Kaylin was unusually quiet, making me wonder had I even answered out loud until she finally replied, “Damn, Nova. That’s deep.”
I groaned, resting my head against the window. “I know. Which is exactly why I need to chill my ass out.”
Falling back from the person I saw on a daily, the person who was showing genuine interest in me wasn’t a task I was quite ready to take on, especially since I really wanted the exact opposite. I really wanted to capitalize on the signs of attraction Guy kept throwing my way, wanted to capitalize on each time he made my breathing pattern change, every embrace he wrapped me in, and every promising close call. But there was one person standing in the way, the same person on Kaylin’s mind when she asked, “I’m assuming this also means you’re finally ready to get rid of David?”
“Not like he cares either way…” I trailed with an annoyed shrug, still rightfully salty about his bullshit of a response to my picture; a response that completely contradicted the supply of heart-eyed emojis he had left in the comments for the public to see.
Of course Kaylin matched my annoyance, rolling her eyes as she insisted, “Nova, just break up with him. It’s really not that complicated.”
“But it is, Kay. It really is,” I replied, knowing that was the most I could say about it. But the truth was, David had been the only guy to show interest in me during one of the darkest periods of my life.
It was senior year, my final semester, a time that was supposed to be full of excitement for the future to come. But it was anything but as I slaved my way through working a full-time job while also student teaching, forced to pull together scraps so I could pay off the bill I owed the university that would allow me to graduate. The stress of it all had my face breaking out, my hair falling out to the point where I ended up cutting it, and none of my clothes fitting thanks to the shit ton of weight I had gained with no energy to do anything about it.
So while all of my friends - Kaylin included - were living it up and having the time of their lives, I was swirling deeper into a black hole of depression, struggling to see the light at the end of the tunnel until the day I met him. David. The boy who was way too handsome to be talking to raggedy ol’ me.
At least that’s how I felt at the time.
Now, I wondered had that been part of my allure. The vulnerable ugly duckling he could turn into his own personal swan with a little attention and a few compliments. The one who would hold onto his every word like it was gospel and be way too grateful to simply be “his” to ever question his moves.
What started off as his plan to help me quickly turned into my personal mission to help myself, though me taking ownership was actually what seemed to bother him. The steadier I became with my gym regimen, the more fights he picked about not making enough time for him. When I decided to loc my hair, he was the first to complain about them looking “dirty”. And when I slowly began to revamp my wardrobe since the clothes that were once too tight were suddenly too loose, he was the one who never approved of my looks.
Him moving away for work had honestly lifted a weight off of my shoulders, had removed the burden that came with his lack of appreciation. But for whatever reason, I remained determined to make our relationship work, stayed committed to what we shared, continued to play the role of his woman. And maybe, in a way, I felt like I owed him that for jumpstarting my healing, even though his personal agenda was becoming clearer by the day - he wanted to control me.
The thought of it all made me sick, part of the reason I wasn’t ready to confront any parts of it. And I was grateful that Kaylin hadn’t pushed me for more, instead directing her energy towards keeping Jaxson happy as they chatted over the ice cream I no longer had the appetite for and decided on the movie I couldn’t pay attention to if I wanted.
I wasn’t sure when I had dozed off, but I gathered that I wasn’t alone in my slumber on the couch as I felt heavy hands scrape against my chest before a weight was lifted off of me.
My eyes cracked open just in time to see Guy tossing Jaxson over his shoulder as he whispered, “My bad. I was tryna snag him without waking you up.”
“What time is it?” I asked in my regular voice, peeking around for signs of an answer.
He glanced at his watch and replied, “A little after three.” Before taking off down the hallway towards Jaxson’s room, leaving me to gain my bearings.
The first thing I checked was my clothes to make sure everything was still in place, the camisole I had changed into before the movie still thankfully holding my finer parts in place and the sweatpants still sitting appropriately against my waist. And once that was established, I realized my throat was desert dry, prompting me to head to the kitchen to get a glass of water.
My first big gulp was already down by the time Guy emerged from the back, going straight to the cabinets to grab a glass of his own. And as he began to fill it with water from the sink, he said, “Thank you, Nova. For real, for real. Nothing like knowing my son is in the best of hands.”
I held the glass near my lips, leaning against the counter and watching him maneuver around the kitchen as I replied, “It’s not a problem. He’s such an easy kid. Never puts up a real fuss about anything with me.”
“Yeah, he definitely gets his cool vibes from his father,” he said with an arrogant grin as he leaned against the counter opposite of mine.
“I may actually agree with you on that,” I told him with a grin of my own before we fell into a comfortable silence.
Well… a mostly comfortable silence outside of the fact that my nipples were growing harder and harder the longer Guy stared at me. There was a haze in his eyes as if he had had plenty to drink while out with Lamar. But the haze was also making his expression especially sexy, especially… taunting.
As if he could read my thoughts, he slowly crossed the path that had been laid between us, stopping just short of crushing me against the counter when I asked, “Guy, what are you doing?”
“What I’ve been wanting to do since I saw you at the airport a few days back,” he answered as his free hand landed against my waist before he dipped his head to land a full kiss against my neck, eliciting a moan.
He knew exactly where to hit, exactly what to do, exactly how to use his lips to tease me in the worst way possible. And even though my mind told me not to engage, I couldn’t help myself as I melted into the counter once he moved his heavy hand from my waist to the nape of my neck to pull me closer to him.
“How much did you have to drink tonight?” I whispered, hoping maybe his response would justify his behavior.
But he didn’t give much away when he moved his kisses from my neck to my shoulder while answering, “I made it home safely and got my kid in the bed without droppin’ his heavy ass in the middle of the hallway. I’m good. I just… want you. Want this. And I know you do too.”
He was right.
He was so right considering the way I groaned his name as he dropped his glass on the counter before lifting me on top of it. My arms instinctively wrapped around his neck as he stepped between my legs, pushing himself even closer for me to feel the weight of his dick against my thigh. But for whatever reason, when his fingers went to push the strap of my camisole down, I flinched. And Guy noticed to, releasing a heavy sigh as he closed his eyes and rested his forehead against my shoulder with his hands straddling my thighs.
“I know, I know. I’m buggin’. You got a man. I shouldn’t be doin’ this. We shouldn’t be doin’ this, but… damn. Does it feel as right to you as it does to me?” he asked, lifting his head to meet my eyes as my thoughts collided with my feelings since he was right on both ends.
I did have a man and yet it did feel right to me.
Apparently I didn’t answer fast enough since he pulled away, returning to the opposite counter as he shook his head and groaned, “Damn. I’m sorry.”
“Sorry? Why are you sorry?” I asked, concerned that my lack of urgency had turned him off for good.
But it seemed to
be more personal when he held his hand under his chin and replied, “I shouldn’t have pressed you like that. I’m sorry. My bad. I’m trippin’.”
I hopped down from the counter to meet him, pulling his hand away from his face so I could tell him, “Guy, relax. I… I wanted you too. I want you too. But I can’t… we just can’t... do this.”
“Because of him?” he asked, the pressure of his piqued eyebrow enough to make me squirm.
While I might’ve thought that was where my issue lied, the truth was, “Because of me. I need to… sort some things out, get some things in order, figure out what it is that I really want.”
“You just told me what you wanted, Nova. And I didn’t detect any lies,” he replied, wrapping me in another embrace as he looked down at me and licked his lips.
The heat of his gaze was almost enough to change my mind, giving me goosebumps since I knew it would only take a little bend in his neck to give me the kiss I was longing for; the kiss that I knew would lead to so much more. But since I also knew that was just a disaster waiting to happen until I got my shit together, I stepped away, needing the space to think clearly when I replied, “I know, but… that’s sex-deprived Nova talking. And she shouldn’t have any say in this.”
Truth be told, if it was up to her, this would’ve been over and done with. I more than likely would’ve been rushing to tuck his son into bed night after night so I could make use of everything Daddy was working with and not give a damn what anybody thought about it. But sensible, logical Nova knew better. Sensible, logical Nova knew she had a chapter to close before starting anything new, and knew she had to be ready if that something new was going to be a summer… fling.
Thankfully, Guy seemed fine with that answer, his little grin turning into more of a sexy smirk as he retrieved the glass he had abandoned on the counter. And as he took off towards the hallway, he stopped just short to make things crystal clear.
“Well I’m watching you, sweetheart. And trust and believe, I’ll be more than ready when you are.”
Guy
My hangover headache was massive, and Jaxson wasn’t making anything better as he jumped up and down at the foot of the bed while singing along to the theme song of whatever cartoon he was watching.
It had been awhile since Lamar and I hit the scene together, so we made it a mission to catch up on lost time, though our tolerance only reminded us we were a lot closer to thirty than twenty. And while I was grateful to have made it home safely, that didn’t mean I wasn’t going to have to pay the price in a different way as I buried my head under the pillows in an attempt to drown him out.
“Daddy, I’m hungry!” Jaxson shouted, his bounds inching closer to my face according to the shaking of the bed.
I was tempted to send him Nova’s way knowing she had a soft spot for his food requests. But since she had already given more than her fair share by watching Jaxson the night before, and helping him the night before that, and feeding us the night before that, I quickly decided against it, peeling out of the bed as I instructed him to go potty and wash his hands.
While he worked on that, I struggled to find a t-shirt to throw on before making my way to the kitchen to find Nova already occupying it. She looked as if she had just gotten back from a run according to her attire; calf-length tights with a t-shirt hanging from her waist like a towel, a sports bra, and a pair of tennis shoes. Her skin was glowing and covered with a clear layer of sweat, and her hair was pulled back into a loose ponytail as she quietly sang along to whatever song was playing in her headphones while mixing her bowl of oatmeal.
I knew I should’ve announced myself, but I couldn’t help just taking a moment to watch her, to appreciate her, as she happily made her way around the kitchen, reaching into the fridge for the colander of freshly-washed blueberries and tossing a few into her bowl. Whatever song she was listening to must’ve picked up in a pace the way she shook her body against the beat, obviously in a good ass mood. And while I wished I could take some of the credit, I knew things between us hadn’t exactly made it to that point last night, our activity coming to a halt just before I could show her what she had been missing.
Maybe it was a good thing that we didn’t go all the way, maybe it was the sign that I needed to chill out and fall back. But every time I caught myself going down that road, something would happen to pull me back in.
She would pull me back in.
As if she could hear me thinking about her, she finally peeked my way. What I thought was going to be an awkward moment after the night before surprisingly turned out to be everything but as she smiled while pulling one of the headphone buds from her ear, the action prompting me to tell her, “Good morning, Nova.”
“Good morning, Guy. You hungry?” she asked, heading back towards the fridge as if she was already prepared to whip something up.
But before she could pull the door open, I ran a hand against my knotted stomach as I told her, “I don’t think I could eat anything right now without throwing it right back up.”
She laughed at my pain, grabbing the orange juice instead. And as she poured us both a glass, she replied, “Yeah, you were pretty wasted last night. Talking all crazy, doing crazy things…”
I shouldn’t have been surprised that she had created that narrative in her head, that the alcohol was to blame for my behavior. And while it certainly might’ve increased my urgency to get at her, the truth was, “Wasn’t nothin’ crazy about what I said or did, Nova. I meant every word.”
“I did too,” she replied with a smirk just as Jaxson joined us in the kitchen, interrupting the moment before I could get any more out of her.
“Miss. Nova, Daddy let me watch cartoons in his bed,” he announced as if it was the most important thing in the world.
Nova played it up, completely exaggerating things when she snapped her head back and asked, “Did he? That’s so nice of him! He’s such a good daddy.”
“He’s my favorite,” Jaxson added as he wrapped his arms around my legs, something that would’ve warmed my heart if I didn’t know his angle.
But since I did, I dragged us both towards the cabinet to grab the cereal and called his bluff. “Somebody’s trying to get Lucky Charms instead of Cheerios I see.”
Nova laughed as Jaxson gave a sheepish smile, staying close enough to make sure I grabbed the one he wanted before going to the fridge to grab the milk. And as he struggled to hand it to me, I reminded him, “Your charming behind is still going to school today, Jax.”
The timing for him to start school couldn’t have been any more perfect since I wanted nothing more than to spend the day sleeping off my hangover. But that didn’t mean Jaxson was going to make it easy for me, his little lips instantly beginning to tremble as he looked up at me and whined, “But Daddy, I don’t wanna goooo. I wanna stay here with you and Miss. Novaaaa.”
Nova actually looked affected by his plea, her lips pushed into a pitiful pout as I shook my head. It really shouldn’t have been a surprise to me that my baby boy would try and cry his way out of going to school since he knew exactly what that shit did to me. But I had to stay strong, especially since Nova was watching and had already witnessed me struggle through too many of these battles.
I was completely ready to stand my ground when Nova randomly asked, “Jaxson, what do you want to be when you grow up?”
“Uhhhh… a teacher, like Daddy!” he squealed, the smile he wore completely contradicting his leftover sniffles from the fit he was ready to put up.
Since her alternative method seemed to already be working, I followed her lead when I added, “Did you know Miss. Nova is a teacher too?”
She nodded. “That’s right. But I could only be a teacher if I went to school. So if you want to be a teacher then…”
“You have to go to school too,” I finished for her, peeking her way to catch her wink of approval.
Jaxson seemed caught off-guard by our tag-teamed efforts, his eyes bouncing back and forth between us before he fin
ally asked, “Are they nice at this school?”
Nova put a reassuring hand against his shoulder as she answered, “I’m sure they are. You’ll make all sorts of new friends and have lots of fun.”
“And I’ll make sure you’re good and safe before I leave,” I told him.
But you would’ve thought my word of support didn’t mean anything considering the way he turned his attention to Nova and asked, “Miss. Nova, can you come too?”
Once again, I shook my head as I started, “Jaxson, she…”
“I’ll come,” she interjected, cutting me off.
While I appreciated her willingness to be a good sport about him, I still tried to explain, “Nova, you really don’t have to…”
“Trust me, I do. And you’ll thank me later,” she replied with another wink before turning to rinse her empty bowl in the sink.
“Damn, she’s in a really good mood,” I thought to myself as I tried to identify the source while getting Jaxson’s cereal ready.
Maybe her morning run had her endorphins on another level, or maybe she had simply slept on the right side of the bed. Or maybe… she had finally talked to him - her man. Maybe he had told her all the right things, made all sorts of empty promises for them to make up and she was still floating from their conversation.
Since drawing my own conclusions felt useless, I decided to go to the culprit herself when I set Jaxson up at the table and casually mentioned, “You sure seem to be in a good mood today, Miss. Nova.”
“No reason not to be,” she tossed over her shoulder as she headed towards her room, leaving me without a definitive answer. And even though the cause shouldn’t have really mattered, for some reason it still sat heavy on my mind as I watched Jaxson devour his cereal before getting him ready for his first day of school.
If Only for the Summer Page 11
