by Brie Paisley
I drag my feet as I walk to my old bedroom. I walk in and I feel smothered by Gabbie’s things. I left a lot back at the other house, but I had to bring most of her things. I grab my laptop off the bed, and I shut the door to my room. I go downstairs and sit at the dining room table. I open my laptop, hoping searching for a new home will take my mind off Viktor. But it’s no use. My email was open from the night before and Viktor has flooded my inbox with emails. I don’t even bother to open them. It’s the same on my phone with text messages. I do give him credit for being so persistent, but can’t I go one day without hearing from him?
I shut my laptop harder than necessary, and I move to the living room. Just as I sit down my phone starts ringing. I get up and walk to the counter in the kitchen thinking if it’s Viktor calling me, I’ll block his number. But when I see Malcolm calling, I immediately pick it up.
“Malcolm, what’s wrong?” He never calls unless something’s wrong or if he wants to come get Gabbie.
“I need you to come get Gabbie. I would bring her back to you, but I can’t leave.”
“Why do I need to come get her? What happened?” I hear him mumbling to someone, but I can’t make out what he’s saying.
“She was playing and she fell and now she won’t stop crying. Look, I need you to get her. I can’t deal with this.”
I roll my eyes wondering why in the world he wanted to take her in the first place. “Fine. I’ll be there shortly.”
“Great. You remember how to get here?”
Really? How stupid can he be right now? “Yes, Malcolm. I remember where you’re snobby mother lives.” I hang up the phone, not wanting to hear what he would say. I shake my head as I grab my car keys, wondering how in the world Malcolm functions without his mother being stuck up his ass. I lock my parent’s door and I get in my SUV. I drive the short drive to Malcolm’s mother’s house, wondering the whole time where was everyone when Gabbie fell. Were they not watching her? Most likely not. They were probably too preoccupied with entertaining their guests.
I pull up in the driveway, hating having to come here again. I always thought Malcolm’s parent’s home was a little over the top. I quickly get out and I don’t even ring the doorbell as I get to the door. I walk right in, as if I’m supposed to be here. The first thing I notice when I walk in, it’s way too quiet. I don’t hear Gabbie crying and I don’t even hear any voices you’d expect to hear from a company party. I look around as I walk closer to the living room and kitchen.
That’s when I hear them.
Malcolm’s mother is talking to him and I know it’s wrong to eavesdrop, but I can’t help myself. “Malcolm you have got to do something about that child. She’s acting like a wild heathen running around and frankly she’s embarrassing me.” What the fuck? I almost go into the kitchen to give her a piece of my mind but Malcolm’s voice stops me.
“Mother, it’s not her fault. She’s not used to any of this and she’s still not taking to me like I thought she would. I can tell she doesn’t want to be around me.”
“She wouldn’t act this way if you would’ve sued for custody when I told you to.” I frown wondering what his mother’s talking about. “I knew this would happen. You let that tramp of a girl keep her and now look at Gabriella. She needs her father Malcolm, and I won’t have her acting this way. The minute this lawsuit goes through, we’re sending her to boarding school so she can learn how to act properly.”
I clench my jaw tightly and I have to hold onto the wall to keep myself from going in there and slapping the shit out of his mother. I knew his mother was an evil bitch, but no, I’ve been proven otherwise. She’s worse than that.
“Mother, she’s not even two yet. Kids act this way, it’s not abnormal behavior.”
“Please Malcolm, spare me the lecture. You’ve no idea how it is to raise a child. I won’t tell you again what needs to be done. Either do it, or I’ll take care of it myself.” I hear her heels clicking on the floor as she walks away. I sigh thanking the Lord above she left. I start to make my way in the kitchen, but then I hear Casey’s voice.
“Malcolm, I don’t agree with your mother.” I’m shocked she’s disagreeing, but when I hear what she says next, I want to strangle her. “Gabbie isn’t your family and I don’t want her around here anymore. We need to start our own family, not pick up one because you felt sorry for Ava.”
“How can you say that? Casey, she’s my daughter and if I ever see you lay another finger on her again, the wedding’s off.”
I don’t stop myself when I hear what Malcolm says. I walk around the corner, and I see them standing by the counter in the kitchen. Casey sees me first and she smiles at me. Seriously she’s smiling at me! I lose it. I don’t even look at Malcolm as I walk right up to Casey and I punch her right on her perfect nose. I hear a loud snap and I can’t help but to feel so much better knowing I just broke her nose.
“Ava! What the fuck!” Malcolm shouts and I shake my hand. Damn that hurt. “Are you kidding me? Why would you do that?” Casey cries out loudly as she holds her nose, and I don’t feel one ounce of regret. I know she can use this against me and get assault charges, but I don’t even care. I couldn’t stop myself. I won’t let anyone talk or hurt my baby girl and get away with it.
I turn to Malcolm and he holds up his hands when he sees how angry I am. “Where’s my daughter?”
“Just calm down, Ava,” he tells me as he tends to Casey’s broken nose. She holds onto it and her hands are covered in blood. She glares at me and I can’t help but to grin. That really felt good.
“You stupid cunt! You’ll pay for this!” She jerks out of Malcolm’s hold and storms off.
“Where’s my daughter?” I ask him again through clenched teeth. I want to get Gabbie and get the hell out of here.
“You heard us, didn’t you,” he asks.
“Take me to Gabbie! Now, Malcolm!” He huffs out a breath and I follow him as he takes me to her. He leads me up the stairs and I wonder where in the world is she? I don’t need a guide anymore when I hear Gabby’s cries, and I push past him as I open the door.
I see Gabbie, my sweet baby, sitting in the middle of the room crying her eyes out. I quickly grab her and hold her against me. She clings to me saying something I don’t understand. I move to the bed in what I assume is the guest room. I sit down and I rock her back and forth, until she starts to calm down. I can’t even look at Malcolm. I can’t believe he let someone put her in a room all by herself knowing how upset she is. She should never be left alone, especially with her being so upset. I really want to kick him in the balls, just to hurt him as much as he’s hurt my baby. Gabbie starts to calm down and I lean her back so I can make out what she’s saying.
“What is it, baby?”
“Mommy …” she has to catch her breath before I hear her say, “Hers hurts me.”
That’s when I look down and I see marks on her. Marks that look like fingernails embedded on her arms. I can see they’re already starting to bruise and I want to hit Casey all over again. “I know baby. Mommy took care of it, okay? We’re going back to Gammie’s.” I can’t look at Malcolm. Knowing he lied to me how Gabbie was hurt, and seeing marks on my child, makes me want to kill him. I’ll never forgive him for this and he’ll never see Gabbie again. Fuck him and the custody lawsuit.
“Okay, mommy. Icky, mommy. Me want Icky.” I sigh, thinking the same thing. If Viktor was here, I know he’d know what to do and he would take care of everything. I walk past Malcolm and I have to force myself not to run out of the house. I don’t stop as soon as I hit the floor from the last step. I walk right out the front door, and put Gabbie in her seat. I turn around to get in and drive off, but Malcolm stops me.
“Ava, I’m so sorry for Casey. It won’t happen again.”
I whip around and I shove my finger in his chest, “You’re damn right it won’t happen again! You can forget ever seeing Gabbie after this. Do not call me, do not come to my parents, and you damn sure as hell better
not ever ask to see her again.”
“Come on, Ava. Don’t be like this.”
“Are you fucking kidding me?” I scream at him. “You’re mother wants you to take her away from me, just to ship her off to God knows where. You’re bitch fiancé put her hands on my daughter, and left marks on her! Do you really think I’d ever let you see her again?” I take my finger off his chest and I push him as hard as I can. He trips and falls down and I don’t even feel sorry about it. “Stay the fuck away from us!”
I get into the SUV and I don’t look back as I drive away.
As a week goes by, with nothing going wrong, I have high hopes things will be okay. I took pictures of Gabbie’s bruises Casey made, and saved them on my laptop and a flash drive. I figured the more copies I had, the more it would help me if Malcolm continues with the lawsuit. The only thing that I wish would change is the constant phone calls Viktor makes. I hate that I miss him so much, but can’t face him about what he did. I know I need him more than ever after what happened at Malcolm’s mother’s house last week. I’ve cried so much over the guilt of letting Gabbie go and no matter how many times mom tells me it’s not my fault, I still feel responsible.
I hate it when Viktor calls Gabbie knows it’s him. No one else calls me and every time the phone rings, she runs to me screaming “Icky!” like right now. I take a deep breath as I catch Gabbie as she jumps in my lap. I press the green button and give the phone to her. I watch her face light up as she hears his voice. I hate that he makes her so happy. I hate that I want to feel the same way again.
“Icky, you come see me.” I can only listen to her side of the conversation. I know how it goes each time, since she tells him the same thing.
“Mommy gots me a new animal book.” Gabbie goes on and on about her new animal picture book I bought her a few days ago. She’s obsessed with it. I don’t think she goes anywhere now without that book.
“Icky, hers come play wid me, okay!” She pauses for a few seconds then says, “Hers come play wid mommy den. Mommy’s sad, Icky.” I grab the phone from her and I tell her to go play. Leave it up to my child to tell Viktor something I don’t want him knowing. I stare at the phone for a minute, deciding if this time I should talk to him. Instead of saying anything, I hold the phone against my ear.
“Ava?” Hearing his voice after so long sends chills down my arms. I shouldn’t miss his voice this much. “Ava, please don’t hang up. You don’t even have to say anything, moya lyubov'.” I hear him take a breath and I watch Gabbie go into the kitchen with mom. “Please, I just need you to listen. I miss you.”
I miss you too, I think to myself. I hang up the phone before he says anything else. I just can’t go there with him. I toss the phone on the coffee table and I get up to see what mom and Gabbie are up to. I lean against the counter and watch as mom gives Gabbie a cookie. She runs out of the kitchen and sits in front of the TV to watch Peppa Pig.
“I don’t know why you won’t give Viktor a chance to explain.”
“I’m not ready to hear it, mom.” She turns around and touches my shoulder.
“I know, honey. But what would it hurt, just to hear him out?”
“You don’t understand. He ripped my heart out and I don’t know if I can forgive him for that.”
“Honey, I know you’re hurting.” She drops her hand as she sighs. “I hear you every night, crying in your room. I hate seeing you so sad. It breaks my heart knowing he hurt you so much, but you have to talk to him. It might fix things or it’ll give you closure.”
I look away as the tears fill my eyes. I had no idea mom knew how I cry every single night for Viktor. “I just can’t, mom.” I shake my head, willing the stupid tears to go away. “I’m not ready to face him just yet.”
“Honey, you’ll never be ready for that.”
She’s right and I know it. I’m scared to see him again. “I’ll think about it, alright?”
“Okay, honey. I’m not trying to push you into seeing him, but after Malcolm and all that’s happened, I think you need him. I just want you happy again.”
I nod as a tear falls. I quickly brush it away and mom smiles at me. She hands me a cookie and I can’t help but laugh. “Thanks mom.” I hug her tightly, grateful she’s here for me when I need her most.
We turn towards the door when we hear dad come in. “Peep Paw!” Gabbie runs to him, barely giving him enough time to set down his lunch box. He catches her as she jumps in his arms and he kisses and tickles her making her laugh.
“Hey, dad. How was work?”
“The usual, as always. Can’t wait until I can retire and spend all day with his little bug,” he says as he tickles Gabbie again. He walks into the kitchen with mom and I. Mom gives dad a cookie, I can’t help but laugh. Mom’s always giving cookies to everyone. I turn away as they kiss and I hear Gabbie yell “Gross!”
“Ava, before I forget, there’s someone outside that wants to talk to you.”
“Who is it?” I frown wondering who it could be. Please don’t let it be Viktor. My stomach starts to hurt thinking of him waiting outside for me.
“Malcolm’s waiting out on the porch.” I open my mouth to protest because I was not expecting him to say that, but he cuts me off. “Now, I know you two have had some problems, but you need to settle it. Just go out there and talk. Nothing more. You’re mother and I are right here if you need anything.”
“Dad, I don’t want to talk to him.”
“I know baby, but you need to talk. Go on, get it over with.” I want to say more, but I don’t. I sigh and walk out the door onto the porch. I see Malcolm sitting on the steps, but he doesn’t turn to look at me when I take a seat beside him. I have no idea why he’s here. I want to yell at him and tell him to leave, but instead we both sit in silence for a long time.
We both turn towards each other at the same time and say something. I look away giving him the opportunity to talk first. “Ava, I didn’t come here to fight or try to see Gabbie.” I turn back around, about to tell him to leave when he says, “It’s not what you think. I do want to see her.” He turns from me, looking off in the distance as if he’s reliving memories. “I wanted to get to know her and be a good father to her. But I know now, it’s just not meant for me to be her dad. She already has one. I know I’ve done terrible things to you and I know I can never make up for the way I left you.”
I wrap my arms around my legs, bringing them closer to me. He’s quiet for a few minutes before he turns to me. “I was young and stupid. I should’ve stayed and helped you raise Gabbie. I know nothing I say will change what I’ve done, the things I’ve said, or the horrible way I let Casey treat her. I just wanted you to know, I don’t blame you for doing what you did to her. I’ve had some time to think about it all, and I realize I was wrong about everything.” I start to say something but he stops me. “Please Ava, just let me say this and I’ll leave.” I nod, wondering what had brought all this on. “After you left from getting Gabbie, and after getting up and licking my wounds,” he smirks and I know he’s teasing me.
I shake my head and say, “Well you deserved to fall on your ass.”
“I know I did. I’m glad you pushed me and said the things you did. Believe it or not, but after I watched you drive off, I knew I’m not the man that needs to be in Gabbie’s life. I’m not the role model she needs and even though I can take care of her financially, it won’t matter if I can’t love her.” I look away from him, knowing he’s right. That’s how he was able to do all the things he did and how he let everything happen. He doesn’t love Gabbie. “I know that sounds horrible, but I think the right thing to do now is for me walk away. I hate myself for having to, because Gabbie’s a great kid. But the last thing I want is for her to grow up and knowing her father couldn’t love her.” He stands up and I stand with him. Malcolm starts to walk away, but turns to me and says, “You don’t have to worry about the custody lawsuit anymore. I took care of it all.”
“What do you mean?” Do I dare belie
ve him?
“I told my mother to drop it. She wasn’t happy about it, but I finally stood up to her. And you don’t have to worry about Casey pressing any charges.”
“How do you know she won’t?” I know it was stupid of me to hit her, but I couldn’t stop myself if I’d wanted to.
Malcolm grins and says, “Mother helped get her out of some shoplifting charges about a year ago. I told Casey if she ever bothered you, I’d make sure those charges didn’t stay buried.” He nods and turns away from me.
“Malcolm?”
“Yeah?”
“Thank you.”
He walks back to me and says, “It’s you I need to thank. You made me finally see how much my mother controls everything I do, even with me marrying Casey. But not anymore. I’m walking away from it all and I want to be a better person now. I just hate I hurt you and Gabbie in the process. I know I can never make up for what I did, and I’ll regret what I let happen for the rest of my life. I should’ve stood up to my mother a long time ago and all I want now is what’s best for Gabbie. I know I’m not the person she needs in her life and even though Viktor and I have had our differences, I see how much she loves him and he loves her. Tell him I said to take care of her, and you. I don’t know if you two have worked things out, but maybe you can forgive him and give him a second chance.”
I feel relief at what he tells me. I’m glad it’s all over, but there’s still one thing that’s bothering me. “Can I ask you something?”
“Of course.”
I sigh, trying not to let the past and all the pain he’s caused come to the surface. “Where did you go when you left?”
He runs a hand through his hair as he says, “I told mother about my gambling problem. She wanted me to get away for a while so we went to Italy for about six months. I know it was stupid and selfish of me to not at least tell you what was happening. I let mother control everything, and when she told me there was no time for goodbyes, I didn’t bother to worry about it.”