But the biggest dreams couldn’t hold a candle to walking into the bright classroom to see her son solemnly shaking hands with his new kindergarten teacher.
“I’m glad Davey will be joining our class this year,” the teacher said to Emily as she and Jase approached. “It’s great he has a friend like Brooke to introduce him to the school.”
Davey darted a glance at Emily and she saw his lips press together in a small smile when he spotted Jase next to her. “They have a Lego-building club,” he mumbled, his eyes trained on Jase’s shoes.
Jase crouched low in front of Davey. “That’s excellent, buddy. Are you excited about school?”
Davey took several moments to answer. Emily held her breath.
Her son looked from Jase to her and whispered, “I’m excited.”
Emily felt a little noise escape her lips. It was the sound of pure happiness.
Chapter Ten
Jase pulled up to his house close to nine that night. He parked his SUV in the driveway, then opened its back door for Ruby to scramble out. After the ice cream social, he’d gone directly to his dad’s house with dinner.
Declan had gotten his cable fixed so they watched the season finale of some show about dance competitions, the point of which Jase couldn’t begin to fathom. But his dad seemed happy and more relaxed than he’d been in ages. Ruby had curled up between them on the sofa and the quiet evening was the closest thing Jase could remember to a normal visit.
As soon as her legs hit the ground, Ruby took off for the house. Jase quickly locked the car, then came around the front, calling the puppy back to him.
But Ruby ignored him, too busy wriggling at the feet of the woman sitting on the bottom step of his front porch.
Emily.
She’d changed from the outfit she wore to the ice cream social to a bulky sweatshirt and a pair of...were those pajama pants?
“Hey,” he called out, moving toward her. “These after-dark visits are becoming a habit with us.”
She didn’t answer or smile, just stood and stared at him.
Worry edged into his brain, beating down the desire that had roared to life as soon as he’d laid eyes on her.
“What’s going on?”
She walked forward, her gaze intent but unreadable. When she was a few paces away, she launched herself at him. Her arms wound around his neck and he caught her, stumbling back a step before righting them both. She kissed him, her mouth demanding and so damn sweet. All of the built-up longing he’d tried to suppress came crashing through, smothering his self-control.
He lifted her off the ground, holding her body against his as he moved them toward the house. Ruby circled around them, nipping at his ankles as if she resented being left out of the fun. Emily’s legs clamped around his hips as he fumbled with the house key. She continued to trail hot, openmouthed kisses along his jaw and neck.
“Are you sure?” he managed to ask as he let them in, then slammed shut the front door. “Is this—”
“No talking,” she whispered. “Bedroom.” She bit down on his lip, then eased the sting by sucking it gently into her mouth. Jase’s knees threatened to give way.
He moved through the house with her still wrapped around him, and then grabbed a handful of dog treats from the bag on the dining room table as he passed. He tossed them into the kitchen and Ruby darted away with a happy yip.
He felt Emily smile against his mouth. “Always taking care of business.”
“You’re my only business,” he told her, moving his hands under the soft cotton of her sweatshirt as he made his way down the hall. He claimed her mouth again. “I want to taste every part of you.” He pushed back the covers and lowered her to the bed, loving the feel of her underneath him.
“Later,” she told him. “I need you, Jase. Now.”
He lifted his head to meet her crystal-blue gaze but found her eyes clouded with passion and need. The same need was clawing at his insides, making him want to rip off her clothes like a madman. To think she was as overcome as he was changed something inside him. His intention of savoring this moment disappeared in an instant.
Straightening, he toed off his shoes, then pulled his fleece and T-shirt over his head in one swift move. Emily sat up, tugging at the hem of her sweatshirt and he was on the bed in an instant.
“Let me.” As she lifted her arms, he pulled off the sweatshirt, leaving her in nothing but a pale pink lace bra. Lust wound around his chest, choking off his breath as he gazed at her. He felt like a fumbling teenager again, unable to form a coherent thought as he stared.
Her eyes on his, Emily reached behind her back and unclasped the bra, then let it fall off her shoulders and into her lap.
“Beautiful,” Jase murmured as her breasts were exposed. He reached out to touch her and she scooted forward, running her hands over his chest.
“Right back at you,” she said.
“Emily—”
“I want this,” she told him. “I want you. Please don’t make me wait any longer.”
He wanted to laugh at her impatience. He’d been waiting for this moment for as long as he could remember. He stood again, shucked off his jeans while she shimmied out of her pajama bottoms and panties.
“Condom?” she asked on a husky breath when he bent over her again.
He started to argue, to insist they take their time but the truth was he didn’t know how long he’d last if she continued to touch him. He opened the nightstand drawer and grabbed a condom.
She reached for it but he shook his head. “I better handle this part or the night will really be over before it starts.”
Emily smiled and bit down on her lip, as if pleased to know she affected him so strongly. Was there really any question?
A moment later he kissed her again, fitting himself between her legs, capturing her gasp in his mouth as he entered her.
Nothing he’d imagined prepared him for the reality of being with Emily. She drew him closer, trailing her nails lightly down his back as they found a rhythm that was unique to them.
Everything except the moment and the feel of their bodies moving together fell away. All of life’s complications and stress disappeared as passion built in the quiet of the room. In between kissing her, he whispered against her ear. Not the truth of his heart. Even in the heat of passion he understood it was too soon for that.
Instead he murmured small truths about her beauty, her strength and the complete perfection of being with her. She moaned against him, as if his words were driving the desire as much as the physical act. Her grasp on him tightened and he felt her tremble at the same time she cried out. She dug her nails into his shoulders and the idea that she might mark him as hers made his control shatter.
He followed her over the edge with a groan and a shudder, and she held him to her, gentling her touch as their movements slowed.
Balancing himself on his elbows, he brushed away loose strands of hair from her face. She looked up at him, the blue of her eyes so deep and her gaze painfully vulnerable. She blinked several times, her mouth thinning but her eyes remained unguarded. It was like the normal screens she used to defend herself wouldn’t engage. He understood the feeling, so when she closed her eyes and turned her head to one side, he simply placed a gentle kiss on the soft underside of her jaw.
“No regrets,” he murmured, then rose and walked to the bathroom. He glanced back to her from the doorway. Emily Whitaker was in his bed, the sheet tucked around her, her long blond hair fanned across his pillow like a golden sea. Tonight reality was indeed much better than his dreams.
* * *
Run, run, run.
The voice in Emily’s head wouldn’t shut up, and she pressed her fists against her forehead trying to press away the doubts blasting into her mind. She felt the wetness on her cheeks and cou
ldn’t stop the sobs that coursed through her body.
She wasn’t sure how long she lay there before Jase returned. His fingers were cool around her wrists as he tugged them away from her face.
“No, Em.” His voice was hollow. “No tears.”
“I don’t want to hurt you,” she whispered, knowing she already had.
“If you mean hurt me with the best sex of my life, bring on more pain.”
His kindness at this moment when he should hate her only made her cry harder. All the pain and sorrow and guilt and anger she’d bottled up during her marriage and before came pouring out. It was like being with Jase had torn away all of her emotional barricades.
“So not your best experience I take it,” he said with a strained laugh.
She shook her head. “The best ever.”
“Look at me and say that.”
After several moments, she did. “It was amazing. You were amazing, Jase. I don’t regret tonight, but I’m sorry.”
“Remember I’m a simple man,” he told her. “You’re going to need to be a little clearer.”
“I’m a mess.” She used the edge of the sheet to wipe the tears from her face.
He nodded. “But a beautiful mess.”
She poked at him. “You’re not supposed to agree with me,” she said but laughed at the fact that he had.
“Then I’m sorry. And we’re even.”
“We’re not even.” She didn’t know how they ever could be. “You’ve been nice to me when I didn’t deserve it, given me a job and connected to my son in ways not even his father could. I’m so grateful to you.”
Jase raised an eyebrow. “So that was thank-you sex?”
She gasped and shifted away from him.
“I’m not complaining,” Jase added, pulling her back again. “Just trying to figure out where we are here.”
“You make me feel things,” she whispered, scooting up so her back was against the headboard. She tucked the sheet more tightly under her arms, wishing she’d put on clothes while Jase was in the bathroom. He was wearing a pair of athletic shorts low on his hips but she still had the surprisingly awesome view of his ripped chest and broad shoulders. “Things I thought I put away to concentrate on the serious business of raising a son with special needs.”
“Things like?”
She swallowed, worried her fingers together, traced the empty space on her left hand where she’d worn her wedding ring. She’d been so sure of herself when she’d met Henry. Positive that force of will could make her life perfect. Keep her heart safe. Impenetrable.
“Things like...joy...hope.” There were other feelings that terrified her, but she wasn’t ready to admit to anything more. She drew in a breath. “I came here tonight because I needed...”
“A release?”
“You.”
The silence stretched between them, heavy with all they’d both left unspoken. He turned so he was sitting next to her and stretched his long legs out over the bed. “That’s the nicest word I’ve ever heard.”
He gathered her into his arms, sheet and all, his strong arms reminding her there was another kind of safety. The type that came from allowing another person to see her true self.
“I wanted you,” she told him, circling one finger through the sprinkling of dark hair across his chest. “I’ve wanted you since that day at the football game. Maybe since the morning of my mom’s surgery when you came to the hospital.”
She could feel his smile against the top of her head. “I’ve wanted you for as long as I can remember.”
“But I’m empty, Jase. On the inside. There are a million broken pieces scattered there. I don’t know how to fix them.” She slid her hand up to his jaw, running her thumb over the rough stubble. “You deserve someone who is whole. I can’t be that person yet, and I may never be the woman who can support you in all you do for this town. All people expect of you.”
“You already have.” He ran a finger along her back at the edge of the sheet. The simple touch was both soothing and strangely erotic. “You’ve organized my life, focused my campaign when I needed it and smoothed over the rough edges of having my dad involved. I’ve learned to rely on only myself, which is a difficult habit to end. But I trust you.”
She shook her head. “I’ll help with your message, not be part of it. I’m comfortable with a behind-the-scenes role. A friend. It’s different.”
“It doesn’t have to be.”
“I came here because you mean something to me, but I can’t be the person you need.” She reached up, pressed her mouth to his and repeated, “I don’t want to hurt you.” She meant the words but she couldn’t admit the bigger truth—that she was terrified of her heart being the one to break. The more she cared, the harder the loss was to bear.
“There’s more,” Jase said softly. “Tell me why you’re afraid.”
“I don’t want to be hurt,” she admitted on a harsh breath. “I can’t give you my heart because having it break again would kill me, Jase.”
“I won’t—”
“You can’t know that.” She tucked her head into the crook of his arm, unable to meet his gaze and say the words she needed him to hear. “My dad certainly didn’t plan to die from cancer and leave my mom alone. I never thought I’d marry a man who couldn’t accept his own son.”
“I’m not your ex-husband.” Jase’s voice was pitched low.
“Henry isn’t a villain. He’s someone who needs his life to look perfect.” She gave a strangled laugh. “I have no room to judge when it’s what attracted me to him in the first place. Having a baby opened my heart in ways I didn’t expect. I never wanted to feel that way, to be vulnerable. Davey is everything to me. But there isn’t room for anyone else. I want you, and I don’t regret coming here. But we can’t let it go any further.” She tried to pull away, but his arms tightened around her.
“What if this is enough?”
She stilled, risked a glance up to find him smiling at her. “Is that possible?” A piece of hair fell across his forehead, and she pushed it back, loving the feel of his skin under her fingers.
“I know it’s not possible that once with you is enough for me.” He lowered his mouth to hers, his lips tender. Desire pooled low in Emily’s belly and she moved in his arms. The evidence she wasn’t the only one affected pressed against her hip. She shifted again.
“Emily,” he groaned against her mouth. “You’re killing me.”
“In a good way, I hope. I like being in your arms, Jase. I want to feel something. I’m tired of the nothingness. I want more. With you.”
He moved suddenly and she was on her back again with Jase’s body pressed to hers. “Then no worries, regrets or expectations.”
“Expectations?”
“Expectations most of all.” He pulled the sheet down, then skimmed his teeth over the swell of her breast. “I’m drowning under them, Em. But not with you. With you I can just be. And I promise you the same. We can be friends and more. But only as much as feels right. No other promises. No blame. No stress.”
Another layer of joy burst to the surface inside her. It felt as if her chest was filled with bubbles, fizzy and light. She felt drunk with the exhilaration of it.
Right now, every part of her life was filled with stress. It was part of being a single mother. Even with her family’s support, she could never truly let go. What Jase was offering felt like a lifeline. And the best part was she could give the same thing back to him. Pleasure for the sake of pleasure. No expectations.
It felt like freedom.
She wrapped her arms around his neck. “You’ve got yourself a deal, counselor.”
“Sealed with a kiss,” he said and nipped at the edge of her mouth.
“Sealed with a thousand kisses,” she whispered and set about addi
ng them up.
Chapter Eleven
The following Friday morning, Emily was busy untangling a strand of tiny twinkle lights being used to decorate the wide patio at Crimson Ranch, where tomorrow’s wedding would be held. Sara worked on a separate length of lights while April Sanders arranged mason jars that would be filled with wildflowers on the tables set up around the patio.
Jase had closed the office today so they could both concentrate on wedding plans. Her mother was picking up Davey after school while April led a private yoga class for Katie and her girlfriends. The group would then go for facials and massages at a spa near Aspen before joining the men for the scavenger hunt Emily and Jase had organized. Emily had worked to make sure the activities leading up to the wedding were fun, personal and helped celebrate who Katie and Noah were as a couple.
She understood why they’d selected the ranch as their wedding venue. Located on the outskirts of town, the property had been beautifully restored in the past few years to become one of the area’s most popular destinations.
In addition to the rough-hewn-log main house, there was a large red barn and several smaller cabins spread around the property. Clumps of pine and aspen trees dotted the landscape, giving the buildings a sense of privacy. Each time the breeze blew Emily enjoyed the sound of aspen leaves fluttering in the wind. She could see where the property dipped as it got closer to the forest’s edge and knew the creek ran along the divide.
“You had sex.” Sara grinned at Emily.
Emily spit the bite of muffin she’d picked up from the basket sitting on the table. “Excuse me?” She choked on muffin crumbs.
April patted her on the back. “Don’t take offense. The more outlandish Sara’s comments, the more she likes you.”
Sara laughed and continued to string lights. “For the record, I like you a lot, Emily Whitaker. Not as much as I like your brother. When I first came to town, Noah flirted with me every chance he got.”
Always the Best Man Page 12
