by Mia Archer
Ethel popped her head in and interrupted my reverie. She looked at me over half moon spectacles that seemed to take in everything. She had pure white hair and dressed in clothes that looked like they’d gone out of fashion when Eisenhower was still in office, which incidentally was probably the last time Ethel approached being in style, but that was Ethel. She’d worked at the library when my mom was a kid, and if my plans to get a couple years of experience and jet worked out then she’d still be working here after I left.
Fancy library directors with degrees from the big city came and went, but Ethel was eternal.
“Everything okay in here?”
I grinned and gave her a thumbs up. Ethel was the grande dame of our tiny one-library library system. She’d been doing story time back when I was a little girl. Hell, there were rumors she’d been doing story time back when some of the silver hairs on the library board were kids. Part of the reason why she couldn’t be fired.
It was a good thing we got along so well.
“Everything’s great. Just trying to catch my breath before we get the usual after school rush.”
“Understandable. I’ll be up manning the front desk if you need anything,” she said.
“Sure thing Ethel.”
I leaned back in my chair and closed my eyes for a moment. Just a quick moment. Who would’ve thought working in a small town library would be so stressful, and yet there it was. Still, living in that small town meant I had a job and a subsidized apartment to live in thanks to my parents, so I wasn’t going to knock it too much even if I was working those full time hours for a part time paycheck.
All part of the plan. I figured if I got a couple of years here in small town paradise to gain experience then I’d have my pick of jobs in far more interesting places. It turns out that even jobs where you have to have a graduate degree just to get your foot in the door aren’t immune to the whole “you need at least five years of experience to get an entry level job” sort of thing.
On that day I finally had that experience, though? I was out of here. It might be nice living here on the cheap because my parents had an apartment sitting empty, but beyond the job there was nothing here for me. No social life, no nothing.
A few minutes later I moseyed my way up to the front desk where Ethel was going over some of the budgeting. Technically that was something I was supposed to do, but unofficially she’d been doing it for so long that it was unofficially her official duty. One of the library board told me I’d get that spreadsheet when I pried it from her cold dead hands, which didn’t seem likely to be happening any time soon given her surprising longevity.
“How are things up here Ethel?”
She looked at the empty room around her and then back to me as though that was all the answer she needed. Well this time would be a welcome respite when the afternoon crowds started coming in. It was a sight to behold. I turned to go back to more work.
“So do you have any plans for the weekend Kirsten?” Ethel asked.
I paused. Squeezed my eyes shut. Sighed. The question she asked me every Thursday and Friday. Sometimes it felt like I was working with a doting mother who wanted nothing more than to marry me off to a nice young man, because for a woman from her generation I’m sure there was no greater calling than to be married off to a nice young man. Not that it was a knock against Ethel. That’s just the world she grew up in.
The world she grew up in and the world I lived in were two very different worlds, though. She probably thought I should settle down with a nice husband. I was more interested in getting a date with a nice girl. Thinking about settling down and having a wife was the farthest thing from my mind, even if it was a possibility now thanks to the rapid shift in laws regarding that sort of thing.
Especially in this small town. I sighed. Yeah, my social life was on hold for the couple of years it would take for me to get enough experience on my resume to apply for jobs in bigger cities where they were more tolerant of my interest in the fairer sex, which was a damn shame but you had to do what you had to do to make it in this world.
Including lying to my nosy elderly employee who liked to stick her nose in everyone’s business. Partly because her job let her interact with everyone in town at a young age and partly because she happened to be the matriarch of a well-connected farming family which was about the pinnacle of social achievement around these here parts, Ethel knew just about everything about everyone.
Though there was at least one part of my life that I intended to keep secret from her. Not that I had to lie all that much. My boring plans for the weekend were all too real. See the aforementioned lack of a social life.
“No plans for me this weekend. Just coming in here and rearranging some of the stuff in the old reference section,” I said.
Ethel sniffed. “I still don’t think we should get rid of all those books. They’re necessary.”
“Come on Ethel. We have a set of encyclopedias in there from 1935.”
“What’s wrong with that? Someone might need information from that time for a book report or something.”
“Ethel. The H entry in that encyclopedia says Hitler is the dynamic new leader of Germany who makes neighboring countries a little nervous and Hiroshima is a Japanese city known mainly for its textile exports and absolutely nothing else. The books are going.”
“Well that’s your decision ultimately,” Ethel said in a tone that said she didn’t agree with my decision at all.
“It wouldn’t hurt for you to get out a bit. Maybe date around,” Ethel said. “Lots of nice young local boys you could have fun with. I have a couple of great grandsons who are available, you know.”
She looked up at me so sharply that for a moment I thought she knew my big secret. The one I kept from everyone but my parents. The one I particularly kept from the library board because there were more than a few members who were strictly old school when it came to their religious convictions and this was an at-will employment state where they could come up with any excuse to get rid of me. That was a can of worms I planned on leaving unopened for the duration of my brief tenure in this job.
I chuckled. “Yeah, no offense to your great-grandsons but I don’t think the guys in this town have what I’m looking for.”
That was honest enough. So what if she took that to mean that I was more into guys from the city where I’d gotten my undergrad and graduate degree? At least that’s what most people thought when I gave them that line. The place was small enough that gay people were something that happened strictly outside the city limits. The idea that they might live and work amongst the good folk of this town never occurred to them.
“If you say so,” Ethel said, returning her attention to the budget. “Wouldn’t kill you to get out of the library every once in awhile and live a little though. You could always come along with me to bingo or something. At least that’s a change of scenery from all these dusty old books.”
“Dusty old books that aren’t going to weed themselves, Ethel,” I said. “I’ll be back in the reference section making some room. Let me know when the afternoon rush starts.”
“You know I will,” she said. “I can’t deal with that on my own! And think about what I said. Settling down with a nice man would be just the thing for you, I think!”
I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to ignore that last bit. Not that I kept my eyes squeezed shut for long. That was a good way to run headfirst into a bookshelf and break my nose.
Settle down with a nice man. I giggled. That would be the day. No, my social life was in a holding pattern as solidly as my professional life. I could resume life as normal when I’d put in my time here and got a job somewhere else. It’s not that I didn’t think I could have happiness here, it’s just that I wouldn’t know where to find it. Most people of my persuasion went off to the city and didn’t come back. At least I could still drive out there and hit the campus scene when I really felt the need to let off some steam.
Yeah, I was the outlier here.
I just hoped I found something else in a city that was a little bigger and a little more cosmopolitan before I aged out of going to some of those college hangouts. I knew it was only a matter of a couple of years before I went from being a welcome face returning to an old haunt to one of those sad girls who’d aged out but couldn’t let go of the past.
I sighed. That was enough navel gazing for one afternoon. I had some ancient encyclopedias to weed and then a storytime to put together for tomorrow morning. Putting together a good schedule of children’s stories and performing them in a way that kept toddlers’ attention was easily the most difficult aspect of this job.
Yeah, I had so much work on my plate that I mostly didn’t have time to think about my lack of a social life or love life.
At least that’s what I told myself. It felt like a lie even as I thought it, and so I threw myself into my work. That was the one good thing about working those full time hours on a part time paycheck. I didn’t have much time to think about what was lacking in my life.
2
Savannah
“Is there anything else you need?”
“Nope. Just my stories. Make sure you get everything on that list. They’re supposed to have them reserved for me,” mom said.
I smiled down at her, but as always it was difficult seeing her like this. She had the breathing machine in and she could still get around the house no problem, but it was difficult for her to go out into town. I hated seeing the strong woman I grew up with reduced to this, but I suppose that’s what happened with a lifetime of smoking. Sure she’d quit as soon as she got the diagnosis, but the doctor said she’d seen that happen with plenty of people. It’s not like it was going to do mom any good now. Too little, too late.
“I’ll be sure to get you all the titles. I’ll personally yell at Ethel if she’s missing anything,” I said.
“Thanks hon,” she said with a smile that looked just a little odd with the breathing tube attached to her nose. “Now go along. I’m sure you can’t wait to be out of here for a little while.”
“You know I don’t mind being here with you mom. This is home!”
“Right, right, now scoot along. My stories are about to come on TV.”
I shook my head and got out of there fast. I’d sat in on some of her stories. I always thought soap operas were ridiculous. That they weren’t long for this world since their audience of stay at home housewives had all gone to work or were getting old and dying off. I’d never imagined just how addictive they could be.
Best not to be in the room when the stories started. The last time that happened I found myself sitting in with her for the better part of two weeks hanging on every ridiculous storyline before I came to my senses and realized how silly I was being.
I turned the pickup on and revved the engine a couple of times. Dad’s truck might be old, but God I loved hearing that baby purr. I always loved riding in the thing with my dad growing up, and it still reminded me of him now that he was gone. It was a big part of the reason why I drove around the old beater instead of the shiny new pickup dad bought right before he passed. This was tradition. This was something I loved.
I loved it as much as I loved everything else about this place. A lot of people I grew up with had shot off to the city like a rocket as soon as they could, but even while I was off at college I couldn’t wait to get back here.
I know that made me the crazy one, but I didn’t care. I flipped on the radio and turned it to my favorite country station. In my opinion there was no other genre of music you could listen to when riding through rows and rows of fields in a pickup truck. Classic rock would be a sacrilege. That was the one big difference between me and dad, and the one tradition I was willing to do away with.
A lot of this farmland used to belong to our family. Now it was just down to a couple of acres around the house, which was a damn shame, but it’s not like there was anything else to do after dad died. I might love this area, but I wasn’t going to go so far as to become a farmer.
Ten minutes later I pulled into the library. The place was still mostly empty, especially for a Friday. I looked at the clock and smiled. I’d gotten in just ahead of the after school rush. Good. I only made this trip once every couple of weeks as mom cycled through her romance novels, and I always tried to time it so I was in during their off hours. I’d been in here when the place was teeming with kids who just got done with school over at the middle school, and it wasn’t pretty or easy to get through here.
“How’s it going Ethel?” I asked.
“Pretty good. How about yourself?” she asked.
“Can’t complain. Just hitting the romance section for some new material for mom.”
Ethel sighed and shook her head. “Damn shame about her sickness. Any good news from the doctors?”
I frowned and shook my own head. “Afraid not. There really isn’t any good news when you get COPD. Just trying to be as normal as possible while you can.”
“Still a damn shame. Do you need any help with that list?”
“Nah, I’m fine,” I said.
To be honest I always felt awkward about having Ethel along to help me. She was so old and frail looking, though I knew that betrayed a toughness. I also felt awkward about having her help me ever since the library stopped offering to reserve people’s books. I felt like it was breaking the rules even though she didn’t seem to mind. Besides, at this point I felt like I knew the romance section better than Ethel.
“Oh, have you seen the new girl?” Ethel asked. “I have a feeling the two of you might get along.”
“New girl? Did you get someone to help with shelving or something?”
“Nope. Shiny new director with a fancy degree from the city,” Ethel said.
I fixed her with a flat stare. “You say that like it’s almost a bad thing. You do remember I came back here with a fancy degree from the city, right?”
“Of course,” she said. “Big fancy nursing degree that you don’t use because you’re taking care of your mom. But that’s not the same. I haven’t been doing your job since your daddy was a little boy without a degree.”
“Jealous much?”
“Not at all. She’s actually really good. They hired her a month back, but I don’t think she was in the last time you were in to get your books.”
“Didn’t know about that. I’ll be sure to say hi if I run into her,” I said.
“You definitely should,” Ethel said, peering at me from under her glasses in a look that said I was going to do as she said or we were going to have words later.
Already I was picturing this new library director. Probably as ancient as Ethel with a hairstyle that had gone out of style a few decades prior and cat eye glasses. No doubt with the same dismal fashion sense that I’d come to expect from most librarians as well. Yeah, I was sure I’d know her as soon as I saw her, but I figured it would be good to introduce myself. I found it never hurt to be on the librarians’ good side. Especially when I spent so much time in this place.
I made my way into the library proper. Not that there was much room. This was an old Carnegie library from around the turn of the last century. They’d just had the centennial celebration for the thing a couple of years back with all sorts of celebrations. That meant that while it was nice in an old school stone sort of way, it was also small.
The path was so well worn that I was surprised there weren’t shoe prints in my size leading back to the romance section. Past the director’s office, through the small computer lab, past the children’s section where it looked like the new librarian was doing a story time. She was busy, so I figured I’d just glance in and…
Damn.
Okay, so it looked like the new librarian was like nothing I’d expected. In short, she was gorgeous. I wondered if she was from out of town or if she was just old enough that we didn’t go to school together. Because I would’ve remembered a girl like that. I would’ve had one hell of a girl crush on her.
Most likely a
n unrequited girl crush, at that. It seemed like all the girl crushes I’d had in this town had been of the unrequited variety. When they didn’t just plain result in disaster. I shivered as that got close to the memory of the single worst experience of my life, and I quickly chased those thoughts away.
Best not to think about that, or that staying in this town and helping my mom was basically accepting an end to my admittedly already unsuccessful love life.
Still, a girl could look and admire, and this new librarian was something worth admiring! Brown hair that fell down past her shoulders. Beautiful brown eyes to go along with. An easy smile to go with a pretty face. She even knew how to dress herself, and she had the kind of body that looked very nice under everything.
The girl paused in her story and looked up. Noticed me for the first time. She blushed and smiled, and I immediately melted. God was she hot! It wasn’t fair for a librarian to look that good. She was supposed to be a frumpasaurus with questionable fashion sense, not a temptress in business casual!
“Can I help you?”
It took me a moment to realize she was talking to me. I blinked. Right. I was standing looking down at the children’s area in the middle of a story time like an idiot. If I was a dude that would probably be grounds for calling the cops or something. As it was she just smiled up at me.
“Um, sorry, could you tell me where the romance section is?”
Idiot! It’s like my brain and my mouth were connected to two different systems. I knew exactly where the romance section was, but it’s not like she knew that and it seemed like as good an excuse as any to be standing there looking like an idiot. But what if she talked to Ethel later and found out that I knew exactly where it was?
I was letting my mind get away from me. I was getting distracted by the unexpected sexy. Unexpected sexy that was probably strictly off limits considering you didn’t run into many girls who were into girls in this town. No, most of those go the hell out of Dodge as soon as possible and never came back.
