Julia recovered quickly, but the damage was done. Her physical injuries wouldn’t leave a scar, but I was riddled with guilt that wouldn’t go away. Vic and Julia had needed me, but I had been too immature and selfish to help them. Like always, I ran away when things got hard. But I’m sure you’re already painfully aware of that.
CHAPTER EIGHT
I spent the next three weeks doing everything I could to right my wrongs. I took Vic to each of her chemo treatments, holding her hair back when she puked and feeding her ice chips. I kept the house clean, made meals, did laundry and played chauffer for the kids. I read bedtime stories to Marta and played catch outside with J.J. By the first week of August, I was ready for a vacation. Preferably to a deserted island.
I wasn’t exactly thrilled when the subject of Christopher’s birthday party came up. When he had first asked me about it two weeks ago, I had agreed to throw him a small party. I helped him make a list of who he wanted to invite, which originally included six boys. Over time, the list grew. When I finally drove to the post office to mail the invitations, I needed to buy an entire book of stamps.
Now it was Friday, and I had one day to buy the decorations, bake the cake, buy snacks and beverages, wrap Christopher’s presents and make sure the house was presentable. Vic had received another one of her treatments earlier in the day and had been in bed sick since we had arrived home.
I decided to enlist the help of my nieces and nephews. I had Julia wrap the presents in her bedroom so that Christopher wouldn’t see. Then I set Christopher to work dusting and cleaning windows. After borrowing Vic’s van keys, I piled J.J. and Marta in the back and headed off in search of party supplies and food. By the time I got home it was time to make dinner.
After I had cleaned up the dinner dishes, I was thoroughly exhausted but still had to make the cake. Julia offered to help and Vic was feeling well enough to join us in the kitchen.
“Did your mom bake your birthday cakes when you were little?” Julia asked as she cracked an egg against the metal mixing bowl.
“Not exactly,” Vic said, handing her daughter a measuring cup.
“Speaking of the devil,” I segued as I set the oven to preheat, “when is the last time you talked to her?”
“Let’s see, it was right after your television show aired. When you were starting to make it big, she called to check up on us. I guess that was about three and a half years ago? Anyway, she didn’t talk long. I’m still not even really sure why she called.”
“Doesn’t it make you sad?” Julia asked as she beat the cake mix with a wooden spoon. “I mean, she’s your mom and you guys never talk to her or see her. She’s my grandma and I’ve never even met her.”
“You aren’t missing much,” I said as I helped my niece spread the batter into the cake pan. Neither of us corrected Julia. It was best that she not know about the time her grandma had almost killed her. “She isn’t exactly a joy to be around.”
Julia joined her mother at the kitchen table while I put the cake in the oven and set the timer.
“I asked Uncle John about Grandma and Grandpa Stark one time,” Julia confessed with forced casualness.
“What?” Vic reeled back. “Why didn’t you just ask me about them?”
“I don’t know. You obviously don’t like talking about them. And I figured since Uncle John grew up with you guys he would be able to tell me about them.” Julia chewed on her lower lip and looked at her mother. When she made that face, I saw my sweet little niece again.
“What did he tell you about them?” Vic asked slowly.
Julia didn’t answer right away. “He just said that Grandpa was mean and Grandma was selfish. I didn’t really understand what he meant and I tried to get him to say more but he just said I should ask you if I wanted to know more.”
I took a seat at the table across from Julia. “Do you still want to know about them?”
Julia nodded, looking a little scared. I looked to Vic for approval and Vic granted it with a nod of her head and a cautioning look in her eyes.
“Our dad was mean. Very mean. He was an alcoholic, and sometimes when he drank a lot he would become violent.” I paused as I thought about how much to tell my niece.
“He hit you?” Julia asked.
“Yes, sometimes. All of the time, actually. He hit me and he hit your mom.”
Julia thought for a second and asked, “How did he die?”
“He was drunk and he drove his semi-truck into a tree.” I tried not to think about what had happened earlier that same night.
“Were you sad when he died?” Julia looked at both of us.
“A little, I think,” Vic remembered. I looked at her with surprise and Vic explained, “He may have been pure evil, but he was our father.”
“What about you, Aunt Gloria. Were you sad?” Julia was shaping up to be a pretty good therapist.
“Not even a little bit,” I said, anger flashing in my eyes.
An awkward silence fell over the room and Vic suggested that we change the subject.
“Okay,” Julia agreed amicably. She gave me a mischievous look that she had inherited from her father and asked, “Why did you break up with Uncle John?”
“I’m sorry?” I stammered. “What?”
Julia shrugged. “I found a box with some of your old stuff in it and you had some pictures in there. From prom, graduation, whatever. Anyway, you and Uncle John used to date. So why did you break up with him?”
“Sweetheart, that’s really none of your business,” Vic scolded her daughter, but she also looked curious about the answer.
“Sorry,” Julia mumbled.
“It’s okay.” The timer on the oven went off and I was relieved for the distraction. I took the cake out and turned the oven off. I was surprised that it smelled and looked edible.
“I didn’t break up with him,” I said.
“What?” Julia looked up in surprise.
“I said, I didn’t break up with Johnny.” I sat down again. “He broke up with me.”
“But you left town?” Vic, too, was surprised.
“Yes. He told me to go. Said that I needed to go, and he couldn’t come with me.” I didn’t bother mentioning why he couldn’t come- Vic already knew why and Julia was better off not knowing. Julia worshipped Johnny, so there was no reason to tell her that a week after I left town, Johnny went to prison.
“I had no idea,” Vic said. “He was so devastated when you left.” I just shrugged. How was I supposed to respond to that?
“What about Richard?” Julia was getting good at changing the subject without warning.
“What about him?”
“Did you break up with him? You aren’t wearing your engagement ring,” Julia said, pointing to my naked finger.
“You don’t miss anything do you? Yes, I broke up with him.”
“So, Uncle John broke up with you and essentially broke your heart and then you left town. Even though he sent you away, actually living without you broke his heart. And then ten years later, you come back to Princeton and see Uncle John for the first time and then you break Richard’s heart…” Julia trailed off, lost in thought. “So how does this end?”
“Well I think it ends with you going to bed,” I joked but Julia didn’t even hear me.
“This is a love story, Aunt Gloria,” Julia said, sounding frustrated. “It has to have a happy ending. So what’s it gonna be?”
“I don’t know, kiddo.” I didn’t want to be the one to tell her that this story wasn’t going to end with a happily ever after. “If you figure it out, let me know.”
***
“Outside!” I yelled to two teenage boys who were tossing a football back and forth in the living room. They looked at me like I was speaking a foreign language. “Football. You. Out. Side.”
They looked at each other and the one on the right just shrugged and headed out the backdoor. The other boy paused a second and then followed. I took three deep breaths and then headed outside w
ith the snacks I was holding. I set them on the table with the rest of the food and straightened the birthday tablecloth. Then I fanned out the napkins and tried to remember what else I needed to do.
The party had officially started ten minutes earlier but only a couple of guests had arrived. I was surprised when the parents stuck around and wondered if I should have thought to provide adult beverages.
“Hey you! I’m Peggy Larson.” A woman with badly died red hair and blue eyeshadow stuck her hand in my face. “I’m Kenton’s mother.”
“Oh! Hi, it’s nice to meet you,” I shook her hand and vaguely remembered that Kenton was one of the boys who had been playing football in the house a few minutes earlier.
“So you’re Gloria Star, huh?” Peggy looked me up and down. “A real celebrity right here in Princeton? Who would’ve thought?”
I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to answer. “Well, actually, I’m from here. Originally, I mean.”
“Oh I know that, sugar.” Peggy winked at me conspiratorially. “Everyone around here knows all about the legend of Glory Stark. Poor, local girl who grows up to be a big celebrity. Only after breaking the heart of her high school sweetheart.”
“Wait, what?” I could feel my mouth hanging open.
“Aunt Gloria!” Christopher forced his way between us. “When can I open my presents?”
“Chris, your party just started. Not everyone is even here.” My brain was starting to hurt from balancing the different conversations while also checking off my mental list of things to do for the party.
“So… I have to wait?” Christopher made an annoyed face when I nodded.
“Go play with your friends. Go have fun.” I had no idea what thirteen year old boys did for fun, and I didn’t really care as long as they weren’t bothering me. Christopher ran off to where his friends were roughhousing.
“Aunt Gloria!” Julia came outside carrying a brightly decorated package. “Guess who’s heeere!”
Julia placed the package next to the others and waggled her eyebrows at me.
“Who? Julia, what’s going on?” I wasn’t confused much longer because Denton came running from inside the house, followed closely by Kate and Johnny.
“Shit.” I said and Julia giggled. “Why didn’t anyone tell me that the parents come to these things, too? Is that some parent secret I don’t know about?”
“No, that’s just small town charm.” Julia laughed and patted me on the shoulder.
I finally exhaled when they bypassed me and went over to where the other parents had gathered. Jake was also over there, playing the role of host perfectly. It seemed that he was in on the rule about parents staying because he was passing out beers to the men and some of the women. I forced my mind back to the matter at hand.
“Snacks. Drinks. Presents.” I mentally ticked off each item. Once everyone had arrived, I would get out the cake and ice cream. Vic was feeling sick today so she was staying inside until it was time for cake. All I had to do now was wait. I looked at where the adults were standing and knew that I wouldn’t feel comfortable over there. Instead I headed back to where the kids were all playing.
They were organizing a game of touch football, and even J.J and Marta were being included. Julia was lounging in the grass, dutifully watching one of the older boys. I made a mental note to give her a hard time about him later.
“Can I play?” I asked, interrupting their negotiations. Most of the boys stopped and stared and once again I wondered if teenage boys spoke a different language than me.
“Sure, Aunt Gloria. You can play,” Christopher nudged the boys on either side of him and they both looked away quickly. “You can be on my team.”
The group quickly separated into the two teams and I huddled up with my team. No one in the huddle talked and Christopher became agitated.
“So, I don’t know about you guys, but I hate to lose. Let’s kick some ass.” I was trying to lighten the mood and it seemed to work because some of the boys laughed.
Marta was in the center of the huddle and giggled loudly. “Aunt Gloria, you said ass.” This time everyone laughed.
We were having so much fun playing that it wasn’t long before some of the adults came over to join us. Jake and another dad joined my team while Johnny and two other dads joined the other team. There was a lot of good natured trash talking going on, mostly among the adults.
My team was winning when I announced that it was time to eat cake. The boys all protested loudly, wanting to keep playing.
“She’s just afraid her team’s going to lose,” Johnny said, feeding fire to their discontent.
“Not a chance, Carter. Even with two girls on our team, we still destroyed you boys.” I wasn’t at all above a little taunting. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go start a controlled fire on a baked good.”
Only when I turned away from the game did I see that Kate had been watching me closely. She cast her eyes away quickly, but it was too late. I knew that she had been watching and that she wasn’t happy. It wasn’t long before I found out why.
I had just put the candles in the cake and was about to strike the match when Kate confronted me. Vic had gone outside already to mingle with the guests so I was alone with Kate in the kitchen.
“What are you doing here, Glory?” Kate asked.
“Well I’m about to light the candles on my nephew’s cake,” I said in annoyance as I struck a match. “I would think that would be pretty obvious.”
“You know what I mean. What are you doing back in Princeton? You’ve been here almost a month and I still can’t figure out your motive.” Kate watched as I lit the first candle.
“My sister’s sick, in case you didn’t notice.” I was not in the mood to deal with attitude from my old friend, turned enemy.
“You haven’t cared much about your family for ten years and you expect me to believe that Vic being sick is why you came back?” Kate all but scoffed.
“Okay, Kate. Why don’t you tell me why I came back, since you know so much?” I slammed the matchbook down on the table.
Kate let out a long, suffering sigh. “Glory, I don’t want to fight with you. But I think you being back has something to do with John. I know you two had something in the past, but he’s with me now.”
“I’m well aware,” I said as I hoisted the cake carefully to keep the flames from going out.
“Maybe you are,” Kate admitted. “But I’m not so sure he is.”
“What?” I froze.
“Look, ever since you got back he’s been different. He’s distant and moody, not at all the man that I fell in love with.” Kate picked up the stack of paper plates and forks. “It took him a long, long time to get over you. And whatever progress he made is being erased with you here. As long as you’re here, he’s going to have hope that something can happen between you.”
“Kate, I sympathize. Really, I do. But I’m not going anywhere while Vic is sick. So if you and Johnny are having problems you need to work it out.” I pushed past Kate with my shoulders back. There were gasps of pleasure as I emerged from the house holding the cake. I busied myself organizing the plates that Kate brought out while everyone sang Happy Birthday to Christopher.
After the candles were blown out, I distributed the cake and ice cream as efficiently as possible and once everyone had their share, I excused myself and walked away from the party. I headed to the front of the house where I sat alone on the porch swing. The day had been hot but now that the sun was setting and a light breeze kept it from being uncomfortably hot.
I would’ve liked to have spent time thinking over my run-in with Kate but my mind kept drifting back to Vic. The treatments were making her sicker each time and the kids were starting to worry about their mom. I was worried, too. Even though I knew the odds weren’t good, I had believed that Vic would be strong enough to beat the cancer. Now, I wasn’t so sure.
“Sing to me,” Johnny said as he approached the porch. I laughed, remembering that he used
to say that to me whenever he wanted me to tell him what I was thinking. He took the stairs slowly.
“Fa la la,” I said as I tucked my legs underneath me on the swing.
“What are you doing out here? The party is around back.” Johnny leaned against the porch railing in front of me.
“I’m not really in the mood to party,” I confessed.
“I saw Kate talking to you earlier in the kitchen,” Johnny said softly. “It looked pretty intense.”
I wasn’t in the mood to talk about it and especially not with Johnny. “Your girlfriend doesn’t want me here.”
“I think you’re exaggerating a bit.” Johnny frowned.
“She thinks I’m here to steal you away from her, so no I’m not exaggerating.” I really wished I could find someplace to be alone. I was tired of talking.
“Glory, I’m sorry. That’s my fault,” Johnny said. “I’ve been… distracted since you got back. I’ve had a lot of things to think about and unfortunately Kate has only been a fraction of those thoughts. Before you got here, she was under the impression that we would be getting engaged soon. And now…”
“Johnny, I don’t know anything about your relationship with Kate. But once upon a time I was friends with both of you and I don’t want to see either of you get hurt.” I climbed to my feet and Johnny stood upright. I placed one hand on his chest, just over his heart. “Do everyone a favor and figure out what you want. Not what you think you should want or what other people want you to want. Decide what you want.”
We had both been so focused on the conversation that we hadn’t heard the approaching footsteps. “John, it’s time to go.” Kate stood in front of the house with Denton at her side. She didn’t look angry or hurt, just resigned. I dropped my hand and stepped away from Johnny. It felt like I had been caught in bed with him and I couldn’t look directly at Kate.
“Thanks for coming to Christopher’s party,” I said to no one in particular.
Searching for Glory Page 9
