by Shirley Jump
"You know, a week ago, I would have agreed with you." Cole dropped the beard and hat onto the table in the center of the room, and unbuttoned the thick velvet coat. He took off the pillow stomach and put it on a chair. "But this has been a rewarding week."
Dexter chuckled. "Whatever. You don’t need to suck up to me. You already have the part. You’re a hell of an actor, Cole Benson. You always were. I just wanted to make you suffer a little before bringing you on board for my new movie."
The elation Cole had expected to feel didn’t fill his chest. Something akin to disappointment rocked him, and made him wonder if he was getting the flu. This was what he had worked for, what he had come to Massachusetts for. He’d sat in the chair and sweated in that suit for a week—
And now he had his dream again, restored as if he’d never had that moment at the party.
Dexter headed for the door. "Filming starts on Monday. See you back in L.A." He opened the door and gave Cole a grin. "Have a great holiday, Santa."
Cole stayed in the locker room for a long time, holding the Santa hat and wondering why getting everything he wanted for Christmas felt like such a disappointment.
1 fully cooked bone-in ham (5 to 7 pounds)
1 cup packed brown sugar
2 teaspoons prepared mustard
1 to 2 tablespoons cider vinegar
I always help my mommy make this one ‘cuz I’m a big boy and I like ham. And if I’m a really good boy, Santa’s going to bring me what I want most for Christmas. A daddy. I asked Santa, and he didn’t say no, so maybe that means I’m getting a daddy for Christmas. I’m gonna go to bed super early and be a really good boy, and wish really, really hard. Then I’m gonna help Mommy make this so that she smiles on Christmas Day. A lot.
Have your mommy turn the oven on to 325 degrees. Tell her to make little x’s in the ham with a sharp knife. You’re too little to do that, so you can mix the other stuff in a bowl and then rub it all over the ham. That’s the messy part, but it’s fun, and Mommy will tell you that you are a big helper for doing it. She’ll put the ham in the oven for like, forever (but she says it’s only an hour and a half or so), and you’ll wait and wait and wait. And when the dinner is done and the ham is cut, maybe Santa will have a daddy sitting at the table for you. If he does, you’ll have the bestest Christmas ever!
Chapter Six
Stephanie and Joshua curled up on the sofa under a thick green afghan Helen had knitted last year. Across from them the tree blinked its multicolored lights and a fire roared in the electric fireplace she’d set up against the wall, just to hold the stockings hanging on the faux mantle. She had the dog-eared copy of ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas in her hands, reading it to Joshua for the ten thousandth time. Outside, snow fell, a steady storm that had started an hour ago and already dropped several inches on the ground. It couldn’t have been a more perfect Christmas setting if she’d painted the landscape herself.
Except Stephanie felt empty and sad, and just wished the holiday was over so that she could go back to ordinary days and ordinary tasks. To days that didn’t have reminders of Santa everywhere she turned.
"One more time, Mommy, please?"
Joshua’s voice drew Stephanie’s attention. For him, she’d be merry and bright and make Christmas wonderful. "Okay, one more time, but then you have to get to bed so Santa can come."
Joshua nodded. "And I have to stay ‘sleep ‘cuz then Santa will leave me my present."
She gave his nose a little beep. "Yup. No getting out of bed to see if Santa has come."
Joshua’s nose wrinkled in confusion. "But how will I know if he ate the cookies?"
"We’ll check in the morning. First thing."
"Okay." Joshua snuggled into her, his red flannel pajamas like a soft blanket on Stephanie’s legs. "Read the part ‘bout Santa. It’s my favorite."
She turned the pages until she reached the words about the rooftop clatter. At the same time a stomping sound came from outside, followed by a knock. Joshua scrambled off her lap. "Santa’s here!"
"Wait, Joshua, don’t—" Stephanie got to her feet and pivoted toward the door. Even through the distortion of the bevel she could make out the person on the other side. The familiar face, the sexy dark hair, the deep blue eyes. Cole. Her heart tripped, then slowed.
"It’s not Santa. It’s...." She didn’t know how to explain this one.
Joshua pulled open the door. When he spied Cole, he stepped back and glanced at Stephanie. "Mommy, it’s a stranger."
She came up to stand beside her son, a protective hand on his shoulder. "He’s not a stranger. He’s my…friend." That didn’t even begin to touch the complications of her relationship with Cole, but Joshua was too young to be bogged down with details. She didn’t dare to hope that Cole was here for a relationship with his son. So she defaulted away from the truth, for now. "His name is Cole."
"Hi Coe," Joshua said. He thrust out a little hand. "I’m Joshua."
Cole bent to his knees and smiled, giving Joshua’s hand a firm shake. "Nice to meet you."
"Joshua, why don’t you go have some cookies in the kitchen?" Stephanie said. "Eat them at the table, okay? And while you’re there, why don’t you draw a picture for Santa? I think he’ll really like that when he comes tonight."
"Okay!" Joshua hurried away, his bare feet pattering against the hardwood floors. He rounded the corner into the small kitchen, leaving Stephanie and Cole alone in the living room. The stereo played Christmas carols and the electric fireplace crackled with its make-believe fire.
Hope took hold in Stephanie’s chest, but she pushed the feeling firmly away. "Why are you here?"
"I wanted to talk to you. I know it’s probably not the best time, on Christmas Eve, but I’m leaving in the morning and…I need answers, Stephanie."
She should have had this conversation with Cole a long time ago. What she had done wasn’t right, no matter how noble her intentions at the time.
"You’re right. You do." They took seats on opposite ends of the sofa. Stephanie thumbed up the volume on the stereo so the Christmas music would keep them from being overheard by five-year-old ears. She glanced down at her red flannel pants and pale cotton T. If she’d known Cole was coming over, she’d have opted for an outfit that didn’t say couch potato. All the man had seen her in so far was an elf costume and pajamas. Neither screamed sex appeal.
She chided herself. What did she care what Cole thought about her appearance? It wasn’t like she was still in love with him.
Only she was, and she knew it. She looked at his chiseled features, his deep blue eyes, that lopsided grin, and knew she’d never stopped loving him, and maybe never would.
The problem? Cole had just reminded her that he was leaving. Going back to California. Every time she hoped for a miracle, reality stepped in and shut the door.
She needed to stop dreaming of impossible happy endings. She’d tell Cole about Joshua, offer to let him be a part of his son’s life, then leave it at that. Nothing more personal than the sharing of their son.
She shifted on the sofa to face him. "I’m sorry, Cole. I wanted to tell you I was pregnant that day you left, and I should have. It was wrong to keep that from you."
"If you told me about the baby, I would have stayed."
"That’s why I didn’t say anything." She pointed at him. "Because you would have stayed. And hated me for it. Your dream was in California. Not here with me." She shrugged like it didn’t still hurt all these years later. Like her heart didn’t tear a little as she spoke the words. She got to her feet and crossed to the electric fireplace. It didn’t offer any heat, but did provide distance from Cole. "I was just trying to do the right thing."
"For who? Me? Or you?"
"You, of course. Why would that be the right thing for me?"
He waited, patient, those blue eyes locked on hers. Eyes that knew her so well, that had always known her.
"Because I was terrified of leaving here, of going into the unknown wit
h you," she said softly, finally admitting the truth to herself. "I was scared to go all the way to California and then find out you didn’t want me or our baby."
He rose, took her hands in his. His touch felt warm, right, comfortable. "Oh, Stephanie. I’m sorry. We both made so many mistakes back then. We were a couple of scared kids."
"I remember when I saw the positive result in the pregnancy test window. Scared didn’t even begin to describe how I felt. In that moment, I thought the best thing to do was to push you away, so I could stay in the world that I knew." She shook her head and bit her lip. "In the process, I robbed you and Joshua both of a relationship. I don’t want to do that anymore. If you want to see him, we’ll work something out, whether we fly back and forth or you Skype him from L.A."
Cole shook his head. "I want more."
Panic filled her and she pressed a hand to her heart. "Custody? You can’t. You wouldn’t. He’s…"
"Our son. I don’t want to raise him from California."
"Your career is out there. I’m here, and so is Joshua." Again, she was defaulting to her comfort zone. She couldn’t do that anymore. It wasn’t fair to any of them, but especially not to Joshua. She took a deep breath, then exhaled it with a new resolve. "I’ll move to California. We can raise him together. I’ll find a place near yours and share custody. Joshua needs his father."
"And I need him," Cole said. "He’s the family I never had."
Stephanie squeezed Cole’s fingers. This man, who was always so tough, had suffered terrible hurts as a child. How could she have ever doubted that he would want his son? "He’s amazing, you know. You’re going to love him."
"I already do." Cole grinned. "When I first took on this Santa job, I dreaded all that time with kids. What was going to say to them, how would I put up with the noise and the questions all day? But I found that I really enjoy kids and making them smile. One kid in particular." His gaze went to the kitchen and his features softened. "When Joshua told me he wanted Santa to bring him a father for Christmas, it almost broke my heart, and I didn’t even know that I was the father he wanted. Now that I do, I want to deliver that gift to him, this year, and all the years to come."
Tears sprang to her eyes. This was what she had hoped, no, prayed, to hear six years ago. "I’d like that, too." The thought of moving to California didn’t scare her as much as it had years ago. She could make it work, and in the end, they’d all be better for it by being together. "It might take a while to sell my house here but I can move—"
"I don’t want you to do that." With a tender hand, he brushed a lock of hair off her forehead, and her heart melted. "Do you know why I left Boston in the first place?"
"You got a call from a casting agent who saw the audition tape you made."
A wry grin crossed Cole’s lips. "That was my excuse. I left because I thought if I got far enough away from here, I would stop being jealous of you."
"Jealous? Of me? Why?"
"Because of this." He swept a hand around the room, past the goofy pictures of Joshua and Stephanie on the wall, past the chubby Christmas tree and its blinking rainbow of lights, past the fur trimmed red stockings hung on the mantel. "You had everything I always wanted, Stephanie. A family. A home. People who loved you. And I was jealous as hell of that."
"You could have had it too, Cole. All you had to do was…"
"All I had to do was stay. Settle down. Take a risk." He raised her chin until she was looking at him, her green eyes like an evergreen forest that he could wander in for a thousand years and never get tired of seeing. "And that scared me more than anything."
"Why would that scare you?"
"Because if I loved you, if I loved this life we could have, I could lose it."
That was what had driven Cole away from the only woman he ever loved. Driven him away from a commitment. From the very thing he’d been seeking for years. He had watched his parents’ marriage disintegrate, and seen himself shuffled from house to house, living part-time with two people who were too busy finding their youth to be bothered with the child that neither had wanted. "I thought I’d be happier on my own, not relying or connecting with anyone. And all I got was this…emptiness. I had everything I thought I wanted and I still wasn’t happy. So I undermined my own career, damned near torched it beyond recognition."
"But you got it back now, right? I heard Dexter was very pleased with the job you did as Santa."
He nodded. "I start filming Monday."
She bit her lip and gave him a weak smile. "Congratulations."
"I’m going to turn it down." He caught her hand and held it tight. "I’m not going back to California. I’m not going anywhere."
"But—"
"I want to stay here. Maybe get a real job." He laughed. "Not sure what kind of job an unemployed Santa can find, but I’ll get something. And make that family with you that I should have made six years ago."
"Cole…" She shook her head.
"You asked me in that letter if I had found my soul mate, the person who made me believe in love enough to settle down. I didn’t answer your letter, because if I did, I would have had to be honest with myself." He wove his fingers in with hers and met her green eyes. So familiar, like coming home at the end of a long day. How he had missed that, missed her. He didn’t want to go another day without Stephanie in his life. "I found my soul mate a long time ago. I met her on a playground in first grade. She pushed me off the swing and then helped me up when I fell in the dirt."
She chuckled, the sound light, merry, sweet. The best music Cole could ever hear. "I really liked that swing. But then I felt bad for doing that to you and helped you up. We were friends from that moment on."
"More than friends."
She nodded, and a softness filled her features. "Much more."
"You are everything I’ve ever wanted, Stephanie. I just didn’t value it until it was too late. I still love you and want to be with you." He searched her gaze. "Is it too late?"
This was her out. Her way to let him go, to protect her heart. For so long, that had been her fallback position. It was why she had told him she wouldn’t marry him all those years ago, because it was easier than taking a chance on love.
But in the last five years she had learned what an incredible gift love could be. How it could fill your life to the brim and then some. Yes, it came with risk, with scary moments and strong moments, but most of all, it came with rewards beyond measure. "No, Cole, it’s not too late. It’s just the right time. I never stopped loving you."
The truth filled the room with a lightness that enveloped them both. A smile curved across his face, and he took her in his arms. Stephanie stepped into that embrace, feeling like she had finally found the exact right place to be. They kissed for a long, sweet time, while the rainbow of lights blinked over them and the fake fire roared. Then they crossed to the sofa, and sat and talked until they nodded off and Christmas Eve gave way to Christmas Day.
And when Joshua got up that next morning, he ran out to the living room, an excited bundle of five-year-old energy that still believed in miracles and Santa Claus. He skidded to a stop and stared at the man sitting on the sofa, with his arms around Mommy, the two of them smiling. Together. Like a family.
His father, delivered by Santa himself. The only thing Joshua had wanted this Christmas, and the best gift any little boy could ask for.
Thank you for purchasing THE BEAUTY CHARMED SANTA. Keep reading for excerpts from THE BRIDE WORE CHOCOLATE, THE DEVIL SERVED DESIRE, and THE ANGEL TASTED TEMPTATION!
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