* * *
“Drive faster, Aunt Gloria!” Christopher yelled from the backseat.
“I’m not going to speed, Chris. You know it’s not my fault you couldn’t find your cleats. Maybe you should clean up that room of yours.” I flipped on the signal and turned the van into the baseball field parking lot. I wasn’t sure if it was a good thing or a bad thing that I was getting used to playing mom to the kids.
“Whatever,” Christopher muttered as he unbuckled his seatbelt and reached for the door handle.
“Wait until the car stops!” I yelled and slammed on the brakes. “Good luck out there.”
Christopher waved over his shoulder as he ran to join his team. I shot a look at the rest of the kids in the rearview mirror. “You kids are giving me gray hairs. I have no idea how your mom and dad do this all the time.”
Julia laughed as she helped Marta from her booster seat. I walked slowly behind them toward the field. I had tried to call Johnny at least a half dozen times after the show about me aired but he hadn’t answered his phone so I had no idea what kind of reception to expect.
Christopher’s team was already on the field running warm up drills. I groaned inwardly when I saw Kate up in the bleachers, shooting daggers in my direction. J.J. and Marta ran ahead to the playground and I fought the urge to go hide with them. Instead, I followed Julia to the bleachers and took a seat in the second row, on the opposite end from Kate.
I found Christopher at his position at shortstop, his blue baseball shirt proudly displayed the logo from Johnny’s repair shop. Kate’s son Denton was standing at first base, and I recognized some of the other kids from Christopher’s birthday party.
“There’s Uncle John,” Julia whispered, her voice sounding more resolved than usual. I’d had a long talk with Julia earlier about what we had watched on television. Julia had been rather understanding for such a young girl and I was starting to think all hope wasn’t lost.
I followed Julia’s gaze and found Johnny standing just inside the fence by the on-deck box. He was talking to one of the boys while making notes on a clipboard. I studied him carefully and thought that he looked good. He was wearing a blue baseball hat that left most of his face in a shadow. His hair curled up slightly around the hat, reminding me of an eighteen year old version of himself. Despite everything that had happened in the past 24 hours I found myself smiling.
Johnny looked up at the bleachers just then and his eyes immediately locked onto mine. He nodded his head at me very slightly and turned back to his team. I could hear whispers up and down the bleachers from the moms. They had all seen the show, too, and now they were getting a front row seat to the aftermath.
During the game, I split my time between cheering for Christopher, ignoring the gossiping around me and trying to get a read on Johnny’s mental state. He didn’t seem angry, but I could tell from the set of his shoulders that he was more tense than usual.
I clapped along with the other fans when the game ended with the Sharks up by four runs. The players began gathering up the equipment and I sent Julia off to find J.J. and Marta. I stood up tall and stretched my back; I wasn’t even thirty, but sitting on the metal bleachers for an hour had given me a backache.
“Aunt Gloria, did you see that triple I hit? It went all the way to the fence!” Christopher said proudly.
I surveyed his filthy pants with a critical eye and wondered how long I would have to scrub them to get rid of the dirt stains. “I did see it. Very impressive, Chris.” I high-fived him.
“Yes, it was,” Johnny said, coming up behind Christopher. “He’s going to be a star in a couple of years.”
I felt my heart give a jump. “He looks a lot like you used to look on the field.”
“Uncle John was good?” Christopher asked with a bit of skepticism.
I smiled sadly. “More than good. He was a great baseball player.”
Johnny cleared his throat uncomfortably. “Yeah, I don’t know about that. Chris, can you go load the bats and balls into my truck?”
“Sure thing, Coach,” Christopher said as he bounced away with the energy only a twelve year old can have after playing baseball in the hot sun for an hour.
“Oh to be young again,” I said as I watched him go. Johnny was quiet, but his mouth opened and closed a few times as he thought about what to say.
I cut to the chase. “I tried calling you earlier.”
“I know.” Johnny didn’t offer any excuses and I knew that he had been avoiding me.
“You saw the show.” I didn’t have to ask because I knew the answer. I climbed down from the bleachers slowly and stood before him. “I’m sorry about that. I would have done anything to prevent that.”
Johnny shrugged and looked away; his hands clenched into fists. “Not a big deal. Everyone around here already knew about that anyway. As for the rest of the world, I don’t really care what they think about me.”
“I care.” I reached out and touched his hand with the tips of my fingers. His fist opened and I slipped my hand inside his. “That isn’t who you are.”
“And who am I, Glory?” he said, turning back to me.
I thought for a minute before I answered. When I did, the words came from someplace deep inside. “You’re the man I love more than anything in this world. Always have, always will.”
I saw his eyes fill up with emotion and he placed his other hand under my chin. He leaned closer, either to whisper something or to kiss me, I wasn’t sure. And I didn’t get to find out because Julia and the kids were back, oblivious to what they were interrupting.
“Aunt Gloria, we need to get home pronto,” Julia said.
I stepped away from Johnny and pulled back my hand. I batted my eyes a few times to clear away the tears that had welled up in them. “What’s wrong?”
“Marta needs to pee and she refuses to use the public bathroom.”
“Ah, the joys of parenthood,” I said and ran my hands through my hair in frustration. “Okay, let’s get moving then. We don’t want any accidents in the van.”
I gave Johnny an apologetic look and hurried to get the kids home.
* * *
That night, after I had made the kids dinner, cleaned up the dishes, washed Christopher’s uniform, took Julia and Christopher to friends’ houses for their sleepovers and tucked Marta and J.J. into bed, I settled into my favorite seat on the front porch swing with a beer in hand. A thunderstorm had rolled in and I relished in the sound of the rain pouring down around me.
Between the falling rain and the rolling thunder I didn’t hear Johnny’s truck until it was almost in front of the house. I watched him climb out of the truck and approach the house slowly. The rain crashed down on him but it didn’t hurry his pace at all. He was still wearing his baseball hat and I could see water dripping from the brim.
He stood at the bottom of the porch, letting the rain soak him all the way through. I set down my beer and walked over to the top of the stairs.
“What are you doing here, Johnny?”
“You said something to me earlier, and I didn’t get a chance to respond.” He tucked his hands into his pockets and leveled his gaze at me.
“What’s left to say?” I asked.
His jaw worked back and forth and I knew that whatever he had to say was tearing him up inside. “I don’t even really know how to say this, and I probably don’t have the right to, but here goes. Ten years ago I sent you away. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Now you’re back, but we both know you’ll be leaving again.” Johnny swallowed heavily and continued.
“In the ten years you were gone, there wasn’t a day that passed where I didn’t think about you and miss you. Losing you almost killed me. I don’t think I can go through that again.”
“What are you trying to say, Johnny? What do you want from me?” I said.
“I love you, Glory. You are the only thing in my life that has ever mattered and I’m asking you not to leave me again. I know that isn’t fair, bu
t you said that you love me so I have to try.” Johnny removed his hands from his pockets and held them out slightly from his body. He looked helpless and fragile standing there in the rain.
I hesitated for just a second and then skipped down the two steps between us and threw myself into his arms. I was soaked almost instantly but I couldn’t even feel the rain. I could feel Johnny’s heart pounding against my chest and I pulled back ever-so-slightly, just enough that I could look him in the eyes.
“I meant what I said earlier. I love you, and I owe you everything. If you want me to stay, then there’s nowhere else in the world I’d rather be.” I felt water on my face and I couldn’t tell if it was rain or tears.
Johnny kissed me and he didn’t stop until we were both shivering from being cold and wet. He suggested that we move inside but I was reluctant to let go of him for even a second. I finally gave in when I realized my fingers had started to go numb.
I checked to make sure J.J. and Marta were still sleeping soundly and then I gathered up some towels and dry clothes. Jake was almost the same size as Johnny so I grabbed him a t-shirt and pair of sweatpants. We changed in Julia’s room, and if I hadn’t been so anxious to get out of my wet clothes I might have taken more time to enjoy the view.
We settled onto the bed I had been using since arriving in Princeton. Lying on our sides, we were just barely able to fit on it. A teenage girl’s pink bedroom wasn’t exactly setting the mood so we talked instead. We were lying so close that our noses almost touched, and our arms and legs were entwined. It was the safest I had felt in a long time.
“I really am sorry you got dragged into the mess that is my life,” I said in a hushed whisper.
Johnny trailed a hand down my neck and collarbone, sending a happy shiver up my spine. “I told you not to worry about that. I know what really happened, and I accepted responsibility for it a long time ago.”
“But it never should have been your problem at all. I regret that night more than anything.” I ran a hand through his damp hair, twisting the curls with my fingers. “If that night hadn’t happened, our lives would be so different now.”
“I never blamed you for that night, Glory. What happened was never your fault and everyone knows that except you.” Johnny tucked a strand of hair behind my ear and pressed his lips to my forehead. “Our lives would probably be different, yes, but maybe not in a good way. And besides, we’re here together and that’s all that really matters.”
“Have you ever talked to anyone about that night?” I turned over onto my back and stared up at the ceiling.
“No one but you.” Johnny placed his warm hand on the exposed strip of skin just below the edge of my t-shirt. “You ever tell anyone the whole story?”
I sat up on the bed, and leaned back against the headboard. “I told Julia a watered down version of the story earlier today. She had a lot of questions after your television debut. But, no, I’ve never told anyone the whole story.”
“Not even Vic?”
“No.” I had been especially careful to keep the truth from my sister. “I still have nightmares about it sometimes, though. No matter how much time passes, I can’t seem to forget.”
Johnny shifted over in the bed until his head rested on my chest and I smoothed his hair with my hand. He was quiet for a long while but finally said, “Me too, Glor. Me too.”
Princeton, Missouri: 2002
It happened during my senior year, just a month before graduation. On a warm Saturday night, you and I met up with friends down by the lake. We weren’t the only ones to have that idea, and by nine o’clock nearly five dozen kids were hanging out by the water. It was the very end of April, so the water wasn’t warm enough yet for everyone to swim but that didn’t stop some of the guys from running in and splashing one another.
I was in a good mood; I had received my acceptance to UCLA, plus a full scholarship. You had been offered a spot on a farm team in the area and we planned to pack up and move the day after graduation. We had been talking about leaving Princeton for years, and now that dream was about to become a reality. Just one more month.
At some point that night, I became separated from our group of friends. I wanted to take a quiet walk along the water and be alone with my thoughts. Most of my thoughts were about you, in case you were wondering. The lake water lapped gently against the rocky shore, a sound that I found relaxing. I lost track of time and realized with a start that I had wandered much farther than I intended. I knew you would be worried about me if I didn’t return soon.
When I turned back down the path, a shadowy figure stepped in front of me. Even before I saw his face, I knew who it was. I hadn’t been alone with Travis Reed since the night of the party four years earlier. His sudden appearance alarmed me, but I knew that if I screamed, help would come. I was comforted by that thought only until I realized he wasn’t alone. Two of his large football buddies flanked him on either side.
“Well if it isn’t the little slut Glory Stark,” Travis said with a malicious grin. “It’s been awhile.”
I tried to stay calm and plan an exit strategy. There was no way around Travis and his friends, and I didn’t want to yell for help until I was certain I needed it. I didn’t really think he would try something with so many people close by. “Excuse me. I need to get by.”
I took two steps to the right to go around them but was cut off when Travis stepped in front of me. I realized my mistake almost immediately because now he was dangerously close.
“What’s the hurry? You think that jerk of a boyfriend is missing you?” Travis and his friends laughed. “I’m sure he’s already moved on to some other trailer trash.”
“Well I guess you would be an expert on trailer trash considering who your father is.” I couldn’t help myself, even though I knew the comment would infuriate him. I never did know when to keep my mouth shut. Everyone in town knew that Mayor Reed was cheating on his wife with some twenty year old stripper.
Travis’s eyes grew cold and I barely had time to get one hand up before he punched me. My futile defensive maneuver did nothing to block the blow and it sent me flying. I landed with a thud against the rocky ground. I tried to push myself up but Travis was already on top of me, pinning my arms and legs. Just as I opened my mouth to scream he slammed his hand over it. I struggled to breathe through my nose while also trying to fight him off.
My heart was pounding and my breathing was ragged. I knew I was close to passing out so I made one last attempt to free my arms and Travis responded by slamming my head on the ground. Everything grew fuzzy then as my vision began to blacken around the edges.
I heard loud footsteps approach just before one of the other boys muttered, “Shit. Someone’s coming. Let’s get out of here.” I heard the sounds of them retreating, running off in the other direction. Travis stopped his assault suddenly; one minute he was on top of me and the next he was gone.
I struggled to push myself up. I made it to my knees and then had to rest. My head was throbbing and my vision was still blurred but I could see Travis over by the water’s edge, fighting off my rescuer. I blinked a few times and was able to clear my vision enough to realize that it was you he was fighting.
You seemed to be winning the fight; blow after blow landed on Travis’s head and torso. It wasn’t long before Travis was on his knees, swaying unsteadily. You were about to land a final punch but I called out for you to stop. You turned away from Travis and started to walk toward me but that was when Travis attacked. He picked up a large log and jumped to his feet, swinging the log at your head. I cried out but it was too late. You fell to the ground.
I felt like I was watching it all in slow motion. You lay on the ground, barely moving. Travis stood over you with the log, preparing to bring it down on your head. I didn’t have time to think so I just reacted. I launched myself to my feet and threw my body at Travis.
The force of my body crashing into him was enough to send us both crashing to the ground. My impact was softened b
y Travis’s body. Travis fell straight backward until his head smacked into a large rock. It made a sickening cracking sound and I knew instantly that he was dead.
When the police arrived ten minutes later, you took all the blame. You explained how you had found Travis assaulting me and that you and Travis had fought. You never mentioned my final act protecting you and I was too beaten up to say much of anything. You were arrested and charged with second degree murder. It was no secret that you hated Travis, though no one but me knew why.
You were released on bail the next day about the same time I was released from the hospital. You made me promise to agree with your story, telling me it would be better for both of us. I knew that you were trying to protect me and I also knew that if I told the police what really happened, you could get in more trouble for lying to the police.
I believed you when you said that it would be okay; you would plead self-defense and with my testimony about Travis you were certain the charges would be dismissed. I believed this up until the trial three months later when the prosecutor tore me apart on the stand. They accused me of lying about the initial rape four years earlier. Wasn’t it strange that I never told anyone? Wasn’t it more likely that I had done something that night that I later regretted? Wasn’t it also likely that you were jealous and that was why you attacked Travis? My cross-examination seemed to go on forever.
You couldn’t afford to hire your own attorney and the public defender appointed to you gave up easily. He convinced you to accept a plea deal; you would plead guilty to negligent homicide and serve a year in jail plus another three years of probation. It was pretty obvious that if we took our chances in court you could be found guilty of second degree murder and be sent to prison for fifteen years. All things considered, you felt the plea deal was your only option.
I was devastated by the decision but I still had hope that after your year was up we could put it behind us and start a new life together in Princeton until your probation was over. You wouldn’t allow it; you told me to leave town and never look back. I refused to listen and tried to change your mind.
Searching for Glory Page 13
