Missy Calinda,
I promised ye any news of ye papa. I be leavin me work here and caint gits in no more trouble. I be cleanin the lady’s room and found this here letter hiding there. They be wrong to keep it from ye. I prays it be good news. I won’t be here to send no more letters to ye.
Martha
Wrong to keep it from me? she mentally questioned. Calinda wondered what the baffling message meant from Martha Drummond, a dear servant in the Simpson household who had befriended her for years. When she had left England, sweet Martha had promised to forward any news from or about her father. Perhaps she should at least send news about her marriage. She glanced at the enclosed letter. Who would write to her from America in 1872? America, 1872…
Suddenly Calinda went pale; her hands began to tremble so violently that the paper rattled noisily. Could it be …She ripped open the envelope, flipping the page the check the signature. Her vision blurred with tears as her father reached across time to haunt her.
Her hands sank to her lap. She leaned her head backward and closed her eyes, inhaling and exhaling several times to slow her racing heart. They had dared to read her letter, then steal it! Why not burn it? They had lied about not receiving any word! But why hide it and keep it for years? Did they plan to return it some day? What didn’t they want her to read? Yet, what news needed saving? Dare she read it after all these years? 1872, the year he had left her existence…
My dearest daughter Calinda,
I write you this letter with great sadness and guilt. I will be leaving the Cardone Ranch soon. How I wish you could see it, my child. My heart is heavy at such losses, too many sacrifices. I have worked hard to earn something special and beautiful; now I must walk away forever from a dream too costly to claim.
I know I have been remiss as your father. I beg your understanding. I know you will find this difficult to believe, but I love you with all my heart. Forgive the pain and loneliness which you have endured because of me, my selfishness, my cowardice. For they still rule my world, and I must say farewell for a long time. One day, I promise to locate you and explain my coming actions. At present, I can offer you nothing but my love and prayers as I go to seek a new life. Where, I do not know.
I beg you not to hate me or forget me. I also ask that you do not seek to find me, for it won’t be possible. I have given the Simpsons ten thousand dollars to care for you until you wed. Find true love, my precious child, for it is the richest of all dreams.
When the time is right, I will contact you through the Simpsons. Only in a life/death crisis, contact Kyle Yancey, a lawyer in Austin (Texas). Remember my love.
Your devoted father
Calinda stared at the date: August, 1872. So, the Simpsons had lied to her; his letters had ceased, but money had been sent: ten thousand dollars less than six years ago! How guilty they had made her feel over every shilling spent on her education, entertainment, and clothing. How dare they steal from her! They were no better than these western bandits. Then, to send her away with less than fifty dollars was criminal. She would rather those bandits had taken it than her so-called family. Evidently, Thomas had wasted her money along with his. It would serve him right to become destitute. If he dared to beg one sixpence from her, she would sneer in his face. All those years of feeling abandoned by her father, when he had sent money and word…
From the date and wording of her father’s letter, he must have been planning to leave the ranch before Rankin’s discovery of his foul deception. The “sacrifices” he must “walk away” from must have been Laura and Lynx and his life here. But he dallied with Laura too long and got caught. He was right; he was selfish, a bloody coward. True love? she scoffed. He didn’t know the meaning of real love. Real love wasn’t selfish, or cruel, or destructive.
How dare Brax try to condone his actions. How dare he ask for her love, understanding, patience, and forgiveness; he didn’t deserve any of them! “How cunning you are, Father. You never mentioned your wanton affair. Your blood money couldn’t replace what you took from me! I hate you,” she vowed sadly, weeping softly.
Distraught, Cal tore the letters to shreds. “That’s what I think of you and your promises. I don’t need you or your love.”
As Salina had speculated, Rankin didn’t show her the paper or even mention it. Cal toyed with her food at dinner, staring at her plate. Resentment flooded her. She didn’t know who or what to believe anymore. She felt deceived and dejected. She no longer knew what was truth or reality. She was trapped in illusion, helplessly waiting for others to make their dreams or desires known.
“Cal, is something bothering you?” Rankin inquired in concern.
“When will Lynx be home, Rankin?” she asked a question instead of responding to his. “This waiting and silence are stifling.”
“I would imagine very soon, probably the end of the week. You miss him, don’t you?” he teased happily.
“If he doesn’t return soon, I might forget him,” Cal scoffed, dropping her fork to her plate and sighing heavily.
Taking her statement as a joke, Rankin chuckled. “It’s just the heat and humidity. You aren’t used to them yet.”
“Does anyone ever get accustomed to such conditions?” she debated his words. “I’m so bored. I think I’ll ride into town tomorrow and go shopping. I might stay a few days and have some new clothes made, if that’s all right with you.”
“But Lynx should be arriving in a couple of days,” he remarked.
“So? I’ve waited around for him for weeks. The least he can do is wait a day or two for me. He shouldn’t worry; at least he’ll know where I am,” she sneered irritably.
“Are you feeling all right, Cal?” he asked, watching her.
“Stop staring at me; I’m fine,” she responded.
“Spite is a two-edged sword, Cal,” he warned softly, worried about her state of mind.
“I wouldn’t know; I’ve never drawn or used that weapon,” she commented flippantly. “I’ll go crazy if I don’t get some relief.”
“Is there trouble between you and Salina?” he ventured.
“No; we’re getting along fine now.”
“I know you, Calinda Cardone; something isn’t right,” he insisted.
“Do you, Rankin?” she asked strangely, gazing at him.
“I think I do,” he said.
“Sometimes I don’t think I even know myself.” Why was she calmly accepting this offensive treatment? Why was she too fearful to challenge Rankin and Lynx for the truth? Why forget about Brax?
“What do you mean?” he inquired, leaning forward to listen intently. Was it merely the demands of Lynx’s absence on a new marriage and bride? She looked so melancholy, so insecure.
“Nothing. I’m just moody tonight. I’m sorry.”
Calinda didn’t go into town that week. She worked in and around the house until Friday afternoon, then took off to go swimming in the pond over the hill. As she swam in the oblong body of water, she reflected on her letter to the Simpsons which she had given to Salina this morning to mail when she went into town for supplies. Thankfully Martha couldn’t be punished for her aid. By now, Salina should be home and the strongly worded letter should be on its way to the Simpsons.
Cal tried to imagine their reactions to her demand for an accounting of the $10,000. She stated if she didn’t receive an accounting and the balance due, she would turn the matter over to a lawyer. She told them her father was away on business; and by the way, she was married now to a wealthy and powerful man who would see that justice was done. She really didn’t expect to hear from them, but maybe the threat would prevent future contact. Where had Brax gotten that money?
Calinda left the soothing water and stretched out on the grassy bank. She closed her eyes and gave herself over to dreamy relaxation. Her life was such a puzzle, with a mysterious golden stranger at the center of it. She loved him and wanted him, but could she trust him?
Cal’s body felt light and drowsy. His lips were sweet an
d stirring as they softly captured hers. She sighed as her arms automatically encircled Lynx’s body, greedily sealing her mouth to his and embracing him fiercely. As his lips drifted down her cheek to nibble playfully at her ear, she slowly aroused to learn she was not dreaming.
Her startled shriek of his name sent his ear ringing. Lynx raised his tawny head and shook it, grinning down at her. Her gaze slipped over his tousled hair which reminded her of wind tangled stalks of ripened wheat. His coppery features were lined with mischief and warmth.
“When did you get home?” Cal asked, without even a slight trace of a pleased smile. Her hands fell to the ground near her head, palms upward. Her expression was guarded and her eyes fathomless.
A pang of disappointment surged through Lynx as he witnessed her lack of a happy greeting. If he didn’t know any better, he might be tempted to think Cal wasn’t glad to see him. He flashed her a wide grin, deciding she was just peeved with his long absence. She shouldn’t act so surprised; he had sent a telegram to expect him Friday. To make certain he reached home today, he had ridden as if the demons of hell were chasing him. Lynx was nettled by her chilly reception.
“Just in time to grab a fresh horse and ride over here,” he informed her. “I tossed my things in our room, turned Star over to Homer, and high-tailed it to see my wife.”
When he leaned forward to drop a kiss on the tip of her nose, he teased, “You shouldn’t lie around like this, Cal; it’s dangerous.” He motioned to her dark blue shirt with missing sleeves and her cut-off jeans with their ragged bottoms which exposed most of her shapely calves. He chuckled when she looked annoyed.
“I’m fully clothed, Lynx, and perfectly safe,” she told him, pointing to the gun lying in the grass near her.
Lynx refuted, “You were asleep, love; I did’ sneak up on you. But I was referring to the scorching sun and this cloud-white flesh.”
Calinda placed her hand in the middle of his sturdy chest and pushed him aside to sit up. “Afraid I’ll freckle instead of tan?” she said, her mind elsewhere.
He placed his elbows on the grassy earth to recline slightly with his torso propped up, one knee bent with a boot resting near his buttocks. “I’ve never seen a redhead with even a threat of golden skin.”
“In your numerous travels, I’m certain you’ve met plenty of them. Have you seen your father?” she inquired casually.
“Nope. Don’t tell him, but you’re the one I wanted to see.”
He sat up beside her as she challenged his husky claim, “If that were true, Cardone, you’d stay home more.”
Lynx made the mistake of grinning ruefully and teasing, “Been missing me and it’s got your dander up? Well, I’m here now.” He leaned forward to rub his lips over a bare shoulder.
Calinda jerked away and stood up to leave. “I need to bathe and dress. It’s getting late.”
He bounded to his feet and caught her wrist to stop her. “Let’s stay here and talk, Cal; we can skip dinner,” he coaxed, his voice thick with rising passion, his eyes dark with it.
“I skipped lunch, so I’m starving,” Cal responded tersely.
“I’m starving too,” the playful rogue replied, reaching for her.
Calinda stunned him when she shoved his arms away and glared at him. “Is that all you care about? Sometimes I think that’s the only reason you come home for brief visits! You run in, stuff yourself, then ride off again until hunger pangs nibble at you. In case you don’t know it, Mister Cardone, a marriage requires more than sex!”
“What’s gotten into you, Cal? You feel the same way about me. We need each other. If you’re riled because I’ve been away so long, I’m sorry. I got home as soon as possible.”
“How do you expect me to welcome you, my devoted husband? We’ve been married forty-two days, of which I’ve spent one and a half with you. Since we met seventy-five days past, I’ve been generously given a total of six days in your company, mostly in your bed. Is that all I’m good for, Cardone? We don’t have time to discover each other.”
“All I’ve wanted for weeks was to be home with you, Cal. I made promises, and I have friends who needed me,” he reasoned.
“You also made promises to me! I needed you! Obviously your stimulating life and friends are more important to you. So go hug and kiss your carefree life and snuggle up to your numerous escapades of daring and danger. Obviously they give you more satisfaction than I do. Why even bother to come home?” she shrieked at him. “I’m sure you were having more fun and excitement in Round Rock.”
“Round Rock?” he echoed anxiously. Damn! That photographer must have printed his picture. How else would she know about Round Rock? How could he explain to her without lying? Lynx had managed to keep a low profile at countless Ranger victories, until Round Rock. He didn’t know Jones was gaping at the papers this very moment, praying no one would start adding up such damaging and enlightening figures.
Lynx captured her chin and lifted her head, probing her gaze which was a baffling mixture of sparkling fury and misty anguish. “My God, Callie, have I hurt and disappointed you this much?” he asked.
“How could you? You aren’t around long enough to do anything to me or for me. I didn’t even know when you’d be home.”
“What about my telegram?” he debated.
“That was weeks ago. Or does time pass too swiftly and happily to notice? I see you didn’t receive any scars from your run-in with Cole.”
“I’m talking about the telegram from Waco two days ago,” he clarified, his own temper steaming.
“What telegram? If one arrived, your father hasn’t mentioned it. He also didn’t mention your visit to Round Rock. You take a very good picture, my love. Your handsome face was emblazoned all over the paper he thought I didn’t see before he concealed it. Three of them, all in Round Rock where the action was. Is there some reason your whereabouts should be kept secret from your wife?”
He murmured thoughtfully, “What did the paper say?”
“I’m sure your father saved it for you. For some reason, he didn’t feel I should see it or your telegram. I wonder why.”
“There’s an explanation, Cal,” he stated softly.
“Isn’t there always some tidy excuse to explain away your mysterious life? When you’re ready to come home to me, really come home, Lynx, let me know. Until then, don’t trouble yourself.”
“What’s been happening here, Callie?” he probed in dread.
“Such as?” she questioned innocently.
“You’re angry with me about more than my absence. Would you please explain?” he asked quietly, a worried frown lining his forehead.
The weeks of suspicions, demands, boredom, and loneliness attacked her very soul. So much had been kept tightly constrained. Tears began to ease down her cheeks. “It isn’t working, Lynx.”
“What isn’t working, Cal?” he asked, pulling her into his arms.
She rested her flushed face against his chest as she sobbed in anguish, her shoulders trembling. How could she get answers without questions, questions which she dared not ask? When she brought her tears under a small measure of control, she lifted her face and stated simply, “Us.”
“What about us, Callie?” he sought to comprehend her meaning.
“Don’t you understand, Lynx? There is no us, because you won’t allow it. I don’t know you at all, and you don’t know me,” she stated hoarsely. “How can we work on a real marriage like this?”
“I’ll be home for a week this time, Callie. Then, I only have one last promise to fulfill before I’m here to stay. Bear with me a while longer. Please,” he urged her.
“Why? Will it change anything?” she challenged dejectedly.
“I hope our love and desire don’t change. I thought you felt the same way. Are you trying to say you don’t love me? You want out of our marriage?” he asked fearfully, dreading her response.
“My feelings aren’t in question; yours are,” she told him.
“But you kno
w how I feel about you,” he argued, confused.
“No, Lynx, I don’t,” she replied honestly.
“Por Dias, woman! I love you. I need you. I want you. Whenever I’m away from you, I think I’ll go mad before I can get home. I dream of holding you, kissing you, making love to you. What more do you want from me? You’re the most important thing in my life.”
“That isn’t how it looks to me,” she contested painfully.
“How can I prove it to you, Callie?” he asked seriously.
“Show me with actions, not words,” she replied bluntly.
“But you just spurned my touch,” he pressed in bewilderment.
“I know you find me desirable, Lynx. I wasn’t referring to sex. You don’t let me share your life. You tell me nothing. You stay gone for weeks. Did you hear what I said? Less than two days out of forty-two since our marriage. Just six out of seventy-five since we met. And you ask why I doubt your affections and loyalty?”
“I swear by all I hold dear and sacred, Callie, I love you with all my heart. I don’t think I could survive if I ever lost you. I didn’t even realize I was capable of feeling such powerful emotions, of knowing such fears, until I met you. You’re the most wonderful and exciting thing to enter my life. If I’ve given you reasons to doubt me and my love, I’m sorry. I never intended to hurt you or shut you out. When this last job is over, I promise to tell you everything.”
Calinda gazed into his entreating eyes, eyes which declared his honesty and love. What a fool she had been. How wildly and crazily her imagination had tormented her. There was no vengeful plot against her. Lynx was trying to change, with difficulty. He loved her…
Cal smiled at him, tears glistening on her lashed. “Do you know that’s the first time you’ve ever said such things?”
First Love Wild Love Page 33
