I began to imagine him slipping on a sidewalk, falling, and hurting himself. He was steadier on his legs than when I’d first met him, but at the end of a long day, his limp was pretty pronounced. Even though the scars on his face had faded substantially, I knew other injuries from his car accident still gave him pain.
The timer went off, and I pulled the pan of enchiladas from the oven. At last the front door opened, and Baby’s excited barking as she greeted Jason rang through the apartment. Relief mingled with annoyance that he hadn’t responded to my text to put my fears to rest. But as I walked into the foyer, annoyance was chased away by a warm glow that rivaled the holiday candles. Jason stood cradling a wriggling Baby in his arms while she strained to get at his face and bathe
it in kisses. They looked so cute together, I hardly minded the snow shedding from his coat in clumps and melting in puddles on the floor.
Jason looked up. “Hey! Smells great in here. You want me to take Baby out since I’m already dressed?”
“That’s okay. You must be starved, and dinner’s ready. She can wait for her last walk of the evening.”
He put the dog on the floor and unzipped his coat. I hurried over to save my wood floor from more melting snow. “Uh, let’s shake that out in the hallway to get the snow off.”
“Sorry.” He surrendered the coat to me. “And sorry I’m late. I had some errands to run.”
“No biggie. Did you remember the milk and dog food?”
“Uh… Afraid not.”
I bit down on my annoyance as I shook the coat outside our apartment, then hung it in the closet. “You didn’t get my text?”
“No. I didn’t hear it go off, I guess.” He fished his phone from his back pocket and checked it. “Oh. Guess it needs recharging.”
I kept myself from reminding him that this sort of thing was exactly why he carried his iPad. He couldn’t trust his memory about things like picking up milk or recharging his phone. And that was okay. It wasn’t his fault. But he kept lists of things to do for a reason, and it really irritated me when he got lazy about it.
Water soaked into my socks as I moved across the foyer floor. I started to head toward the kitchen to get some paper towels to mop up with, but Jason stopped me with a hand on my arm.
“You okay? You seem tense.”
“I just got off the phone with my mom a bit ago. She says hello, by the way, and that she’s looking forward to having us for the holidays.”
“Well, that sounds good.”
“Yeah. I’m just… I tend to read things between the lines, even if they’re not there. My mom isn’t like yours. Visiting your folks is like going to Mayberry or something. I’m a little worried about how this trip to Bloomfield Hills is going to go.”
“Because of me?” Jason cocked his head, forcing me to meet his eyes.
“Because of a lot of things, mostly this ongoing tension between me and my mom.”
“Maybe she’s changed.”
“Maybe…” I started to pull away to go get those towels, but Jason tugged me closer instead. He lifted me off the floor into a big bear hug and kissed me hard. He smelled like the outdoors, and his lips were cold, but his mouth was hot.
All my worries about the trip north melted like snow in the heat of that kiss. Jason had been fine at the office party last night. He hadn’t had any kind of emotional tantrum in a long time. The meeting with my family would be fine too. Whatever hang-ups I had were my own. All I needed to do was support him while we were around my mom and dad.
He nuzzled below my ear, lips tickling my neck. “Mm, you smell like cinnamon.”
“That’s a candle.” I tipped my head back, and he kissed my throat, sending shivers through every part of me.
“Too. Heavy.” He grunted and set me back on the floor.
I grabbed his hand and pulled him into the living room, where we collapsed on the couch, wrapped all around each other. Soon our clothes were off, and we were touching everywhere. Heat from the gas fireplace warmed my skin, but Jason’s hands, gliding up my thighs, burned. He teased my pussy with nimble fingers, then moved down to take over with his tongue.
I stretched and moaned, hips rising and falling beneath his touch. My groans grew loud enough to make Baby whimper over on her cushion where she’d settled with a long-suffering sigh. She’d learned to remove herself from our private times, but she didn’t have to like it.
Through half-closed eyes, I stared at the blurred Christmas tree, the sparkle of ornaments and lights matching the growing twinkles of pleasure bursting through me. With expert strokes of his tongue, Jason prompted me to the very edge, then lightly nudged me over.
I gasped as I came, and powerful joy surged through me. The choir on the stereo seemed to be singing hallelujahs for me. After the last pulse of pleasure died away, I opened my eyes to stare into Jason’s. He’d moved on top of me, and his erection bumped against my pussy. I reached down to guide him inside. He swallowed and closed his eyes. That moment of vulnerability, of Jason overcome by desire thrilled me. And then he was pressing into me, and that thrilled me even more.
Wrapping my legs around his hips, I held him secure in the cradle of my body, and we moved together.
Sometimes sex is just sex. It feels great, but the emotions aren’t fully engaged. Even a couple in love has their share of “just sex” encounters. But sometimes the heart opens up, a sort of inner light comes on, and you can feel how important the act is and how good you are together. That’s the kind of sex we had that cold winter evening.
Jason thrust deep inside and opened his eyes to look into mine. We were connected, and nothing could come between us.
Chapter Three
Jason
Baby’s hind paws dug into my balls, while her front paws pressed against the window. Her tongue lolled crazily out of one side of her mouth as she watched the cars on the highway zip by. She was thrilled to be going on a ride, her eagerness the opposite of my growing dread.
I glanced at Anna driving with a fixed stare at the road before us.
“I’m sorry. There wasn’t a lot I could do.” I apologized even though it wasn’t my fault the kennel had been unable to take Baby after all.
“I know. I’m just frustrated,” she said. “My mom isn’t going to like this at all, but the only alternative was canceling our visit.”
“My folks probably would’ve watched her,” I reminded her, a bit annoyed she hadn’t listened to my suggestion.
“They’re in the complete opposite direction. It would’ve added miles onto the trip. Besides, I wouldn’t want to put them to any trouble. My mom will just have to deal. We’ll keep Baby in her crate in the garage. It’s heated.”
A heated garage—a small detail that emphasized the difference between my background and Anna’s. My dad owned a hardware store, a struggling one these days, and my mom was a teacher in the small town of Pickens, where no one had heated garages. If they were going to work on their engine or change the oil, they set up a space heater.
Anna’s family was chock-full of lawyers. Her parents lived in Bloomfield Hills, an upscale suburb north of Detroit. I’m sure they’d expected she would hook up with someone equally professional. It was no wonder they weren’t thrilled about their shining star of a daughter getting involved with a janitor, now dog washer. This was going to be a grueling few days.
“I felt really bad leaving Sarah and Saffron to deal with the mess,” I said. “This is a huge deal for them. The holiday season is their number one boarding time, and they may lose customers over these last-minute cancellations.”
“They couldn’t help that the power went off and the water pipes froze, then burst.” Anna was trying to be sympathetic to my bosses’ plight, but I knew she was still pretty exasperated by the inconvenience of having to bring Baby with us.
I pictured several inches of water on the floor and wet, miserable dogs in their cages. Sarah would have to blow them dry and figure out a way to house them until their owners could get them. Meanwhile, Saffron would be lining up someone to remove the water, or shop-vaccing it herself. She was the one who’d called this morning to tell me they had to cancel all boarders for the next few days. A pang of guilt stabbed through me at leaving them to deal with this while I enjoyed my Christmas holiday.
Although really, how enjoyable would it be? Anna’s anxiety was starting to make me feel jittery too. It didn’t help that the ring I’d bought was burning a hole in my jacket pocket. I could feel it there, taunting me, saying, What the hell do you think you’re doing? You really think she’s ready for that kind of commitment?
I stroked Baby’s wiry fur, and she turned toward me, blasting me with hot dog breath. I rolled her onto her back and ruffled her belly.
Anna glanced over and smiled at me. “Sorry if I seem a little tense. I’m dreading this trip. I wish I’d said we’d already made plans with your family. Now that would be a fun Christmas. I can’t wait to see Katie open the boxed set of Bloodsucker movies. She’s going to love it.”
“Next weekend,” I reminded her.
“Yeah, but your little sister shouldn’t have to wait to celebrate. Kids like to have their holidays on the holiday.”
“Mom and Dad will make sure she has plenty of presents to open Christmas morning too.”
I liked that Anna cared about my family and that she would prefer to spend time with them than with her own. She fit right in, and they loved her. But I was starting to get the feeling that she needed to work through stuff with her own mom. Avoiding the woman wasn’t going to get it done. This visit might be exactly what Anna needed—a little unpleasant but necessary. Kind of like physical therapy, only that was a lot unpleasant.
I stopped rubbing the dog’s belly, and she curled up to sleep on my lap. The ring in my pocket was like an itch deep under a layer of bandage. I couldn’t scratch it, and so it itched all the more. I found myself practicing a dozen different versions of a proposal. The words were almost literally trembling on the tip of my tongue.
Impulse control was a struggle for me due to my brain trauma. I really don’t remember the guy I was before. From what I’d learned, it seemed he’d kept secrets. But the guy I was now didn’t like them and hated waiting. I wanted to blurt out what was on my mind.
“You’re quiet.” Anna tapped her fingers on the steering wheel in time with the song on the radio. “You look uncomfortable. Is your leg sore? Want to take a break at a rest stop and walk for a bit?”
“Sure,” I said.
Several miles later, we pulled into the parking lot and got out of the warm car into a frigid blast of arctic air. We’d driven out of the heavy snow that socked in Columbus, but the barren fields of middle Ohio didn’t have so much as a tree to stop the icy wind.
I bent, pulled my collar up around my ears, and trudged over to the pet-walking area so Baby could cop a squat. Anna scurried into the rest stop to use the facilities.
