I don’t want to be vampire.
Slade flinched at the unvarnished truth. He didn’t blame Jane. He hadn’t particularly wanted to be vampire himself, but after all was said and done, it hadn’t been bad for him. Vampirism had allowed him to live until a time when his way of thinking became appreciated. It had allowed him the time to experiment. To succeed. Once he’d gotten used to the oddities, vampirism had been a gift.
But Jane had been born in a time that embraced her mind and talents. She didn’t long for the future to come. She longed for the present. Buried the past. She didn’t want to live forever. Even for him.
The horizon lightened. Derek came up beside him, his blond hair shining white in Slade’s night vision. “It’s time to go in.”
“Yeah.”
“You don’t look too happy about it.”
Derek was as close to him as any brother. “Jane doesn’t want to be vampire.”
“Did you ask?”
“Indirectly.”
“Try directly.”
“Why?”
“Because forever is a hard concept for humans to wrap their brain around.”
“Not for Jane.”
Derek cut him a pitying glance. “Maybe not now, but it’s a woman’s prerogative to change her mind.”
There was nothing Slade hated more than well-meant advice. He’d already weighed the pros and cons. “Has Mei changed hers?”
Slade regretted the jab as soon as it left his mouth.
“No.”
That one syllable summed up a world of hurt. Derek had ordered his mate converted to a vampire rather than lose her. She hated him for it, but he couldn’t walk away. Not only because she was his mate but also because his was the only blood she could take and survive. She should have been able to take Jace’s since he’d converted her, but once her conversion was complete, Jace’s blood had been as poisonous to her as anyone else’s, leaving Derek in an impossible position. Derek shifted his grip on the rifle.
“Maybe Jane can cure Mei.”
“Do you want her cured?”
Curing Mei would remove the only bond between the couple. They’d never had a relationship. Derek had found her as she was dying, cut down by a Sanctuary guard. Slade couldn’t imagine that. To wait hundreds of years for a mate only to find her as she was taking her last breaths. It’s a wonder the wolf was sane at all.
“I want her happy.”
“There’s no saying she can’t be happy with you.”
“I scare the shit out of her.”
“Not so much anymore. Heard she tried to shoot you last time you got to arguing.”
“She thought I was going to rape her.”
Slade cocked an eyebrow the werewolf. “What were you doing?”
“Wiping a smudge off her cheek.”
Shit. “Still, shooting is a step up from screaming.”
“True.” A ghost of a smile touched Derek’s lips. The first Slade had seen in a long time. “She’s beginning to find her feet.”
“Give it time, maybe she’ll find you, too.”
“Maybe.” He motioned to the house with the tip of the rifle. “You need to head in.”
Yeah. He did. He was as excited about that as Derek was about Mei’s screams.
I don’t want to be vampire.
He shrugged off the memory. Nodding to Derek, he headed for the house, stopping in a few feet and turning back as the hairs on the back of his neck rose in warning. “Watch yourself out here. I’ve got an uneasy feeling.”
“Will do.”
SLADE opened the door quietly. Jane was waiting for him, her hand clenched at her side, the computer open before her. A strong intelligent woman battling with things above her head.
“Come in.”
There was a touch of sarcasm in the invite. She still hadn’t forgiven him for his high-handedness earlier in regard to the case. Closing the door behind him, Slade stepped into the plain kitchen with its cheap maple-finished cabinets and white tiled countertops. He still didn’t have a good enough angle to see the computer screen, but he wanted to. Whatever was on that screen was something that scared her but not ... really. He couldn’t define the emotions that poured off her when she thought of whatever was on the computer. They were complex, old mixed with new. Anger mixed with purpose. With anyone else he would have been able to probe for the answers, but Jane was very good at hiding things from him. Too good. It was annoying. It forced him to deal with her in ways he’d thought he’d put behind him. It forced him to deal with her as if he was human.
“Didn’t you watch enough B-movies to know it’s dangerous to invite a vampire into your home?”
She didn’t smile. “I’m a slow learner.”
She punched a button on the keyboard. He heard the soft click that said the computer had gone to sleep.
“I doubt that.” He nodded toward the keyboard. “Keeping secrets?”
She didn’t deny it. “A girl needs her mystery.”
“A woman knows when to come clean.”
“Yes, she does.”
He tried the direct approach. “What’s on the computer?”
There was a hesitation, and then she licked her lips. A sure sign she was about to avoid the truth. Slade had been reading people’s minds for so long he’d forgotten how intriguing it was to focus on a person’s physical response to understand what was going on inside them. Maybe there was something about mystery after all, because it was absorbing having to analyze her outward reactions rather than her thoughts.
“There’s nothing on that screen that will affect you at all.”
“But it affects you.”
“Contrary to popular belief, my life did not begin once I met you.”
The scent of stress increased. “I’m not criticizing, Jane. But I’d like to help.”
She closed the lid of the computer. An answer in itself. “I don’t need your help with this.”
Emotion flared into his mind, bleeding from her to him. Old. Uncertain. “A long-standing problem.”
Though he didn’t make it a question, she took it as one. “My own personal moral debate. I think of it as humanizing.”
Slade took another step into the room, the tension in her drawing him as effectively as a winch. “You don’t find taking up with a vampire humanizing?”
She was close enough to hug. The tingling in his fingers increased, and the heat in his blood rose. She’d likely slap the grin off his face if he hugged her now.
“It makes me aware of the fragility of life.”
“Is that a roundabout way of saying you feel threatened?”
“From all sides. At all times.”
Hunted. The knowledge flowed along the link between them. This time he didn’t check the impulse. He pulled her into his arms. She didn’t relax against him like he was used to.
I don’t want to be vampire.
The biggest blessing in his life was now the curse it was always supposed to have been.
“It’s not like before. You’re not a child and you’re not alone.”
“That part of my life is none of your business, Slade.”
He tipped her chin up. “When you put your hand in mine that first night, you made everything about you my business.”
“You wanted my formula.”
“I wanted you.”
Sadness flowed through their connection. Her hair rustled and she denied the claim. “I’m not a fool despite how easily I lay down with you. I watch suspense movies along with B-grade horror. Romance is a tried-and-true method for gaining the confidence of the person whose formula you want.”
“Maybe for a human.”
“And for a vampire who can’t read my mind.”
“You know?”
She nodded. “I’ve been working hard at perfecting my blocking.”
“Smart lady.”
“Smart enough to stay alive.”
“But not smart enough to know when to trust.”
Her cheek res
ted against his chest. “I trust you.”
As much as I trust anyone.
The thought escaped her control.
“Then you need to trust more.”
Jane pushed away, stepping out of his reach. Head up, shoulders back, looking every inch the strong intelligent woman she was. Feeling to his senses like the vulnerable child she had been. What the hell was on that computer?
“Obviously I need to practice more.”
“I haven’t noticed that practice helps me any.”
Her eyebrows rose and she looked up. “Those stray thoughts haven’t been deliberate?”
“Maybe in the beginning.” He rested his chin the top of her head. “Maybe not. I don’t know what you heard. Hell, I’m even not even sure when I lost control of them.”
“So this is new to you, too?”
“To the point I feel almost human again. There’s a lot I’ve forgotten about courting.”
The little start she gave at the word “courting” gave him hope. “What makes it ‘almost’?”
How honest should he be? “The encouragement I get from your scent.”
“I know I’m going to regret asking this. What do you mean?”
He kissed the top of her head, wrapping his energy around her stubbornness, holding her to him in every way he could. “Your scent changes with your emotions. It tells me when you lie. Tells when you’re upset. It tells me when you’re happy, but mostly it tells me how much you desire me.”
“A physical reaction has nothing to the reality of commitment.”
He tipped her chin up again. “It does between us.”
“How?”
“Because we don’t have a choice. Because I’m vampire and you’re human. Because it’s impossible and we still can’t walk away. Something that strong is based in something bigger.”
“Are you saying we’re made for each other?”
Put like that, it did sound sappy. “I’m saying sometimes when we’re pushed in a direction it’s not always wise to go another.”
“You believe in destiny.”
“I know you’re made for me.”
“And the fact that I have the information to a formula that you want has nothing to do with that declaration?”
“No.”
“What if I decide never to reveal it? Are you going to take it from me?”
“It’s not my call.”
“Bold words.”
He shook his head. “You’re a woman with a mind of her own. No one, not Sanctuary, not Renegade has the right to rape your brain for their perception of the greater good.”
She took a step back, her gaze searching his. “But they asked you to do that very thing, didn’t they? Tobias, Caleb, Allie.”
“Not Allie. She would never ask that of you.”
“But Caleb did.”
“It’s his son.”
“And he believes that makes it all right?”
Slade could offer a ton of excuses for his brother. He was desperate for his child. For his wife. Slade gave Jane the truth. “Yes.”
“What about Tobias?”
“He has his own reasons.”
“And what about you?”
“I love Joseph.”
Her finger clenched around the flash drive. “I envy you that, a strong sense of family. Never being alone.”
“It’s a mixed blessing.”
“Especially now.” That was a guess on Jane’s part. The conflict in Slade was palpable.
“Yes.”
“They told you to get the formula from me however you could, didn’t they?”
“Yes.”
“Did you agree?”
His gaze didn’t leave hers. “Yes.”
No matter how she searched his eyes, Jane couldn’t see a lie.
The truth hit her like a blow. She’d wanted him to say no. Even hell no. And it wasn’t happening. She shouldn’t be surprised. It was survival of the fittest in the world. She’d made herself the fittest in her world. Reaching out, her fingers slid over the lid of the computer. The aluminum was cool to the touch. The chill spread up her arm, getting colder as it traveled to her core. They’d asked him to sacrifice her and he’d said yes. She blinked rapidly to control her tears. She didn’t know why she’d expected anything different. She was an outsider. The foot of distance between them might as well be a mile.
“Thank you for your honesty.”
His finger under her chin was an all-too-familiar gesture. She didn’t want to look up. He left her no choice.
“That’s the first time I’ve ever lied to my family.”
She blinked. “Why would you lie to them?”
His thumb touched the corner of her mouth. “Because they needed hope.”
“Why should I believe you?”
His eyes narrowed. “Because I won’t lie to you.”
It was a promise. And even without checking his mind, she believed him. “Vampires in real life are so different than in the movies.”
“This isn’t a movie.”
No, it was her life, and it was so completely complicated there was no end to the tangles. Beyond the window, dawn was breaking. Thanks to the specially tinted windows, no harmful rays could get into the house. Somewhere out there the werewolves were on guard. Tobias, Derek, Broderick, and the others. They were all willing to give up their lives for her research. The Sanctuary was equally determined to give up theirs. And in the middle, she was starting a relationship. Leaning her cheek into Slade’s hand, she whispered, “What are we going to do, Slade?”
His fingers slid through her hair, pulling her into his chest as his energy entwined through hers. This time she welcomed the embrace rather than fought it. Welcomed the strength of his arms around her. Welcomed the moment of security. It was a big bad world out there, and she was damned if she did and damned if she didn’t. No-win positions sucked.
Slade rubbed her back. “We’re going to find the cure for Joseph, Jane, and then we’ll see where this takes us.”
A pretty dream. “I might have already found the cure.”
“When?”
“As soon as I looked at the information on the flash drive, I knew what was wrong. We were looking at the wrong protein/ amino acid combination. From what I can tell vampires don’t so much digest food like humans do as absorb it. Joseph is trying to digest it because his body doesn’t recognize blood as a food source but doesn’t have the necessary digestive balance to digest it.”
“Shit. Really?”
“Yes.” It sounded so uncomplicated when she put it like that. In reality, creating the right balance of enzymes, amino acids and protein targets at the right strand of DNA to enable his digestive tract to function had so many variables it scared her silly. Hiding her worry, she smiled up at Slade. “And you didn’t even have to seduce the information out of me.”
He rocked them gently. “I appreciate you lightening my workload.”
“Any time.”
Minutes passed. His energy softened and wrapped around hers. He leaned down. “Seduction can be fun, you know.”
“I know.” Standing on her tiptoes, she met him halfway, keeping the kiss gentle when he would have deepened it. “But as much as I appreciate the thought, what I really want is to go to bed.”
He blinked. She let down her defenses, allowing him to feel the weariness dragging at her bones. “I’m so tired.”
Shit. “I forgot ...”
“The limits of a human body?” she asked as he scooped her up in his arms.
“Yeah.”
It was a short trip to the bed. Slade sat her on the edge. It took everything she had to not just tip over.
“Go ahead.”
For once she was glad he could read her mind. Kicking off her shoes, she lay on her side, sinking gratefully into the mattress. Every muscle in her body heaved a sigh of relief.
“You should have told me.”
“Why? We couldn’t afford to stop.”
“We could have ma
de time.”
She yawned. Exhaustion was claiming her fast. “I don’t think so. This is going to sound strange, but I’ve got the feeling time is running out and it has nothing to do with Joseph’s health.”
He paused in the middle of unbuttoning her jeans. “A feeling?”
“Yes.”
With a tug he yanked them off. There was a soft plop as the jeans hit the floor. “Why the hell did you keep this from me?”
“It’s just a feeling,” she mumbled, closing her eyes. “Probably because I’m so tired.”
“Feelings are important.” She heard his belt slide through the loops. “If you have feelings, you tell me about them.”
“Okay.” She yawned. “Right now I feel like I’m about to fall asleep.”
He swore. Two more thuds. His boots she realized.
“Goddamnit.” The mattress dipped as he slid into bed beside her.
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s all right.” His arm came around her waist, solid and strong. His thighs tucked under hers, cocooning her in his strength. It was such a comforting feeling. She nestled into the pillow. The same comfort sneaked into her mind.
“You’re the only man I ever trusted, do you know that, Slade?”
Against her hip she could feel his arousal. He wanted her. She smiled to herself. Really wanted her.
“Maybe you shouldn’t.”
She shook her head and let sleep take her away, whispering as consciousness faded, “I’ve always had the feeling I should.”
SHE trusted him. Slade stood in the glow of the laptop screen and shook his head, taking in the complexity of what he was looking at. It was always a mistake to trust a vampire. They had no honor.
As he read down the screen, he couldn’t help but be impressed. His Jane was a clever woman. A brilliant strategist. Slipping the satellite card in the slot, he activated the connection. He perused the screen as he waited. Everything she needed for revenge sat there all set, ready to go. All she had to do was push the button and the man who’d raped her as a child would lose everything he valued. First his money. Then his reputation, and likely after that, his trophy wife. Yet Jane had never pushed the button. How many times had she sat at this screen and fondled the send button? Savored the ramifications? An exercise in humanity she’d called it. It all made sense now. A self-inflicted test of her moral code. With a grim smile, Slade hit the send button. Vampires also weren’t afflicted with a messy conscience and they had a real liking for revenge.
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