by Blue Saffire
“I didn’t know she was pregnant. I broke things off, but there was one night before we broke up. It was foolish of me. I had been drinking, my head was so heavy with everything. I went to her,” Kwäzē sounds like he is in so much pain.
I don’t realize that my feet have carried me outside. It is only when my brother takes a pregnant pause that the crash of the waves registers in my ears. I stare blankly at the water.
“How do you know this? I mean, where has this information come from now. That was at least three years ago,” I say, as my mind tries to place the timeline.
My brother doesn’t answer me right away. I knit my brows in confusion. I don’t understand the silence. I ask myself the question again in my head. It clicks into place.
“He told you,” I whisper. “You talked to him?”
“We texted,” Kwäzē answers. “I didn’t get many details from him. He just told me to find her. When I did, I found out why. I’m a father.”
The way he says it sounds as if he is in as much awe as I am. “Oh, Kwäzē, this is so shocking, but at least you know. Right?”
“That is the thing, sister. I will not allow my children to grow up not knowing me, but I feel so selfish. Look at what has become of us. My son and daughter are a prince and princess. I will be turning their world’s upside down,” he says with such anguish.
“A boy and a girl? I am an auntie,” I gush. “Kwäzē, what if this is God’s way of fixing things. You were in love with Celeste. Maybe this is the Universe’s way of bringing her back to you.”
“You have always been the dreamer,” Kwäzē sighs. “She is engaged to another man.”
“That has never stopped us before,” I tease.
“If she is happy,” he cuts off the rest of his words.
“I’m so glad you are not going to spew that bullshit to me,” I laugh.
“We spent too much time with the Blacks. Your mouth, sheesh,” Kwäzē chuckles.
“I learned my first American curse word from you,” I laugh harder.
“Exactly,” Kwäzē snorts. He sighs. “They are better off without us.”
“I don’t know if I still believe that. I miss him. I love him,” I sigh and sink to my knees in the sand.
“Do you want the truth,” my brother says softly.
“Please,” I beg.
“He would have done anything to keep you. I am still working to fix this all for you. Now that I have children that will be threaten by this, I will double my efforts. You will be queen, Kamara. Question is…who will be your king?”
“I don’t know,” I sniffle.
“I love you, sister,” my brother sighs.
“I love you too.”
“Goodnight, Kamara.”
“Goodnight, Kwäzē.”
“Kamara?” I stiffen, as his voice washes over me.
Oh, God, what was I thinking. I close my eyes and remain as still as possible. If I don’t move, maybe this will all go away.
“Fuck, Kamara?”
Shoot. Shoot. Aw, shit.
chapter Fifteen
It is her
Toby
The pain cut so deep, I needed to go for a run. I know I probably should’ve stuck to the plan to call my brothers. My feet just led me to run.
It was one thing to wonder where Kamara was, but to now she could be so close and stay away from me for two years. I just couldn’t stomach that thought.
If I knew where I could find her and I was within reach, I wouldn’t last a day. Maybe she never loved me the way I loved her. Those were the thoughts running through my head, as the figure in the sand came into view.
I knew right away it was the girl that came out of the water that day. Her long thick braids were hanging down her back. At first, I was going to run in the other direction, but my feet had a mind of their own.
Her voice was the first thing that caught my attention. I would know that voice anywhere. Hearing her say her brother’s name was like a punch to the gut.
“Kamara?” I call, needing to say her name out loud.
I watch her back stiffen. I move closer and her scent bursts into my face, off the ocean breeze. It’s really her.
“Fuck, Kamara?”
She turns that beautiful face towards me and I want to weep. Her face is so much thinner, but it’s her. It’s my girl, my baby. I freeze, not wanting to get too close for fear she will evaporate into the air.
“Toby,” she breathes like a prayer.
My body jerks like I’ve been shot. All of the hurt comes crashing down. I can’t stop the rage that fills me. She’s been here all this time.
Kamara stands to her feet and closes the distance. She reaches for my face and I watch, as the tears gather in her eyes. I’m too angry to wipe them away as they start to fall.
“What have I done to us,” she says, as she strokes my cheekbones.
Yeah, I’ve lost a lot of weight. It’s the first thing I noticed when I got here. I figured out why my mother has been trying to stuff me at Sunday breakfast and why everyone in the office has been watching me, like I might harm myself.
“You ruined us,” I growl.
Kamara pulls her hand back like she’s been burned. Hurt takes over her face, as she backs away from me. I’m sorry, but I’m not. I’ve hurt for this girl for two years and here she’s been, all this time.
“You have to understand why I did what I did. I was trying to keep you safe. I did what I thought you would do. It has not been easy,” Kamara says a little above a whisper.
I snort. “You’re right. It hasn’t been easy. I loved you. You should’ve talked to me. You were asking me to tell you something I had no right to. Then, you just up and leave me,” I bellow.
The infamous Black temper courses through me. I can’t hold it back. I’ve been a shell of myself for two whole years. I feel so stupid. I throw my arms up in the air and turn to walk away, before I say some shit I can’t take back.
“Toby, Toby,” she calls after me.
I don’t stop moving. Let her see what it feels like to have someone walk away from her. I’m done. I can hear her still calling after me, as I make my way back down the beach. I don’t stop.
I can’t. That girl is my greatest weakness, if I turn back, it doesn’t matter what she says, how much time has passed. I will forget and forgive it all. I love her that much.
Keep moving Black.
~B~
Kamara
I watch him walk away from me and my heart crumbles. This is not the way I dreamed our reunion would be. Up close, Toby looks so unwell. He has dark circles under his eyes and he looks so tired.
I did that to him. I can’t stop the tears from falling. I hurt the man I love. I don’t deserve his forgiveness, no matter how badly I want it.
I stare after him, until he is far out of my sight. I feel so numb inside. I look down at my feet in the sand. I wait for the soft powder to swallow me, but it never happens.
I am left standing here to face this pain. If I could just explain. I know he would understand if I could just explain, but I also know I don’t deserve that.
I don’t know how much time has gone by, by the time I decide to go back into the house. It feels so lonely here now. The entire place feels so cold and unwelcoming. Though I’ve made this my home for two years, it now feels like the home of a stranger.
I have no home. No…I do, he just walked away from me. I flop on the couch and place my head in my palms. I retrace how I got here. For a year, I had an amazing love.
Things weren’t perfect, but Toby and I were happy. I would do anything to have that back. How am I to be queen, when I can’t even hold my own life together.
My head snaps up. I am to be queen. A queen would not allow her man to walk away. She would fight for the king she wants. I think that was what Kwäzē was trying to tell me.
“Fine, Toby, I will come for you,” I declare into the room.
~B~
Toby
I’ll have to replace my father
’s brandy. I can’t believe I’ve been here for almost two weeks and Kamara has been right under my nose. I feel like such a fool.
I don’t know who I’m more angry with, her or me. I’m angry with myself for so many reasons, but the biggest one of all, is being so in love with her. I feel like shit for walking away from her over an hour ago, but then I think of how she just walked away from me, two years ago.
I laugh, sob at myself, taking another swig from the bottle. Wiping my mouth with the back of my forearm, I sag back against the sofa behind me. I don’t think I’ll be getting up off this floor anytime soon.
I run my hand through my hair and rest my head back. I have so many what ifs running through my head. So many times, I thought of coming here to sit on the beach and think, but I never followed through, for one reason or another.
Would things be different if I had found her sooner? Would she look so thin? That shit pissed me off most of all, we both look like fucking death.
I just don’t want to admit that maybe she’s been suffering as much as I have. To do that, would be saying I’m willing and ready to forgive her. I’m not ready.
I know if I were this close to her, nothing and I mean nothing, would have kept me away from her. So how has she kept herself away from me, for two years. Two whole fucking years.
I swipe at my tears and take another drink. I growl when the burning liquid I expect doesn’t hit my throat. I look at the bottle and blink slowly several times, trying to figure out where all the liquor went.
I grunt and toss the bottle aside. I eye the distance to the liquor cabinet to get a fresh bottle. I snort, as I realize I’m not making it across the room. I look down at the three empty bottles beside me.
They’ve done nothing to numb this pain. Maybe one more will do the trick. I blink at the distance again, swaying even as I sit. Yeah, I’m not moving. I look at the time, I could call my brothers, one of them could get me another bottle.
I belch, heave a heavy breath, and tuck my chin into my chest. Now, where is my phone. I blink my eyes and widen them, don’t ask me why. It’s not helping me find my phone.
I think I have nodded off, when I hear movement outside the house. I shake my head clear and turn towards the windows. I don’t see anything at first glance.
Once I let my eyes adjust, I let them sweep the expanse of windows and the French doors again. My chest aches, when I see the figure, standing at the back doors that lead to the beach. Part of me wants to believe I’m just dreaming.
“Go away,” I snarl and drunkenly wave my hand at the doors.
“Open up, Toby,” she calls back.
I narrow my eyes at her. I want to lose my shit, but looking at her I can’t. She has on a sheer white dress that’s blowing in the breeze. Those long braids are pulled back away from her face, as they flow over her shoulders and down her back.
I just glare. I don’t know if I could move if I wanted to. I turn for the clock, fuck, I did fall asleep. It’s about an hour from the last time I noticed the hour.
She raps at the glass again, drawing my attention back to her. I frown, she’s so good at running away. Why won’t she run away now?
I see when her own anger clouds her face and I grin back at her. Good, maybe now she’ll go away. No such luck, she reaches for the door handle and jiggles it. I curse when the door pops open.
Kamara pushes her way in and closes the door behind her. My mouth falls open. She has a lot of damn nerve.
“Excuse me,” I slur and pull a face.
“Did you fart?” She lifts a brow, making her way over to me.
“Why is it, you only have that smart ass mouth with me?”
“Because you are the only person I can be myself with,” she deadpans.
“Whatever,” I huff.
“You stink,” she mutters, bending to collect the three empty bottles beside me.
I watch her ass sway, as she walks the bottles to the kitchen to throw them in the trash. God, even with the loss of so much weight, she has an ass I want to sink my teeth into.
I grab my crotch. It’s been so long since I’ve fucked. No, the last time we were together, we made love. I remember it clearly. Her crying out in ecstasy, while my mouth was wrapped around her dark chocolate nipple.
I shake the memory away and concentrate on the present. Kamara moves to the sink to fill a glass with water. I watch her walk back to me.
She holds out the glass for me to take. I hesitate, until I feel the thirst thicken my throat. I twist my lips, but take the glass from her.
I down the water in one gulp. I wipe my mouth with my forearm and get ready to toss the glass on the nearest spot on the floor. Kamara moves faster, prying the glass from my fingers.
She makes her way back to the sink to refill the glass again. I have to look away this time. I don’t want her caring for me. Watching her do so reminds me of the time we spent together.
“Here,” her voice pulls my attention, when she returns with the glass.
“Thank you,” I murmur reluctantly.
I down the glass and hand it back this time. She doesn’t go to fill it again. Instead, she takes a seat on the sofa, right next to my head. I close my eyes and inhale deeply.
I love her scent. It’s just one more dagger to my heart. I turn my head away from her to stare out at the ocean. I’m not ready to be this close to her.
“So, I’ve driven you to drink,” she whispers, running her hand through my hair.
I close my eyes and relish in the electricity that floats through me. That current is still there, just as strong as ever. Our connection is undeniable, no matter how much I want to deny it.
I don’t say a word. I have nothing to say to her. I just want to get to the liquor cabinet and get to the next bottle. She can stay or leave, I’d prefer leave, but I need to get to that bottle either way.
I draw my knees up to my chest, but that’s as far as I get. I groan, when her fingers run through my sweet spot. It’s a deep throaty sound that damn near embarrasses me. I tug my head away and shift my butt over, putting some distance between us.
“Fine, you won’t talk to me. Then you can listen,” she sighs.
I don’t reply. She can say her peace and go. I just want to be left alone. I’ll figure out my next move in the morning, tonight I have a date with Brandy.
“I was angry with you when you left the party. I didn’t know why you left, at first. When you didn’t come back my anger rose.
“I took it out on my father and Kwäzē. I demanded they tell me what was going on. I wanted to know everything. I demanded no more secrets because that was what I wanted from you.”
She takes a pause, causing me to turn to look at her. She’s shaking her head, as tears cover her cheeks. Her high cheekbones look sharper with the weight loss. There is a vulnerability I’ve never seen in her before.
“I never excepted the things they told me. I was always under the impression I would be the queen of my father’s Kingdom as the first born. I assumed Kwäzē’s engagement had secured him a kingdom of his own.
“Never in a million years, did I think I was arranged to marry a monster, before I was born. My grandfather made a deal with the devil. He was king before my father.
“I don’t know what he was thinking, but he promised my hand to Afafa. There are rumors about how King Afafa gained his kingdom. There are even more stories about the things he has done to his harem.
“He is a sick man. Pretty girls have been scarred and banish because of him. Others have been found dead. My mother had so much fear for me, before she even gave birth.
“Then, I was born. My father said my mother cried for months. When I was two, Afafa sent for me. He wanted me raised in his kingdom. Once he had me, he started to make a play for my father’s kingdom.”
Kamara stops to fan her face, as the tears keep falling. I swallow down my anger and lift to sit beside her on the sofa. I don’t reach out to touch her, but I do sit closely.
“He c
annot challenge my father openly, but he sent assassins for my father and Kwäzē’s life. That was when my father came up with a plan. He took my mother and brother and fled here.
“He couldn’t flee with me in the beginning. Afafa was very watchful over me. As soon as he could, my father provided safe passage for me to join my mother’s tribe. They protected me there. Afafa is not crazy enough to go after the warriors of my grandmother’s village.
“My father’s kingdom rests on many resources. Afafa’s greed has gotten the better of him, he is not satisfied with just his kingdom. When I turned fifteen, one of the village boys sold my whereabouts and the promise of my kidnapping to Afafa. It was the King’s plan to wed me and reveal that my family had not been in the country for years.
“There are people that are paid to pose as the royal family from afar. No one knows for certain if the rumors are true that the royal family has gone. It is against the law to challenge the royal word.
“If the palace says the royal family is there, they are there. When my grandmother intercepted my kidnapping, she insured my safe passage to America to join my family.
“Afafa has been pissed since. If he could have made me his child bride and provided an heir, there are council members in his tribe that would have push for my father’s open presence. Afafa would then be able to either shame my father or have him killed.
“Afafa’s next recourse, was to have Kwäzē’s bride-to-be murdered. That is why my father and Kwäzē took off for Africa. They risked their lives to settle the people.
“The brutal things they did to Kwaze’s fiancée were terrible. If Afafa ever found out that you touched me, his wife to be. They would do the same to you. Afafa has been gaining favor and power. It is only a matter of time, before he obtains the reach he needs to come after us,” she wipes her tears and looks me in the eyes.
“I did this to keep you safe. I’ve missed you every single day, but as a future queen I had to look at my priorities. What was most important to me.
“You were most important to me. If something happened to you, I would be no good to my people. I would not have been able to rule.
“I call my brother, at least twice a week, to have him tell me why I’m staying away. Tonight, was the first time he didn’t tell me I made the right decision.”
