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And that which spites me more than all these wants,
He does it under name of perfect love,
As who should say, if I should sleep or eat,
’Twere deadly sickness or else present death.
I prithee go and get me some repast,
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I care not what, so it be wholesome food.
GRUMIO What say you to a neat’s foot?
KATHERINA ’Tis passing good, I prithee let me have it.
GRUMIO I fear it is too choleric a meat.
How say you to a fat tripe finely broil’d?
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KATHERINA I like it well. Good Grumio, fetch it me.
GRUMIO I cannot tell, I fear ’tis choleric.
What say you to a piece of beef and mustard?
KATHERINA A dish that I do love to feed upon.
GRUMIO Ay, but the mustard is too hot a little.
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KATHERINA
Why then, the beef, and let the mustard rest.
GRUMIO
Nay then, I will not. You shall have the mustard,
Or else you get no beef of Grumio.
KATHERINA Then both, or one, or anything thou wilt.
GRUMIO Why then, the mustard without the beef.
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KATHERINA
Go, get thee gone, thou false deluding slave,
[Beats him.]
That feed’st me with the very name of meat.
Sorrow on thee and all the pack of you
That triumph thus upon my misery!
Go, get thee gone, I say.
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Enter PETRUCHIO and HORTENSIO, with meat.
PETRUCHIO
How fares my Kate? What, sweeting, all amort?
HORTENSIO Mistress, what cheer?
KATHERINA Faith, as cold as can be.
PETRUCHIO
Pluck up thy spirits, look cheerfully upon me.
Here, love, thou seest how diligent I am
To dress thy meat myself and bring it thee.
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I am sure, sweet Kate, this kindness merits thanks.
What, not a word? Nay then, thou lov’st it not,
And all my pains is sorted to no proof.
Here, take away this dish.
KATHERINA I pray you, let it stand.
PETRUCHIO The poorest service is repaid with thanks,
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And so shall mine before you touch the meat.
KATHERINA I thank you, sir.
HORTENSIO Signor Petruchio, fie! You are to blame.
Come, Mistress Kate, I’ll bear you company.
PETRUCHIO [aside]
Eat it up all, Hortensio, if thou lov’st me. –
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Much good do it unto thy gentle heart.
Kate, eat apace. And now, my honey love,
We will return unto thy father’s house,
And revel it as bravely as the best,
With silken coats and caps, and golden rings,
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With ruffs and cuffs and farthingales and things,
With scarfs and fans, and double change of bravery,
With amber bracelets, beads, and all this knavery.
What, hast thou din’d? The tailor stays thy leisure,
To deck thy body with his ruffling treasure.
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Enter Tailor.
Come, tailor, let us see these ornaments.
Lay forth the gown.
Enter Haberdasher.
What news with you, sir?
HABERDASHER
Here is the cap your worship did bespeak.
PETRUCHIO Why, this was moulded on a porringer!
A velvet dish! Fie, fie! ’Tis lewd and filthy.
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Why, ’tis a cockle or a walnut-shell,
A knack, a toy, a trick, a baby’s cap.
Away with it! Come, let me have a bigger.
KATHERINA I’ll have no bigger. This doth fit the time,
And gentlewomen wear such caps as these.
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PETRUCHIO
When you are gentle, you shall have one too,
And not till then.
HORTENSIO [aside] That will not be in haste.
KATHERINA Why, sir, I trust I may have leave to speak,
And speak I will. I am no child, no babe.
Your betters have endur’d me say my mind,
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And if you cannot, best you stop your ears.
My tongue will tell the anger of my heart,
Or else my heart concealing it will break,
And rather than it shall, I will be free
Even to the uttermost, as I please, in words.
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PETRUCHIO Why, thou say’st true. It is a paltry cap,
A custard-coffin, a bauble, a silken pie.
I love thee well in that thou lik’st it not.
KATHERINA Love me or love me not, I like the cap,
And it I will have, or I will have none.
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PETRUCHIO
Thy gown? Why, ay. Come, tailor, let us see’t.
Exit Haberdasher.
O mercy, God! What masquing stuff is here?
What’s this? A sleeve? ’Tis like a demi-cannon.
What, up and down, carv’d like an apple tart?
Here’s snip and nip and cut and slish and slash,
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Like to a censer in a barber’s shop.
Why, what a devil’s name, tailor, call’st thou this?
HORTENSIO [aside]
I see she’s like to have neither cap nor gown.
TAILOR You bid me make it orderly and well,
According to the fashion and the time.
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PETRUCHIO Marry, and did. But if you be remember’d,
I did not bid you mar it to the time.
Go, hop me over every kennel home,
For you shall hop without my custom, sir.
I’ll none of it. Hence, make your best of it.
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KATHERINA I never saw a better-fashion’d gown,
More quaint, more pleasing, nor more commendable.
Belike you mean to make a puppet of me.
PETRUCHIO
Why, true, he means to make a puppet of thee.
TAILOR She says your worship means to make a puppet
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of her.
PETRUCHIO
O monstrous arrogance! Thou liest, thou thread, thou thimble,
Thou yard, three-quarters, half-yard, quarter, nail,
Thou flea, thou nit, thou winter-cricket thou!
Brav’d in mine own house with a skein of thread?
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Away, thou rag, thou quantity, thou remnant,
Or I shall so bemete thee with thy yard
As thou shalt think on prating whilst thou liv’st.
I tell thee, I, that thou hast marr’d her gown.
TAILOR Your worship is deceiv’d; the gown is made
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Just as my master had direction.
Grumio gave order how it should be done.
GRUMIO I gave him no order, I gave him the stuff.
TAILOR But how did you desire it should be made?
GRUMIO Marry, sir, with needle and thread.
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TAILOR But did you not request to have it cut?
GRUMIO Thou hast faced many things.
TAILOR I have.
GRUMIO Face not me. Thou hast braved many men,
brave not me. I will neither be faced nor braved. I say
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unto thee, I bid thy master cut out the gown, but I did
not bid him cut it to pieces. Ergo, thou liest.
TAILOR Why, here is the note of the fashion to testify.
PETRUCHIO Read it.
GRUMIO The note lies in’s throat if he say I said so.
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TAILOR [Reads.] Imprimis, a l
oose-bodied gown.
GRUMIO Master, if ever I said loose-bodied gown, sew
me in the skirts of it, and beat me to death with a
bottom of brown thread. I said a gown.
PETRUCHIO Proceed.
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TAILOR With a small compassed cape.
GRUMIO I confess the cape.
TAILOR With a trunk sleeve.
GRUMIO I confess two sleeves.
TAILOR The sleeves curiously cut.
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PETRUCHIO Ay, there’s the villainy.
GRUMIO Error i’th’ bill, sir, error i’th’ bill! I
commanded the sleeves should be cut out, and sewed
up again; and that I’ll prove upon thee, though thy
little finger be armed in a thimble.
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TAILOR This is true that I say; and I had thee in place
where, thou shouldst know it.
GRUMIO I am for thee straight. Take thou the bill, give
me thy mete-yard, and spare not me.
HORTENSIO God-a-mercy, Grumio, then he shall have
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no odds.
PETRUCHIO Well sir, in brief, the gown is not for me.
GRUMIO You are i’th’ right, sir, ’tis for my mistress.
PETRUCHIO Go, take it up unto thy master’s use.
GRUMIO Villain, not for thy life! Take up my mistress’
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gown for thy master’s use!
PETRUCHIO Why sir, what’s your conceit in that?
GRUMIO O sir, the conceit is deeper than you think for.
Take up my mistress’ gown to his master’s use! O fie,
fie, fie!
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PETRUCHIO [aside] Hortensio, say thou wilt see the
tailor paid. – Go take it hence, be gone, and say no
more.
HORTENSIO [aside]
Tailor, I’ll pay thee for thy gown tomorrow.
Take no unkindness of his hasty words.
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Away, I say, commend me to thy master. Exit Tailor.
PETRUCHIO
Well, come, my Kate, we will unto your father’s
Even in these honest mean habiliments.
Our purses shall be proud, our garments poor,
For ’tis the mind that makes the body rich,
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And as the sun breaks through the darkest clouds,
So honour peereth in the meanest habit.
What, is the jay more precious than the lark
Because his feathers are more beautiful?
Or is the adder better than the eel
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Because his painted skin contents the eye?
O no, good Kate; neither art thou the worse
For this poor furniture and mean array.
If thou account’st it shame, lay it on me.
And therefore frolic. We will hence forthwith,
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To feast and sport us at thy father’s house.
[to Grumio] Go call my men, and let us straight to him;
And bring our horses unto Long-lane end,
There will we mount, and thither walk on foot.
Let’s see, I think ’tis now some seven o’clock,
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And well we may come there by dinner-time.
KATHERINA I dare assure you, sir, ’tis almost two,
And ’twill be supper-time ere you come there.
PETRUCHIO It shall be seven ere I go to horse.
Look what I speak, or do, or think to do,
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You are still crossing it. Sirs, let ‘t alone,
I will not go today, and ere I do,
It shall be what o’clock I say it is.
HORTENSIO
Why, so this gallant will command the sun. Exeunt.
4.4 Enter TRANIO, and the Pedant dressed like VINCENTIO.
TRANIO Sir, this is the house. Please it you that I call?
PEDANT Ay, what else? And but I be deceiv’d
Signor Baptista may remember me
Near twenty years ago in Genoa,
Where we were lodgers at the Pegasus.
5
TRANIO ’Tis well, and hold your own, in any case,
With such austerity as ‘longeth to a father.
PEDANT I warrant you.
Enter BIONDELLO.
But sir, here comes your boy.
’Twere good he were school’d.
TRANIO Fear you not him. Sirrah Biondello,
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Now do your duty thoroughly, I advise you.
Imagine ’twere the right Vincentio.
BIONDELLO Tut, fear not me.
TRANIO But hast thou done thy errand to Baptista?
BIONDELLO I told him that your father was at Venice,
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The Arden Shakespeare Complete Works Page 466
