by J. A. Huss
He sets the cage down on the bank, squatting down with it. He’s wearing white camo winter gear, like me. We match and we blend. This thought gives me the courage to follow.
What is he doing?
He looks up at me, pushes his sunglasses up to the top of his head, and then smiles. “What did you tell me yesterday about the rabbit? Have I ever heard a rabbit scream?”
“Did I say that out loud?”
“Uh—yes.” He gives me a stern look, his amber eyes catching the sunlight out of the east.
“I don’t think I did,” I reply, already out of breath from that one brief mention. “I don’t think I’ve ever said those words out loud before.”
“I drugged you, Sydney. Remember? You were hysterical, going on and on about a rabbit. That show triggered a memory. You talked about it a little. You told me—”
“No!” I scream it so loud the rabbit begins to squeak, and I swear to God, if it screams—
“Sydney, sit down. Now. Right here,” he says, patting the ground in front of the trap.
“I don’t want to,” I whisper. “I really, really don’t want to be near the rabbit.”
“Do you realize it’s irrational to refuse?”
I nod. I do realize that.
“Do you understand that this will help you get past it?”
“No. It won’t. It will just make everything worse. This is why you want me out here! This is why you’ve been so nice. You wanted to trick me into telling you things!”
“Do you have things to tell me, Syd?” He asks that question so calmly. His reaction is such a stark difference between us.
“I don’t want to talk about the rabbit. I don’t want to talk about the rabbit!”
“Sit,” he commands.
I close my eyes. I know this is wrong. Everything about this is wrong. But when he gets up and takes my hand, I feel helpless again. Just like all those years I spent with Garrett. I follow him over to the cage where the white snowshoe hare is in shock with fright.
I know that feeling.
“Open the cage, Sydney.”
Dear God, please, please don’t make me kill this rabbit.
“Open it.”
I get up and walk to the cage, and then bend down and unhook the latch on the door. I look over my shoulder at Merc and he nods, so I lift up the wire and fling it back. It clangs against the top, but the rabbit is too frightened to move.
“Now step back here with me.”
I walk back and squat down next to him, unsure of what’s happening. “Now what?” I whisper.
“Now,” he says, turning to me with a smile, “we wait.”
“For what?”
“For the shock to wear off and for the rabbit to leave.” I frown at him. “We’re setting it free, Syd. We’re setting you free too.”
“All I can do is open the door. I can’t make you walk out.”
– Case
She has the most confused look on her face. How can it be so hard for this girl to get it? “He brainwashed you, Sydney. It took years and years and years to do that. Do you understand? I was a PSYOPS in the army. With Garrett. We did it together, like a team.”
She sits her butt on the ground. Not to get comfortable, I don’t think, but because she doesn’t have the strength to squat anymore.
She’s in shock. Just like that rabbit.
“We were in charge of people. Company people, Syd. Do you understand what I mean by that?”
She nods. “People like me.”
“Yes, unfortunately. People just like you. Mothers and daughters. You know what it means to be born a Company kid. You know they own you if you’re a girl. You know that they ask the parents when a girl is born if they agree to the mother-daughter promise or not. And what happens to the mothers when they don’t agree?”
“They kill them.” She says it like a robot. She’s caught up in her memories.
“That’s right. They kill them. So if a Company girl grows up with a mother, even if that mother dies when she is small, what does that mean, Sydney?”
She looks me in the face for this and I know, of all the terrible things I’ve done for the wrong reasons, this terrible thing is for the right one. “The mothers agreed to sell those daughters and allow them to be… used.”
“That’s right. Your mother agreed. At least at first. I don’t know what happened with your mother. Or your father. I only know that part is true. She did this to you. They both did this to you.”
“Was I your assignment? In the army?”
“No. I saw you for the first time out there at that cabin. But I had other assignments. Garrett and I had them together. I didn’t understand what the Company was back then. I didn’t understand that they were a shadow government that exists right here in the US, right alongside real people and regular governments. But I got an order once—Garrett and I got an order once. Probably the same kind of order that the Company man who killed your mother got.”
She licks her lips and the cold wind dries them immediately. Her face is flushed and I know that if I were to check her heart rate right now, it would be off the charts. But she’s holding it together, so I continue.
“And we were ordered to take care of this Company mother-daughter pair.”
“Did you do it?” She has hope in her eyes that I didn’t, and it kills me to admit that I did.
“Yes. I did it. I did it because Garrett had already raped the mother and he was going for the little girl next. She was twelve. The same age Sasha was when they tried to take her. Her mother never gave her up. They killed her before Sasha ever left the hospital when she was born. But her father did things that were against the rules. It was a father-daughter kill that night I was sent to save you. And I chose to save her instead.”
“You left me there.”
“I know.”
“Because I wasn’t worth saving?” She’s crying now. Silent frozen tears.
I lean in and grab her face, holding it in both my hands as I look her in the eyes. “That’s not why,” I whisper. “I just figured you would be OK. You were sixteen. Sasha was only twelve. I made a choice and I’d like to say I regret it, but I don’t. I love Sasha very much. She is the only good thing that has ever happened to me.”
“But I wasn’t OK.”
“I know that now. But I really thought you would be. I really thought you would be, Syd.”
A noise off to our left drags our attention away from each other and back to the cage. The rabbit hops forward once, then twice. It sits there at the edge of freedom and hesitates.
“Be the rabbit, Sydney.”
“The rabbit gets eaten by dogs.”
“No, watch.”
She does watch. She strains so hard she might be giving herself a headache. But the look on her face when that rabbit finally figures out it can run—it’s amazing.
She gasps as the small animal zigzags across the frozen river and disappears in the thick woods of the opposite bank.
“Be the rabbit, Sydney. Get away from him. Garrett filled your mind with lies. He filled you up with instructions and triggers. He’s been using you to do his dirty work. And even though I never saw him again after he disappeared, I know he was taking you. Wasn’t he?”
If she knows, she holds it in. And I let her.
Because I just set her free. And now we’re ready for the final step.
“You can hope for truth, but always be prepared for betrayal.”
– Sydney
We check the rest of the trap line and if there’s a rabbit in there, I set it free. It’s amazing how something so simple can mean so much. My mind clears as the morning moves on. Memories come back and others recede. I’m feeling pretty good, and when we get back to the cabin, Case—or is he really Merc?—starts making something for us to eat as I watch from the barstool, nursing a beer.
His phone rings and he looks at the caller ID and smiles. “Sash,” he says. “Sash?” He looks at the phone and then I can just barely make o
ut the three hang-up beeps from the speaker.
My head begins to pound.
“Huh,” he says. “She called me yesterday with news of a boyfriend.” He shoots me a smile. “I do background checks on them. And she had a date and needed one pronto. But I had things to do.” He smiles at me. “You needed me more yesterday.” And then he chuckles as he dials again. When there’s no answer, he shrugs. “Probably in a remote area and lost signal.”
I close my eyes as my mind starts to swirl.
“You OK?” Case asks.
I open my eyes again and shake my head. “I feel funny.” He looks worried. “Dizzy, almost.” And confused, I don’t add. “All that rabbit stuff, maybe.”
“Maybe you’re just hungry?” He pushes a plate of salmon and a glass of water in front of me.
I drink the water and push the plate away. “I’m really not feeling well.”
“You want to go lie down?”
“Not really,” I say, squinting my eyes from the sudden headache. “But I probably should.”
“It was too much, maybe?” He picks me up and carries me towards the stairs, climbing them easily. He takes me into the bedroom and sets me down on the bed. “I’ll stay with you if you want.”
I nod and close my eyes as soon as my head rests on the soft pillow. “I feel a little better already.”
He pulls his thermal shirt over his head and throws it on the floor, then kicks off his boots and goes to work on mine. They drop with a thud. I study him as he stands at the end of the bed. He’s hard to ignore. Perfect, really. His muscles are cut into his body like a statue’s, hard as stone.
Which is how I’d have described his personality as well, a few days ago. But now I’m not sure what to make of that mind of his. The killer part of him I can accept. And this tender part, the part that wants to fuck me softly—I’d like to accept that too.
But right now something feels wrong.
He crawls up the bed, his hands and knees on either side of me. And for a moment, when I look into those blazing amber eyes, I see him as the predator he is. My whole body trembles.
Then his hand is on my stomach, underneath my shirt that belongs to him. And the coldness I’ve imagined is not there. He is warm. And he smiles at me. I take a deep breath, not sure I want to do this stuff in the light. The darkness hides me. I like it. But the sun is streaming through the large windows that have the same view as the crow’s nest and it makes me self-conscious.
“Want me to stop?” he asks.
“No,” I whisper. I want to keep him forever. But even though he’s been nice and I don’t think he wants to hurt me, he’s flashing a red danger sign right now.
“Relax,” he says, lifting my shirt up so he can kiss my stomach. “And tell me what you want.”
“I want to be sure.”
“Of what?”
“That you’re real, and this isn’t a trick.”
“Why would I trick you?”
“Because you need information.”
“You said you don’t have it.”
“I know, but—”
He stares at me. “But what?”
“But you don’t believe me.” And then I take a deep breath and gather my nerve. “Do you believe me?”
He goes back to kissing me. He makes me feel like I’m being tortured with pleasure as he licks a small circle around my nipple, gently squeezing the other one at the same time, until they are both erect and tingling. He scoots up a little and takes his kisses to my neck. “Do you think I’ll hurt you, Syd?” His hot breath makes the words skim across my skin. I feel like I’m floating.
“Not physically. Not anymore.” I say. My head is spinning again, not the same way it was downstairs. “But—”
His mouth steals my words and even though I have this pressing need to know if he’s genuine, I give up. I just give up and kiss him back.
It’s a long, slow kiss that makes my heart ache. It’s a sad kiss. One that has so much meaning, I can barely breathe. I want him to be real so bad. “You were always in my head, Case. You came to me in a dream and told me how to survive. You taught me to fish and hunt. But it wasn’t about fishing and hunting. It was you, splitting my mind into yet another piece. Not the way Garrett did it, with fear and threats, but with smiles and sunshine. It was you I dreamed about when he made me do things.”
“He brainwashed you, Syd. We’ve been over this. He told you a lot of things.” Case unbuttons my jeans and then sits up and drags them down my legs, tossing them onto the floor with my boots. And then his warm chest covers my cold one and never have I ever wanted to hug a man like I do this man right now. I wrap my arms around him and pull him close. “He gave you triggers, Sydney. Little things that only you know about. Words like bobcat.”
“And hush,” I say.
“No, cowgirl. Not hush. But there are more things I need to know. More words and symbols that hold his secrets. Do you remember any of them?”
“I feel like I’m floating.”
“Shhh, Sydney. Try to answer my question. Do you know of any more words or symbols that he planted in your head to make you do things? He might want you to hurt me, for instance. Did he give you a word that would make you hurt me?”
I’m flying. I’m high up in the clouds. I can barely open my eyes.
Case is on top of me and we are naked. “I want you,” I say. It comes out like an echo in my head. I’m not even sure if I said it out loud. “I want that soft fuck again, so bad.”
He spreads my legs and hikes one knee up to my chest, the tip of his cock pressing against my clit. It feels so fucking good. “You need me to fuck you, Syd? To remember what he said?”
I can’t answer that. “My stomach hurts.”
“He planted a trigger that makes you sick, Sydney. If you talk about it.”
“I feel so weird.”
“Concentrate now, OK? Did he tell you where he was? He came to you, remember? All those years you thought he was missing, he came to you.”
“I don’t think he did.”
“You told me he did, Sydney. You told me a lot of things when I had you under the drugs the last time. So you don’t need to pretend anymore. Just tell me where he is.”
“He’s gone.”
Case lets out a long breath and then slips his dick inside me. It’s painful, he goes too fast. But when I cry out, he stops and lets me settle. After a few seconds, he begins again. Slower this time. Softer than anything I’ve ever felt. I grab his shoulders and try to squeeze, but I have no strength. I open my mouth to ask why I’m so weak, but Case is there with his lips again, his tongue twisting up my thoughts and making me confused.
He flips me around, spooning me from behind, and then his cock fills me up again. He reaches around my waist and his fingers find my clit, strumming me like the song he played last night. The music plays in my head and my excitement builds with each stroke of his fingers and thrust of his hips.
“Where is Garrett, Syd?”
“He’s gone.”
“Where did he go?”
I’m about to answer, but the climax I’ve been driving towards is building. I hold my breath and press back against his body, into his cock, wanting him to take me deeper. The moment I find my release, he pulls out and spills his hot come all over my back.
“Did it feel good, Syd?”
“Mmmmm.”
“Now concentrate,” he says, wrapping his arms around me and pushing his mouth into my neck. “Where did Garrett go? Where can I find him?”
“You don’t need to find him,” I say back, feeling so, so sleepy. “I heard the trigger. He’s on his way here.”
Case throws me aside and is off the bed in an instant. But the time I gather enough sense to open my eyes, he’s already dressed at the end of the bed.
“Where are you going?” I slur out. “I need to go with you.”
“You’re staying here,” he says.
“No!” My heart begins to beat wildly as I try to sit up. I
don’t even come close to sitting before I am slumped over, my face in the pillow. “You drugged me. You drugged me again, and you promised you wouldn’t.”
Case leans down and whispers in my ear, pulling my hair so I’m forced to look up at him. “I’ll take care of you when I get back.” And then he releases my hair and my head drops back to the bed.
“But you were nice to me. You said you weren’t going to kill me. You promised not to drug me!” I try to swing my legs out of the bed but he shoves me back.
“I lied, Sydney. But if you stay real still and go back to sleep, you’ll never have to think about it again.”
“Always have an ace in the hole.”
– Case
I turn away from her and hastily get dressed, wondering where Garrett is. How far he’s gotten, what his endgame is. How he’ll play this out.
“Sasha,” Sydney says from the bed.
I whirl around and look at her. Her eyes are drooping pretty bad from the drugs I put in her water. Her head is slick with sweat and she’s lying sideways across the sheets, like she’s been trying to get up while I was lost in thought.
“What?”
“He’s got Sasha.”
My stomach rolls as her words sink in.
“He’s got her and you do not want to know what he’s gonna do with her.”
I reach for Sydney’s hair, fisting it hard and pulling her face towards me. “Where the fuck is he?”
“He’s waiting for you, Case.” Sydney tries a smirk on for size, but it comes off as a grimace. “At the end of the trail.”
I let go of her hair and get up, pulling a thermal shirt on as I jump down the stairs.
Motherfucker. The call. The call Sasha made earlier. That was Garrett. That was the trigger Sydney was talking about—it has to be. She was in on this from the beginning. My ringtone must be a trigger for her. Which means that asshole has been close enough to me to hear it.
