She blinked a bit, severing the connection, and looked at her friends. She didn’t want to make sparkly eyes with Riley. He was dangerous, everyone knew that, and there were all sorts of rumors about him with girls at school. He’d been in so much trouble, that he made Johnny look well behaved.
Riley’s eyebrows rose and he smirked at her, making her go red. She calmed herself by doing some breathing exercises and concentrating on the job at hand. Her friends were counting on her to lift them out of the social mire and if she blew this, Dad would make her feel like she’d shamed the Martin family name.
Johnny looked at Dave asking, “Do you know the drum routine for Hole’s “Celebrity Skin?” Dave nodded and Johnny said, “Well, that’s what she’s singing.”
They had the band set up like it was an actual gig, with a microphone in the middle. Christina went to the mic and stood waiting until Johnny and Dave were ready, but Riley made no move to join them. Johnny said to Riley, “You can sit this one out. Just tell us what you think.”
Riley nodded, but his eyes never left Christina. She kept sliding glances toward him and scowling, but it just made him chuckle. Christina decided just to ignore him, but it was like he had some gravitational pull.
Johnny plugged in his guitar, looked at Dave, and asked Christina, “Cool?” When she nodded the guys started the opening of the song. Christina opened her mouth with a growling “Oh make me over” and belted the song out with everything she had.
Christina loved this song. As she sang, she swayed, and danced with a real intensity. Like most teenagers, Christina was unsure of herself in her daily life, but once on stage, she became someone different. It was as if all her insecurities, embarrassing flaws, hopes, and dreams melted into the music.
Johnny came and played his guitar beside her just near enough to show her that he was with her. Every now and then, he would lean his shoulder into hers in encouragement. They shared the mic and when Johnny did the harmony they’d practiced, they grinned at each other.
Her and Johnny’s enthusiasm carried over to all those watching and she noticed Riley tapping his feet, moving his shoulders, and body in time to the music too. Mandy and Bonnie were grinning, and dancing. Even her father was moving around. Christina really wished he wouldn’t.
When they finished she looked at them expectantly. There was a pause and no one said a word. Christina’s heart sank. I’ve blown it, she thought and wondered how fast she could get out of there.
She heard Mandy clear her throat. “Oh. Wow, Dina. That’s almost as good as the original.”
Riley shook his head slowly and looked at Christina. She felt her face fall and wished she’d never done such a stupid thing as making a fool out of herself in front of these guys and her father. “No,” Riley said with quiet conviction. “That was better.”
Her Dad looked at Riley with surprise and respect. “I agree,” Dad nodded. “It was better.”
She watched her father and Riley share a grin, and then Riley’s eyes slid to hers. She felt that electricity again and his eyes lingered on her face. Christina tried not to pull an “ewww” face. This was scary and she looked anywhere else, but at Riley. She’d never had anyone look at her the way he was, and it made her skin feel like it was burning.
Instead, she looked at her Dad who smiled and winked at her. “So,” Dad prompted. “Has Dina got the job?”
“I can’t imagine anyone else singing with us now,” Riley said dryly. “No one else came close.” He stared at her and his eyes glinted. His smile started from one corner of his face and spread out to a full grin. “But, just to make sure, why don’t you sing another song?”
Christina scowled at him, but he just smiled back at her showing his perfect teeth. He’d always been arrogant and it offended her that he was so confident. He was at high school, for goodness sake, everyone was supposed to be miserable and insecure, but he just slouched through the world as if he owned the place. If he didn’t fit, he didn’t seem to care. It was as if the world would accommodate him and on his own terms, whether it wanted to or not.
Out of all Johnny’s friends, Riley had burned her more than once. He barely acknowledged her or her friends unless he had no other alternative and then it was with the barest head nod. He’d told on her, via Johnny, when she, Bonnie, and Mandy had been doing daredevil stunts at Apron Park with boys from school. They’d all been grounded for two weeks in the height of summer thanks to him.
She also hadn’t forgotten the time he and Johnny had stuck tadpoles down her back, threatening to make her eat them. They terrorized her so badly, that she’d cried hysterically and vomited. Okay, they’d all been kids, but she remembered. He had no right to be slouching around her garage, making sparkly eyes, and provoking her when he was such an arrogant ass.
Christina went to ignore him, but Dad made her roll her eyes when he said, “I think that’s a good idea. Dina why don’t you sing “Malibu”?”
She smiled at her father and nodded, but Riley laughed. “I think we’ve heard enough Hole. We know you can sing Courtney,” Riley smirked. “So why don’t you sing something different?”
Christina stared at him and glared. He returned her stare impassively and leaned back against the couch waiting for her to follow his orders. The others argued the pros and cons of what Christina should sing, while she and Riley just stared at each other.
Staring into his eyes gave her a jittery feeling and she could feel butterflies take flight in her stomach. What was this? She’d never felt this way before and it made her nervous. She’d never really thought much about Riley, apart from the fact he was a douche.
Christina decided to break whatever was going on between them and take destiny into her own hands. “I’ll sing “Nothing compares to you”, the Sinead O’Connor version,” she stated firmly.
“Agh, Dina, I don’t know the musical arrangement for that one,” Johnny said.
“I’ll do it a cappella,” she smiled at her brother, but her eyes found Riley’s. She watched a ghost of a smile cross his face and he raised one eyebrow in challenge. It was so on.
Christina took the microphone, counted three with her fingers to her brother and father, then opened her mouth and sang. She closed her eyes, feeling the music in her head and body. She imagined singing this song to her fantasy lover, that usually looked like Colin Firth’s, Mr. Darcy, but today, he seemed to morph into Riley.
She ended the song singing right at him. She watched his face go still and his eyes blaze with intensity. He sat forward listening to her and he was staring at her as if it was the first time he’d ever seen her. Christina received a huge round of applause that made her smile and blush.
“She’s in,” Dave laughed, “and she’s definitely got my vote. Un-fricking-believable, Dina,” Dave grinned, shaking his head. “Johnny said you could sing, but I had no idea.”
Dave then returned to ogling Mandy like a love-struck puppy. Mandy didn’t seem upset by Dave’s attentions. She kept smiling shyly back at Dave and giggling with Bonnie.
The girls walked off high-fiving each other and giggling. Christina could feel Riley’s eyes on her back, but she refused to turn around. They ran into the house and her Mom grinned. “So?”
“I got it,” beamed Christina.
“I didn’t doubt for a second that you would,” Mom laughed. “But you know the drill…”
Her mother was beautiful, elemental and petite. She had wild, dark hair that fell in waves to her shoulder blades and dark eyes, like her children’s, that seemed to hold secrets Christina wasn’t privy to. Christina always imagined her as a Romani princess hidden in America, but her mother always laughed when she said that, telling her that her background was “less romantic.”
Christina towered over her mother and always felt like an awkward, clumsy giant next to her. It wasn’t as if Christina was exceptionally tall or well built, like Bonnie. In fact, she was the shortest out of her friends and the slimmest. It was the fact that apart from her and h
er father, the rest of the family was like pixies, and it gave her a distorted view of her appearance.
She rolled her eyes at her mother. “I know, I know. I have to keep up my grades...”
“And,” her mother prompted.
“No boys,” the girls said in unison, doing spirit fingers to break the jinx.
Mom laughed and wagged her finger. “Or drugs, or alcohol, or daredevil stunts… ”
“As if,” Christina giggled and whined, “Mooooom.”
“Don’t you Mooooom me, Missy,” Mom mock growled. “One of my kids is going to college and we all know it isn’t going to be Johnny.”
The girls all giggled and laughed loudly. No. It definitely wasn’t going to be Johnny. He had other talents.
“What about Gabby?” Christina smiled. She always played this game with her mother teasing her about going to college and Christina shifting the responsibility of her mother’s dreams onto her youngest sibling.
Gabby looked up and grinned. She was a miniature version of her mother and the youngest in the family. Mom stroked Gabby’s hair and then smiled at Christina. “You can go first, Dina, and pave the way for your baby sister.”
The girls grabbed some food, headed into Christina’s bedroom, shut the door, and closed the window. “I got it,” Christina punched the air with a fist. “Woohoo. We did it. Now we’ll be able to go to their lame parties and they can’t shoo us away.”
Her friends were ecstatic, reveling in their new social status, but they were all trying to be cool. “Hey,” Bonnie giggled at Mandy. “That Dave Warnock guy was totally into you.”
“He so was,” Christina agreed, making Mandy blush. “I think he likes you, he wants to date you…”
“No,” Bonnie giggled. “He wants to mate you…”
“Ewww,” shrieked Mandy. “Stop it.” But she couldn’t contain her excitement either.
“Oh,” Bonnie whispered, motioning the girls to come closer. “What about Riley? I thought he was going to rub one out over you, Dina, in front of everyone.”
“Ewww, Bonnie,” Mandy screeched. “That’s gross, but he was staring at you kind of strange, Dina.”
Christina went bright red and shook her head. “He was not. He’s just… weird that’s all.”
“Weird or not, you better watch out for him,” Bonnie scowled. “He was staring at you all freaky and intense. You know what he’s like. He’s kind of crazy, but he’s also kind of hot. I’d go there.”
The girls giggled and then shushed each other, worried someone might overhear. “I heard he’s with Stephany Gilmore,” Mandy whispered, “and she’s on the pill.”
Stephany Gilmore was one of the most popular girls in high school, a cheerleader, and really sophisticated. If he were with Stephany Gilmore, he wouldn’t be interested in Christina, and it wasn’t like she was interested in him anyway. What happened in the garage was just… dumb and she determined to put it out of her head, except that was easier said than done.
********************
Christina, Shanwick, The Past, April 2000, (Twelve years ago)
From the moment of her audition, her dreams were filled with Riley and spending nearly every day with him began to wear on her peace of mind. They avoided each other when Johnny and Dave were present, but they gave each other tortured looks when they thought no one else was watching. When Stephany Gilmore and her group came to the gigs or practice in the garage, Christina’s misery was an almost living entity. Watching Stephany paw at Riley made her angrier than she imagined possible and she channeled it into the music.
Christina had been with the band nearly six months when she heard Riley had broken up with Stephany and that Stephany was heartbroken. She tried to feel sympathy for the girl, but all she felt was joy, which quickly turned to anxiety. Who would be the next girl Riley hooked up with and how long could she cope with this?
It was approximately two weeks after Riley and Stephany Gilmore broke up that he began turning up to her place to see her, and not Johnny. Sometimes, she found him waiting for her after school. At first, they didn’t say much to each other and just talked about safe-topics like music or films. He’d help her with her homework and he had a gift for math that blew her away.
His presence was both a joy and a torment for Christina. He never made any attempt to touch her; although the looks he gave her sometimes made her feel like the top of her head was going to explode. He just talked or listened to her: her hopes, her aspirations, her dreams and opinions on everything.
As time moved on, everyone thought they were a couple, except for those closest to the pair. She didn’t know what they were. Friends? Maybe? But she didn’t think so. Whatever was going on between them was way more intense than friendship. It was like the spark between them at her audition had gone over simmering and had reached boiling point.
Riley showed her his artwork and poetry. He told her he’d never shown anyone else this work and she was impressed. His art was intense and a bit macabre for her tastes, but she could see that he had real talent. He told her his family wanted him to be a farmer, but he couldn’t do it. He wanted a creative life and to leave their small hometown. She agreed with him, because she wanted to leave too.
The band went on hiatus when Johnny, Riley, and Dave had to go to camp. The guys bitched and moaned about it for a week, each daring the other to boycott, but when the day rolled around to leave, they all dutifully got on the school bus, and left. Riley had left something on the kitchen table for Christina and when she opened it, she was speechless.
Riley had done a charcoal drawing of her and how she appeared to him. It depicted her in a way that she never imagined herself: beautiful. It was shadowed, except for her face, which shone in contrast to the darker colors. Underneath, he’d quoted Martin Luther King Jnr. “Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that.” He’d added, “You are the light.”
Christina stopped kidding herself. She was in love with him, totally and completely. She’d never been more excited and terrified at the same time. She wanted to run to him and throw herself into his arms, but she was frightened of rejection. This wasn’t exactly a declaratory love letter, but she knew it came from his soul. Whatever he was trying to say, she would have to be patient and let him resolve it in his own way.
The day after the guys returned from camp, band practice started again. Christina plucked up all her courage and thanked Riley for his drawing. He stared at her blankly and turned away. He refused to look at her or engage with her throughout their set and when it was over, he left without a backward glance.
Christina was heartbroken and cried herself to sleep that night. She had fitful dreams of birds pecking at her window, trying to get in. She woke to a soft, but persistent tapping on her bedroom window and she staggered out of bed, pulling the curtains back to find Riley standing there.
“Uh, hey,” she muttered, trying to discreetly smooth her bed hair, and cover her body. “What time is it?”
Riley shrugged and put his hands in his coat pockets. He looked disheveled, but in a hot and sexy way. As always, he was gloriously intense.
“Do you want to come in?” Christina whispered, but he shook his head and looked down at his hands, before looking up and locking eyes with her.
“I’ve tried, Christina,” he started and then stopped, clenching his jaw. “I’ve tried to keep away from you, but I can’t.” Motioning his finger backwards and forwards between them, he said. “Whatever this is, it’s torture for me. I know you’re young and inexperienced. I’m frightened I’m going to ruin you, but I think I’m going to die if you’re not mine.”
It was the most romantic thing Christina had ever heard. For a moment, she thought her over-active imagination had created this and he wasn’t really there. She’d dreamed of him saying something like this to her and now he had, she didn’t know if it was real or not. Instead, she gaped at him like an idiot and couldn’t respond.
“I’ve been trying to wait for you to g
et older,” Riley groaned out, “and I’m trying to do the right thing here, Dina, but I want to be with you so badly, I can’t think of anything else. If you’re not mine and go with someone else, I don’t think I could bear it.” He turned and fled into the darkness before Christina had a chance to say anything.
Christina couldn’t get back to sleep after that, tossing and turning, making her bed hair frightening. She finally got up at 6:00 a.m. and got ready for school. She met Bonnie and Mandy on the way to school, but didn’t mention anything about what had happened. She knew that whatever was between her and Riley, it was private.
She looked for Riley at school, but didn’t see him. She found it difficult to concentrate in class and the answers that usually came easily to her were elusive. Bonnie and Mandy noticed her demeanor, but she wouldn’t elaborate, making an excuse that she didn’t feel that well.
Bonnie and Christina followed their normal routine of walking Mandy home when school was out, and then crossing the park to their street. She’d said her goodbyes to Bonnie and started walking home when she saw Riley standing on the street waiting for her. As soon as he saw her, a smile lit his face. He moved toward her and stopped in front of her.
“Hi,” he grinned.
“Hi back,” she smiled. Her heart was pounding and there were butterflies in her stomach, but she had never felt more alive. They stared into each other’s eyes and smiled broadly, then laughed.
Riley cupped her face in his hands and kissed her passionately. She threw her arms around his neck, pulling him closer, and kissed him back. She’d been kissed before, but not like this. Riley knew what he was doing and when she felt his tongue enter her mouth, she opened herself up to him, letting him explore her in a way that had made her balk with other guys.
Christina always counted this as her first ‘proper’ kiss, except there was nothing really ‘proper’ about it. This wasn’t experimentation. It was the real deal and in full view of everyone. It also promised a lot more to come and Christina was a combination of curiosity, and restraint, except she had a feeling all safety-guards were about to come off.
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